The Mom Crowd

This afternoon, I had the misfortune of being involved in a hit-and-run accident.  Thankfully, I am fine and no one was hurt.  I was leaving my college and another driver decided he was in a bigger hurry than everyone else and rammed his car into my driver side door and kept going.  I followed him the 50 feet or so to the end of the parking lot to where he was stuck because another car was at the stop sign in front of him and I got out of my car to tell him he hit me and that he wasn’t allowed to leave!  He got out of his car briefly to tell me that he was driving his girlfriend’s car and didn’t have his license and then the car in front of him left, so he quickly got back in his car and took off!  I was yelling “You’re not allowed to leave!” and I then started chanting his license plate numbers hunting for a pen and paper.

I called the campus police who showed up to one mad mama!  While they were taking pictures of my poor mini-van {the door is probably going to need to be replaced}, I called my husband at work {who is an adjuster for our automobile insurance company} and told him what happened.  Of course, there are things I wish I would have done differently, but for the most part I got a thumbs up from my husband on how I handled the situation.  It’s really hard to think in situations like that, so I thought I’d share some tips with you to store in your back pocket, in case you’re in a situation like this someday.

Grab a witness

• This is one thing I wish I could have done.  While I was chanting the license plate numbers, I wish I would have yelled for someone to identify the car so they could place him at the scene.  Unfortunately, I’m a biased witness, so if you can grab a witness of the accident, do it!  Make sure you get their contact information for your insurance company and ask if they’ll stay for the police report.

Take a picture!

• I wish my phone had a camera and that I had the quick thinking skills to photograph the car as he was leaving.

Find out as much as you can about the other person

• Most accidents do not involve a hit-and-run, so make sure you write down the person’s driver license number, insurance information, make/model/year/color of vehicle, and their license plate number.  If they are fleeing the scene, try to get their license plate number at the very least!

File a police report

• If the person sticks around, make sure you have a police report filed so the person can’t say they weren’t there.  This is especially important if there is not damage to their vehicle.

Drive Safe!

• The best way to avoid accidents is to drive defensively.  Pay attention!  Don’t talk on your cell phone!  Even if the light is green, look for cars who may be running a red light.  In my case, there was no way I could have avoided it {other than skipping class today}, however, as soon as I saw him coming, I hit my horn and braked.

I am still fuming and mad about this chump who decided to flee the scene without taking responsibility for his actions, which is why you got this post!  I am supposed to be studying for two big tests, but all I can do is replay this afternoon in my head.  I’m hoping they find this guy.

Have you been in any similar situations?  What tips do you have for situations like this?

Last week, I highlighted the cost of international adoptions {specific to our adoption}.  The cost of adoption is one of the biggest deterrents for folks in taking this avenue  to expanding their family.  It was certainly one of our biggest discussions before we decided to dive in to our adoption.  This week, I would love to share with you some ways to make international adoption more affordable!

Employer Reimbursement

• Check with your employer and see if they offer any reimbursements of adoption costs.  Some employers reimburse up to $6,000 or more per child adopted of international adoption expenses! If your employer doesn’t offer a reimbursement, why not ask if the company will consider adding this benefit for their employees.  Here’s a GREAT article on how you can approach your employer about reimbursing adoption expenses.

Federal Income Tax Credit

• The United States offers almost $12,000 right now of tax credit to families who adopt internationally.  This is a big deal and most people don’t even know about it!  I don’t want to go on confusing everyone, so instead of trying to talk “taxes,” I’ll direct you to the IRS’s explanation!  I need to ask my accountant friend if she can write a book explaining this stuff in layman’s terms!!  It seriously makes my head hurt…but it makes me happy that we have another avenue to help with the adoption expenses!

Grants

• Adoption grants are highly competitive and sadly, there just isn’t very much money floating around, but grants are definitely worth applying for!  We surprisingly received a $500 adoption grant from a generous family who started a small memorial fund which gives adoption grants in honor of their son they lost to cancer.  By researching and googling and asking around, you never know what you mind find!

Fundraisers

• A little effort to have some fund raising events can go a long way!  We had a very successful garage sale and our friends and family donated an amazing amount of stuff for us to sell.  If you count the piano that was later sold on Craigslist, we raised over $2,000 in one weekend by selling other people’s stuff!  It was an easy way for our loved ones to support us and we had a lot of fun!  Other fund raising ideas are: online raffles, poker night with the pot going to the adoption, home parties {like Beauty Control, Pampered Chef, etc…}, spaghetti dinners at your church, etc…

Get the word out!

• Making the decision to adopt is a big deal and not everyone understands the enormous costs of adoption.  Nobody wants to come across needy, but unless you are up front about the costs of your adoption, your friends and family may not know that you need their help!  Not everyone is drawn to adopting a child, however most people have a heart for orphans and want to help them in any way they can.  Allow your loved ones to help an orphan by sponsoring your adoption.

Overtime

• Maybe you can work overtime one-two hours each week to help with your costs?

Negotiate and Shop around!

• It never hurts to ask!  Don’t be afraid to negotiate home study costs with your social worker or lodging expenses and taxi rides when you’re traveling in country.  Just about every expense along the adoption path is variable and flexible, so try to get the best deal!  Be sure to shop around.  When we began our home study, I contacted several social workers.  The costs ranged from $800 to $2,500!  We are also planning on only sending one of us on our second trip to save $1,000 in airfare costs.

