The Mom Crowd

Thanksgiving is a time to reflect on the things in our lives that we are most thankful for.  It is also a time to consider others who do not have as much as us and serve those who are in need.  Our sermon at church last Sunday was about serving the world around you, and I have been reflecting this week on ways I can serve those in need and how to teach my children to do the same.  While our family is not rolling in money, we have more than enough and more than we need.  We are truly blessed!

My children do not want for anything and it is important to my husband and I that our children are aware of the wonderful blessings in their lives and cognizant of those who do not have the luxuries and the necessities of life.  We very much want for them to have hearts for serving others and know that the best way to instill servant hearts in them is to have servant hearts ourselves!

There are so many people in our communities who are in need.  Here are some way you and your family can really make a difference in someone’s life this holiday season:

1. Visit with residents of your local nursing home or assisted living facility.

2. Adopt a family in need and make them a holiday dinner, bring their children presents, and give them a Christmas they may not have otherwise had.

3. Contact your local Ronald McDonald House to serve families of children who are hospitalized during the holidays.

4. Contact your local Pregnancy Crisis Center to serve pregnant mothers in need.

5. Bake cookies for your neighbors.

6. Serve Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner to the homeless in your community.

7. Pick a child from an Angel Tree.

8. Leave a really generous tip the next time you eat out!

9. Invite a family or someone who is not able to spend the holidays with their own family over to your house for Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner.

10. Take your family caroling to your local hospital, retirement community, or nursing home.

11. Make a shoebox of toys for Operation Christmas Child.

12. Sponsor a child through Compassion International.

13. Sponsor an orphan with Down syndrome through Reece’s Rainbow’s Christmas Angel Tree Project.

14. Contact your county for information on how to help foster children in your area this holiday season.

15. Visit members of your church who are in the hospital.

16. Offer to dog-sit for friends who are traveling during the holidays so they do not have to pay expensive kennel costs.

17. Contact your local ARC and see how you can help make the holidays extra special for people with disabilities.

18. Offer to run errands or drive an elderly or sick neighbor to doctor appointments.

19. Keep packed snacks in your car for those who are asking for money or food at street corners. {I got this idea from our church}

20. Next time you’re at drive-thru, tell the cashier that you want to pay for the person’s tab behind you as well as a gift…even though you don’t know them!

21. Have your children decorate cards, ornaments, or cookies to send to our military troops overseas.

What are some ways you plan on serving others this holiday season?  How do you instill attitudes of serving others in your children throughout the year?

When we found out Darah most likely had Down syndrome during my pregnancy, I immediately started my quest of finding out anything and everything there was to Down syndrome.  I am a research junkie and I have purchased more than a few books about Down syndrome.  I would love to share with you  my most favorite books about Down syndrome.  I strongly recommend any new or expectant parent of a baby with Down syndrome add these books to their library or at the very least check them out from their library.  Our local Down Syndrome Association has a library for parents to borrow books from; yours may have the same!  These books also make great gifts for grandparents,  extended family members, child care providers, etc… of babies born with Down syndrome.

Common Threads

• I have the coffee table version of this beautiful book, and I can’t wait until my children are old enough for me to actually keep it out without being destroyed.  This book was given to me after Darah was born and I was immediately encouraged by the beautiful pictures and stories.  I did not learn a whole lot about the medical issues or the developmental delays in my daughter from this book.  I learned the more important things. I learned how beautiful the life of a person with Down syndrome is and this book helped me so much during my early days of grieving.

Roadmap to Holland

• I wish I would have had this book when Darah was first born!  Jennifer Graf Gronberg writes about the first two years of raising her son with Down syndrome.  It is honest, insightful, and encouraging!  Every new parent needs to read this book! This book’s title is inspired by the incredibly well written depiction of having a child with special needs, “Welcome to Holland.“  I met Jennifer at a conference and she is such a genuine person.  My children stole me away from her, but I would have loved to have talked with her longer than our quick introductions!

