The Mom Crowd

I don’t know about you, but sometimes life wears me out.  Our family is pretty busy.  My husband works in a church (he’s the Youth Director), so we call church our second home.  We’re there every Sunday and Wednesday for a variety of activities.  Additionally, my kids’ pre-school is a ministry of our church.  When I add it all up, they spend over twenty hours a week on the church campus. 

When we come home from church/pre-school, everyone is pretty tired.  It takes a lot of energy to get everyone dressed, packed up, transported to & fro, and unpacked each day.  These are our regular activities, and our routine serves us well – especially when we all get a decent night’s sleep.

Most of my friends’ families are in the same boat.  Some of them have also begun enrolling their children in extra-curriculars.  A lot of my kids’ friends are joining swim team, taking a dance class, or enrolling in soccer.  I’ve gotta be honest about this and say, “NO!  Not yet!  I am not ready for this!”  The thought of researching programs that my daughter or son would enjoy, paying for it somehow, and shuttling them to even more events would fry what’s left of my brain.  I don’t know how my mom friends do it!

Sometimes I hear moms complain about their kids’ extra-curriculars.  One lady bemoaned to me:  ”I have to take my daughters to a cheering competition in [a city three hours away] for the whole weekend!”  Her girls were 6 and 9 at the time.   On and on she went, telling me about the cost of the uniforms and how they had to stay at this ritzy hotel and how the girls were getting unnecessarily catty with each other at that young age.

I wanted to ask, “Why are you doing it, then?” 

My husband and I have discussed the topic of extra-curriculars for our kids quite often, considering what is necessary, what isn’t, how much is too much, how much is not enough, etc.  We are excited to see our kids grow in different areas – will they be inclined to take up an instrument or join a sports team?  It’s exciting!  We do not want to prevent them from exploring what the world has to offer.  At the same time, we want to guard ourselves from overscheduling our already-busy family, and adding unnecessary stress to our lives.  We also have to watch our budget.  Uniforms, dues, and gas can get costly.

Since school is starting/has started for most of us, here are my suggestions for making healthy choices regarding extra-curriculars for your children:

• Discuss the issue in advance.  If not communicated, this is one of those subjects that could cause arguments with your spouse.  One parent might want their child to explore as many activities as possible, and the other might want to go into extra-curriculars slowly.  It’s good to hammer it out sooner than later, so compromises can be made.
• Know your priorities.  While conversing about it, make a list of what the family’s goals are with its time.  For example, our family prioritizes church events over most others.  If an event comes our way and it conflicts with a church commitment, we are likely to say no.  We also want to make sure our family has enough down time each week, and ample together-time. 
• Have a plan and set some limits.  In your discussion, it would be good to formulate a standard to work with.  Are you willing to enroll your child in 1 or 2 classes a week?  How much money can you set aside for each activity?  Knowing your parameters will be helpful when the kids start asking to do things.  You can tell them in advance, “Hey, your dad and I discussed it, and we feel it is okay for you to join one team this year.  What sport would you like to do the most?”  Or, you can have your answer ready when they ask to do something else: “Honey, it’s great that you want to take Underwater Basket-Weaving with your friend.  However, we have already committed to your piano lessons, which you chose to do first.  Let’s wait till next year to try something new!”  This is healthy decision-making that teaches kids responsibility – even if it elicits a few tantrums grumbles.
• Be flexible.  Alright, so you’ve paid for Jimmy’s football activities and he looks adorable in his uniform.  One problem:  he hates it.  This is where changing our minds is helpful.  We want our children to be challenged, to work hard for their successes – but we don’t want to damage their ever-changing psyches.  This is where communication with your spouse, your child, their coaches & teachers will come in handy.  Nothing ever has to be set in stone.  Life does require a lot of do-overs!

I am curious what my kids will want to do with extra-curriculars in the (near!)  future.  It will add some stress, but a lot of joy, too!

