The Mom Crowd

This is a quote from a video I saw on Yahoo! this week.  It featured a mom named Erica, who writes for The Boston Globe and a mom website, Bo-Moms.   She was talking about whether or not Facebook makes you a bad mom.  The interview highlighted the pros and cons of online interaction with friends throughout the day, namely through Facebook, and concluded that, like any other hobby that a mom has, it is healthy – in moderation.

I enjoyed the interview, basically because I felt like I could relate to Erica so well.  She shared a story about her 2-year old physically grabbing her hand off of her mouse in an attempt to get her attention.  Yeah, occasionally things like that happen around here.  

I am a huge fan of Facebook.  It is a great way for me to stay connected to all of my dear, distant friends – and like the moms mentioned in the video, it helps me feel connected to the world outside my own little house.  I occasionally have an intelligent thought rattling around my brain – one not related to grilled cheese sandwiches or potty-training – and I relish the opportunity to share those thoughts with someone older than the age of 3.  Facebook is fabulous for that.

I always hear people say, “It’s a time-waster!” Yes, it certainly can be!  The key is however much time we spend on Facebook or any other internet activity is really our choice.  The interview discusses this: making a plan that suits your family best, whether it’s to get online for 30 minutes a day or to wait till the kids are asleep (which is what I do), and to keep family time the first priority.  If it’s something that keeps your emotional well-being strong, it’s not a bad thing.  Erica also says that “you’ll just know” if it’s taking too much of your time, the same way we try to keep our other hobbies in check.  At that point, we should just turn off the computer and settle in doing something else (with the kids!).

Do you use Facebook?  Do you like it?  How do you keep a healthy balance of internet time (or “me” time) and family time?  All practical suggestions are welcome!

One of the best things about the Christmas season is watching classic Christmas movies.  My husband’s favorite is National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation.  My favorites are It’s A Wonderful Life and A Christmas Story.  I just realized that they all have a long-suffering wife/mother figure.  Something about the stress of the holidays, huh?  Poor Ellen Griswold is always running around, simultaneously trying to support Clark while cleaning up his messes.  Mary Bailey has four little ones to look after, and a husband who’s miserable.  (Remember the scene where he yells at the kids’ teacher on the phone?)  And Ralphie’s mom is a classic representation of motherhood: always making dinner, trying to keep the Old Man happy, and lovingly raising two boys.  She’s my favorite.

What movie does your family watch every Christmas?   

Here’s one of my favorite scenes from A Christmas Story, re-cut for some added laughs.

As we are knee-deep in the holiday season, I am realizing something kinda important: Lucy has learned who Santa Claus is.  (She’ll be three in a couple of months.)  When we were decorating our tree a week ago, she said, “That’s Santa!”  We think she picked up on it from an episode of “Dora the Explorer”.  She is no longer an oblivious baby with no need to know about Santa one way or another.   We’re now faced with the question:  What do we teach her about Santa?  People are always asking us at Christmastime if we “do Santa” with our kids, especially friends and people we know from our church.  Apparently, it’s a tradition still embraced by most of the church-going folks in my own community.

[Until now, I think my husband & I just looked at this issue with a mixture of ambivalence and laziness.  The older we get, the wearier we become with the whole commercial Christmas machine.  It just seems somewhat insignificant in light of our world's greater troubles: the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the starving, the oppressed - the people who live on next to nothing and struggle just to survive.  I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but the more I learn, the less I care about presents or Santa.  My husband and I have pretty much decided not to give each other anything this year - we don't need more stuff - and donate our Christmas gift budget to a bigger cause.  We did buy small gifts for Lucy and Eli.

I grew up with the magic of Christmas - I think I learned the truth about the jolly fat fellow when I was about nine years old.  I loved Christmas season for the magic it brought with it, especially the gifts.  As a child, the presents are all that matter!  And well into my twenties, I tried to preserve that magic with gift giving galore.  After awhile, though, I realized it was quite a job to shop for people who already have everything they need (or who can go buy what they want any other day of the year).]

But back to the question at hand: what and how do we teach our kids about this time-honored tradition of Santa Claus, Rudolph, and the naughty & nice list?  Ultimately, it is a matter to be decided by each parent or set of parents.  My husband and I need to sit down and decide how much we want our kids to believe, and how much we want to make it about God and the world and its brokenness, about Jesus’ birth and the Giant Rescue Plan God created to bring mankind back to Him.  We also need to agree on how we’ll show the spirit of Christmas to our children – if we make it all about ourselves, the cookies, the parties, the fun, or if we balance it with a concern and compassion for others in need.  (We don’t have it figured out yet, believe me.)

