The Mom Crowd

If you were near a t.v. at all in the past few weeks, surely you saw the trailer for Baby Mama. I caught this new movie starring Tina Fey & Amy Poehler this week with some friends. It was funny! I was worried that the funniest parts would all be in the preview, but I was pleasantly surprised that there were more laughs to be found throughout the whole thing.

I’ve read some reviews online that cover how the film handles the major topics of single parenting, surrogacy, etc. I’ll leave those topics to those folks. I don’t much feel like discussing whether or not it was realistic. After all, this is just a movie. A need for realism should be checked at the door. Instead, I’ll just mention a couple of things I liked about it:

* Steve Martin is in it! His role is laugh-out-loud funny. He plays a New-Agey kook-slash-business professional, which is funny in and of itself.

* Sigourney Weaver is in it! She also made me laugh out loud with her strange character tics and line deliveries.

* Greg Kinnear is in it! He plays the primary love interest to Tina Fey, and he was a “supercutie” (see the movie and you’ll understand this play on words.)

* When Tina Fey’s character brings home a video of “extreme natural childbirth” for Amy Poehler to view, the latter responded with my favorite line from the whole film: “Oh! I can’t wait to not watch this.”  (I am so using that in the future.)

* It took place in Philadelphia, which is where my husband is from. So when Tina Fey’s character ordered a cheesesteak and Birch Beer (which is a soda specific to that area), I got all proud. There was also serious TastyKake product placement. Yum. I think it’s time to head back and visit family!

* The opening credits show cute babies everywhere! So when the main character walks into a mommy & me yoga class and we see babies being swayed above their moms’ heads in slow-motion, I giggled and said, “That’s the cutest thing ever!”

In all, it was a sweet, silly little movie. I enjoyed Juno far more, but that one was pretty different altogether in tone and style. Have you seen Baby Mama yet? Do you plan to? Share your thoughts! (ps. Amy Poehler is now pregnant in real life, so we can all imagine what she’ll be like when she goes into labor: hilarious.)

Three weeks after my son Eli was born (via c-section), our family moved from Virginia to Alabama. Our daughter Lucy was 18 months old at that time. My husband got a new and better youth pastor job, which is why we transplanted ourselves. (We got the job about a month before Eli was born, so we basically waited till after the birth to make the big change.) We were excited and thankful for this, but boy, was it interesting. While we were preparing for Eli’s birth, we were also tying up loose ends, packing everything up, and saying goodbye to good friends.

After all the “new arrival” hoopla faded away here, I suddenly found myself in my new living room, stuck on the couch, nursing my new infant son while helping my toddler get acclimated to her new surroundings. I was alone. I was hormonal. And I was lonesome. No family or friends for hundreds of miles.

I’m a big people-person, so I knew I needed to find community immediately. We were already in a great church (by default!), so I started there. I joined a Friday morning ladies’ Bible study that provided child care. That was twice a month. (Two mornings down, 28 other mornings-per-month to go, I thought.) I attended church every week with my family, and I taught the middle school girls’ class on Wednesday nights. I felt I was doing everything I knew to do to make friends. But it wasn’t happening quickly enough for me. Plus, I really was trapped in the house with my tiny boy! It wasn’t so easy to take both babies out for activities in those first few months. I was pretty much down to asking people to come over and hang out with me and the kids. Some people did (and I am so grateful!), but it felt funny asking brand-new acquaintances to come over, you know? (“Hi, I’m Dawn. Can you come over tomorrow?” – yeah, a little weird.)

I emailed my good friend Laurie back in Virginia and asked for prayer. She encouraged me but gently reminded me that for some people, finding that they “fit in” to a new place takes sometimes up to a year! Yikes. I was only in month two. I was desperate for cameraderie – good friends – more than just a small-talk conversation with people I had just met. It was time to dig deeper. And I was in crisis mode.

I discovered a support ministry at my church that I decided to take advantage of. It’s called Stephen Ministry. Basically, I was matched with a “mentor” who would meet with me as often as I wanted and would just listen and support me through my season of hardship. So for six months, I met once a week with a woman 25 years older than me, and wow, did it help. Not only did we become friends, I had a standing weekly appointment in my calendar to look forward to. (When you have NOTHING in the datebook, that really means something!) My time with my Stephen minister completely encouraged me and helped me through my tough, lonely season.

Gradually, my acquaintances became friends. I found a few other moms who were free on Thursday mornings and started a playgroup. Wow! Another thing to look forward to each week! We rotate whose house we meet at each time, so once a month, I host my friends and their kids for a simple time of play while we moms try to talk. The moms and I have started going out for girls’ nights every few months or so for dinner & a movie, too (while dads stay with the kids). So much fun!

And throughout all of this, my Eli turned from an infant into a crawling tyke, while my Lucy turned straight-up preschooler (once a week, anyway). I am becoming more acclimated to my new hometown, more a “part of” things, and less lonely. Sometimes I may have seemed desperate to folks, but that’s because I was. I got tired of waiting on things to happen and realized I needed to make them happen myself. I lost the sense of embarrassment in openly asking people to be my friend. And it was worth it.

