The Mom Crowd

Being a mom can at times be very overwhelming, especially when you are dealing with potential health issues with your child. Typical things like runny noses and fevers are stressful enough, but when something happens that seems completely out of the ordinary, you have to learn to trust your instincts.

When our son first started showing signs of diabetes, I called the pediatrician. The on-call doctor told me to stop giving him juice and his frequent thirst and urination should subside. After trying that for a few days and not seeing any changes, I insisted he be seen and tested for diabetes. Sure enough, my poor baby had a sky high blood sugar and was gravely ill from going too long without being diagnosed. I can’t imagine what would have happened if I had just gone along thinking that the changes he was going through were just due to drinking too much juice!

More recently, he had a few drops of blood in his urine. Of course this was cause for concern and we rushed him to the pediatrician. It turned out that he was ok and that all of his lab work came back okay. I was a little embarrassed to have taken him in and him have nothing wrong, but the pediatrician reassured me and told me that they would rather see a million healthy kids with parents who are alert and taking charge of their children’s health than one kid who was sick.

Here are a few things to remember when you are trying to decide if it’s worth calling the pediatrician over:

• If your child is experiencing something out of the ordinary and you feel uncomfortable with what is happening, call and at least talk to the doctor or nurse.

• You know your child better than anyone else and you know what is and isn’t normal for them. Don’t let someone tell you that what is abnormal for your child is okay if you don’t think it is.

• A high fever usually requires a doctor’s visit, especially in a baby or toddler.

• When in doubt, call!

All of this is just to remind you that God gave you certain instincts and it’s best to follow them, even if it turns out that nothing is wrong. The worst thing you have to deal with, if that is the case, is a trip to the doctor and a few minutes of embarrassment. Better to have a red face than a sick child!

For a short informational video on when to call the pediatrician, visit the following link…

WebMD – When to Call the Pediatrician

Have you had times when you felt torn about calling the pediatrician?  What advice can you give other mom’s when it comes to trusting your instincts?  Have you ever followed your instincts and been thankful that you did because you caught something that could have been very serious?

Photo Courtesy of Exployment Now

Last week, I wrote a post in response to a reader’s concern about her shy daughter’s difficulty in making friends.  In my preparation, I was amazed by how much I still have to learn about various personality types and how we can almost “typecast” our kids with certain traits.  I think there is a danger in putting our children in some kind of personality box and expecting them to remain that way for most of their lives.  I doubt we want to label our kids.  But I can see myself veering into that territory already.  “Lucy is such a smart, stubborn little girl.”  “Eli likes to be by himself in larger groups.”  If I’m not careful, I will start believing my kids will always be this way, and then I might react unpleasantly if they don’t.  And this would make them feel badly about themselves.

Has anyone ever labeled you?  Are you considered melodramatic, intellectual, athletic, artistic, left-brained, right-brained, nosy, outspoken, introverted, a people-person, etc?  How do those labels make you feel?  Have you ever tried to make changes in yourself only to find that people can’t handle a different behavior coming from you?  (Side note: Do you like those personality quizzes – like Myers-Briggs - that explain all of your behaviors away in a startlingly accurate paragraph?  My husband hates them.  He chafes at being put in a box.  I’ve always said he has a personality that defies most standard definitions.  )   But I digress.

I came across several helpful websites when researching last week about shyness.  I will list those at the end of the post if you are interested in learning more.  But the thing that stood out to me the most in my reading was from Dr. Renee Gilbert’s site, Shake Your Shyness.  In it, she categorized shyness not as a personality trait but a feeling that can come and go, depending on the circumstances.  Dr. Gilbert states:

“You see, shyness viewed as a “feeling” is difficult, but manageable, whereas shyness viewed as an “enduring personality trait” can be overwhelming.  Had I, as a shy child, believed that I had a shy “personality,” I might easily have gotten discouraged and given up.  But because I viewed my shyness as a feeling, as something I could do something about, I always felt there was hope.  I knew that if I could just figure out what to do to fit in and muster the courage to do it, everything would be OK–and it was.”

This spoke to me on many levels.  I was struck by the freedom that comes from thinking a child’s personality characteristics might actually be circumstantial, not permanent.  How many times have you been in situations where you felt shy, even though you can be equally talkative and confident in others?  It depends on the situation – who we’re with, what’s expected of us, and how the environment makes us feel.  The same can be true of our children.

