The Mom Crowd

It’s something I swore I’d never do: let my car get messy after having kids.  My car was relatively clean before we had babies, and I thought if I kept up with it enough, it would stay that way once the kids got older.  Pretty naive, huh?    I used to be so grossed out by family vehicles, frankly – all the old Cheerios, grubby toys, and crumbs on the seats.  Ick!  Go into my garage, though, and you’ll find out that my car is decorated in the exact same way.

A few weeks ago I was surfing the internets and found out about this contest (now over):  Mom’s Messy Car Photo Contest. It made me a little relieved to see that this trend is more common than not.  Even though the contest was expired, I got my camera and grabbed a few shots anyway.  Here’s a peek!

Your standard collection of toys on the floor of the car, almost never played with.

This one shows a bit more garbage, which grosses me out.  How did I let that happen?

Finally, you have a shot of my daughter’s handprints all over the back-inside of the car.  Rest assured, she is not bumping around the back of the car while it’s moving.  (If you must know, hubby & I were “discussing something intently” while sitting in a parking lot, and we let her climb over the seats to keep her busy.)  This is the kind of thing I will never get around to cleaning – I barely go through a drive-through car wash, much less take windex & a towel to the interior side of the windows.

I often comment to friends that I desire to have a clutter-free, “Real Simple-style” home, but who are we kidding?  With toddlers, this is just not realistic.  If I prioritize a beautifully clean car, that means I am sacrificing something else: time and joy with my kids.  So for now, the deal is, I let some messes slide in the name of preserving my sanity.  I want to teach my kids how to pick up after themselves, but I don’t want to be on them every two seconds about throwing a toy on the car floor.  If Rice Krispies make them happy, I’ll vacuum up the dropped ones eventually.  I’m okay with my messy mom-mobile.

What about you?  On a scale of one to ten, how messy is your family car? Do you have any practical tips for keeping it organized?

A couple of weeks ago, Amelia posted a method for how to get our preschoolers to pick up their toys.  It was a battle we ‘ve waging in our home, so the timing was right for us to try Amelia’s suggestion.  I read and re-read her post, shared it in detail with my hubby so we’d be on the same page, and even made a cheat-sheet on the how-to so I would get it just right (nerdy + forgetful = me).

The results have been middling for our family.  My preschoolers are 3 and almost 2.  I explained the new “deal” over and over again for close to a week, and our kids just didn’t get it.  Or maybe they did get it and just didn’t care a whole lot.  It was a combination of both, I think.  At the end of the first night, my hubby was the only parent home – poor guy! – so he was left alone to implement the consequence of the kids’ choice not to pick up their toys: he filled 3 kitchen-sized garbage bags with all the junk that had covered our floor.  He reported to me that their response was curious and bemused.  In fact, my son eagerly started putting the toys into the garbage bags to help him.   Why not the toybox just one foot away, son?  What’s the appeal of the new container?  Lucy, my 3 year old, kept asking questions the next day, like, “Where are the toys going, Mommy?”  “They’re going bye-bye.”  “But where?”  “Someplace else where you can’t have them.”  “Where?”  etc etc.  It didn’t seem like a sad situation for her, just a discussion about geography.

Every now and then, Lucy would help out in a great way with a chore around the house, so we allowed her to get a toy out of one of the garbage bags.  This pleased her for about 3 seconds.  Then said toy was placed on the floor and forgotten about until later that night when she chose not to put it away.

Hubby and I have not sat and confirmed this together (yet), but I think it’s kind of understood for us that this strategy is not the right one for our kids at this point in time.  I’m sure I’ll try it again in a few months.  I can say that I haven’t missed the 3-5 bags of toys that are stored in our garage at the moment – and frankly, the kids don’t seem to miss them much, either.  Maybe cutting out half of their toys was what we all needed anyway.    I’m sure we’ll just give them away.

As for the messes they continue to make every day, I’m onto the next strategy: we don’t do the next activity until a mess is taken care of.  The promise of the next trip outside, coloring session, or even an errand to the store is incentive enough for the kids to get their little butts moving, at the moment.  But this is all still very much a trial-and-error issue for our family.

Did any of you put Amelia’s advice into practice?  What has worked for you?  What other clean-up-your-toys strategies have you employed?

Photo courtesy of rogue3w

I don’t normally watch the morning news shows.  But yesterday, I was doing my routine search for the day’s weather and I saw a segment on the Today show about a New York mother who was arrested for endangering the welfare of her daughter.  Did you see that?

Madlyn Primoff, a lawyer from Scarsdale, NY, reportedly got so fed up with her two bickering daughters (ages 12 and 10) while driving that she booted them from the family car at an intersection 3 miles from home.  Primoff then drove off.  She stopped and allowed her older daughter to get back in when the girl ran after her.  But the younger daughter was left alone to fend for herself.

