The Mom Crowd

It seems like I’m always writing about books, an article I read here, a website I found there.  I guess that says something about how I like to spend some of my free time (escape from the kids time).  

Instead of writing about some enjoyable reading resource for us moms, I thought I would write about magazines for kids this week.  My mom loves to spoil the kids and she has ordered us some subscriptions to some fun magazines.  I thought I’d give a review on the ones we have received in case you were looking for some fun reading material for your own kids.  They also make great gifts for others if you are looking for something a little educational and fun that lasts all year long.  

1. Ladybug Magazine- We were given a bagful of some old magazines by our neighbor who had read and reread them to several of her 

children.  I had never heard of Ladybug before, but I gotta tell you that my 4 and 5 year old LOVE them.  We had a stack of about 20-30 magazines and we have read them so many times that they can look at the covers and know what is inside.  Ladybug is a great magazine for preschoolers and toddlers. Each magazine usually focuses on some kind of theme, like rain, and will incorporate rain into several of the stories.  The magazine is full of short stories, one or two longer stories, a song, some poems, and two cartoons that are simple-with easy to love characters.  When my mom came to visit she read several of the magazines to them and decided to order a subscription.  They squeal with delight when one comes in the mail.  

2. Zootles- Another good find.  Zootles is a magazine for 2-5 year olds.  It focuses on on animal and has several stories, pictures, and facts about the animal of the month. It also introduces a letter and a number in each issue.  A one year subscription provides 6 issues since it only comes out every other month.  The kids also enjoyed this one and learned a lot about animals.  

3. Zoobooks- Is made by the same company as Zootles but is geared for older kids. The stories and information in the magazines is more complex.  The kids also had this magazine for a while.  They really enjoyed it.

4. National Geographic Kids- This is a fun magazine too but it is definitely geared for kids 7 and up.  I actually enjoy reading this one more than my kids do–but I imagine that it is entertaining for kids in the right age group.  The magazine has fun articles about living green and how kids can contribute to caring for the earth.  It has funny jokes, wild and interesting facts, amazing but true stories about animals, movie reviews from a kid’s perspective, and lots of ads for video games (that part I don’t like so much).

5. Kids Discover- Is geared for 7-12 year olds. Another gift from my mom.  I think she was trying to give them something that was interesting and educational.  I have to say it was a flop–but they were just too young.  Again, I enjoyed reading it more than the kids. If the boys were a few years older, I think they would enjoy some of the magazines a lot.  We did sit down and read the last issue together because it was about chocolate.  And who doesn’t love chocolate?  We were all fascinated about the science of how chocolate is made and where it comes from.  This magazine would make a great addition to any homeschooling family!

6. Highlights Top Secret Adventures- This one showed up in our mailbox and we were all intrigued.  A new package comes in the mail every month and the kids squeal again when they see it.  Top Secret Adventures is a kit that includes a small puzzle of a country, a book about the country containing facts and information about the culture, people, regions, major cities, language, and food.  It also includes a puzzle book where you enter a journey as a top secret agent trying to figure out who the crook is, what they stole, and where it is hidden.  The puzzles teach kids how to think critically and logically.  I’m sure you can tell by the sound of it, that is is not geared toward the preschool ages but my kids love it.  We sit and do it together.  They of course, need help with all the reading but there are some puzzles they can do without our help and we have noticed in the last few months that they are able to understand and do more without so much help from us.  It is something I would enjoy doing by myself too!  

7. Highlights Hidden Pictures Playground- If you have kids who love stickers, like to draw, and maybe do seek and find pictures then this is a good magazine.  My kids aren’t into it very much though.  I’m not sure why but I think it is because they don’t love to color. I usually do bring the magazines with us on long car rides or plane trips to give them something to do for a while.  They don’t squeal with delight when it comes in the mail or piles up in their book corner but it does provide something different to do while we are traveling.  

8. God’s World News Early Edition- Is a gift from my in-laws.  I have found it to be interesting and enjoyable too.  The magazine covers a broad spectrum of stories happening around the world.  It touches on animals, history, science, culture all through the perspective that God cares about our world and what happens in it.  Young readers or preschoolers will like looking at the pictures and reading some of the simple stories in it.  There are sections marked for parents to read to children (who are too young to read themselves).  It also has a few puzzle games in it for a fun follow up activity.  

