The Mom Crowd

I’m back!  My husband and I recently adopted a little girl from Ukraine and I took some time off of The Mom Crowd to focus on our new little one. I have not experienced anything in my life more rewarding than inviting this precious angel, who was abandoned, to be a part of our family.  The fact that she will not die in an orphanage without knowing what love is makes me wish for others to consider adoption!

Adding a 15 month old to your family is a little different than adding a newborn to your family!  Reese joined our family with an already somewhat formed personality.  The only language she understood was Russian and she has lived her entire life in an orphanage sharing 2-3 caregivers with 15 other children 24/7. So, the adjustment after an adoption has some unique challenges that adjustments immediately after childbirth do not have.

Our adjustment and Reese’s adjustment since coming home from Ukraine has gone remarkably well.  My older two children did better than I could have imagined, with very minimal jealousy from my two year old son as he relinquished his role of being the baby of the family.  Most of the adjustment issues I was prepared for with Reese became non-issues and I have spent the last month in awe at how {dare I say} easy this transition has gone.

I think the research I did on bonding and attachment issues in orphans really helped prepare us all for this transition.  It is not realistic to expect an orphan to feel an instant love for their new family and many times new parents do not feel an instant bond with the child they adopted.  I did not have the expectation that from day one, she would feel bonded to us and even us to her.  My love for her started before she came, but my bond with her may be something that I would acquire over time and not necessarily instantly feel.

Reese’s personality is pretty laid back, so she ended up being content with our routine and family dynamics quickly.  A lot of orphans are not comfortable with too much touch because they are not used to it.   I was prepared to teach Reese to enjoy being held, but there was no teaching necessary…she ate it up from the start!  The one place she is aversive to touch is her face, so we are sensitive when we have to wipe her nose.  While it was good that she loved being held from the beginning, she did not like being put down.  Reese had a hard time with making eye contact with us the first week she was home.  However, that changed pretty quickly. We also had to work very hard for her smiles and giggles in the beginning.

Even though she had very little difficulty in adjusting to our family, I am still amazed at the changes in her over the last month!  After about four weeks, it became quite obvious that she knew we belonged to her and that she was a part of our family.  Around the same four week mark, she began laughing and smiling much more, did not require being held all the time, and is even doing better when I wipe her nose.  It is hard to put into words, but she obviously feels very established in our little family now and it brings me so much joy!  We are all used to our “new normal” around here.  The only thing I am still getting used to is the logistics of transitioning from place to place with three kids rather than two. Getting in and out of the car with three kids is probably not my favorite thing to do…

The question my husband and I had before we met this little girl was whether we could truly love her as much as our biological children.  The answer is aboslutely “YES!” and it happened quicker than we thought!

3.31.09. Today is the first ever “Spread the Word to End the Word!” I am excited to celebrate this awesome day with all of The Mom Crowd readers! As you know, the word “retard” is abused and misused by so many people. Most people use the r-word as slang or tongue in cheek, however, it is disparaging and hurtful to the millions of people with intellectual disabilities, their friends, and their families.

Spread the Word to End the Word is a campaign created by young people with and without intellectual disabilities to create a societal taboo on the r-word. The Special Olympics and John C. McGinley (Dr. Perry Cox on Scrubs) are endorsing and publicly representing this campaign. Rallies are being held in work places, high schools, middle schools, elementary schools, and colleges around the world. The state of Delaware will be asking all 40,000 high school students to pledge to not use the r-word in their vocabulary.

I challenge you to not just roll your eyes thinking this is yet another political correctness movement. I challenge you to hear the words of those with intellectual disabilities, their friends and their families. I challenge you to remove the word from your language that destroys the dignity of so many individuals in our world. I challenge you to “Spread the Word to END the Word” today and tomorrow and the days to come!!!

Any mother would be proud to be Soeren Palumbo’s mom! This kid has defined why the r-word is so offensive. I hope you will watch this high school student’s amazing speech!

I will close this with a personal message from Dr. Cox err…John C. McGinley:

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One of every mother’s worst fears is watching their child choke or stop breathing.  That is definitely on my top three list of worries.  This evening, as I was cutting up grapes for my son, I was thinking about the choking threat grapes pose and how unprepared for a choking situation I feel.  I’ve been CPR and First Aid certified a few times in my life, but the most recent class I’ve attended was four and a half years and three children ago.  I certainly could use a refresher course on what to do in a choking situation and am probably not the only mom out there who is not CPR confident.  One thing I do feel confident about is that the best way to stop a child from choking is to prevent it from ever happening.  The American Pediatrics Association has a whole list of the top food and nonfood choking hazards and ways to prevent your child from choking that I think every parent needs to read.

