The Mom Crowd

Last week, The Mom Crowd reader, Sharon M. commented on my article, “Making the Most Out of PlayTime with Your Baby.” Here’s what she wrote:

“What do you do when your toddler/ preschooler goes through the “obsession” phase? Like my son, for instance, has been on a musical instrument kick for the past several weeks and that’s ALL HE WANTS TO DO. The water bottle is his bassoon, the electric heaters are baritones and tubas, and one of our cords for our computer has become the french horn. Now I love music, and instruments, but all the time? No thank you! How do you divert him to play something else? How long will this last? I am tired of playing musical instruments!!!”

My first response is, “How wonderful!” You have a very imaginative child and I credit your parenting for helping to build that amazing creativity. You get a gold star in parenting from me! My second response is, “This too shall pass.” As a mother of a preschooler, you already know how children’s phases fly by way too fast, however when you’re in the middle of it, it can feel like an eternity! My third response is, “You are not alone!” I have watched countless toddlers preschoolers obsess on trains, G.I. Joe action figures, and ruby red slippers to name a few!

All of the research I have found suggests that toddler obsessions are very normal and very healthy. I found this mom of a child obsessed with trains who asks a very similar question to yours regarding her son’s obsession. The responses were overwhelmingly supportive to her son’s obsession with trains and emphasized how “normal” her son’s obsession is. I found this horse-maniac who needs a new word for OBSESSION! I also found this sticker-devotee, this box-fanatic, this button-pusher, and this bug-lover.

While it’s very normal for your child to become passionate over something, variety in your child’s play is also very important.

• You can work on teaching your son turn-taking to encourage more variety in his play. You can tell him, “Mommy really wants to play trains. Let’s play trains for 5 minutes and then you can choose what we play after we’re done.” Set a timer so he knows that once it beeps, he gets to choose the next activity.
• Encourage variety within his obsession. If all he wants to play is musical instruments, encourage him to play with musical instruments in different ways. He can color musical instruments (I found this handy site that has musical coloring pages for free), you can have him push his toy cars across the floor to the speed of the music playing, you can have him explore his dramatic play by using facial expressions and body movements that imitate the music playing, and you can get him new books that talk about new instruments he may not know. Even if he doesn’t want to leave the music world to play with other things, you can bring other things into his music world!
• Mix up his play by introducing new instruments to him. I couldn’t help but notice that he seems especially fond of brass instruments. If he is obsessing on brass instruments in particular, maybe working on expanding from brass to percussion or strings. While you’re not completely leaving the music world, you’re at least expanding from tubas and baritones!
• Arrange play dates for your son with children his age. Even if your son can get his friend as excited about music as he is, at least you will get a break from having to play it with him for a short time. Chances are the other child will have their own obsession, and it may rub off on your son, too!

I have said all that to say, encourage that passion and love for music as much as you can. Research is very clear on the power music has on children’s brain development, especially in the first six years of life. I come from a very musical family and play the piano, flute, and am learning the guitar. I hope my children have a passion for music and creative minds like your son.

Alright readers, the microphone is yours! What are your toddlers and preschoolers obsessed with? How long did the phases last? Any advise for dear Sharon who’s tired of playing musical instruments?

Not too long ago, I posted this blog entry on my favorite kid toys. I have a total obsession with my children’s toys, however, play time with your child goes beyond having every toy from Babies “R” Us in their playroom.

Play is very important for every baby’s health and development. Play is how babies and children learn. It also provides important bonding time between child and mommy. In a clinical research study released by the American Academy of Pediatrics, play is so valued that it is considered to be a ‘right’ of every baby and child. In the fast paced society we live in where everyone is go-go-go it is important to realize how crucial it is to stop and play with your baby.

