The Mom Crowd

This weekend one of my closest friends accidentally locked her 21-month old daughter in her Jeep Liberty. Thankfully after the police and a fire truck came they were able to bust out the back window and get into the vehicle. Her daughter was red and upset, but she eventually calmed down and was fine. My friend had to the endure the embarrassment of the situation. This happens to a lot of moms. We don’t intentionally lock our kids in the car, it happens.

I accidentally locked my daughter in the car when she was 18 months old at the grocery store. I set my keys down on the back seat next to her car seat and turned to put the diaper bag on the top of my trunk. Just as I was placing the bag down a gust of wind blew my car door shut. I immediately asked myself how long is she safe in the car with no AC. Thankfully my phone was in the diaper bag and I called my husband. He didn’t answer and I texted the words “call me now!” He had an extra key and was only 3 minutes away at home. While waiting for husband to come I knocked on the window and smiled at her and tried to show her that everything was okay.

Since locking my girl in the car I have started to put the keys on top of my car or in my pocket when I am getting them out. Another way to prevent the situation is to carry an extra key hidden on the car under the license plate or taped under the car somewhere. Pop A Lock will also open your car for free. You can program the number of your local dispatch in your phone. (I just programmed mine. It took less than 60 seconds.)

In this summer heat the temperature of the inside of the car can rise significantly in just a few minutes. Here is an excellent post on Baby Tool Kit about what do when an infant or child is accidentally locked in a car with the keys. The first thing is not to panic and then call for help. If you don’t have a phone then ask someone nearby to call 911. Then note the time, because sometimes 5 minutes can seem like an eternity.

Locking your child in the car can totally shake you up. Hug your child and get something to drink to hydrate everyone. Be sure you are calm before you drive again. Know that you haven’t lost your card to The World’s Best Moms Club. You are still a great mom!

Have you ever accidentally locked you children in the car? How do you get them out? Where you shaken up?

- photo courtesy of crowdive

Last week, my son was stung by a wasp on his hand.  He didn’t cry and he didn’t have a reaction until about two days later.  His entire hand was swollen and red.  I called my pediatrician and the nurse told me to just keep an eye on it and to bring him in if it became hot to the touch.  It cleared up after about two days of redness and swelling.  The day after it cleared up, he was stung by another wasp!  (We found the nest and my husband has reclaimed our backyard from those horrible creatures!)  Again, we didn’t notice any reaction at all and he didn’t cry or act like it hurt.  Two days later, his entire arm was swollen and this time, incredibly hot to the touch.  There was a huge red spot covering his entire bicep.  While the reaction was similar to the first sting, it was a lot more intense.  So, I called the doctor and he wanted me to bring him in.  I shamefully told him that my son had been stung by wasps twice in the same week and reassured him we found the nest.  The doctor thinks it is at high risk of becoming infected, so we were given instructions to prevent infection, which could turn to a staph infection.  I didn’t know that wasp and bee stings could lead to infection.  It makes sense when I think about it, but I thought allergic reactions such as breathing difficulty were the only real risk of wasp or bee stings.

So, until my son’s boo boo heals, we are to do the following:

• Use ice to relieve pain or discomfort
• Apply hydrocortisone cream to it twice a day
• Take over-the-counter Zyrtec instead of Benedryl because our doctor thinks it works better and my son becomes hyper and wirey on Benedryl, which is opposite most children.
• Clean it twice a day with a clorox/water solution.  I have never in my life heard a medical professional direct someone to use clorox bleach, so this was interesting to me.
• Fill a prescription for a steroid cream and have it on hand in case the red spot becomes streaky or asymmetrical and call or take him to the hospital right away.

I initially felt silly even being concerned about my son’s wasp sting, especially since I had already called the pediatrician last week about the same issue.  I tend to write off what I consider small medical issues because I have three children who all carry their own set of more major medical issues as it is.  But I am glad I listened to my gut that this reaction was worse than last week’s reaction.  I have learned in parenting and medical care for my children is that medical professionals are paid by me (and my insurance) to answer my medical questions and treat my children, so I have given up on feeling guilty about using the service that I am paying for.  Besides, what a parent may think is minor, may actually end up being serious, so it’s always better safe than sorry!