That being said, not all emergencies are preventable. However simple training in CPR and First Aid can be the difference between a scary event and a tragedy and the training is not difficult to obtain.  Most cities or hospitals offer free classes parents and babysitters can take. I found some online instructional videos on what to do if your infant or toddler is choking.  Hopefully, these videos will inspire you to seek out a children’s CPR and First Aid class near you so that you can be prepared in case of an emergency.

Infant Choking Part One (click on the links to parts 2 and 3 below)

• Infant Choking Part Two
• Infant Choking Part Three

Toddler Choking Part One (click on the link to part 2 below)

• Toddler Choking Part Two

Have you gone through children’s CPR/First Aid training as a mother or mother-to-be?  Do you feel confident that you could perform CPR on your child or handle a choking situation with your child if necessary?

I love the idea of being creative and crafty, but rarely indulge myself in making things. Recently, some of my friends have posted some super cute items they have made that are now high on my to-do list {after this adoption is final!}  I had to share them with you all!!

• Brooke’s Freezer Paper Stenciled T-Shirts

• Jennifer’s “Gloves for the Domestic Diva”
  

• Jennifer’s “Quiet Time Church Bag”

• And here’s some links for you to learn how to make BOWS, TUTUS, and WANDS for your little princesses!
• Twirley Skirt (for the more adventurous crafter)
• Here’s a very awesome blog that has tutorials for all kinds of fun do-it-yourself projects!

What are some fun crafts you’ve made?

It seems like we go in seasons of which of our two children is better behaved and easier to deal with.  It is now the season of the two year old!  We are watching as our two year old, Connor tries to exert more and more independence.  While he is ultra snugly and enjoyable 20-22 hours each day, there are blocks of each day that are exhausting, wearing, and just plain ole’ not fun.  The hardest block of time each day is when he first wakes up.  He wakes up crying and calling for me, so, I walk into my bundle of sunshine’s room with a “good morning, sweetie” and a smile on my face, only to be greeted affectionately with a “No, Mommy. I want Daddy.”  As the parent of a 4 year old who has speech delays, I can’t help but note to myself that my smarty pants son just said a five word utterance, complete with negation, a pronoun, two proper nouns, and was also spontaneous, unsolicited and meaningful.  I am snapped out of my daydream by a door shutting in my face.  I typically leave him in his room and let him know that he can come downstairs to have his breakfast and his sopping wet diaper changed when he’s ready.

While preparing breakfast for my four year old daughter, my son will make his presence known by standing at the end of the hallway leading into our kitchen/dining area and scowls at us waiting to see who is going to tick him off first.  I know better than to make eye contact with him, because I know that once eye contact is made I will turn to stone, he will throw a temper tantrum from high heaven.  However, after a few moments of avoiding eye contact and avoiding acknowledgment of his presence, I will inevitably breathe wrong or give his sister the bowl he wanted with his cereal or Darah will sneeze and our peaceful morning has once again been interrupted.  I typically ignore the tantrum once it ensues and try to reward him only when he is asking nicely for his cereal and milk, which eventually will happen some days.  However, when it doesn’t happen in a timely manner, I usually take him back up to his room and state that that he can join his sister and I when he’s ready to calm down.  By this time, my happy four year old is in a bad mood because she’s listened to her baby brother’s tantrum.  After about thirty-forty five minutes of two year old mood-swings, all is well and I have a happy two year old until nap time approaches.  Then, the cycle repeats itself.  Although, the nap time mood-swings are quicker and less painful because the root of these tantrums is tiredness, so he goes to bed without much fight.  Some days, he wakes up happy from his nap and we have a nice afternoon and other days, he wakes up from his nap like he wakes up each morning: ready to fight!

I struggle with knowing how to respond to his tantrums.  I am afraid of rewarding the behavior with attention, even if it’s negative attention.  I also don’t expect him to be happy all the time and am somewhat ok with him being mad or frustrated with me or whatever is making him upset.  It is very important to me that my children feel safe with being upset or mad, however what they do in that anger is what is punishable  I have justified his behavior to myself that his behavior is normal due to the communication frustration he and every other 2 year old encounters.  However, this behavior is becoming more and more frequent and I want to nip it in the bud and re-establish my role as parent.  I have watched myself begin to avoid discipline with my son and avoid situations that are sure to set him off.  Most offenses requiring discipline are black-and-white for me and are easy for me to correct and train him.  For example, when I remind him not to throw his food and he disobeys, I am not hesitant to follow through with the consequence he was warned about {yes, I’m ending my sentence with a preposition.}  It’s the unexplainable tantrums for no reason that are a little more abstract for me.  I think it’s because I don’t know what exactly I’m punishing.  I just want to help him get through these emotions with better, more tolerable, coping skills and end these tantrums.

Do your kids wake up mean and grouchy?  How did you handle the two year old tantrums?  Do you feel like you are walking on egg shells around your toddler, afraid of what is going to set them off next?