Surviving the NICU
Sometimes babies need a little extra medical attention when they are born and need to stay in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. There are many reasons why a newborn would need to visit the NICU. The NICU can be an uncomfortable, scary, intimidating environment. I have spent 15 days in the NICU and many days in various hospital rooms. Some simple things like making sure every nurse in the hospital had our cell phone numbers, posting pictures of our family on my daughter’s bassinet, bringing in the mobile from her empty crib at home, and calling dibs on the next open comfy recliner made our stay more comfortable. There are many other things you can do to make your NICU stay less intimidating and more comfortable.
Create your own privacy
- NICU’s are typically the least private areas of the hospital. While being in a “fishbowl,” it’s important to create some privacy for you and your baby while you’re visiting. Most hospitals will provide screens that you can arrange around your child’s bassinet during breastfeeding or bonding time. Take advantage of those screens!
Kangaroo Care
- Kangaroo Care is a special type of bonding with your newborn. It’s basically just skin to skin holding by undressing your newborn and unbuttoning the front of your shirt. This is great for any newborn, but it’s especially important for babies who aren’t able to go home right after their births. Moms AND Dads can do Kangaroo Care. The benefits of Kangaroo Care can be found here.
This is YOUR baby, not the hospital’s
- When Darah was in the NICU, I felt like the hospital owned her. I wasn’t very proactive in her care because I felt like I would mess everything up. I wish I would have been stronger about voicing my concerns or insisting that I do her basic care when I was present. If you want to give your baby his or her bath or next feeding, then tell your nurse. Do not be late for these appointments because your nurse has other patients they need to attend to and most NICU’s operate in a very structured manner.
Learn the “rules”
- There is usually a limit on number of visitors, age of visitors, and who is allowed to hold the baby. Visitors (and parents) who are sick are to stay away and everyone must go through a hand-washing ritual with surgical scrub brushes.
- If you have a friend whose child is in the NICU, make sure you are following the rules. It made me frustrated when I had to remind people to wash their hands. If you’re a smoker, make sure you put a clean shirt on that you haven’t smoked in before visiting. Second hand smoke is the last thing any newborn needs, especially one with medical issues.
Go Home!
- Spending every minute of your day by your baby’s bassinet will deplete you of the energy you need when your baby comes home from the hospital. If you live far from your child’s hospital, look for the closest Ronald McDonald House and bunk there at night. I stayed at the RMH of Dallas for 6 weeks during one of Darah’s hospital stays, and was able to rest, eat (food they provided!), and meet other families so I was not so lonely.
Take care of YOU!
- You just had a baby and you need to recover (physically and emotionally)! Do not overdo it. If you’re having a hard time emotionally, ask your doctor for a support group of other moms in the NICU or suggestions on coping emotionally. Be watchful for signs of postpartum depression. Make sure you eat and are getting breaks from the hospital.
Most important: Ask questions!!!
- If you don’t understand something, keep asking for answers! If you are not comfortable with something, insist that you receive a better explanation. While these nurses and doctors probably do know more about your child’s health, this is YOUR child and you are an important player in their medical team. Keep a journal of your child’s medical information. Include feeding schedules, weight, medications, procedures, and any new diagnosis in this journal. Darah almost received a very wrong dosage of heart medication, but because my husband and I were aware of her medications, we interrupted what could have been catastrophic! After you leave the NICU, you will have a new title: Momologist, which is
just asmore important than any other “ologist” (pumonologist, cardiologist, hematologist, oncologist, neurologist, etc..) who takes care of you child!
Check out these informative sites:
Neonatal Nursery
What has been your experience in the NICU? What helped make your stay more pleasant?
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McKenna, these are very good tips. I think I would probably always defer to the nurses and doctors, so it is good to get a boost of self-confidence and be assertive and try to understand. Sometimes I am wimpy that way. Thanks for sharing your experience.
When Isaac was in the NICU we were there a lot but we also had to take care of Ewan. We made sure that we were home in the late afternoon and that we all ate dinner together and put Ewan to bed. Then it was back to the hospital. My mom was taking care of Ewan during the day. We spent the night at the hospital for the 2 weeks he was there. The hospital we were at had a program that we could utilize the bed I used for recovery as long as there was enough room. Poor Jon had to sleep on one of those super uncomfortable chairs that fold out into a bed. I think his back bothered him for a while after that.