Wow, I didn’t realize that we had so many subscriptions in the past few years until writing them down.  Do you get any magazines for your kids?  Which ones?  Had any bombs?  Which ones?  Don’t be shy–share your opinion!

“Mo-om, can I play on the computer?” How many of you hear that everyday?

How old are your kids and do you let them play on the computer?  My 4 and 5 year old enjoy games and activities on the computer.  Isaac, my 4 year old, would play everyday if I let him–which isn’t a bad thing per say.  He would also watch tv all day if I let him.  I probably would too if I weren’t responsible for taking care of the house and 3 kids–if you ever come over sometime you would probably wonder when I take care of the house (based on the tornado design of it all) but that is a whole other topic! I digress. Anyway, I don’t like to have the kids watch an hour of tv and also get sucked into playing on the computer for another hour.  I’m curious about what other parents allow their kids to play on the computer and how much time you give for computer time. When do you let your kids play on the computer?

My two favorite websites for kids are PBSKids and Starfall.  PBS Kids has a TON of games (educational and plain fun) based on all the kids shows that air on PBS.  My boys love playing Martha Speaks, Word World (one of my own favorite cartoons), and Super Why.  Curious George also has some fun videos they enjoy watching.  I like how it is good, clean fun and they are learning about words, matching, science, and how to pay attention to details.

StarFall is a new discovery that I learned about from another mom friend of mine.  StarFall is a website that helps kids learn how to read, learn letters, sounds etc.  It is AMAZING!  Isaac started on the reading games and has worked his way through several of the games one by one. In just a few weeks of playing around on the website he is reading a lot more than he was before.  He has a knack for reading though–and the website has been a way to nurture his love for learning how to read.  My 5 year old enjoys the games too but he usually doesn’t ask to play the “reading website”.  He also hasn’t had as much time to poke around on it.

Another website I let them play on (one time) was Hasbro.  Hasbro has some really fun things on it–like G.I. Joe and Spiderman cartoons. They have some matching games and puzzles too but I knew that once they discovered cartoons were just a click away it would all go downhill from there.  The cartoons are so cool–but honestly, I’d rather them play educational games.  What can I say, I’m one of those “let your kids be nerdy” moms.  Hasbro also has a Connect Four game.  I didn’t show the kids that one–I bookmarked it and play on the rare occasion when I have nothing else to do. Which is never.  I can usually be found poking around on Facebook for my computer time.  And there is always something else I should be doing.  Again, a whole other topic- (Coming soon-What Do You Do To Escape From Your Kids?).

So, what do you think about kids and the computer?  How much is too much?  Should you avoid it as long as possible? What fun sites do you let your kids play on? Share with the rest of us!

There is so much to learn from ‘Parenting With Love and Logic.’  I thought I’d share some of my biggest successes as I’ve been reading the books and taking the class.

Something I have been learning about is control. Love and Logic teaches that in order to have control, you must give control.  One way of getting control is to offer as many choices as possible to the child.  Children are happy to oblige and feel like they have a say in day to day living which can help prevent battles over the bigger stuff.  I have been trying to be creative in offering choices….

For example:

• Do you want the green cup or the blue cup?

• Do you want to get your jammies on upstairs or downstairs?

• Do you want to brush your teeth first or get your jammies on first?

• Do you want to open the door or do you want me to?

• Do you want to take the dishes to the sink or sweep the floor?

• Do you want to wear your coat or carry it to the car?

• Will you be wearing your shoes to the car or will you be taking them in a bag?

You get the idea.  The key is to make sure that you offer two choices and that you are fine with either choice.  The other thing to keep in mind is to make sure the second choice is not a threat (i.e. do you want to clean up the toys or do you want a spanking?)

Have you ever noticed that when you tell your children to do something their first typical response is, “NO!”? Well, maybe your kids don’t do that….