What are your kids currently doing for extra-curriculars?  Do you have limits in this area?  What has worked for you, and what has been a struggle?  Do share, and have a great weekend, Mom Crowd!

first picture courtesy lambchops

second picture is me, in the 7th grade

After 2 years of blogging, today is McKenna’s last official post on The Mom Crowd. We have 5 writers for this blog and McKenna is my first co-writer. She is also a co-founder of The Mom Crowd. I remember having an “official” meeting in her kitchen back in the summer of 2007 to discuss post ideas, logo themes, and vision casting for this site.  We also created the short-lived “The Mom Crowd Show!” together.  Like official reporters we ran around the San Antonio Baby Expo together with a camera and microphone interviewing the representatives at each booth. It was so much fun!

I am certainly going to miss McKenna’s insight into the world of special needs and her positive outlook on life. I am grateful that we got to walk through her journey to adopt Baby Reese from the Ukraine together. McKenna will be spending this semester caring for her 3 little ones, taking a full schedule of college courses, and helping with ReecesRainbow.org. We will still see her around here as a faithful reader and possibly with a guest post from time to time. Best wishes to you and your family.

In honor of McKenna’s last post, I asked to pick her favorite 5 posts.

McKenna here.    I am really going to miss writing for The Mom Crowd.  I have loved posting on this blog and have enjoyed the companionship, support, insight from all the other moms who participate in the discussions at The Mom Crowd.  Reading through my old posts over the last two years brought up so many memories!  It’s been amazing to watch a blog develop from discussions with Amanda at my kitchen table and at her neighborhood park to such an active, insightful, encouraging blog for moms. 

Alrighty, my most favorite posts:

1. The Mom Crowd Shows - Shooting these episodes was so much fun!  I would do this again in a heart beat!  I loved our one-man camera crew, making my living room and later Amanda’s living room into a studio, and the funny out-takes.  Oh, and remember not having a charged battery downtown and running and trolleying all over downtown San Antonio, Amanda?  Good t imes!  Man, my hair is longer!!  Oh, on the third episode, there’s a great discussion about using a mirror to watch your child’s delivery…too many puns to count!    These shows were way too fun!
2. When You Find Out Your Baby Has Down Syndrome - One of my favorite things about writing for The Mom Crowd was documenting some of my life experiences as a mommy.  I have also been so happy that my life experience parenting children with health issues and special needs has encouraged other mommies in similar situations with their children.  I love the comments that pop up on this post years after I’ve written from people doing google searches.  And I love that I have these emotions docuemented for myself. 
3. Ready Set Sign - As a speech pathology student, I have a passion for helping children learn to communicate.  I am a strong believer that every parent should use the valuable resource of signing with their children when they are young!  Signing with my girls has been one of the most valuable resources for us as parents. 
4. Teaching Your Children and Yourselves How to Live Within Your Means - I have many posts that I’ve written for The Mom Crowd with advice and suggestions I struggle to take.  Writing posts like this one have been helpful for myself as I try to become a better mom, wife, and child of God.   
5. Censoring Disney? – Sometimes, writing for The Mom Crowd was difficult because I did not feel as though I knew the right answer to issues I struggled with as a mom.  This post was one of those posts where I learned so much from the discussion following the post. So many readers of The Mom Crowd have more good ideas than anything I could find online as I researched some of my posts.   

I’m sad to not be a regular contributing author of The Mom Crowd, but excited about all the things I have going on in my busy life!  I’ll be around…it’s not that easy to get rid of me! 

It’s midnight and your baby/toddler is wide awake… for the third time.  He had his nap today, but was waken up 40 minutes after falling asleep by the UPS man ringing the doorbell.  He should be exhausted and sleeping soundly, right? 

Many of us, I’m sure, have experienced similar situations with our kids.  It seems contrary to rational thought and reasoning that a child who is sleep deprived won’t sleep.  However, Kim West, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight, suggests that there is actually a physiological reason for this phenomena.  She says that your child’s “adrenal glands send out a rush of cortisol, a stress related hormone that will overstimulate your baby…” making them agitated and more difficult to soothe.  At bedtime, they will most likely be harder to get to sleep and “the cortisol and overtiredness team up to make it harder for him to stay asleep.  He is more likely to wake up at night, and to wake up too early in the morning before he is truly rested.”  In other words, good sleep begats good sleep, and well, bad sleep begats no sleep!  The better your little one sleeps during the day, the better they will sleep at night.

