The Mom Crowd

Sometimes I feel like I could yell at my toddler all day long for doing something she shouldn’t. I know I need to pick my battles. But where does this principle come from?

I wish I could take credit for this parenting lesson, but this comes from my friend Sarah. She told me that before she had her first child she read an Amish parenting book and it explained how God put the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the middle of the garden, so He could teach Adam and Eve character. Character can’t just be given to someone. Our children aren’t born with good character. It needs to be taught and tested.

She wanted to teach her son, Michael, character by learning to obey and to learn from the consequence of disobeying. The book also explained to associate pain with consequences. This isn’t a bad idea, but she found herself spanking her boy a lot. Any mother would feel horrible for feeling like they are beating their kid all day long.

Sarah prayed and asked God to show her how to change to the situation. God’s answer was simple – You have too many trees.

Michael had so many rules and things to get in trouble for that he couldn’t help but get into trouble. So Sarah eliminated some of the “trees” by baby proofing the cabinets and removing items of temptation. Not everything in the house was baby-proofed but many of the sources of trouble were taken away. Thankfully Sarah felt herself sane again and Michael was getting in trouble a lot less.

I think of this story often in regards to my own children. What are the few rules that we stand by and what things can I let go? There are certain plugs and wires that can’t be touched in the living room even though they are baby-proofed as much as they can be. My daughter isn’t allowed to bring drinks or food in the living room, because our carpet is dirty enough as it is (not to mention it attracts bugs.) She can see the TV perfectly fine from the tile of the kitchen.

Once I looked up and saw my 2 year-old drawing on her body with a pen at the kitchen table, I just watched her and let her do it. My husband saw it and started yelling at her and asked me why I didn’t get on her. I explained that I could yell at her all day for something. I can wash off pen ink from her hands.

We need to pick our battles with our little ones and determine what are the rules of the house that are non-negotiable. Perhaps teaching one rule at a time instead tackling many large issues at once. Teaching our kids character is important and they will learn it at their own pace. If you feel like you are constantly yelling at your kids, maybe you have too many trees.

There is a great discussion over on PhDinParenting.com about breastfeeding and blogging about it. After reading PHDinParenting’s post and the comments I believe that there is a difference between supporting breastfeeding mothers and promoting breastfeeding.

Supporting breastfeeding mothers is encouraging moms in the decision they have already made. While promoting breastfeeding is trying to encourage new moms to breastfeed even if they don’t want to. My hope is that I can encourage those moms that want to nurse or are nursing, because breastfeeding moms need encouragement.

There is not a lot of support for new moms that want to nurse. I needed encouragement.

• Older generations didn’t breastfeed and my mom doesn’t encourage me.

• My former Pediatrician wasn’t active in supporting me.

• When I left the hospital with my first child I was given a diaper bag sponsored by a formula company loaded with formula in it.

• While outprocessing the nurse gave me a long speech how I was going to have to give my baby formula at some point. Now that I think back I may have made every effort to nurse my first baby without ever giving her formula just to prove that nurse wrong. And I did. Now I wish I knew her name so I could tell her she was wrong. I guess my personal challenge didn’t matter in the end. Ha!

The truth is that breastfeeding is dang hard. It took me 3 weeks with my first baby before I didn’t have any pain nursing. With my second baby I thought the pain wouldn’t last as long since my boobs were used to it and I knew what I was doing, but I was wrong. I still had immense pain for the first 3 weeks. I called a lactation consultant and she told me that I was doing everything right and that it would get better. Thankfully she was right, but I needed to hear that encouragement from a Lactation Consultant at that time.

I am currently nursing my 10 week old and it isn’t easy to watch my diet. I stay away from caffeine and alcohol and I try to eat healthy. My second baby is a boy and nursing a lot and that makes me really hungry. Since I am eating extra food, I am confused on how I should diet and exercise to lose my baby weight. I would love to have my body be mine again, but the trade off is worth it. If I didn’t believe that breastfeeding was better for my baby then I don’t think I would do it.

