The Mom Crowd

Women have a history of being hard on one another. Moms especially have a lot to be hard on each other about. “Oh, you aren’t breastfeeding?” “You gave your baby cookies for dinner?” “You let your baby watch 2 hours of Baby Einstein videos?” “You use a bumper?” We all have opinions about what pain management moms use during child birth. Each of us has our own style and attitudes about how we raise our children.

We need to support each other as moms and not judge each other. I know I don’t like it when I feel like I am being scrutinized or being told I am doing something wrong. There have been times that I chose not to do something with my baby, because I was afraid of being judged for it.

Being critical of your friends and family hurts your relationships. Speaking your mind does not always build trust. Sometimes friendships end because of criticism and condemnation. Even small remarks add up over time. We are not always aware that we are speaking unkindly to each other. We all put our foot in our mouth at times. Let’s be mindful of the attitudes that we are portraying to each other. In the words of High School Musical, “We’re all in this together!”

Here are 5 ways to help us stop judging other moms:

1. Make a choice not to judge. We need to make a conscious effort to change our attitudes and accept our friends for who they are. Making a choice not to judge will help you remember not to criticize or disparage your friends the next time you speaking about them.

2. “Seek first to understand, then to be understood,” is the fifth habit of ‘The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People’ by Stephen Covey. Learning this principal can greatly change the way you engage with other people. We need to try and understand what our friends are going through and the circumstances that made them choose that decision before we even speak. We don’t always have the full story from a blog post or part of a story heard second hand. I have friends that it is their personality to keep their lives private. So when they make a parenting decision, I can’t have an opinion. Seeking to understand what is going on our friends’ lives builds up our relationships and they will feel supported.

3. Stop talking about other moms, even to your spouse. We really need to guard our tongue when it comes to gossip. It is really easy to slip into gossip when you are honestly sharing the latest news of your friend or family member. Sometimes it feels good to talk about other people. It feels good to have someone agree with your point of view. Make a concerted effort with your friends not to talk about each behind each other’s backs. You won’t have to worry about if what you said gets back to your friend and it is better for everyone! There is peace in keeping your comments to yourself.

4. Don’t give advice unless it is requested. This is so hard for me, because I love asking for advice from people. I just assume that everyone is like me, but they aren’t. I need to remember that I shouldn’t give advice or my opinion unless they specifically asked for it. If advice or insight is requested from you, then you have to be careful not to be offended if they don’t take your advice. And visa versa, you shouldn’t be offended if you don’t like the guidance you requested. Counsel and sharing experiences is helpful. Let us make sure we always speak with the law of kindness on our tongue when giving counsel.

5. Celebrate and encourage each other! We all have difficult and enjoyable jobs raising our kids and caring for babies. Be and ear or shoulder when it is needed. I enjoy talking to McKenna and hearing about all the appointments and health updates of her two kids. Tell another mom what a great mom she is! Say it in a card, in person, in an email. I don’t know a mom that doesn’t mind being praised for being a good mom. Drop off or mail a little gift to a friend. Stop by and do her dishes. There are so many ways we can celebrate each other. Lets remember to stop judging and celebrate our victories with one another!

Have you ever felt judged by another mom? Have you ever been offended by someone giving too much advice? Do you make an effort not to judge other moms?

I thought I would do a follow-up post to ‘Do You Work Out?’ so I would be more motivated myself to workout. I was inspired by Dawn getting out and running even though she has two small kids. Jenn makes time for it in her day and I completely understand where Sharon is coming from. Lisa has some great resources on her blog Workout Mommy.

Everyone knows that working out and exercising is good for your health and well-being. But we don’t always do it. Our schedules get busy. A dinner with friends pops up. The house needs to be cleaned. You overslept again. You don’t have the right clothes or equipment. You’ll start tomorrow. You don’t think you are “athletic.”

So how do we make working out a priority and overcome the obstacles in order to achieve good health? Here are a few tips that will inspire you to hop on that elliptical machine again.

• Use a Buddy System

Exercise with a friend! It takes some extra effort to coordinate, but it is worth it. I love going to the gym with my friends. My friend Natalie and I had a set time to meet and I was more motivated to go to the gym knowing that she was going to be there. I also walk the first and third Friday at a local park with another friend. Working out goes by a lot faster when you are catching up with each other while walking on treadmills.

• Find an Exercise That You Enjoy

Try everything out at least once! Don’t be afraid to look like a fool while running or going to the aerobics class. When I first went to step class I could not keep up, but in a few weeks I could do it with my eyes closed. I also took a swimming class so I could learn how to do all the strokes correctly and flip turns. I found that I didn’t like swimming that much. Maybe you will enjoy spinning, yoga, or swimming. You don’t know until you try.