Babies with Down Syndrome

• My wonderful local Down Syndrome Association mails this book to all new or expectant parents and I got my copy before Darah was born.  This book helped me learn everything there was to know about Down syndrome!  It clarifies common myths, explains in detail what Down syndrome is and how it occurs,  explains the different medical issues sometimes associated with Down syndrome, has adjusted weight and height charts for children with Down syndrome, talks about what medical exams a child with Down syndrome needs and when, and was basically my go-to book for a while with anything concerning Darah.

Early Communication Skills for Children with Down Syndrome

• The speech pathology student in me has to declare that this book is a must have!  I had the pleasure of attending Libby Kumin’s conference in Atlanta and again in Kansas City at the National Down Syndrome Congress Convention and she is the most knowledgeable, insightful Speech Pathologist I have ever met.  She seriously knows her stuff!  This book will really help you understand your child’s speech development and the best way to help them achieve speech and language milestones.  There are a lot of pre-speech activities in this book and it really is incredibly informative for parents of newborns all the way up to teenagers with Down syndrome!

Gross Motor Skills in Children with Down Syndrome

• This book has awesome milestone charts that tell you when you can expect your child with Down syndrome to achieve different milestones.  Even though you should not compare your child to any child, it is helpful to know an average age that you can expect certain milestones.  At this point in our Down syndrome journey, I am pretty laid back about developmental milestones, but during Darah’s first three years I was all about achieving the next milestone as quickly as possible.   This book kept me focused on what step came next as we got closer and closer to Darah learning to walk and postwalking skills.  It gives practical exercises to do with your child to strengthen his or her core muscles and help their gross motor development.

Fine Motor Skills in Children with Down Syndrome

• This is another great book to add to your library early.  I don’t like the layout as much as Gross Motor Skills in Children with Down syndrome, but it is still incredibly informative.  I have used this as my go-to resource for exercises, activities, and ideas to help Darah’s fine motor development.

I Can, Can You? 

• I love this book because it is a board book for Darah with children who all had Down syndrome like her!   All of Darah’s board books had children with the standard 46 chromosomes and it made me happy to have her chewing and reading a book that had kids who had 47 chromosomes like her!

We’ll Paint the Octopus Red

• I checked this book out at the library.  Since Darah was our first child, we did not have to introduce “Down syndrome” to her siblings when she was born.  However, I love this book and think any parent who has older children needs to give this to them after finding out their younger sibling has Down syndrome. It is endearing and encouraging for siblings of a child with Down syndrome.

Do you have any favorite books about Down syndrome? What do you love about them? 

Well, maybe not everybody, but more and more families today are learning all about Early Childhood Intervention!  I entered the world of developmental therapy as soon as my first child came home from the hospital because she had Down syndrome and was 100% tube fed.  In my circle of friends with children with Down syndrome, therapy has been part of our normal day-to-day routine since our children’s birth.  However, in my circle of friends who have healthy, typical children, developmental delays are far from uncommon and I have watched many friends of typical children enter the world of therapy I once thought was isolated to only children with “special needs.”  One of the biggest reasons for this is people are recognizing the advantages of treating developmental delays early.

While it’s not uncommon for a child in any sandbox across the United States to be receiving some form of early intervention, nobody wants their child to have a developmental delay in any area.  Watching your child achieve developmental milestones is probably one of the most rewarding things about parenting!  When your child isn’t doing something that most of his peers are doing, it can be incredibly discouraging. It’s important to remember that typically, a delay in developmental milestones DOES NOT mean your child is not going to catch up!  Most children who receive early intervention services catch up to their peers in their area of difficulty and no one knows the difference from that point on!

If your child does have a diagnosis that is going to stick with him or her long-term, you are far from the end of the world!  I have a child who will always be behind her peers in most areas of development, however we wouldn’t change anything about her.  In fact, she has brought so much joy and delight to our family, that we are adopting another child with Down syndrome .   It took some adjustments because of continuous therapy, but we very much have a life outside of developmental therapy!

So, what exactly is Early Intervention?

• Early Intervention (sometimes called Early Childhood Intervention) was created by the United States Congress is 1986 to provide services for infants and toddlers under the age of 3 who have a developmental delay of any kind or a disability.

What services does Early Intervention provide?