So the most obvious question is how to avoid this torturous cycle.  Here are a few suggestions I have tried and usually find helpful:

- Stick to your routine as much as possible. There will obviously be some days that you just can’t be home at your child’s exact nap time, but try to at least be somewhere your child can have a quiet resting time and put them down for a nap as soon as you get home.

- If your child wakes from nap too early, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO GET THEM BACK TO SLEEP!  If it means rocking them, back patting, or an extra cup of milk, it’s worth it in the longrun for everyone that they get that needed sleep!

- Watch for your child’s sleep cues and act quickly!  Sometimes the problem comes from delaying nap and giving the child an opportunity to get their “second wind”.  If their normal nap time is after lunch, but it’s an hour before lunch and you notice yawning and eye rubbing, consider an early lunch or delaying lunch until after nap.  Missing that nap window can be disastrous!

The most important things to remember are that this is bound to happen at some point, but you should do your best not to make it a habit and that you CAN get your sweet sleeper back into their normal sleep routine.  It may take a day or so, but you can get your sleep (and sanity) back.  Sweet dreams!

What tricks do you have to avoid this vicious sleep cycle?  How do you handle it once you are in the cycle?

Photo is of my little boy, Andrew, after a disaster nap when he was 7 months old. 

Since the addition of our third child, the amount of one-on-one time with my children has decreased quite a bit.  Over the summer I have tried very hard to find time to spend with each child one-on-one.  I’ve been amazed at how short spurts of one-on-one time with my children have really deepened my relationships with them.  My children are so little, but the simplest forms of quality time have really meant a lot to them and to me.   This summer, I have taken advantage of having a very wonderful, reliable babysitter.  My children have a TON of doctor’s visits and I have strived to have a sitter watch my other two children during one of my children’s appointments so I could focus on them during that time (and so my other children didn’t have to hang out at a boring doctor’s office).  I’ve taken my child out for lunch or ice cream or a playground trip after the appointment so we could do something fun together.  This has been a great opportunity for me to spend some quality one-on-one time with my children.  I’ve also let the baby stay up a little later then her big brother and sister since she tends to be the least demanding of my three during the day.  My oldest child rarely naps, so before she has a rest time, her and I spend some one-on-one time together after I lay down the younger two kids for their naps.  It requires a little creativity and discipline to find time to spend one-on-one with each of my children, but we are all the better for it when I make the time for them. 

Here are some ways (simple and elaborate) you can spend one-on-one time with your child

• Go on an overnight camping trip with your child (or rent a hotel room for just the two of you)
• Take your child with you on your run in the jogging stroller
• Have a movie date
• Feed ducks at the lake
• Surprise your child by showing up at their school to eat lunch with them
• Sign up to help with your child’s next school field trip
• Let your child stay up later than his/her siblings to spend some special time with Mommy and/or Daddy
• Let your early bird climb into your bed when they wake up and have some snuggle time with him or her
• When your son or daughter asks if they can go with you when you leave to run errands, say “YES!!!”
• If your child has a doctor appointment, hire a sitter for the other children so you can use the time in the waiting room one-on-one with your child.  And head out for ice cream afterward! 

How have you found ways to spend one-on-one time with your child? 

I live in San Antonio, TX, home to the Alamo, warm weather, and Mexican food. Naturally, a cold margarita goes with the latter two. When I was pregnant with my first child all I wanted was a cold, sour, lime margarita from Paloma Blanca. So before we started trying for our second child my husband treated me to one of those margaritas, because I knew it was going to be a while before I could have another one after pregnancy and breastfeeding.

Each breastfeeding expert seems to have a different stance on drinking alcohol. March of Dimes says absolutely no drinking. La Leche League says to consider factors such as your weight, the baby’s weight and age, the amount consumed and how long after drinking you nurse. Dr. Jack Newman says some alcohol is okay, “Prohibiting alcohol is another way we make life unnecessarily restrictive for nursing mothers.”  Other folks say as long you don’t feel drunk you are okay to nurse. Each mother needs to weigh the risks and decide for themselves.