What astounds me most about this incident is what happened next: Primoff went home and reported her younger daughter missing.

That is when she learned the girl was already in police custody, thanks to a responsible citizen who took her in.  Mom was then arrested for endangering the welfare of a minor.

Today hosted a psychologist and a parenting expert from Momlogic.com to discuss this matter, and they acknowledged that all parents have high-stress moments, and that handling bickering children is inevitable.  They also agreed that this was not a good method for dealing with anger.  Instead of totally losing it and doing something reckless, parents should

• take deep breaths/count to ten
• stop the car to take a “mommy time out”
• have a plan in advance for how you will handle those high-tension, breaking-point moments with your children

Primoff made a mistake, no question about it.  My goal in this post is not to judge her harshly, but to elicit suggestions and techniques that have worked for you.  This is a cautionary tale.    Let’s take advantage of it.

The floor is yours, mom crowd!  What do you think?  How do you keep your anger in check when dealing with unruly kids?

Happy Earth Day!

The purpose of Earth Day is to promote awareness about the environment and to inspire people to join in the cause to take care of our planet.  There are so many ways to be involved in taking care of our planet that sometimes it can be overwhelming.  It is important to remember that we can all do our part, start slowly, then keep building on the changes we DO make to help reverse some of the problems we have created by NOT taking care of our planet.

For this Earth Day, I want to highlight a book called Healthy Child Healthy World by Christopher Gavigan.  Healthy Child Healthy World is an organization founded by parents Nancy and James Chuda, who lost their daughter, Colette, to a rare form of cancer when she was 5 years old.  They felt like her cancer was triggered by environmental factors and started to research how toxic substances and environmental exposures have an impact on children.  With the help of some friends and family, they started the organization to help educate the public and be an advocate for children and their environmental health. Christopher Gavigan is the CEO and executive director of Healthy Child Healthy World and is comitted to helping families make their homes safer for children.

The chapters cover just about every aspect of making your home a safer, cleaner, greener place for you and your children–even beginning with pregnancy and what you can do to help prepare your home for the baby. First and foremost, the way you eat during your pregnancy has a big impact on you and the baby’s health.  Avoiding preservatives and additives like MSG and artificial food coloring are a good first place to start.  In my birth classes we have one whole class dedicated to nutrition during pregnancy.  Good nutrition is important for everyone–especially when you are growing a baby!

Avoiding chemicals, like phthalates, in (some) lotions and other cosmetics can also help protect the baby. The book offers itself as a guide as you think about everything from baby showers to products to put (or avoid) in the nursery. Gavigan offers specific recipes for replacing the harsh, store bought cleaners with safe, homemade cleaners.  Store bought cleaners have chemicals in them that can cause problems like poisoning, respitory difficulites, organ damage, and deteriorating the freshwater supply.

The book offers interesting information about the ingredients in our beauty supplies–it is enough to make you consider replacing some of the products you probably use on a daily basis.

The chapter on Child’s Play is helpful and a great place for new parents with young children.  We have all been awakened to the idea that perhaps not everyone has the best interests of our children at heart after all those recalls of toys with high levels of lead in them.  Choosing toys, clothes, and baby products is most helpful early on–and gets more difficult later on if you are trying to avoid large amounts of plastic toys (that is from my own experience).  We have a lot of toys in our house–many of them plastic. If I could start over I would have a lot LESS plastic, and more long-lasting toys.   The chapter even has some recipes in it for safe art supplies!

Pets, pesticides, and indoor air pollution is also covered in the book.  I was surprised at how easy and simple some of the ideas were for minimizing and eliminating pests in the household without resorting to the more toxic chemical solutions.  I’m telling you, this book covers everything!  The back of the book is filledwith TONS of resources of retailers and organizations to help you along in your journey to making your home safer and greener.

If you are interested in having a resource on hand, this is a good one to have.  As you read through it, remember: “No one can do everything. Everyone can do something.”

What “green” things do you already do at your house?  Have you read this book? Heard of it? What did you think?

Christy, a reader of The Mom Crowd, sent me a question asking about sending children from ages 5 – 10 to a day camp to teach them life skills. These skills would include “how to do dishes, vacuum, sweep/mop, set and clear the table, work as a team, how to make a check list, how to cook, understanding money, making a bed, folding and sorting clothes, etc.”

Christy is a mother of 5 and often lacks the patience and time to teach these skills herself. She says “the goal of the day camp is that after a week they would come away with some life skills and better yet see that they are part of the team. Understanding that if ALL the work is done Mom and Dad will have more time to play with them.”

What do you think? Is there a market for this kind of day camp? Would you send your kids? What would you want them to learn while going to camp?