Have your children had a reaction to bee or wasp stings?  Am I the only one whose never heard of cleaning an infected area with a clorox/water solution?

Last week, I wrote a post in response to a reader’s concern about her shy daughter’s difficulty in making friends.  In my preparation, I was amazed by how much I still have to learn about various personality types and how we can almost “typecast” our kids with certain traits.  I think there is a danger in putting our children in some kind of personality box and expecting them to remain that way for most of their lives.  I doubt we want to label our kids.  But I can see myself veering into that territory already.  “Lucy is such a smart, stubborn little girl.”  “Eli likes to be by himself in larger groups.”  If I’m not careful, I will start believing my kids will always be this way, and then I might react unpleasantly if they don’t.  And this would make them feel badly about themselves.

Has anyone ever labeled you?  Are you considered melodramatic, intellectual, athletic, artistic, left-brained, right-brained, nosy, outspoken, introverted, a people-person, etc?  How do those labels make you feel?  Have you ever tried to make changes in yourself only to find that people can’t handle a different behavior coming from you?  (Side note: Do you like those personality quizzes – like Myers-Briggs - that explain all of your behaviors away in a startlingly accurate paragraph?  My husband hates them.  He chafes at being put in a box.  I’ve always said he has a personality that defies most standard definitions.  )   But I digress.

I came across several helpful websites when researching last week about shyness.  I will list those at the end of the post if you are interested in learning more.  But the thing that stood out to me the most in my reading was from Dr. Renee Gilbert’s site, Shake Your Shyness.  In it, she categorized shyness not as a personality trait but a feeling that can come and go, depending on the circumstances.  Dr. Gilbert states:

“You see, shyness viewed as a “feeling” is difficult, but manageable, whereas shyness viewed as an “enduring personality trait” can be overwhelming.  Had I, as a shy child, believed that I had a shy “personality,” I might easily have gotten discouraged and given up.  But because I viewed my shyness as a feeling, as something I could do something about, I always felt there was hope.  I knew that if I could just figure out what to do to fit in and muster the courage to do it, everything would be OK–and it was.”

This spoke to me on many levels.  I was struck by the freedom that comes from thinking a child’s personality characteristics might actually be circumstantial, not permanent.  How many times have you been in situations where you felt shy, even though you can be equally talkative and confident in others?  It depends on the situation – who we’re with, what’s expected of us, and how the environment makes us feel.  The same can be true of our children.

It struck me that it is not good to label our children with an “enduring personality trait” – instead, we must celebrate their strengths on a routine basis and help build their confidence in as many things as we possibly can.

Here are some interesting sites I discovered regarding shyness:

• Shake Your Shyness (my favorite)
• Helping Young Children Overcome Shyness from the University of New England
• Center for Effective Parenting’s page on shyness
• The Shy Child by Hyson & Trieste

What do you think, moms?  Is it easy to put our kids’ personalities in a box?  Do you have any strategies for raising well-rounded children, capable of many different skills and exhibiting many unique moods?

photo courtesy of allspice1

Recently we were contacted by a reader who is in a difficult situation with her shy daughter.  This mom said:

I have a 7 year old girl who is very shy, and she has made a friend this year who is very mean to her.  I try and discourage her from playing with this child, but she says she has no other friends to play with.  This other child is in my Brownie troop, and I have seen the mean behavior.  I have talked to the child but it does no good; she make excuses for why she is mean.  For example:   my daughter ran up to this child to say hello, the child ran away and said “I don’t want to play with you, give me my space.”  I told my daughter to give her her space.  The mother called a couple days later and asked to have my daughter over to play.  When she brought my daughter home she told me how the children were fighting the whole time.  Come to find out, she (the little girl)  was not being nice to my child.  She asked to call me to pick her up, but instead the mother took them out for ice cream…  This can go on and on how this child one day is somewhat nice and the other, downright cruel.  Every day my daughter comes home upset and sad.  I have now refused to have the child play with mine, and my daughter is upset that she cannot play with her.  How to I deal with my child’s feelings altogether???  I wish she was not as shy as she is.   How can I help her?