• Physical Therapy {PT} – for children with gross motor delays {late sitting, late crawlers, late walkers, etc…}
• Occupation Therapy {OT} – for children with sensory issues, fine motor delays, feeding difficulty, cognitive delay, or a delay in social or emotional skills. {In very young infants, there is sometimes an overlap between OT and PT, so an Occupational Therapist may also treat some gross motor delays.}
• Speech Therapy {ST} – for children who are late to speak or have feeding difficulties
• Other services early intervention provides: Family education and counseling, Assistive technology devices and services, Audiology testing and services, Nursing services, Nutrition services, Psychological services, Service coordination, Social worker services, Vision evaluation and services, and some provide respite care for families!

What if my child is over 3 years old?

• If your child is 3 years old or older, they do not qualify for your state’s early intervention program.  However, they do qualify for services through your public school system!  Contact your school district if you suspect a delay in any area of your child’s development after they turn three years old.

Getting started

• If you think your child is taking a little too long in an area of their development, you can make either contact your child’s physician or you can contact your local early intervention provider.  You do not need your physician to refer your child for services.  You can find your local provider by going to your state’s website.  Here is Texas’ listing of early childhood intervention providers.  If you have trouble finding your early intervention provider, let me know and I will be happy to help!
• After you or your physician calls to make a referral, your early intervention provider will schedule a visit to your home to evaluate your child and determine if they are eligible for services.  If your child is determined to have a delay, he or she will start receiving services shortly after the  evaluation.  That simple!
• Remember that every child develops at a different rate and do not accomplish milestones at exactly the same rate.  If you have questions on whether your child is developing at an appropriate pace, contact your child’s pediatrician or your early intervention provider.

Here’s some more links for you!

• Developmental Milestones – Is This Typical?
• Bright Tots Early Childhood Intervention Information 
• Wrightslaw: Early Intervention and IDEA (Wrightslaw is the go-to source for what the law says about what services children with delays are entitled to receive.)

Do you know anyone whose child is receiving services from Early Intervention?  Has your child received services from Early Intervention?  Do you have any other experience with Early Intervention? 

• PS: In the spirit of National Adoption Month, I want to sneak this article in here (even though it has nothing to do with the topic at hand!) This article talks about the tax credit the IRS provides adopting families to help make adoption more affordable.  Most people don’t know that they can receive up to an $11,000 dollar for dollar reimbursement for their adoption expenses!!

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, so I thought I’d post about adoption this month.  One of the biggest pieces to our adoption journey, thus far, has been the home study process.  Before we started our adoption journey, I had no idea what the process was like.  I vaguely knew it was going to take a long time and I definitely knew it was going to cost a lot of money.  When we committed to adopting baby Reese, the first item on our to-do list was to have a home study completed by a licensed social worker.  I immediately started researching the process and became quite overwhelmed.  The lovely folks at Reece’s Rainbow walked me through the process and it ended up being much less stressful than I thought it would be.

I thought I’d share our experience with those of you who are beginning your own adoption journeys or those of you who are just curious as to how adoptions work.  Whether you are adopting domestically or internationally, you will have to have a home study done.  There may be some minor differences between domestic and international adoptio home studies and there is most certainly variances between social workers, but I believe that all home studies have the same foundation.

 Finding your social worker

• This is the first step.  Finding a social worker who is experienced, licensed, and whose eager to help you in your adoption process can take some digging.  You can find many social workers at 1-800-homestudy or you can google or look in your phone book.  It’s important to find a social worker who is in your price range.  The fees for a home study can be anywhere between $600 and $2,500 for international adoptions.  Different countries have different requirements, so make sure your social worker has experience with home studies in YOUR child’s country.  If you don’t feel a personality connection with your social worker, find someone else.  This home study process can be anywhere from one month to several months long, so you want to be working with someone you like.  Ask what their turn around time is and what their process is like.  Every social worker runs their home studies a little differently, so shop around.  If the social worker doesn’t return calls, that may be a sign that they may not be easily reached when you need them.

Before your home visit

• After you’ve selected your social worker, he or she will start you on a paper chase.  This will include locating your marriage license, birth certificates, divorce certificates (if applicable), filling out background check forms, having a medical exam, asking friends for letters of recommendations, having your fingerprints taken locally, and submitting financial records (note: you do not need to be rich to adopt, you only need to show that you are able to provide for your family).  Your social worker will also schedule a home visit to meet your family, see your home, and conduct interviews.  This may be scheduled before or after you obtain the necessary documents.