I was getting tired of battling with the boys to get on coats and shoes and changing from jammies to daytime clothes before going out to the car. I noticed a BIG difference when I started asking the boys if they would be getting dressed upstairs or downstairs and wearing their coat or carrying it instead of demanding them to put it on lecturing them how if they didn’t get it on now they would freeze to death and complain about being cold. Please tell me you’ve done this too!  Now, when I ask how they will be bringing their coat I stopped hearing, “NO! I don’t WANT to get on my coat!” and started hearing, “I’ll wear it (while they put it on!)” We have had some life lessons that have come with this too.

I wrote last week that my 4 year old has mastered the ability to convince me that he (insert whine) just can’t put his shoes on, can’t get his shoes on, coat on, hat on… Well, I have to get my own things on and help the baby get his outside gear on too so enough was enough.  I told Isaac that I thought he was a very smart boy and that I knew he could figure out how to put on his socks, shoes, and coat.  I would not respond to whining anymore.  Now, I announce that I am going to get my coat and shoes on and that I will be leaving after I get the baby dressed. My 5 year old is on top of it now.  He zips downstairs and gets everything on and is ready to go.  If Isaac has been interrupted from playing he will sometimes go into whiny mode and complain so long about not wanting to leave that he will just sit and whine instead of put on his shoes and coat.

We have left the house with his shoes and/or coat in a bag or waiting inside (depending on where we are going).  Lo and behold, he is quickly figuring out that when I say I am leaving he is coming with me fully dressed or not.   I don’t have to lecture him because he is smart enough to figure out that I am leaving when I say I am leaving.

I have to say it feels GREAT to have that stress taken off of me. It is his CHOICE whether or not he puts on his socks, shoes, and coat in a timely manner. If he asks for help with his zipper I will gladly oblige as long as he hasn’t been whining about leaving.  I don’t need to control that aspect of his life.

I know that some of you must be thinking some of the same things I did.  What if other people think I am a terrible mother for letting her child leave the house without a coat or shoes for that matter?  I decided that I would rather my child learn how to put on his own clothes and learn how to be age appropriately independent than care if some lady thought I was crazy.

Love and Logic teaches parents how to use “Enforceable Statements”.  Instead of telling kids what to do all the time, you tell them what YOU are going to do. I have found this technique helpful during eating times.  I was having a hard time getting the boys to sit down to eat and STAY at the table instead of getting up and grabbing toys or running off to play and then come back and eat. I started using this statement, “I’ll be serving lunch until 12:30 (or when the big hand gets to the 6).  When the big hand gets to the 6 I’ll be putting lunch away.  I hope you’ll join me.”  (You can also use a timer for younger children) If they waste their time playing instead of eating then that is their choice.   Lunch plates get taken away and the crying starts—“But I’m HUNGRY”! They get a big hug from me as I say, “Oh honey, that is sad you chose to play instead of eat. I’ll make sure we have a yummy dinner for you. Now run along and play.”  I give lots of empathy and reinforce THEIR choice.  I’ve only had to take away plates one or two times.  Do you know that it isn’t even an issue anymore?  When I tell them that lunch will be served for the next 20 minutes they come running to the table! They learned that one really fast.

I’ve been learning a lot about what I can and can’t control when it comes to my children.  For example, I can’t MAKE my kids eat but I CAN decide when I’m going to serve food.  I can’t MAKE my kids clean up their toys but I CAN let them know that I will keep the ones I clean up.  I can’t MAKE my kid stop whining but I CAN become hard of hearing when I am being whined at.  I’m still learning but sometimes I hear William Wallace yelling, “FREEDOM!” in the background.  I don’t know about you, but I get stressed out when I feel like I need to MAKE my child do something but it is a losing battle.

Love and Logic encourages empathy, listening, love, encouragement, and believing that your kids are really smart.  A lot smarter than we give them credit for.  It teaches parents how to have good relationships with their kids. It is helping me to not yell, overreact, and withdraw from my kids.  I want to enjoy my kids and enjoy being a parent.  Not that I didn’t enjoy it before—but sometimes I feel so exasperated that I don’t know WHAT to do next.  My 5 year old is starting Kindergarten next year and unless I homeschool him, he will be spending more time with peers than he will at home.  I want him to enjoy being around me and I definitely want him to be prepared to make some good responsible choices for himself.  I won’t always be around to tell him what to do or hover for him and rescue him.

