The Mom Crowd

Danelle “Barbi” Ice is a problogger and the founder/editor of HomemakerBarbi.com, an online Home & How-To magazine with free resources specializing in homemaking, parenting, frugal living, and family life.  If you liked this article, visit Homemaker Barbi!

Pregnancy is an exciting time of change and anticipation, and many of us expecting mamas start reading every pregnancy book, magazine and website available!  New moms want advice, knowledge, and the security of others’ experiences to know that what we’re feeling is normal, even if this isn’t your first baby.

There are plenty of things you may wonder about at some time during the 9 months, however, that you won’t read about in books. We’re giving it to you straight:  6 truths about pregnancy and motherhood that nobody tells you.

1.  You do not have to (and probably won’t) lose your baby weight immediately.  We’ve all heard the cliché: It took you 9 months to gain the weight, and you can’t lose it overnight.  This saying is a cliché because although we may not like it, these words are true!  It is not good to jump into hardcore exercise right after birth, especially if you did not maintain a high level of physical exertion during your pregnancy.  Take it easy and start slowly.

With the changes your body had just gone through in the birthing process, your top health priorities are rest, recovery, and adjustment.  Your blood volume will decrease, your organs will shift back into place, your body will learn how to be non-pregnant again. Be patient with your body and focus on your health and wellness, not your size and weight.

2.  Even celebrities cannot lose their pregnancy weight overnight.  Of course we see them on the magazine covers 6 weeks after birth looking Oscar-fabulous, but remember that their lifestyles (most times) do not mirror ours!  Our favorite stars might have nannies to help out, personal chefs to cook for them, and personal trainers to come exercise with them daily.  Even with this help, they still have to work hard at exercise and wait for their body to make its natural transitions at its own pace.

3.  Not every mother gets post partum depression (PPD).  Some women do, some women don’t, and not all of your pregnancies will be the same.  If you need help dealing with your feelings, talk to your doctor immediately.  However, if you don’t get PPD, just count your lucky stars! Always be understanding that other moms may be going through post-pregnancy feelings you didn’t, and that’s okay too.

4.  Not every mother enjoys pregnancy.  For some women, pregnancy is an incredibly taxing physical experience.  Some moms have excessive headaches or prominent morning sickness.  Pregnancy is hard work and a very difficult transition for your body and mind to make.  If you don’t enjoy being pregnant due to these or other circumstances, don’t feel guilty.  It’s okay if you don’t feel happy and glowing every day.  Just focus on the good aspects, do the best you can, and take care of your body and your baby!

5.  Sometimes it’s better to keep your baby name choices private.  When you and your partner have chosen names that you love and are ready to pass on to your children for their entire lives, it can be very disheartening to hear comments to the contrary.  It is not unheard of for friends, family members, or even complete strangers to ask if you’ve chosen names and then tell you why those names are bad!  It may defy common-sense, but I was told the name I chose for my son was weird, ugly, icky, old, hard to spell, bizarre, and that “I should come up with something better”.  And if that isn’t bad enough, it’s my husband’s middle name!  Sometimes, relatives and in-laws can even argue about which family names should be used.

Since name choices are personal and something you should be able to feel good about (without receiving any inappropriate or insensitive comments), it’s okay to keep these private between you and your spouse and children.  How do you politely decline to answer when someone asks if you’ve decided on names yet? Simply say, “We haven’t decided for sure yet. We still have plenty of time.”

6.  It’s okay to tell everyone you’re pregnant as soon as you find out!  Finding out that you’re expecting is exciting.  After all, that news changes your life forever and tells you that you’re about to experience an exciting 9 months as you and your spouse wait to meet the fruits of your love.  Talk about anticipation!  While some OB/GYNs and pregnancy books advise not to share the news until you’re out of the first trimester (due to the higher risk of miscarriage in the early months), you should do what feels right to you.

Be sure to come back tomorrow for the sequel, 6 MORE Truths about Pregnancy and Motherhood that Nobody Tells You!

March is a big month for your contributors at The Mom Crowd: Amanda, our founder, just had her second child, and McKenna is going to Eastern Europe for the first time to meet her new daughter (for the first time!)  When Amanda asked for guest posters to step in and share their wisdom, the response was phenomenal.  Keep coming back to The Mom Crowd every day for fabulous information, tips, stories, and inspiration! 

Kristi has an admitted coffee addiction and lately has been indulging in an occasional spoonful of chocolate frosting straight out of the can.  When she is not chasing her 1 year old around the house, trying to keep him from eating electrical cords or learning about the life cycle of frogs with her 3 year old, she enjoys teaching ladies’ Bible studies, talking about Biblical womanhood, and blogging at Run the Earth, Watch the Sky. 

I am one of those crazy people who make their own baby food.  Yes, one of those.  You know the kind:  I pull out my baby food at restaurants and grind up steamed carrots (ordered with no seasoning, no butter, please!) while my friends look on with an incredulous look that says, “We knew you were weird, Kristi, but this…?”