What to expect for your home visit

• The home visit was the most intimidating part of this process.  We scheduled our home visit and it was canceled by the social worker last minute.  It was very frustrating because I had slaved over my house and it was sparkling.  It was rescheduled for the next week and again, I devoted myself to scrubbing and cleaning my house.  Our social worker arrived and was very friendly.  We gave her a tour of our home and she took a picture of each room.  She didn’t look in any closets (which I had spent hours cleaning) and didn’t even look at our master bathroom.  She looked at our backyard and didn’t look in the garage (whew!).  She said that she wasn’t there to inspect my cleaning abilities, but was there to make sure there was adequate space for our child and that our home was safe, which made me feel better, even though my house was the cleanest it’s ever been!  We then sat down to have an interview.  She asked my husband and myself individually about our motivation to adopt and about our childhoods.  Specifically, she asked about our parents’ discipline, activities we participated in, whether we had any history of abuse, etc…  She wanted to know what schools we’ve attended and what jobs we’ve had as adults as well.  She was pretty specific, but I did not feel like there was a “right” answer or a “wrong” answer.  She then asked us individually about our marriage and our parenting style.  She wanted to know if we would treat Reese like our other children and how we planned to incorporate Reese’s culture into our family.  After she conducted individual interviews, we were done.  Our kids are too young to be interviewed, however they were there the whole time, playing and fighting with each other.  We ate some pizza and salad, visited for a while and then she left.  She was at our house for about 2 1/2 hours.  I jokingly asked her if she was going to at least look at the fire escape path I made for her visit.  She laughed.  I had read that we had to have a fire escape path drawn out, so I did that and it wasn’t necessary in my case.  I know this sounds simple, but it really was this simple!

What happens next?

• We are now in this stage of our home study process.  Our social worker left the home visit with the necessary documents and we received a draft of our home study about two weeks later.  I sent her some corrections I wanted her to make (minor things like misspellings and wording errors, etc…) and she made those revisions. We found out that our Child Protective Services clearance had not arrived, so we are now waiting for that.  Once that is received, she will UPS official, notarized copies of our final home study to both us and to our local USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) office.  From there, we will hopefully receive an invitation from USCIS to have our federal fingerprints done and an approval from the US to adopt soon after that.

This is a very nutshelled version of our homestudy process, but it truly was this simple for us!  Something that was incredibly overwhelming to me has been smooth and simple, except for the minor delay with our CPS clearance form.

Here are a few resources for you as you begin your adoption home study process:

• The Nuts and Bolts of an Adoption Home Study 
• 1-800 Home Study (one of the best resources on finding a social worker for your home study!)
• The Adoption Home Study

For those of you who have had a homestudy, what tips do you have for prospective adoptive parents?

The American population is revved up for the elections in a couple weeks and the economy is on everyone’s minds.  While the candidates debate on how to best heal our economy, I thought it would be a good time to discuss our responsibility to ourselves, our families, and to our society to start living within our means.  Our society has  a “have it all-have it NOW” mentality and we are seeing firsthand what happens when individuals in our society and when our own government lives outside of their means.

Other than the good ole’ makin’-a-budget-and-stickin’-to-it plan, there are some small steps you can take to help yourself start living within your means.  Not only can you use these ideas to help yourself to start living within your means, you can incorporate these philosophies into your parenting strategy.  It is important for our children that we set an example of living within our means and that we teach them that they need to live within their own means.