Then we have to figure out how to raise our kids in a culture that preserves and celebrates this annual tradition.  No, I don’t want to be the “mean family” who spoils it for all of the other kids – I would hope we’d show our kids how to have discernment and keep certain things to themselves.  But kids will be kids – they are more honest than anyone.  I really can’t help it if my child wants to share something true with another child, especially if it’s an accident or in total innocence.  It’s not my goal to correct the thinking of other children or to throw another family’s Christmas tradition under the bus.  I’d rather our family be known for its commitment to serving others and being a light in the darkness.  And I have a feeling we’ll be learning what that looks like through a lot of trial and error in the Christmases to come.

I recently read a couple of other articles on this topic, and was somewhat stunned by the extreme points of view people have about the tradition of Santa, especially when I hold them up to my own.  “To each his own” I read a few times on comment boards, and I have to agree.  Read at your own risk, and then decide for yourself whether or not it’s worth your precious time and energy to jump in on an argument that will ultimately lead nowhere.  I say, let’s channel that energy into helping someone in need this season.

• I Refuse To Let My Kid Believe In Santa from the Momlogic Community
• Emily’s next-day response, also at Momlogic
• Should Kids Believe In Santa Claus? from Kaboose
• What a Family Therapist Says from Kaboose

Here at The Mom Crowd, we’d love for you to weigh in on the Santa tradition – I just humbly ask that we be nice to each other as we share our ideas and strategies.  So let’s hear it: To what degree is Santa important in your family’s Christmas tradition?  Are you annoyed with parents who don’t teach their kids about Santa?  Are you annoyed with parents who do?  Like me, are you somewhere in the middle?  Is it possible to teach our kids how to keep a secret in order to protect another child’s innocence?  Is it possible to teach our kids to be passionate about social justice and compassion for others as much as they care about gifts under the tree?  

Last week I watched Paris, Je T’aime for the first time.  It is a collection of 18 “love stories” in the city of Paris, all with different directors and actors.  Each story was about 5 minutes long.  I liked sifting through them.  Some I fast-forwarded, and some stuck with me for days.

Like this one, featuring actress Catalina Sandino Moreno:

It totally broke my heart.

What is your response to this short film?

What does your hair look like?

Have you changed it much after having kids?

Do you ever feel like cutting it all off to make life a little bit easier?

You may recall the decision that Shelby made in Steel Magnolias – to cut off that beautiful mane because of her “need to make things as simple as possible.”  You may have, like me, envied young Julia Roberts’ perfect hair all throughout the film only to gasp at the mom cut she is saddled with near the end.

She goes from this:

to this:

If you recall, she’s brought to tears by the shock.  (As was I.)  You’ll notice that she hardly ever dons hair this short in any film after that.  Look how long and flowy and pretty it is in Erin Brockovich.  Notting Hill.  Mona Lisa Smile.  My Best Friend’s Wedding.  The Pelican Brief.  Runaway Bride (my favorite look). 

So, every time I’m set to have my hair cut, my hubby always says, “Don’t come home with a mom cut.”  And he’s only half-joking.  He’s picturing this.  I always laugh and say, “I won’t!”  I’ve generally had long hair my entire life.  And as a full-figured momma, this suits me best.  But it had never been as long as this before!

Yep, that’s me.  3 weeks ago.

It was kinda taking over the world.  I wash it, pull it back wet, and ignore it.  Which kinda told me that no matter how I cut my hair, it wouldn’t really matter, ’cause I’d never style it anyway!  And how impractical!  My one year old is always pulling it, just two or three strands at a time on accident, which is way more painful than pulling all of it, ya know?  Plus, the heavier it got, the less clean it looked. 

Before:

After:

I ended up taking 3 inches off, which is hardly noticeable to anyone.  It looks cleaner.  It’s less heavy.  Overall, it is a conservative, practical cut.  But I have a confession: I miss those inches.

I want my length back.

Because when I did fix it up, I felt as glamorous as Julia.  

Now it’s your turn.  Tell me your mom hair stories.  If you can’t lose the long hair either, tell me.  If you have an amazing short ’do that gives new meaning to the phrase ”mom cut”, show us!  Link us to pictures.  I love this one, but I’d never do it.  What about you?