Coping With Loneliness and Boredom at Home
Have you ever been sitting on the floor playing with your little one and felt bored or lonely? I know I have. I consider myself an outgoing person. I have plenty of friends. My husband is even a work at home dad and I still get lonely and bored at home.
I know I can call my friends and set something up. We have to coordinate naps and schedules and let the stars align. Also, on a selfish level I struggle with the thoughts “I always initiate,” and “Why can’t someone call me for once?” Whenever a friend does ask me for a play date I always try to say yes just because I am so happy they asked.
When I first came home I coordinated a mass play date with almost every stay at home mom I knew. It seemed to go okay but no one really seemed interested in continuing the group, so I didn’t try to keep it going.
The internet and blogs keep me going everyday. I am so thankful for having a blog to share my thoughts on parenting and to meet other moms. However, there is still something about seeing a friend or anyone in real life that meets a need on a different level. The grocery clerks that know my daughter by name don’t count.
Going shopping by yourself just to get out of the house isn’t fun. I have approached strangers many times to ask them which dress they like better. Sometimes I feel like I get stares in the middle of the day like, “You are one of those moms who stay home and shop all day.” I know it’s stupid that I think others are thinking that. I am just being honest.
How do I cope with being lonely and bored at home?
- Reading a book. I know it sounds cheesy but for a few days the characters are my friends. I read at night and out loud to Ace during play time. I just finished reading ‘A Room With a View’ by E.M. Forster (great book!). I found a women’s book club in my area on meetup.com and I am currently reading the book of the month and I may go to the meeting.
- Getting over myself and setting up a play date with my friends. Sometimes I get upset and say to myself, “The next time we hang out they are going to have to ask me, because I am tired of always being the one to ask.” It isn’t logical to think that, but I get over myself and remember that they are worth pursuing.
- Taking advantage of church functions. Next week is Bunco Night and I can’t wait. (Who knew that Bunco was so much fun?) During the school year there is Women’s Bible Study that meets once a week. Last year I got paid to work in the nursery during that time. I still met lots of moms and it gave me something on the schedule to look forward to every week.
- Being honest with my husband. I am incredibly lucky to have an understanding husband. If I just explain how I am feeling, he will watch Ace for a little while and let me go out. Sometimes going to Barnes and Noble with my ipod, books, and notebook re-charges me.
- Calling my friends. I plug in my hands-free set and fold laundry or feed Ace while I am chatting. Even connecting through a telephone conversation and swapping stories helps to overcome my loneliness.
How do you cope with being lonely and bored at home?
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These are great tips.
I make a huge effort to meet a friends for lunch at least every other week. It makes a huge difference.
You sound exactly like me. I read this, and then checked the ‘about’ section to make sure somehow I wasn’t writing (better than I do when I’m awake) while I slept. I have tried to volunteer to be more involved with the bible study group — but now it’s summer, and there isn’t much to be ‘involved’ with in that respect.
I just have to put myself out there more, and realize that this isn’t high school anymore. If people aren’t friendly, they aren’t worth the effort. I also try to CALL people rather than text or email. But that doesn’t always work… So, I too turn to blogging — both writing and reading them, in order to keep my sanity.
Just about every day, during my daughter’s naptime, I workout for about 45-60 minutes. It’s a HUGE stress-release for me and I always feel refreshed afterwards.
I also LOVE to read. I finish books so quickly that we actually have to start BUDGETING for my monthly book purchases :\ I found a Classics Challenge online (http://classics2008.blogspot.com), which runs from July-Dec…I’ve been eager to get started on that. Blogging is definitely a sanity-saver!
I have definitely felt bored and lonely with the kids. We have Thursday playgroup to look forward to but that’s not enough for me in these lazy hazy days of summer (like y’all, my normal church activities seem to be on hiatus – I miss them!). I might attempt the 0-3 storytime at our branch library but I’m nervous doing that with BOTH babies. I’m outnumbered.
We’ll see how it goes.
I also have a wonderful hubby who takes the kids when I start to get a little nutso. I run, go get coffee with a friend, or play online in those times.
I can’t wait for Bunco!!