Darah has been in occupational, physical, speech, and play therapy since she was a newborn, and I have really had some amazing one-on-one training on how to play with her because of those therapies. Before Darah was born, I didn’t really know how to have quality playtime with a baby and didn’t know the importance of play for the baby’s development. Since Connor has joined our family, I really feel that I know how to make the most of my one-on-one time with him and Darah. Through my experience, and countless therapy sessions I’ve observed with pediatric therapists, I have learned a few key things I’d like to share with you all.

Challenge your child, but make sure they have success.

• A big mistake a lot of parents make is doing everything for their babies. Try to let your child figure things out on his or her own before you step in. However, if they start getting frustrated or start giving up, then step in and guide or help your child accomplish their goal. Make sure you celebrate their success. It’s important for children to have the opportunity to figure things out on their own, but it’s equally important that they be successful often. If they are never successful, they will give up trying. Finding the perfect balance as a parent, will reap you and your child many rewards!

Get off the phone and get down on the floor

• One of the biggest problems I have is just stopping whatever I’m doing and engaging into play. I have a laundry list of tasks that I like to accomplish every day. Since Darah and Connor have started playing together, I have eased up on my “get-on-the-floor” time with them, and I have really had to make a conscientious effort to make play time a priority for myself. I’m a go-go-go, Type A, busy-magnet kind of person and it really requires mental energy for me to remember to SLOW DOWN and to remember that play-time with my children is just as important as bathing, diaper-changing, etc.

Appreciate the smallest accomplishments.

• This is an easy one for me, but if I had Connor first I think it would be a lot harder for me. With Darah, I was forced to appreciate the smallest steps of her developmental progress. This has helped me to really appreciate every aspect of Connor’s development as well. What most moms don’t even realize is a developmental milestone, I have been able to recognize in both of my children. When you get discouraged that your child isn’t crawling or talking yet, try to look for the steps they’re taking to get there. If your child isn’t crawling, time how long they can hold themselves in the quadruped position, or help them transition from sitting into the crawling position or guide their little body with your hands and ‘make’ them go through mommy-assisted crawling. Most importantly, try to recognize what your child is doing, and be excited about it!

Don’t overwhelm your child with too many choices.

• American babies have an abundance of toys, books, and ‘gear.’ Don’t present every single toy your child owns to him or her at one time. My kids usually play downstairs, and I keep a limited amount of toys that are freely available to them. I have found that when we go upstairs to the playroom, they both have a problem sitting down and playing with a toy, because we have SO MANY TOYS! When the choices are limited (and routinely rotated), your baby will engage more in their play-time.

Play with toys in unconventional ways.

• If your child wants to put the puzzle piece on their face, make that a game of Peek-a-Boo. If they want to stack the shapes instead of place them in shape-sorter, work on stacking. Allowing your child to lead their play-time sessions with you will be much more rewarding and your child will stay engaged! If you’re looking for conventional games, check out this link.

Talk and sing a lot to your child during play.

• By singing and talking to your baby during play, you are not only helping to develop their speech and language skills, but you are also sending the message that you want to be there to your baby. Your child’s vocabulary is directly related to the amount of words you speak to your child. This article discusses the importance of music for babies and here the author has a list of songs you can sing and the guitar chords!

Enjoy yourself!

• Playing with your baby does not have to be a chore. It can be fun for you. With who else would you sing all the New Kids on the Block songs into your hairbrush or dance the salsa with the broom? Your baby will know whether you are enjoying yourself or “fulfilling an obligation.” Play time isn’t only for your baby, play time can be for you as well!

I have felt so much pressure to potty train my daughter. I will be honest. There is a big part of me that has wondered why it’s so important to potty train early. Diapers, in my opinion, are much easier than having to stop everything to take your child to the bathroom and potty training is just one more factor, thrown in there with nap time and meal time, in strategically planning your outings. We’re busy, and in my free time with my daughter, teaching her shapes, colors, and how to count seem much more important than learning to pee-pee in the potty. While I would rather work on other developmental goals, I do know that it is important (and cheaper) for Darah to be potty trained. Potty training brings about more independence for her.