Here are some philosophies we try to live out within our family:

“The Latte Factor”

• My husband discovered this term from one of the financial gurus he reads (I can’t tell you which one this phrase belongs to…).  The basic idea is that it’s the “lattes” that get us in trouble financially.  For some, it is literally the “lattes” (from Starbucks) that are making big dents in their budgets, but for others, “latte” is figurative for other little purchases made throughout the week.  Most people don’t know where their money goes after they get paid and it’s usually these small purchases that is the culprit of this disappearing money.  If you spend $1.18 a day on a diet coke (guilty as charged), that is $36 every month.  I’m not saying you should stop buying your diet cokes each day, however those small dollar purchases can really impact your monthly budget.  My husband is constantly grilling me about “the latte factor” and while it can be irritating at times, I appreciate that we are aware of where our money goes each month because we are paying attention to all of the transactions we are making.
• Parenting Tip: Encourage your children to keep a record of how they spend their allowance.  If you know they are really anxious to buy the new Guitar Hero game, you can help remind them that when they buy bubblegum from the machine, they are delaying their coveted purchase that much longer.

“Do I really need it?” and “Can I afford it?”

• Do you really need 1,000 minutes and unlimited texting on your cell phone?  Do you really need 150 channels on your television?  Do you really need that gym membership that you’re not using?  The answer will be “no” in most of the circumstances you ask yourself “do I really need this?”, however the follow-up question must always be “can I afford it?”  I’m not suggesting you live a life of eating rice and beans every night and I’m not suggesting you get rid of your internet and use the library computer, however if you can’t afford something, you can’t afford it.  There are many fabulous luxuries in our society, however there’s a lot of empty money spent on channels never watched, gyms never visited, and furniture never sat in.  In order to live within your means, you have to be able to tell yourself “no” at times.
• Parenting Tip: Be honest with your children about your family budget and explain to them that if you add an expense, you will have to take away another expense.  Explain to them that in order for your family to increase their cable channels, you will have to have dial up internet.  Allow them to share their thoughts and play a role in your family’s budget.

Keeping up with the Jones’

• Right now, the Jones’ are facing foreclosure because the Jones’ were not wise with their money.  Being the Jones’ may be fun for a while, but it will inevitably catch up to you.  If you are unwise with your money because you are trying to have it all, you will eventually wind up not having anything.
• Parenting Tip: Remind your children that “stuff” is not what is important in this life.  Volunteer as a family at the food bank or homeless shelter.  Expose them to families who do not have very much.  For Christmas, have your children give presents to children who are less fortunate than they are.  Set an example to your children by not complaining about what you don’t have. Being around people who are less fortunate than you are will not only impact your children, but it will impact you and remind you of all of the things you have.

Stinky debt

• There are some debts that I feel can be classified as investments.  School loans, mortgages, etc… can be considered investments, when under control.   Buying a house that you cannot afford or pulling out as much in school loans as you can are not wise investments and can easily put you in a place where you are living outside your means.  However, the stinky debt I am referring to is stinky credit card debts.  If you are using credit cards and not paying them off each month, you are not living within your means.  There’s not much more to say about that, other than stop using your credit cards.  If you can’t get by without using your credit cards, eliminate other expenses in your life (cable, cell phone, move into a smaller apartment, etc…) so you can afford your bills and not be consumed by the credit card monster.
• Parenting Tip: The best gift you can give to your children is your example.  Explain to them how credit card debt works and how interest can consume your monthly payments.  If they ask to borrow money in between their allowances, show them how interest works and charge them interest on that loan.  The main thing is to teach them why credit card debt is so difficult and show them the freedom of a family not living in the chains of debt by not being consumed by it yourself.

Delayed Gratification

• If you want to purchase something that is not a necessity, sleep on it.  A lot of times you will not feel as urgent about purchasing that item the next day.  Another great idea is to have those splurges be a reward for yourself.  Set goals (financial, weight-loss, etc…) for yourself and promise yourself that you can buy that item once your goal is met.  This practice of “delayed gratification” will not only help your wallets, it will also help you to be a more disciplined person in general.  However, if you cannot afford to purchase a non-necessity, then you have to tell yourself to wait until you can afford it.
• Parenting Tip: If there are things your children really want, tell them to add it to their Christmas list or birthday list.  This will not only make these celebrations more exciting, it will also help steer your children away from a “have it all, have it NOW” mentality.  You can also use these items they want as rewards for them.  Buying them whatever they want, whenever they want will not only be bad for your checkbook, your children will never learn how to live within their means or discipline.

These are just a few tips I have for you. What areas do you struggle with living outside of your means?  What steps have you taken to help yourself live within your means?  How are you teaching your children to live within their means?