In my own experience I don’t drink any alcohol until my baby is sleeping through the night and down to about 2 or 3 feedings a day. This way I can be sure that I am not putting my baby in any unnecessary risk.  While I wait a few months until that time comes I have to find other ways to enjoy a night out, relax, or have fun at party.

Here are 5 alternatives to drinking alcohol while pregnant.

1. Enjoy a non-alcoholic drink.

When I was pregnant and on a date with my husband I sometimes felt silly ordering a virgin strawberry daiquiri. It wasn’t the same. I would suggest ordering a special lemonade or any other kind of fruity beverage. Maybe even the waiter could help choose a good non-alcoholic drink from the bar that is not on the menu. If you live near a Sonic Drive-In, stop by and get a fun beverage before a party.

You can also make your own fun drink at home. Here are 5 recipes from the 734 non-alcoholic drinks listed on drinksmixer.com:

Bora Bora

serve in Highball Glass
Scale ingredients to servings
10 cl pineapple juice
6 cl passion-fruit juice
1 cl lemon juice
1 cl grenadine syrup
Prepare in a blender or shaker, serve in a highball glass on the rocks. Garnish with 1 slice of pineapple and one cherry.

Afterglow

Serve in Highball Glass
Scale ingredients to servings
1 part grenadine syrup
4 parts orange juice
4 parts pineapple juice
ice
Mix. Serve over ice.

Canadian Pride

Scale ingredients to servings
2/3 oz maple syrup
3 oz grapefruit juice
3 oz dry ginger ale
Shake and strain into a collins glass three-quarters filled with broken ice. Add the ginger ale, and garnish with a slice of grapefruit.

Classy Cricket

serve in Collins Glass
4 oz pineapple juice
1 oz creme de coconut
1 splash cranberry juice
2 grenadine syrup
1 oz cherry juice
cherry garnish
In Collins glass, or tall cocktail glass, add all ingredients over ice. Transfer to shaker and shake well. Pour entire contents into glass and serve. You may garnish with a Marischino Cherry if desired.

Lemon Daisy

serve in White Wine Glass
Scale ingredients to servings
3/4 oz fresh lemon juice
1/2 oz grenadine syrup
1/2 oz simple syrup
7-Up® soda
soda water
Stir the lemon juice, grenadine and simple syrup together in a white wine glass. Add ice, top with equal parts 7-up and soda water, and serve.

2. Chocolate, Ice Cream or Dessert

Unwind in the evenings with a piece of chocolate. Splurge on a fancy chocolate bar. Make some brownies. Enjoy a small bowl of ice cream. I recently bought a bag of semi-sweet chocolate chips. I  leave my bag of chocolate chips in the fridge and I snack on a few every now and then. If you are out on a date get dessert instead of a drink. You may not get to enjoy a fizzy or icy beverage, but you can look forward to the delight of a delicious dessert at the end of a meal.

3. Tonic Water with a Lemon

This tip comes from personaltrainerz.com if you are going out to a bar with friends and you don’t want to make a big deal about not drinking. (Although, I can’t remember the last time I have done that!) The author says, “Take a moment to talk to the bartender, tip him a little and make sure he keeps you full or Tonic Water & Lemon all night. Your buddies will think it’s a Gin & Tonic or Vodka Tonic and won’t give you much lip.”

4. Order an appetizer

If you aren’t into sweets and having a dinner at a restaurant order a yummy appetizer that you wouldn’t normally order. Sometimes, I am bummed that I can’t order a drink while my husband enjoys his beverage.  So I will treat myself to a little something extra to make up for it.

5. Enjoy an activity that relaxes you

Mothers want a glass of wine or a little something to unwind from the day. Instead of using a beverage to unwind find an activity that will help. This could be reading a book, taking a long shower, watching your favorite TV show (*cough* Late Night With Jimmy Fallon), having a quiet time, or taking a walk.

Sometimes it does stink when you want a drink and you can’t have one, but the benefits of breastfeeding is worth it! I am always encouraged that I won’t be breastfeeding forever. While I love that I get to breastfeed, I am glad it comes to an end eventually!

What decision have you made about drinking alcohol while breastfeeding? What do you do instead of drinking? Do ever feel bummed that you can’t sometimes?