Recently, at the start of 2008, I determined that 2008 was the year Darah was going to be potty trained. I have read “Potty Train Your Child in Just One Day,” and gone to countless sites about potty training. I have taken the “Is your child ready?” quizzes and determined that she is. I have tried a few days of having her run around without bottoms for a day and taken her every 10 minutes to the potty. I have made the sticker chart, decorated the bathroom, charted her elimination pattern (when she pees and poops) and I have incorporated potty time in her schedule at school with her teachers. I’ve come to the place though where I am now slowing down!

So, like in all mountains I have climbed, I have decided to focus on one step at a time. We are at the place where we are “pre-potty training” Darah. By pre-potty training, I mean that I am training her to go through the whole routine of potty time, without the actual elimination in the toilet.

Preparing your child for potty training:

• Desensitize your child to the bathroom. The bathroom is unlike most rooms in the house, so allow your child in there with you frequently.
• Whenever you go, take your child. Celebrate when YOU go to the bathroom and allow your child to join in that celebration.
• Empty your child’s poopy diaper in the toilet. Explain to your child that his or her poo poo belongs in the toilet and flush it together.
• Change all diapers in the bathroom.
• Teach your child what the potty time routine looks like, including: lifting up the toilet lid cover, pulling down your pants, sitting on the toilet for a while, wiping, flushing, pulling back up your pants, washing your hands, and closing the bathroom door when you’re finished. If your child can follow this whole routine, once you start the elimination training, half the battle is already won!
• Teach the concept of “wet and dry” to your child. When their diaper is wet, let them touch it and explain that it’s wet (washing their hands right after, of course.) When their diaper is dry, let them feel the dryness and explain to them that they are dry.
• Don’t force your child to explore the bathroom. You do not want your child to become aversive to the bathroom, or the toilet.
• Always have a good attitude about potty training. Just like all developmental milestones, potty training is a process that will not be without accidents. When a child is learning to walk, parents don’t scold him when he falls down, they encourage him to get back up and try again. Your child will pick up on your frustration with potty training and will decide not to cooperate, and that my friend will be a very tough battle!

With the huge help of Darah’s teachers at school, Darah has learned the potty time routine. She independently pulls down her pants, sits on the toilet, wipes, flushes, and washes her hands. She has not begun eliminating in the toilet yet, except for a few random times we’ve caught her! However, I feel that every day we go through the potty routine with her, we are getting closer and closer to once and for all toss the diapers, put on the Little Mermaid big girl panties, and go for it!

What’s next?

My plan right now is to continue having “potty time” several times a day, and hopefully we will “catch” her when she needs to go more frequently and celebrate those moments. I think that with Darah, we are going to probably need to schedule train her after next. By schedule training, I mean that we figure out the times that she needs to potty during the day and we take her to the bathroom to do her thing. Shortly after she is schedule trained, I am hopeful she will then spontaneously start asking to use the toilet at appropriate times. I will then write a post here on The Mom Crowd and give you all my insider info on the next steps!

Dr Phil’s Potty Training Method

Potty training a child with special needs

What is your experience with potty training? Did/Do you feel the same pressure I’ve felt about potty training? Do you think early or late potty training is better? Any good info, books, or sites to share? Let’s talk POTTY!!

I am an avid researcher when it comes to educating my children-especially my daughter who has Down syndrome. I want to give my daughter every head start she can get because a lot of milestones take her a little longer to achieve. I am fortunate to have attended two reading program workshops designed for children with Down syndrome. Both of these programs are whole language programs and are not phonetic programs. I found this site which explains the difference between phonetic reading programs and whole language reading programs. I think that a comprehensive approach is the best way to teach reading.

While these programs are designed for children with Down syndrome, I truly believe they can be used with any child of any learning ability. I feel that half the battle of teaching our child anything is finding some sort of direction. These programs do just that-provide guidance and direction for parents as they teach their children the very important skill of reading.