So, if you read the books or take the class come back and tell us how it is going!  Or, if you have any questions about it ask me.  What do you think about my success stories? What do you think about what you’ve been reading in the books?

**Please read the book before trying this at home. I had to leave out several other key things (due to space) that make Love and Logic work.  I want it to work for you too!

According to Wikipedia, a Helicopter Parent is someone who:

 “pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children’s wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not.”

 Some practical examples of being a helicopter parent are:

• Driving your child to school if he/she misses the bus
• Taking your child’s homework up to school if he/she forgets it at home
• Waking your child up every morning when they are old enough to use an alarm clock
• Not allowing your child to fail at a project (finishing the project so it gets a good grade)
• Giving your child more lunch money even though he spent it unwisely earlier in the week
• Making excuses for the child why her homework wasn’t complete and begging the teacher to give the child another chance or a passing grade
• Settling all normal childhood battles for the child

 Helicopter parents try to save their children from the hardships of the world and try too hard to make everything in the child’s life pain free and perfect. Helicopter parents love their children very much.  They don’t want to see their children sad or suffering and feel like helping them out is the loving thing to do. Unfortunately, the result of helicopter parenting is that children grow up without knowing how to be responsible (because mommy and daddy have been doing all the rescuing!) and believe that they are incapable of doing anything.  The children learn that they absolutely can’t make it in life without mommy and daddy. 

Drill Sergeant Parents believe that they can make their children do whatever the parent says to do. Drill Sergeant parenting incorporates threats and punishment in order to make the child do what the parent wants.  The parent wants all the control and believes that the more control he/she has, the more likely the child is to obey. Unfortunately, there are many things you cannot “make” a child do.  These parents have children who don’t really learn how to make good decisions—they only learn how to avoid getting in trouble or get a reward.  Children of drill sergeants have a difficult time thinking for themselves because their parents do all the thinking for them. 

Some practical examples of being a drill sergeant are:

• Barking orders to clean up toys, bedrooms etc.
• Yelling—especially at bedtime when the children aren’t going to bed like they are supposed to.
• Continuous power struggles (homework, chores, talking back)

Drill Sergeants love their children too.  They just believe that they can make their children do what they want by bossing them around.  Unfortunately, the downfalls of drill sergeant parenting is communicating to the child that he/she can’t think for him/herself and that he/she isn’t capable of making it in life either. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  It is possible to be a helicopter to one child and a drill sergeant to a different child in your family.  I have recently discovered this myself.  I have been more of a drill sergeant to my oldest son-who by the way only digs his heels into the ground more when I try to boss him around.  And I am much more of a helicopter to my second child.  He is 4 and fully capable of putting on his own shoes and coat but there I am doing it for him because he starts whining that he “just can’t do it by himself.” So basically, I am a recovering helicopter drill sergeant. 

I have been taking a class called Love And Logic that has been marvelous and revolutionary in my relationship with my children!  Love and Logic was created by Jim Fay, Foster Cline, M.D. and Charles Fay, Ph.D.  They have several books available as well as some seminars you can go to.  There are certified Love and Logic teachers available all over the country who teach the course.

The goal of Love and Logic is to teach parents how to be Consultants to their children.  Consultant parents communicate to their children,  “You’d best do your own thinking because the quality of your life has a lot to do with your decisions.” Consultant parents don’t tell their kids what to do.  (Mind blowing-I tell you!) Consultants are excited about the opportunities that come along in life where children make mistakes—because it is an opportunity for the child to learn (not be rescued!).  Consultant parents are always there to give advice (not lectures!) but let their children make their own decisions and fail or succeed. 

Love and Logic is practical for toddlers through teenagers.  The techniques work and I am going save some of my own successes for another post next week.   They have books that help with teens, toddler-kindergarten, even for a classroom setting. Their website has some video clips that will help you get a taste of their style.  It won’t give you too much information though—just enough to make you ask for more. 