• Set Realistic Goals

Don’t set out to run a marathon your first attempt at running. Start with a goal to do a 5K or 10K. Don’t expect to make it to the gym five days a week. Start with three days a week. You could start with cardio exercises then add on weights after going for two weeks. Write down your goals where you will see them to remind you!

• Get Support from Your Family

Have your husband watch the kids or agree to spend money on a gym membership. Communicate your needs. You will be less likely to skip working out if you already have babysitting in place. Take your child with you in a stroller.

• Have Your Clothes Ready

Getting dressed is half the battle. Once I am dressed I am a lot more motivated to go. Set your gym clothes out the night before. Make sets of workout clothes ready to go in your drawer complete with a sports bra, shorts, a shirt, even socks.

• Get Motivated!

Determine what is your motivation for working out. Is it so you can run a half marathon? To fit in your old jeans? For a reunion? We may be going to California in the next few months. Every time I have been to California I have felt very self-conscious about my weight and I am not even fat by normal standards. So I am motivated to loose a few pounds before we go. This may not be the best reason for wanting to workout, but if it is getting my behind to the gym, so what?

• Put It on the Calendar

Set your workout times and write them on a calendar. Guard that time with your life. That means you will have to say No to requests and schedule things at a later time. This really worked for us when we did it. We worked out right after work. That meant that we couldn’t meet anyone for dinner until at least 7:00 p.m.

• Have Accountability

Have a friend or spouse hold you accountable to your goals. Share your goals and let them to check up on you once a week. Don’t get mad if your husband asks if you have lost any weight.

• Set Consequences and Rewards

Set a reward when you reach your goals, but don’t let food be a reward! Get a manicure or treat yourself to a new lipstick. With your spouse’s support and accountability let them share with you the reward of watching your favorite chick flick after the kids are asleep! Set a consequence when you don’t work out – Force yourself to try on your skinny clothes or be like the coaches in high school and make yourself run extra laps next time you work out.

• Change Your Mindset

Working out can be fun and relaxing! While waiting to get into my step class, I overhead a classmate say that she had been looking forward to class all day, because she had a rough day. What she said changed my perspective of working out. I made an effort to view exercising as a stress reliever. It reminds me of when Charlotte on ‘Sex in the City’ goes jogging when she needs to get away from her fertility problems. Running or going to class can be a big stress reliever.

• Get Up and Go!

Stop procrastinating! Make yourself a priority and go! Go for a walk with your ipod in the evenings. Get out of bed and go to the gym. Stop the excuses. Stop saying that you will start tomorrow. Iowa Management has a great post offering solutions to your excuses. If you blew your routine, start again! You can do it!

Fun Bonus:

Read about Mihow’s experience going to Yoga class with her baby.

I went to parenting.com and the first article in big 26-point letters read, “Easy Exercises for Moms: Simple Workout Moves to Fit into Your Day.” I thought, “Yeah right, how can I fit that into my day? I am happy when remember to feed Ace and wash our underwear.”

I have every intention of going to the gym in the mornings, but something always comes up. I don’t make it a priority. I keep procrastinating on my big schedule change to fit it in. My gym has child care from 8 a.m. to 12 noon and then again in the evenings. So if I don’t high tail it to the gym by 11:00 a.m. I don’t make it. Sometimes I call my friend and we will walk for about 45 minutes at the park in the afternoon, but it isn’t a regular routine. I need to make a change. I was disciplined when I was pregnant and for a few weeks after, but it is time to get off my butt and just do it again.

Do any of you workout? When do you go? What type of work out do you do?

In December Kristi wrote a great post for us titled “How To Get the Most From Your Workout.”

I googled “new year’s baby” to get an image for this blog post, but I got distracted by the first provided link. The link led me to a documentary called, “New Year Baby.” The story is about a family fleeing genocide in Cambodia and coming to America. Read the synopsis. It is an amazing picture of what family and acceptance is all about. I hope this story gives you hope and encouragement for the new year.

Here’s to new beginnings in 2008!

Cheers!

One of my favorite things about Christmas is receiving Christmas cards. As Christmas cards arrive in the mail, I place them all in a basket at the end of my bar in my kitchen. I love walking in there and looking through them and remembering that this is a very special time for friends and families to connect through Christmas cards. I wanted to share with you an idea I had this year for displaying our Christmas cards. I was recently given a digital photo frame as an early Christmas present and I scanned all of our Christmas cards we’ve received this year and downloaded them to the photo frame. Now, in our living room all of our Christmas cards are rotating on our photo frame. I will probably keep them going for a couple weeks. I also added some pictures of our family from past Christmas’.

I hope you and your family have a very Merry Christmas!

Do you have any other creative ways to display your Christmas cards?