See-and-Learn

The first program I have learned about is called See-and-Learn. This program was developed by Frank Buckley in the United Kingdom by the Down Syndrome Educational Trust. Through much research, they have designed a reading program for very young children. This program is not a phonetic program and does not focus on shapes or sounds of individual letters. It is a sight-word based program and focuses on the shapes of entire words.

The reading program is divided into several steps:

• My First Words
• My First Reading
• My First Sentences

Each of these steps follow the same pattern:

• Let’s Look at the pictures or words
• Let’s Match the pictures or words
• Let’s Show we understand
• Let’s Say or Sign

See-and-Learn is a very well researched reading program and I love that they specialize in teaching children with Down syndrome how to read. The program is still being developed, however you can get started today! All of their pilot materials are online available for FREE download, as is the power point slides from the conference I attended. You can print activity guides, session records, and step guides at their website. This program is being developed in the United Kingdom, so some of the words may not be appropriate (ie: “biscuit” instead of “cracker.”) The Down Syndrome Educational Trust is working with a group in the United States to make the vocabulary more American friendly. Please check out their site and check out the pilot materials! I am hopeful that the program will be completed very soon and that I can start getting the full resources soon for Darah, however I have been able to use their program by making some modifications and have been happy to have the direction and motivation this program has given me.

Out of the Box

The second program I attended a workshop on was the Out of the Box reading program. This was one of the funnest workshops I have ever attended. The presenters (and creators) have incredible energy and enthusiasm about their program. Out of the Box reading program is also a whole language approach to teaching your child to read. This program emphasizes repetition. It is also geared toward children who have Down syndrome, but again, any child could benefit from this program. Basically, through HUGE flashcards, and consistent repetition, Out of the Box strives to teach very young children to read. My only con with this program is the cost. It is pretty expensive, however, all of the friends I have who have purchased this program have sworn by it and are seeing results. Here is a video of how this program works:

What are your thoughts on these programs?

My three year old daughter wears little orthotic braces to help give her stability and I am often asked what they are and why she has them. It must first be stated that Darah has the cutest feet in the entire world! She has little short sausage toes and these wide, fat, squishy feet that anyone would want to “This little piggie went to market” at! She also has a sweet little sandle toe gap between her first and second little sausage toes. Ok, I’ll stop gushing about how stinking cute her feet are now and get back to the orthotics.

Darah’s ankles pronate; meaning when she stands up, they roll inward. Here’s a picture of how they roll inward while she stands. The weight is distributed in an awkward way and longterm side effects of this can be hip and back problems. Try it! Stand up and roll your ankles inward. Can you feel awkward pressure all the way up to your knees and hips?

This problem is not limited to children with Down syndrome, however a lot of children with Down syndrome have this problem because they commonly also have hypotonia and looser joints. Orthotics and shoe inserts can really help a person with ankle pronation. There are different types of orthotics. Some give more support, others give less support. My daughter has Sure Step Orthotics. These are specifically made for children who have ankle pronation or have an unbalanced or uncoordinated gait which is causing them to be delayed in their gross motor development. They are made from a very flexible plastic and are lightly cushioned. The plastic covers the bottom of her foot (stopping right before her toes) and covers the backs and sides of her lower ankles. When she wears converse style tennis shoes, they are completely hidden. Darah walks so much better when she is wearing them. She has to wear socks under them at all times, and cannot wear them without shoes over them (because they are slippy), so the con to orthotics is the sweaty feet they produce during the summer time. She wears them whenever she leaves the house. I let her have barefoot play at home. She will not necessarily wear these for forever, however she may need some sort of shoe insert or arch support for the rest of her life due to the severity of her pronation. This equipment is covered by our insurance. They also come in very fun patterns!

Here’s a good article by Pat Winders (the Physical Therapy God in the Down syndrome world) on gross motor development for children with Down syndrome.

Let me know if you have any questions about our experience with Darah’s orthotics! I will be happy to share any other information I have (or can dig up) for you! Also, please share your experiences with your child’s orthotics! Our readers would love to hear your stories as well!