I totally relate to being lonely at home. We usually have an appointment for the kids every day of the week, so I’m constantly around adults, but they are doctors, nurses, and therapists. My daughter’s poor speech therapist is also MINE because I am constantly unloading on her. When she comes to do therapy with Darah, I have to remind myself that she is not there to be my BFF…she’s there so my daughter can develop! (I just really like her, so that’s part of it! LOL) I have become a major phone talker over the last year and a half. It has been my way out of loneliness. I also am trying to be diligent in only allowing appointments on two days a week so I have three days for playdates or laundry. School has also been my “release” for me because it’s “all about McKenna” time! I think planning weeknight Starbucks or movie dates with girlfriends after the kids are in bed is always fun, too! Although, I can’t remember the last time I did that…I totally need to get a life! 8)
Hi Ladies! I sort of had a crappy morning this morning (nothing to do with feeling lonely or bored) and your comments helped me.
Maybe I didn’t give enough credit to cyber-friends in the post. Seeing the three comments in my inbox cheered me up a little. Thank you!
@Vered – Yay for meeting friends every other week for lunch. I have thought about setting up a scheduled lunch. Sometimes I find that meeting friends who work over lunch is fun.
@Momma Mary – your comment made me laugh! thanks for that. Yeah, some of our women’s activities have slowed down at church too. And I agree whole-heartedly if someone isn’t friendly then it’s okay to “drop them.” What is great about staying home (rather than an office) is that I get to pick and choose who my friends are.
@Bekkah – Thanks for the classics challenge! There is NOTHING wrong with making a budget bucket for books.
I can find some cheap books at a store here called ‘Half Price Books.’ or even half.com. Luckily my library is very big and they have most everything that I want.
I used to hate staying home even when it was just my hubby and I, so we were going out of town practically every weekend before kids. As an extrovert always on the go-go-go and becoming a SAHM with Caleb, loneliness was a big issue for me nearly the first 2 years of his life. I’ve adjusted slowly become more of a homebody, but I think that’s largely due to having 2 kids now and with the increase in gas.
I don’t blog and I don’t enjoy talking on the phone (I’m an e-mail person), so my outlet is attending a weekly playgroup which helps both Caleb and I and my small group from church. What I happen to struggle with most is finding time for myself so I will use that time to get out of the house to run errands (I love the freedom of not having to hoist 2 kids in/out of carseats at every stop), or hit my #1 spot to relax which is Barnes & Noble with my Starbucks coffee and a book or magazine to persue.
I am just like Heidi, like everything she wrote is me!
So very much relate to this post.
I initiate a lot of activities to get myself out there more…and am always trying to get my girlfriends together or families together for dinners at home, etc. For awhile, I did Taco Tuesday with some families in my neighborhood, and an informal supper club, where everyone takes a turn on the weekends making dinner.
But I know what you mean: it gets tiring initiating all the time. Thank goodness for my book club, which is something that “just happens” monthly. I can always look forward to it.
Also, I met up with a great group of moms (MOPS…I think they have one in most towns)…through Meetup.com and it’s been a great source of support and boredom-busting. I went through a lot of mom’s groups before I found this one, and I’m glad I did. Maybe see if there’s a MOPS in your town?
I feel so lucky because we have a group of bloggy friends who all live nearby. They are basically the reason I started blogging. We try to get together once a month with no kids and have a day at the park. Usually not everyone comes, but always some do. Maybe you could try something like that- email/call all your friends and open it up.
Honestly, with a 12 month old and two kids in school, I just don’t have time for my own self pity! I completely understand your feelings though. Before Jake was born I picked up a hobby,making dolls & selling them, then I was busy and making money!
{{Hugs}} I’d have a play date with ya , if we lived close!
I went through the same thing. Hard to imagine I would feel lonely with so much toddler noise around me, but I did. I found constructive ways to get me time. I got involved in church and community groups, I started a part time business I can do from home, and I am even fitting in my dream job, writing:)
If I work really hard at all these things, I find I don’t have time to feel lonely.
Dangit! I always figure you’re busy and probably don’t have the time to meetup beyond the nights I stop in on the way home! I sit at work jealous of you and of course no one’s situation is perfect…. (but I think you’re well aware you’re ahead as far as that’s concerned…
So when do you have time to meet me for lunch? We gotta use those coupons….