It struck me that it is not good to label our children with an “enduring personality trait” – instead, we must celebrate their strengths on a routine basis and help build their confidence in as many things as we possibly can.

Here are some interesting sites I discovered regarding shyness:

• Shake Your Shyness (my favorite)
• Helping Young Children Overcome Shyness from the University of New England
• Center for Effective Parenting’s page on shyness
• The Shy Child by Hyson & Trieste

What do you think, moms?  Is it easy to put our kids’ personalities in a box?  Do you have any strategies for raising well-rounded children, capable of many different skills and exhibiting many unique moods?

photo courtesy of allspice1

My family  just moved from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania to Dallas, Tx (for the summer) in a car and moving truck. That’s right,  21 hours of actual driving time.  In two days.  That made for long days  with pit stops.

To be fair, I have to admit that I did not make this trip with them.  I flew to Dallas with the 21 month old the same morning everyone else left Pittsburgh.  We thought that maybe it would be better for the toddler to not have to endure such a greuling road trip in a short amount of time.  My in-laws came up to help a few days before the big move day.  My husband planned on driving the moving truck while  my in-laws planned on driving the car with the kids in it.

My mother-in-law came up with a FABULOUS idea that I wanted to pass onto everyone.  She showed up with some plans in her road trip arsenol.  She bought some plastic gold coins and told the boys that they could earn the coins by doing special jobs around the house.  They each had a bag to put their collected coins in.  She told them that when they were on their big road trip they could spend their “money” at “Mimi’s store”.  Since we were still packing up for the move there were plenty of jobs to do around the house–especially since I’d been having some complications from the miscarriage and hadn’t been able to get as much done as I needed to.  The boys were excited to earn gold coins and were even more excited about being able to buy special treats from her store.

She also came with a DVD player, a borrowed Leapster, and Nintendo DS.  We let the boys pack their backpacks with toys and brought a basket of books to help with entertainment.

We were worried that the boys woulde be upset because they weren’t going to be riding in the moving truck with daddy.  Thankfully, Mimi’s Store was a HUGE hit.  What did Mimi have at her “store”?  She had some inexpensive toys like slinkys, stickers, and spray foam.  She had lots of food items like goldfish, cheese crackers, and cookies.  She also had pixie sticks, fruit rolls, and fruit chews.  It was an indulgence for sure–they don’t normally get a lot of those kind of snacks at home but we figured that being stuck in a car for 12+ hours a day for two days was a good reason to let them have some extra fun.

Her idea was genius because it helped on the front end with all the jobs and packing that needed to be done AND it helped to pass some of the long hours in the car.  Doing the extra jobs around the house also kept them occupied as more and more of their toys were packed on the truck and the house was being cleaned.

If you are planning a road trip (or even a plane trip) I think this is a great strategy to help pass the time.  So I pass it on to all you moms who are planning summer travels in hopes that you can use this to make your road trips more enjoyable!

Happy Travels!

*photo courtesy of spader

I happen to be one of those people who spend hours comparing prices in grocery circulars and clipping coupons twice a month. (Ok, so truth be told, I do coupons weekly!) I make an extensive list of meals that I can make for the following two weeks and shop only to that list and of course to the other little necessities that we use daily. I go to at least 4 different stores on my twice monthly grocery run and do my best to do it all very early on a Saturday morning when my husband is home to watch the kids. But there are just sometimes that early Saturday shopping trips just aren’t workable and I have to venture out during the week with my kids to do major shopping.

I’ve found that for short trips to places like Target or Wal-Mart, the kids do fairly well and are entertained as long as we stop by the dollar section or toy section first, even if just to browse, or if I promise that we will visit it within a few minutes of arrival. But on those occasions when I need to focus on my list and purchase more than just a handful of items, the following “survival tools” are essential! 

1. GET ORGANIZED BEFORE YOU GO! – If you are familiar with the store you are going to visit, write your list out in order of how you normally go up and down the aisles. Even if you aren’t 100% familiar with the store layout, you can organize your list by produce, meats, dairy, baby items, household goods and processed foods. The less time you take looking up and down the aisles for exactly what you need, the less time you have for your kids to act up.

2. GO EARLY! – don’t wait until naptime or right before to do your shopping with your kids if you can avoid it. Meltdowns are inevitable if you are pushing that threshold. All it takes is one “no” and you’ll have a screaming child for your entire trip!