Why did I do this (for two babies, so far)?  Obviously, every new mom is a little fanatical when it comes to health and safety.  We dutifully pick up every single thing that falls on the floor and sanitize it.  We carefully boil or sterilize everything that will enter our child’s mouth.  I was no different, and the thought of feeding my baby unrecognizable vegetable-based substances that are who-knows-how-old from a jar that has been who-knows-where did not sit well with me.

These thoughts were confirmed the first time that I tasted jarred baby food – wow!  That stuff is bad!  I was used to tasting my daughter’s homemade purees, and I was shocked when the jarred butternut squash tasted more like dirt than anything resembling a fresh vegetable.  She obviously agreed, because she wanted nothing to do with that orange muck coming toward her mouth!

So, I chose to make my own baby food for health reasons and taste.  That, and let’s face it: we are extremely cheap.  Those little jars of baby food seem cheap when you’re standing in the grocery aisle, but when your baby starts eating 3 or 4+ jars a day, suddenly that adds up fast!  For example, you could buy a five pound bag of carrots for $2.99 and end up with 36 servings of baby food.  If you buy carrots in the cute little plastic containers, it would cost you $18.00 for that much!  Yikes!

So, here’s what to do:  (it’s very complicated, so take notes)

1. Get some vegetables or fruit
2. Cook them until they’re soft
3. Puree them in a blender or food processor
4. Freeze them in ice cube trays
5. Pop them into labeled plastic freezer bags

Presto!  Tricky, isn’t it? 

Most people seem to feel more comfortable with the little jars and containers for some reason.  I am frequently asked how you know what to feed the kids.  My suggestion?  Go to the grocery store and look at “level one” foods.   What are they?  Buy them.  Cook them.  Repeat the steps above.  You can even buy one jar to check the consistency if it makes you feel more comfortable.  Trust me, Gerber does not have some magical formula for carrots.  They use: carrots!

Another great benefit to making your own baby food is the ease of transition to other foods – once they are ready for ‘chunkier’ foods, just do a quick, coarse puree and freeze them in ice cube trays.  I have also found that silicone muffin cups work great once they start eating larger servings.  Once they’re ready for finger foods, just chop the vegetable/fruit into chunks and freeze them.  As your children get older, start grinding/mashing up whatever you’re eating for dinner, and they automatically learn to eat what the rest of the family eats.  I will usually pull a portion out before I add salt, etc.

You can do this!  Your baby will thank you (well, maybe not.  But you’ll feel good about it!) and so will your wallet!

If you want a book that spells out what to do when, and gives you more specific ideas and pictures of the purees, I love First Meals by Annabel Karmel.  I also like www.wholesomebabyfood.com.  In addition, you can check out Amanda’s post on making baby food.

Do you make your own baby food?  Do you have any qualms about taking the plunge?

 March is a big month for your contributors at The Mom Crowd: Amanda, our founder, just had her second child, and McKenna is going to Eastern Europe for the first time to meet her new daughter (for the first time!)  When Amanda asked for guest posters to step in and share their wisdom, the response was phenomenal.  Keep coming back to The Mom Crowd every day for fabulous information, tips, stories, and inspiration!

Trina is a busy married (but single!) parent:  she takes care of her two year old and her beagle Gidgett, and gives support to her now-overseas husband.  After all that, she still has time to read her favorite blog, The Mom Crowd.

Once upon a time, I got married, had a rough-but-good pregnancy, experienced beautiful labor and welcomed a little girl into the world with my husband of 2 years.  We had plans of watching her grow together.  My husband could not wait to hold his little girl.  Fast forward 16 months:  I am a single mom.  No, I did not get divorced.  My husband in the United States Air Force and is currently deployed for a year in the war.  Gone are the days of “Honey, can you please change the baby?” and “I need a free day – can you watch her?”

When my husband left for the war in August, our daughter had just turned 18 months old.  At the time, I had no idea how much work it actually was being a Single Parent.  There are many nights where I crawl into bed un-showered and in the same clothes from the day before. To say the least, it’s been an interesting adventure for my daughter and me. 

My favorite single parent moment (when it finally hit me I was all alone) was when my daughter was very sick with a stomach flu.  She has tendency to always throw up on me.   This time, she spewed all over me, herself, the dog and anything else in her way.  After picking the vomit out of my eyes so I could see, I headed to the shower, still dressed, with baby in arms.  We stood under the running water until no trace of the sickness remained.  

Remembering all of my many single mom stories makes me laugh now.  I also feel blessed to have this special time with my daughter.  This might sounds selfish, but I will never have this alone time with her again.  It has made our relationship stronger.  My single-mom days have also made me a better mother for my daughter and for any other child we have in the future.