Breastfeeding is not always encouraged by professionals or older generations. Learning to nurse is difficult, time consuming, and can be inconvenient. My aim is to encourage my friends and those who ask for my help and support in their breastfeeding efforts. It is never my intention to always promote breastfeeding to those that choose formula or to judge them. I may look at them funny while I am observing what they do, because formula is foreign to me and I am watching and learning in case I ever have to do it one day.

One way that I like to support my friends in breastfeeding is by giving them a Brestfriend Pillow as a baby shower gift along with a copy of an article that I wrote titled, “7 Things You Should Know Before You Start Breastfeeding.”

Other ways to support your breastfeeding friends:

• Be a listening ear when they are going through the first few tough weeks.
• Encourage them to see a Lactation Consultant if they need help.
• Don’t be weirded out when they nurse in front of you.
• Share about your own breastfeeding experience.
• Buy them a nursing cover for a baby shower gift.

Have you ever encouraged a friend that wanted to breastfeed? Has breastfeeding vs. formula feeding ever came in between a friendship?

Imagine yourself living in post WWII England. There are buildings that have been condemned due to safety hazards with people living in them anyway.  There are bomb shelters and buildings that have been damaged by bombings.  You live in London’s East End and you work with people who you have been sheilded from your whole life.  You are a nurse, training to be a midwife and living in a convent with nuns and other nurses.  You aren’t too big into religious things so living in a convent with nuns is interesting. You are thankful that you don’t have  to go to the services, and yet thankful for living in community with these fascinating women.  You go out on a bicycle, your only means of transportation, on daily calls to the people in the East End–mostly in the tennements (otherwise known as slums)–even in the rain.  You do prenatal care and help to deliver babies.  Sometimes you help the other nurse nun who you don’t get along with too well do patient care visits to the older, sick people in the community. You discover that a family with 10 children can live in a two bedroom flat and that laundry can be hung anywhere and everywhere. 

Jennifer Worth, a midwife from the 1950′s did all of these things.  This book, The Midwife, is a biography of her life as a midwife. She went to live in the London Docklands to serve a wide community of people as a nurse-midwife. The area she served dealt with fighting, drunkenness, and poverty.  The overcrowded area seemed to welcome crime.  The people were also hard working, trying to make a living and the men trying to provide for their families.    

Her memoir is definitely an interesting read.  The chapters are story clips of women whose births she attended, difficult births, families with domestic violence, families with great love for one another, a prostitute, and nuns she worked with.  She paints an amazing picture of what life was like back then. I enjoyed learning about some of the history of London and especially enjoyed learning about the Cockney dialect.  Her stories are engaging and easy to read.  

You don’t have to be a midwife or even particularly interested in “birthy things” to enjoy this book.  This book helped me to appreciate some of the modern day conveniences we have as mothers.  Indoor toilets, running water, washing machines!  Can you imaging having 10 children with no running water in your house and no washing machine?  Can you imagine how much of your day would be spent simply washing clothes?  It helped me to appreciate the amount of space we have for our own living quarters and that there aren’t abandoned bomb shelters nearby with people doing all sorts of terrible things while my children are outside playing.

One of my favorite chapters is about a woman from Spain, who only speaks Spanish, who is married to a man who only speaks English.  Oh, and they have 25 children!!!  25 children!  Can you imagine?  Their story is heartwarming and leaves you with your jaw dropped.  

If you go on Amazon and read the other reviews of the book, I think you’ll want to find your own copy to read.

My second baby is 6 weeks old and I am in Survival Mode until he can sleep longer than 4 hours at a time. It is tiring managing two kids schedules, breastfeeding, diagnosing illnesses, dispensing medications around the clock, not to mention any regular household chores, and just getting to say hello to the husband. I really never expected it to be this difficult adjusting to 2 children.

Some wonderful women have shared with me some great advice on how to survive this phase.  Here is some of what they said and what I am living by at this moment.

