The Mom Crowd

 It is the sort of thing every mom thinks can never happen to her. But according to Dr. Kima Joy Taylor, director of the CATG Initiative via drugfree.org:

Drug use is on the rise in this country and 23.5 million Americans are addicted to alcohol and drugs. That’s approximately one in every 10 Americans over the age of 12 – roughly equal to the entire population of Texas.

That represents 23.5 million American moms that at some point in their lives, had to deal with the reality of having a kid who was addicted to a mind and life altering chemical.

To be sure, no one sets out to be addicted to drugs and alcohol. No one ever believes it can happen to them. And no proud mother ever looked at her precious little angel and predicted that beautiful baby would grow up to be an addict.

That kind of disappointment is hard to put into words. There are all kinds of negative emotions wrapped up in that reality. Here is a brief look at some of those emotions, and what other moms can do to be a pillar of support when it is needed the most:

Provide Her with Helpful Resources

A typical mother already wears far too many hats for one person. She is already under a lot of pressure in the best of circumstances. A young adult child living at home does not just add to the pressure but multiplies it.

Rather than encouraging her to bear all that responsibility with dignity, provide her with resources like substance abuse rehab for young adults. Help her find facilities in her area that can take the load of rehab and counseling off her shoulders, and even provide her with additional support for herself. A mom in crisis does not need more courage to face the coming storm. She needs professional assistance.

Don’t Let Her Drown in Guilt

Some churches provide excellent support in situations like these. Others drown a person in a sense of moral failure. What guilt systems don’t take into account is that sometimes you can do everything right, and things still end up going horribly wrong.

You can talk with your teenager about alcohol consumption, move to the best possible neighborhoods, be involved in the child’s life without being overbearing, and be a perfect role model. Even so, your teenager is a human individual, not an automaton.

Guilt can create a paralyzing feedback loop that can lead to depression and worse. The conviction that one can do nothing right often becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Friends don’t let friends drift into that dark place if they can do something about it.

Life Goes on

After realizing there is a problem with one of her children, one of the worst things that happens to a mom is that she develops tunnel vision. She can only focus on that problem. Everything else fades away into the periphery. This can be disastrous to family health, as she might have a spouse and other children that suffer from her emotional absence.

Other moms need to help her process her guilt and find useful resources so that she can reengage with the world around her. The last thing she needs to deal with is a marriage on the rocks, and the downward spiral of her other children.

For life to go on, grief must be temporary and well managed. It also must give way to hope and optimism. Addiction does not have to be the end of the world. Recovery is possible. A mom might need to be reminded of this by her friends. She can’t afford the luxury of checking out. Life is too precious. And like the show, it must go on.

When one member of the family experiments with drugs and alcohol, the whole family does. And when that one family member becomes addicted, the whole family does. Everything changes for everyone. And everyone needs the support of one another and the community.

The mistake is thinking that one person’s addiction does not affect you. It does. This is especially true for moms. Her addicted child needs the support of rehab professionals. She needs the support of friends who will not let her drown in guilt, and who remind her that life goes on.

When you’re moving, there’s so much to think about that it can be easy to overlook some very important things – such as how your kids are feeling. Naturally, you would hope that your kids are excited about relocating. Contrary to popular belief, many school-aged children can begin to feel a bit insecure and uneasy about the move.

The Uncertainty of Moving

Children enjoy familiarity in their lives. Their home, school, friends, and family are essentially the foundation of what they’re used to. No matter how great the new place may be, they can still feel a bit insecure about moving away from what they’re accustomed to. As a parent, it will be important for you to try and help ease their anxieties. Here are some suggestions on how to do this:

1. Provide Protection

You’ll want your children to feel safe and secure about the new place. There are plenty of things you can do to make sure that they will be safe. For starters, investing in homeowners or renters insurance will replace their personal belongings in the event that it gets damaged or stolen in the new property. Other ways to provide protection would be to consider investing in a security system. This way if there are any fears of intruders, they can be put to rest.