It has now been 6 ½ months since my husband was deployed, and life is going well. The holidays have passed, and Daddy will soon be home for his R&R.  He gets to be home for 14 days and then back to war for another 7 months.  Though we can’t wait to see him, my biggest concern will be fitting him back into our life and routine.  My daughter and I have a schedule and do our own thing.  It has been a long time since I have had to take into consideration what my other half might have planned!  Since this is such a short trip, I am considering letting the schedule go (a little) and just go with the flow.  I am also aware that Daddy does not understand how much work at 2 year old is! 

Through this experience, I have developed a new respect for all single parents. No matter what your situation is, you deserve an award for all you do for your children.  Hang in there!

Are you a single parent?  What kinds of challenges do you face?  What strategies have you found to help you get through your days?  How do you strive to keep a positive outlook?

March is a big month for your contributors at The Mom Crowd: Amanda, our founder, is about to have her second child, and McKenna is going to Eastern Europe for the first time to meet her new daughter (for the first time!)  When Amanda asked for guest posters to step in and share their wisdom, the response was phenomenal.  Keep coming back to The Mom Crowd every day for fabulous information, tips, stories, and inspiration! 

Our first guest poster is Kristi, the mom of three wonderful children and a personal trainer to strong, beautiful women and one reluctant husband.  We are happy to have her!  Her story is bound to touch your heart.  Be sure to leave a comment to offer encouragement or advice!  

I never thought I would be caring for a parent before reaching thirty.  I figured by the time my parents experienced health problems, my kids would be grown.  My father was recently diagnosed with stage four brain cancer.  He had a tumor removed from his brain but there is a two-thirds chance of the cancer returning.  He was perfectly healthy before the diagnosis.  Unfortunately, my parents have split up, so my mom doesn’t play a big role when it comes to my dad’s health.  My children are seven, five, and two months.  Caring for them is a full time job in itself, so add the time it takes to care for my dad and it seems like I’m working overtime!

He has to go to treatment for radiation Monday through Friday.  He has several doctors appointments throughout the month.  He has numerous medications that require strict instructions and need frequent refills.  Due to the location of the brain tumor, his speech center was severely damaged.  He cannot think of the words he wants to say which means he needs a translator to assist him at all of his appointments.  His eyesight was also damaged and he currently has no peripheral vision in the right vision field.  Obviously he cannot drive in this condition and needs to be driven to all appointments and errands.  Caring for my dad often feels like a burden to our family, but it is a responsibility that I made a commitment to.

If you are currently caring for your parents or grandparents while raising young children, I have some ideas that may help get you through it:

• Delegate your responsibilities.  You can’t expect to do everything yourself.  You will burn out and be too overwhelmed to think clearly and make important decisions.  Have other family members help you by taking your parent to appointments, watching your children, or whatever you may need at the time.  My dad stays with my oldest brother and his wife.  This is a huge help to our family because we don’t have the space for one more in our home.  Also, my children are noisy (whose aren’t?) and my dad needs rest and quiet.  If you don’t have family members in town, you can enlist the help of friends and neighbors.  Another option is to attend a support group for caregivers of cancer patients or whatever type of illness your parent has.
• Prepare for the unknown.  Often a simple surgery can cause complications and unexpected outcomes.  It is a good idea to make sure your parent or grandparent has a living will and power of attorney documents available to family members.  It was awkward speaking to my dad about his will, but I came to find out he didn’t have a will or an appointed power of attorney.  These days, you can create both documents online.  When you plan ahead and have these papers in place, it reduces stress and family conflict.  If your loved one is on life support, you need to know what their wishes are.  Do they want to be sustained on life support or would they prefer not to have any interventions?  [Editor's note: Amanda has posted helpful tips on this topic; check it out!]
• Be patient with your children.  This one is so difficult for me.  I was gone one day for eight hours rushing around to consultations and errands for my dad.  I can’t expect my five year old to sit still and be good the whole time.  I tried to remember to praise her for the times she was being good.  There will be crazy days where you will be out with your kids and parent, trying to care for both.  Try bringing a special bag full of new coloring books and toys for your children.  Use this bag only when taking grandpa or grandma to the doctor.  Talk to your children about what you expect before they go into the office: “We have to be quiet when the doctor is talking.”  Cut your kids some slack.  This is difficult on them too.
• Communicate.  Taking care of your ill parent is similar for caring for your children. You are responsible for their health.  Talk to their doctor just like you would at your own children’s appointments. You wouldn’t expect your child to ask his or her doctor what their treatment plan is.  Don’t expect your parent to know what to ask either.  Jump into the conversation and encourage other family members to ask questions.  We have a nurse in the family who gave me a helpful list of questions to ask the surgeon.  Write down the answers to those questions and share them with friends and family who need to know.
• Talk to your parent about doctor visits.  Did they understand what the doctor said?  Do they have any questions for you?  My dad has a difficult time understanding and piecing together information.  I have to repeat myself several times until he is no longer confused.  Try to be positive and encourage your parent during recovery.  Let them know you are always available to talk to.

I am continuing to learn how to manage everything daily.  I know that I need to rely on God’s grace to get me through each day.  What are some of the things you have learned while caring for your parents or grandparents? Do you have any tips or advice to share?