So, have you ever heard of Love and Logic?  Do you know anyone that does Love and Logic with their kids?  Are you a helicopter, drill sergeant, or consultant? Sound intriguing? 

As we are knee-deep in the holiday season, I am realizing something kinda important: Lucy has learned who Santa Claus is.  (She’ll be three in a couple of months.)  When we were decorating our tree a week ago, she said, “That’s Santa!”  We think she picked up on it from an episode of “Dora the Explorer”.  She is no longer an oblivious baby with no need to know about Santa one way or another.   We’re now faced with the question:  What do we teach her about Santa?  People are always asking us at Christmastime if we “do Santa” with our kids, especially friends and people we know from our church.  Apparently, it’s a tradition still embraced by most of the church-going folks in my own community.

[Until now, I think my husband & I just looked at this issue with a mixture of ambivalence and laziness.  The older we get, the wearier we become with the whole commercial Christmas machine.  It just seems somewhat insignificant in light of our world's greater troubles: the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the starving, the oppressed - the people who live on next to nothing and struggle just to survive.  I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but the more I learn, the less I care about presents or Santa.  My husband and I have pretty much decided not to give each other anything this year - we don't need more stuff - and donate our Christmas gift budget to a bigger cause.  We did buy small gifts for Lucy and Eli.

I grew up with the magic of Christmas - I think I learned the truth about the jolly fat fellow when I was about nine years old.  I loved Christmas season for the magic it brought with it, especially the gifts.  As a child, the presents are all that matter!  And well into my twenties, I tried to preserve that magic with gift giving galore.  After awhile, though, I realized it was quite a job to shop for people who already have everything they need (or who can go buy what they want any other day of the year).]

But back to the question at hand: what and how do we teach our kids about this time-honored tradition of Santa Claus, Rudolph, and the naughty & nice list?  Ultimately, it is a matter to be decided by each parent or set of parents.  My husband and I need to sit down and decide how much we want our kids to believe, and how much we want to make it about God and the world and its brokenness, about Jesus’ birth and the Giant Rescue Plan God created to bring mankind back to Him.  We also need to agree on how we’ll show the spirit of Christmas to our children – if we make it all about ourselves, the cookies, the parties, the fun, or if we balance it with a concern and compassion for others in need.  (We don’t have it figured out yet, believe me.)

Then we have to figure out how to raise our kids in a culture that preserves and celebrates this annual tradition.  No, I don’t want to be the “mean family” who spoils it for all of the other kids – I would hope we’d show our kids how to have discernment and keep certain things to themselves.  But kids will be kids – they are more honest than anyone.  I really can’t help it if my child wants to share something true with another child, especially if it’s an accident or in total innocence.  It’s not my goal to correct the thinking of other children or to throw another family’s Christmas tradition under the bus.  I’d rather our family be known for its commitment to serving others and being a light in the darkness.  And I have a feeling we’ll be learning what that looks like through a lot of trial and error in the Christmases to come.

I recently read a couple of other articles on this topic, and was somewhat stunned by the extreme points of view people have about the tradition of Santa, especially when I hold them up to my own.  “To each his own” I read a few times on comment boards, and I have to agree.  Read at your own risk, and then decide for yourself whether or not it’s worth your precious time and energy to jump in on an argument that will ultimately lead nowhere.  I say, let’s channel that energy into helping someone in need this season.

• I Refuse To Let My Kid Believe In Santa from the Momlogic Community
• Emily’s next-day response, also at Momlogic
• Should Kids Believe In Santa Claus? from Kaboose
• What a Family Therapist Says from Kaboose

Here at The Mom Crowd, we’d love for you to weigh in on the Santa tradition – I just humbly ask that we be nice to each other as we share our ideas and strategies.  So let’s hear it: To what degree is Santa important in your family’s Christmas tradition?  Are you annoyed with parents who don’t teach their kids about Santa?  Are you annoyed with parents who do?  Like me, are you somewhere in the middle?  Is it possible to teach our kids how to keep a secret in order to protect another child’s innocence?  Is it possible to teach our kids to be passionate about social justice and compassion for others as much as they care about gifts under the tree?