• Don’t look down! Don’t look at your floors or even the sticky breakfast table.
• Cartoons to entertain siblings are perfectly okay!
• Don’t be too proud to accept any and all help.
• Keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that this phase doesn’t last forever!
• Don’t beat yourself up with what you haven’t done. If your kids are good, then you have done a great job that day!
• Put off the diet, until you can get sleep and function!
• Sleep whenever you can.
• Get out of the house once in a while on a play date or by yourself after bedtimes.
• It is okay, if you never get out of your pajamas that day.
• Don’t stress so much about the quality of food the siblings are getting, just as long as they eat.
• It is okay to say no.
• Enjoy this time, because they grow so fast.
• Remember you are a GREAT mom! Don’t be so hard on yourself!

What helped you get through your baby’s first weeks?

This is a guest post from my friend Natalie. She is one of the most caring moms that I know and she makes the most beautiful children. Natalie works at my church and is in charge of the Creative Arts Team.  Here is her insight on how to handle being a mom while working at the same time.

I have been a mother now for almost 3 years. Not only am I a mom of a 3 year old and 6 month old, but I am also a “working mom”.  My experience has been full of joyous moments and even crying in the shower moments at the end of a long day. Thankfully, my job has allowed me to bring my kids to work. My oldest now attends our Mother’s Day Out program at our church, but he was with me 3 times a week until he started crawling. We all know that when our kids get mobile it’s hard finding time to do anything.  My daughter will soon be moving along before I know it and I will have to once again make the decision to find someone else to keep her.

It’s easy to feel guilty that I am not a “stay at home mom”, but I know that this is where I am called to be.  Although I am so thankful for such a great situation, it’s not the easiest thing. In addition to all my responsibilities at work, I am also responsible for raising my kids!  Juggling a work schedule, nap schedule, eating schedule and finding time to get my house clean and dinner cooked has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done.

I will never forget the first time I brought my daughter to work and had to get my son off to pre-school.  The morning was spent getting bottles ready, diapers packed, both my kids dressed, and myself decent enough to go into work. I found out very quickly that I needed to add another 45 minutes on to the start of my day! I think by the end of the first 2 weeks I was crying in the shower every morning and falling asleep the minute my head hit the pillow.  My husband came home one night about a month ago, handed me the keys and said, “Go get something to eat and take the long way home.”  I think that was the most romantic thing ever.

Whether you are a working mom or you stay at home with your kids, we all have a lot on our plates. We will never have enough time and/or energy to teach our kids how to read by the time they are 3, potty train them by the time they are 18 months old and make sure we are the perfect homeroom mom. We will try though, won’t we?  The one thing I know I will always have time for is loving them.  I have found myself getting so upset that my son is not potty trained yet. I think to myself, “If only I were at home ALL day then he would be done by now.”  That’s not true at all. My mom raised 5 kids working and we are all finding our way to the restroom.  So, if that means they aren’t potty trained until they are 3 years old and 5 days (I am determined!!), then oh well! We can’t do it all, but we can love them.

5 Tips for Working Moms

1. Schedule fun days – Set aside a Family Weekend once a month. There will always be something that can take up your weekend. Put it on the calendar in advance and stick to it.

2. Bring home to the office. – Decorate your office with pictures of your children. Bring in their artwork and put it up. I love when I get to look my kids smiling faces. It makes me smile and I find myself being grateful!

3. Don’t bring work home! – You can choose to cheat your family or your job. Cheat your job. Leave work at the office and don’t bring it home. I work from home once a week, but I shut things down at 2:00 pm.

4. Volunteer Part-time – You may not be able to be in charge of every school party, but you can certainly help out. Volunteer to make phone calls or help by bringing something. Don’t forget to talk with your employer. They have a family too and you may surprised by what latitude they give you.

5. Find time for yourself and your husband – One of the best things you can do for yourself is have a loving marriage. It’s too easy to get home at night and mindlessly watch reruns of “Everybody Loves Raymond”. Put the kids to bed early, talk, rent a movie and have a date at home. We have done this many times!