3. TAKE A SNACK! – Who can be cranky when they have something to stuff in their mouths?! Bring along some Cheerios or fish crackers in a snack cup or give them a special treat and pick up a fun-sized box of their favorite snack food at the store. As long as you aren’t going through the do-it-yourself checkout lane, it won’t matter if they’ve eaten some or all their snack!

4. GET YOUR CHILD INVOLVED! – Go down each isle and have your child pick out 5 things with blue packaging, get them to help you find exactly what you are looking for (even if you know where it is), or have them count the items in your basket. If your kids are older, use the grocery store to teach them about nutrition facts by having them read and compare labels of their favorite foods. Another fun trick is to have them keep a tally of how much you have spent with a small calculator. It will help keep you in budget and will teach them basic math skills.

How do you manage shopping trips with your children? What tricks or tips do you have that help keep the peace?

Photo Courtesy of Joe Thorn

Recently we were contacted by a reader who is in a difficult situation with her shy daughter.  This mom said:

I have a 7 year old girl who is very shy, and she has made a friend this year who is very mean to her.  I try and discourage her from playing with this child, but she says she has no other friends to play with.  This other child is in my Brownie troop, and I have seen the mean behavior.  I have talked to the child but it does no good; she make excuses for why she is mean.  For example:   my daughter ran up to this child to say hello, the child ran away and said “I don’t want to play with you, give me my space.”  I told my daughter to give her her space.  The mother called a couple days later and asked to have my daughter over to play.  When she brought my daughter home she told me how the children were fighting the whole time.  Come to find out, she (the little girl)  was not being nice to my child.  She asked to call me to pick her up, but instead the mother took them out for ice cream…  This can go on and on how this child one day is somewhat nice and the other, downright cruel.  Every day my daughter comes home upset and sad.  I have now refused to have the child play with mine, and my daughter is upset that she cannot play with her.  How to I deal with my child’s feelings altogether???  I wish she was not as shy as she is.   How can I help her?

Oh, this is a toughie.  It is always hard for a parent to see their child(ren) suffer in social situations.  Having taught middle school for several years, I recall seeing unhealthy relational dynamics take their toll on young people time and time again.  I don’t know that I have the solution – but I do have opinions.  Here we go:

• The mean girl, whom I’ll call Dena, seems to enjoy the power trip that having a shy friend gives her.  It appears that she has taken that power too far on a regular basis by lashing out at your daughter, whom I’ll call Sally.  Dena might have a tough time keeping friends, and Sally’s dependence on her gives her more control.  Dena and Sally have an unhealthy friendship.
• If Sally is as shy as you have indicated, she probably hasn’t had that much experience with different friendships.  Friendships come in all shapes and sizes, but they are all usually founded on a mutual respect and enjoyment of the other person.
• It is possible Sally does not want to admit that Dena is a bad friend.  She might be so desperate to keep her for a friend that she’s willing to sacrifice her happiness on a daily basis just to keep this friendship alive.  Does Sally realize that she could do better?
• Shy people tend to keep their true feelings to themselves.  Sally’s submissive nature probably doesn’t help her stand up for herself.  She might even be drawn to Dena’s personality because Dena makes doing things easier: someone is calling the shots for her.  This happens in a lot of relationships: there are leaders, and there are followers.

If I was Sally’s mother, I’d do exactly what you did, and stop having the two play together.  It would be hard at first, but Sally will eventually get over it and find somone else to bond with.  If you are providing enough opportunities for Sally to make new friendships, she should be able to make a new buddy with a little effort.  This is the time of year when Vacation Bible Schools abound in most cities, where children are grouped by grade level and spend five days together doing the same activities.  If that is not a possibility, I would recommend playgroups, clubs, story times, swimming lessons, or anything else that would allow Sally to spend time with other children her age.  As for the Brownie meetings, I’d work to keep the two girls separated as much as possible without drawing too much attention to it.

This is a teachable time for you and Sally.  It is a good opportunity for you to remind her what kinds of qualities we need in a good friend – and that even though she deals with a little initial shyness, she can still choose to spend time with kind children.  Befriending a bully just because one is available is not Sally’s only option.  It is important for your daughter to wrap her head around this idea now, so her future friendships will be healthier.

Next week, I will post about shyness in general, what it is (and isn’t), and how we can help our shy children thrive in social situations.

Hey, Mom Crowd!  Do you have any other input or advice for Sally’s mom?  How do you handle it when your child is routinely upset by his/her friends?