I used a hospital grade pump to pump breastmilk every 2 or 3 hours and made lots of visits to Isaac’s bassinet. I was totally freaked out that I would mess something up since he had wires and tubes everywhere but after a few days we started learning the lingo in the NICU and got used to the monitors beeping all the time. I started doing the feedings through the tube when they let me and monitored his temperature too. We posted pictures of ourselves in his bassinet too.
I remember having to ask a lot of questions too and it was hard to be patient when I just wanted my baby home with me. I had to be a little pushy about getting the nurses to let me try and nurse him. I hate pumping and the lactation consultant at the hospital told me to keep asking. She kept reminding me that even if he couldn’t latch on and just tried to or just licked that it would still be good for my milk supply and our bonding time. We did lots of kangaroo care.
The other thing that we did that many people don’t know about is that we used donated (pasteurized) breastmilk to make up for what I couldn’t pump for his tube feedings. We knew that the breastmilk was especially good for him as a preemie and our insurance paid for it. It is a good option if the hospital offers it.
I think the hardest thing about the NICU is learning a whole new way of relating to your baby you weren’t expecting and having to learn about how the NICU works. You do get to know the nurses and other parents that are visiting their babies too.
Isaac wasn’t wasn’t as premature as many of the other babies in there and we were thankful for his health. We still were rooting for those tiny little babies that were in there and needed extra time and care. I was very thankful for all the advances in technology though since it helped Isaac get to where he needed to be as a baby and able to come home.
this is such a great post with excellent advice. we weren’t in the nicu, but we did spend two weeks in the hospital when jake was 10 days old. i can’t put into words how difficult that experience was. we felt we were terrible parents when we left for the night. we lived 1 hour from the chidlren’s hospital, and the trek there early in the morning, and home late at night really took its toll. breastfeeding went out the window and it was hard not to be jealous of moms who were enjoying their time at home with their babies.
there are so many great tips in this post from a mom who knows first hand. the most important is to take care of yourself. it does your infant no favors to deplete yourself just so you can be there 24-7. i hope this helps someone else cope through the process.
I don’t have experience with NICU, but most of your guidance above holds true for every new mom. If I were to ever have another baby, my hospital stay would be entirely different. Confidence and experience were the two things I was SORELY lacking the first time around! Live and learn
What a timely post for us! Our little girl has been in the NICU for the past 8 days, and will likely be there a for a VERY long time.
We are exceptionally lucky to live close by to her hospital, so we can go back and forth every day. I am dreading going back to work and not being able to spend large chunks of time with Addie every day.
Amelia, thanks for sharing your experience!!
Bekkah, I agree! Every new mom needs more confidence and I agree that these tips do not apply only in the NICU! Kangaroo Care is great for every single newborn!!
Myra, Connor was in the hospital for 10 days with RSV when he was 3 weeks old (during his first Christmas
) and bf’ing went out the window for me shortly after that time. It was very hard for me because I felt like a failure, but I’m over it and I am just as bonded to him as any mom is bonded to their bf’d baby! I too struggled with jealousy of moms who got to just enjoy their newborns and I was very scared of what may happen during that time he was so sick. I pumped for Darah for 3 months, and she never breastfed. I definitely took advantage of those hospital grade pumps during the time she was in the hospital and used my Medella Pump In Style Advance when we were home!
Melissa, I hope your baby gets stronger and healthier very quickly. Compared to a lot of NICU graduates, we were only in the NICU for a short period of time, but we have had extended stays at other times of my daughter’s life (we had one 6 week stint four hours away from our home). It’s so hard to not be there with your child every second of the day. Just remember that your daughter is in good hands….the NICU nurses are usually the most compassionate, caring nurses you’ll ever find! Praying for your little one!
We have friends whose newborn son is in the hospital undergoing chemo. What would be a good “gift” for them this holiday? I can’t imagine anything that I can give them that would make a difference this year, but from your experiences, what was the one thing that someone gave you or did for you that made you feel a little relief. We are several states away but I don’t know that a visit would be what they need or want right now
Hi Stacey,
I’m so sorry your friend’s son is having a hard time. A GREAT gift we received was gas cards for trips to and from the hospital. Also, dining cards were so wonderful because we spent so much money on meals during our stay in the hospital. I also really appreciated the normal baby gifts like nice baby blankets and little hats for Darah. I hope your friend’s son gets better and they can go home soon!! ~mckenna
Stacey,
My daughter was in the NICU for four and a half months…I totally agree with McKenna; gas cards (or cash) were extremely helpful! Even though your life sort of stops with a baby in the hospital, bills keep on coming.
I’ll be praying for your friends’ son.