2. Prioritize

Yes, there’s a lot to do when you’re moving, but it is important that you keep your children and their feelings at the top of your list of priorities. While it may seem feasible to unpack and get things in order, if your kids are feeling down, it may be best to focus your attention on them so that they know you care.

3. Get Into a Routine

While you can’t take your old home with you, you can start familiar routines that will make your children feel more at home. Whatever routines you used to do in your old home like eating breakfast together, having family time, or even a bedtime ritual, you should try to get back to those things as soon as possible. Even in the midst of mayhem.

4. Let Them Help

When you arrive at your new place, allow your children to be a part of the process to turn the house into a home. Let them unpack their belongings for their rooms for instance, or assist you with putting things away around the house. When they have something to do, they feel included and less stressed about being in a new place.

5. Give Them Time

Your children will begin to notice changes about the new place or neighborhood, and this could ultimately make them a bit sad all over again. It is important to give them time to adjust to the newness of it all. You can encourage them by pointing out some of the positives you’ve noticed in the area. For instance, maybe there’s a community pool that you didn’t have where you used to live. This can help them to see the advantages to moving.

6. Take Care of You

This is probably something moms don’t often do, but it is necessary – take care of yourself. Moving is a lot of work, and as you tend to the responsibilities of moving and the psychological affects it has on your children, you could easily burn out. Therefore, make sure that you’re getting a well-balanced diet and enough rest so that you have the energy to get it all done.

Moving might seem like an easy feat for you, but for your children, it can be one of the biggest losses they’ve had to face yet. Though your children should adapt to the change in a short period of time, it is important that you provide support and allow them the time they need to adjust. Be there for them in a way that matters most. While they may not live in the same home, they still have you as their rock to see them through.

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As mom’s we often think that our credit might not carry that much weight. But the truth of the matter is, that it really does. Even though you might be a stay at home mom or a soon to be stay at home mom, it is extremely important that you continue to stay on top of your credit score.

Did you know that you can even get free credit reports from various sources online? Many of these services are very user friendly and do not make it a painstaking process, and it is super simple to understand.

Before you get your Free Credit Report Score, be sure you are doing the right things to maximize your Credit Report. Often times, as stay at home moms we let things go to the way side, but your credit report is extremely important to understand, and make sure you are taking the right steps to keeping it as clean as possible.

Here are a few pitfalls that you want to avoid as a stay at home mom:

Having your credit report under your maiden name

Be sure that when you get married (or divorced) that you notify all three credit reporting agencies, and provide proof showing the name change. This could inhibit you from having a credit record in your new name, which in turn makes it slightly challenging to get a credit card or loan.  A few of the credit agencies will automatically make the change for you when they are notified by your creditors, but don’t assume that this will always happen. Be proactive, not reactive!
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Maybe you have been trying to get pregnant for some time, maybe your pregnancy is as much a shock to you as anyone else. Either way, once you read those results on that pregnancy test, there are many things to consider. These things can start to feel overwhelming rather quickly, especially with all those baby hormones coursing through your veins!

Before you settle on a name and a nursery theme, you are going to have to get down to the business of choosing the hospital you want to deliver in and the OB/GYN you want delivering your baby. If you are already covered by medical insurance, there are a few ways to go about doing this. You can ask around amongst your girlfriends and see if anyone has an outstanding recommendation, you can call your doctor’s office and ask for a referral, or you can call the hospital in which you want to deliver and ask them for referral.

Choosing the right OB/GYN is important because ideally, this will be the person who is there during the most critical time of childbirth, when the baby actually makes his way into the world. However, your OB/GYN is sort of like the secret weapon of delivery. They are not there with you for the long haul that birthing can be, instead they bust on the scene in the last minutes of the birthing process to bring the baby out of your body. Therefore, it is very important to choose the right hospital as well.

Make sure you are comfortable with the hospital you choose. If you have your heart set on actively participating in the process, make sure you choose a hospital that caters to those needs with the appropriate amenities, like offering exercise balls or squatting bars on their beds for ease of repositioning during labor. Take the tour of the hospital and delivery unit at least a few months before your due date to get a feel for the place and the attitude of the staff.

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