While I’ll be the first to admit that international adoption is very expensive, it is not impossible!  You may also be surprised at the unsolicited gestures of support you receive from friends and family and even strangers who hear about your adoption!  I have been amazed at how generous people are and even more amazed at the random acts of kindness that have been demonstrated toward our family from people we do not even know as we’ve begun our adoption quest!

Do you have any ideas on how to make adoption more affordable? 

You don’t need to have considered adoption to know that international adoptions are incredibly expensive.  What most people don’t know is how those tens of thousands of dollars are distributed.  Something I have learned on our adoption journey is that the cost of adoption is not typically due to money hungry villains who are taking advantage of men and women who desperately long to be called “Mommy” and “Daddy.”  Since all of you have learned I am not private about anything, I thought I would outline the costs of our adoption for the curious.  Long before adoption was ever on my mind as a real possibility, I was curious about why adoptions are so expensive.

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Due to some serious writer’s block, I have decided to share with you some of my favorite blogs that I read.  If you’re looking for a new blog to add to your google reader, you can check some of these out.

Adventures of Homeschooling Noah

• Beverly is a great mom who blogs all about homeschooling her son, Noah, who has Down syndrome.  She shares the coolest ideas on how to teach your child.  The resources she finds are great for any parent who is looking for a fun craft or activity to do with their child!  Noah is also exceptionally cute and I just love any excuse to see his cute face! (more…)

Our family cannot leave the house without at least two people wanting to know if my 4 year old and 2 year old are twins.  While my children are separated by 2 years and 3 months, because my oldest has Down syndrome, they are about the same size and are at about the same level in many developmental areas.  My youngest child learned how to walk six months after my firstborn learned how to walk and we have been in “twin mode” ever since.  It’s been exhausting and rewarding all at the same time! There is a constant pursuit among mothers of all races, religions, cultures, and backgrounds to find the magical interval between pregnancies.

“Baby Bunching” seems to be a growing trend among mothers.  “Baby Bunching” is a term two mothers have coined to describe siblings who are less than two years apart.  Linda and Cara have a blog devoted to mothers of “twiblings.”   Their blog contains articles that address the experiences of parenting children who are very close in age.  While my children are a few months out of the spacing requirements of “official baby bunchers,”I can most certainly appreciate the challenges, rewards, and unique chaos that baby bunchers experience due to my children being developmentally very close to each other, even though their chronological age is over two years.

Some of the benefits of having children who are close developmentally I have found is you get the pregnancy and newborn stages over and behind you in one swoop.  Not that I didn’t enjoy my pregnancies, but there are some things I don’t want to do forever!  Another advantage to having “twiblings” is our children play with the same toys and have the same interests.  We never had to hide our older child’s choking hazard toys from our curious crawler.  In our house everyone still naps {or at least goes to their room for an hour for quiet time}.  My firstborn was so easy going, that the transition from one to two children was really easy.  Our first child adjusted so well to her new brother, and I believe that in part is because she was younger.  One of my favorite things about having children close in age is their love for each other.  It is becoming more difficult to distinguish who has the dominant role in their relationship and they have a two sided adoration for each other at a very young age.

Some of the challenges I have found in having children so close in age is the toddler stage is tough all the way around!  Both of my children are constantly going  in separate directions.  If nap time/quiet time gets skipped, I have TWO incredibly angry toddlers who I cannot yet bribe with McDonalds.  I have to do everything twice, many times each day…change two diapers, make sure two children make it safely up and down the stairs, clean up two messes of everything, work on potty training with two children at a time, etc… I pray to God imagine that the toddler stage is probably one of the hardest in baby bunching.  There are moments when I daydream about adopting a seven year old girl to help me with my little “twiblings!”  It may be an illusion, but it seems like my friends who have spaced their children a few years apart have an easier time doing simple things like grocery shop and go on trips to the park.  However, it may just be my cynacism that has evolved from having two toddlers.

What are some other opinions on child spacing?

• Dr. Sears said it best when he said, “There is seldom the ideal time for a child. If we always waited for ‘the perfect time’ to have a child, we would probably have two instead of eight.”  He recommends spacing them two or three years apart if you have a baby who is a high needs baby in an effort to avoid parent burn out and to give parents more energy to devote to that more demanding child.  However, if you have an easy infant, spacing them very close in age typically works great, according to Dr. Sears!
• The New England Journal of Medicine believes that spacing children 18-23 months has the healthiest outcomes for both mom and baby.  Low birthweight, prematurity, and small sized babies are higher risks in children spaced less than 18 months and more than 23 months apart.
• Some argue that having children three years apart is the magical child spacing number.  They say that the older child is old enough to understand more about their new sibling’s arrival, yet they are close enough in age to grow up playing together.

While it’s fun to weigh pros and cons of different child spacing philosophies, I think this is such a personal decision for each family and what works for some families doesn’t always work for all families.  Also, there are outside factors parents should consider before choosing to have another child; most importantly, the health of their relationship with one another.

What do you think is the magic child spacing age difference?  What have you liked about the spacing between your children?  What has been challenging about their age differences?