Oh, this is a toughie.  It is always hard for a parent to see their child(ren) suffer in social situations.  Having taught middle school for several years, I recall seeing unhealthy relational dynamics take their toll on young people time and time again.  I don’t know that I have the solution – but I do have opinions.  Here we go:

• The mean girl, whom I’ll call Dena, seems to enjoy the power trip that having a shy friend gives her.  It appears that she has taken that power too far on a regular basis by lashing out at your daughter, whom I’ll call Sally.  Dena might have a tough time keeping friends, and Sally’s dependence on her gives her more control.  Dena and Sally have an unhealthy friendship.
• If Sally is as shy as you have indicated, she probably hasn’t had that much experience with different friendships.  Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but they are all usually founded on a mutual respect and enjoyment of the other person.
• It is possible Sally does not want to admit that Dena is a bad friend.  She might be so desperate to keep her for a friend that she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness on a daily basis just to keep this friendship alive.  Does Sally realize that she could do better?
• Shy people tend to keep their true feelings to themselves.  Sally’s submissive nature probably doesn’t help her stand up for herself.  She might even be drawn to Dena’s personality because Dena makes doing things easier: someone is calling the shots for her.  This happens in a lot of relationships: there are leaders, and there are followers.

If I was Sally’s mother, I’d do exactly what you did, and stop having the two play together.  It would be hard at first, but Sally will eventually get over it and find somone else to bond with.  If you are providing enough opportunities for Sally to make new friendships, she should be able to make a new buddy with a little effort.  This is the time of year when Vacation Bible Schools abound in most cities, where children are grouped by grade level and spend five days together doing the same activities.  If that is not a possibility, I would recommend playgroups, clubs, story times, swimming lessons, or anything else that would allow Sally to spend time with other children her age.  As for the Brownie meetings, I’d work to keep the two girls separated as much as possible without drawing too much attention to it.

This is a teachable time for you and Sally.  It is a good opportunity for you to remind her what kinds of qualities we need in a good friend – and that even though she deals with a little initial shyness, she can still choose to spend time with kind children.  Befriending a bully just because one is available is not Sally’s only option.  It is important for your daughter to wrap her head around this idea now, so her future friendships will be healthier.

Next week, I will post about shyness in general, what it is (and isn’t), and how we can help our shy children thrive in social situations.

Hey, Mom Crowd!  Do you have any other input or advice for Sally’s mom?  How do you handle it when your child is routinely upset by his/her friends?

I recently learned that car seats have an expiration date.  I was very surprised to learn this and don’t think I’m the only one who was unaware about car seats expiring.

Car seats deteriorate over time due to heat and general use.  Just as a piece of plastic will become significantly weaker, the more it is handled, exposed to heat, and bent, the plastic on car seats is no different.  Manufactures of car seats now supply consumers with an expiration date to protect children from being in a car seat which is not safe.  Another reason for car seat expiration is the evolution of technology.  Car seats become safer and safer with each new product that is made.  So while your car seat may be the safest there is, in five years it may be weaker than most other car seats.

The car seat expiration date was very hard to find on my car seats.  You can check them online if you cannot find it on the carseat.  If you have a car seat that has expired, it is advised to destroy the car seat so that no one will use it.  This includes cutting the straps and even the plastic so someone won’t try to repair it.

Here is a video which demonstrates what can happen if your child is riding in a car seat which has expired:

Car seat expiration dates fall in a broader category of car seat safety.  Safe car seat practice means you have had your car seat inspected by a certified car seat inspector.  They will check the safety of your seat, whether it is appropriate for your child’s height and weight, teach you how to properly buckle them in, and make sure it is installed in your car correctly.  If you would like to learn more about car seat safety or find a car seat inspector near you, go to this website.

Did you know that car seats expired? Have you had your car seat installation checked by a car seat inspector?