There’s no getting around it: moms who are new in town need friendships in order to make it. If you have lived in the same place for awhile, be sure to take notice of the new folks in town, and reach out to them. If you are in the same boat that I was, give me a call! don’t be afraid to tell people what you need. Here are other things I’ve done or that have been suggested to me; things that are fairly obvious but may be something you need to read today:

* Invite people over to your home for coffee, lemonade, cookies, muffins, what-have-you.

* Find other available moms and make your own playgroup!

* Attend activities at your house of worship.

* Find out if there is a local Mom’s Club to join. I have seen their activities calendars and they are packed!

* Take a class at the YMCA, or join Stroller Strides.

* Hang out with your neighbors.

* Let the kids play with the stuff at Barnes & Noble Jr. I can’t believe how many other families hang out there on Friday nights. My husband even made a new friend in another dad there!

* Initiate conversation with other moms at the park or mall play area.

* Bring the kids to story time at the library. It’s free and it’s air-conditioned!

* Check in with The Mom Crowd (and other mom forums) every day for encouragement. (cough*shameless plug*cough)

What about you? If you’ve recently moved, how did you survive the initial transition phase? Which of these things have you tried and enjoyed? What else can go on the list? What experiences can you share with us? (Also, I know some of our TMC readers are internationally-based. How do you cope with this?)

(Note: Normally I’m your trusty pop-culture writer, but occasionally I might veer away from that territory and into other things. In case you were wondering.)

When I am fortunate enough to have my two darlings nap simultaneously, I get to have “free time”! Oh, to remember life B.K. (“Before Kids”, as Myra awesomely puts it.) I’m not that housewifey with my free time, I’m just gonna make that clear right now. Each room is pretty much a mess, there’s always laundry to put away, and I don’t get dinner prepared.

Naw, instead, I jump on the computer and start blogging. I love blogging. I used to feel guilty for the amount of time I spend blogging – it’s all so virtual, you know? What do I really have to show for that time? I worried – but then I realized that there is nothing wrong with spending my time doing something I like. And here’s what I like about blogging: It’s my creative outlet. Some people like gardening, others paint. I find personal satisfaction in blogging about my kids, my faith, my taste in movies/music/tv, what our family is up to, etc. I post tons of pictures. I get to keep in touch with my many friends in other cities/states/countries in an easy and convenient way. And I meet new friends with common interests all the time! Blogging makes my “world” seem smaller, and I mean that in a good way. To me, the benefits far outweigh any insecurities that I am “wasting” my time. And you probably agree, or you wouldn’t be here reading my ramblings!

One of the biggest parts of my blogging addiction is photoblogging (posting original pictures on a blog). There are a ton of mommy-bloggers who do this! I began participating in Best Shot Monday last summer. Tracey Clark, an inspirational mommy-blogger and photographer, hosts BSM. The concept is simple: each week, choose what you think is your best shot from your week’s worth of picture-taking, and post it on your blog. Don’t worry over whether or not your picture is good enough – the participants range from highly skilled to the average picture-taker. The cool thing is that everyone is nice. I’ve seen no pretentious attitudes anywhere in BSM. On Monday mornings, go to Tracey’s blog and leave the link to your post in the comments. You’d be amazed at what this simple act will afford you: a slew of amazing photography to enjoy, a ton of input and encouragement from others about your own pictures, and a whole host of new friends to swap life stories with. It is a really cool way to feel connected to something, especially when you feel cut off from the rest of the world in the stay-at-home grind. It’s also a fun way to start another week. Here’s a link to some of my previous BSM’s.

Theme Thursdays are also fun. Stacy hosts this. Each week she gives a helpful tutorial on an aspect of taking or editing pictures, and assigns a theme for us wannabe-brilliant photographers. Then we post our photos and share them in the same manner I described above. This week’s theme was “Spring”. Check it out! Stacy usually posts the new theme at the beginning of each week. Here’s a link to some of my previous TT’s.

I don’t always have time to participate in these things, of course. There are many stretches of time when I’m just too busy with life to focus on pictures and blogging. But it’s nice to know that these communities are there whenever I do have the time.

Of course, there’s also Flickr, a really cool photoblogging community with millions of users. You can set up an account for free (with limited uploading amounts), or pay a fee for unlimited uploading. I like using Flickr because it is really fun to share my pictures with people who are equally crazy about taking pictures. My photostream can be viewed here.

Now that I’ve got an ipod, I’ll probably spend my precious free time playing with that. But that’s a whole ‘nuther post.

What about y’all? When you’re not doing chores, how do you spend your free time? How often do you get free time? And if you’re looking for something fun to do, be sure to check out one of these great online communities.

A couple of weeks ago, my husband shocked me by bringing home Raising Helen from the library.  He said, “I’ve never seen it but I thought it’d be fun to watch together.”  I had only seen it once, before I had my kids.  I remembered it was the least annoying Kate Hudson movie I’d seen.  And Dave was right: we did have fun watching it together, mostly for the cheesy tagline: “She gave up the life she loved for the new loves of her life.”  Catchy!  I kept telling Dave, “This is still the life she loves.  Soon you’ll meet the kids who’ll become the loves of her life.”  Ha ha ha.  It doesn’t take much to get us going.

Anyway, Kate’s okay in this one.  She plays Helen Harris, who becomes the primary caregiver of her deceased sister’s three children.  Before the accident, Helen was a carefree, up-and-coming, in-the-moment kind of woman living in New York.  She loved her job in a swanky modeling agency, and she had a pulse on everything that was new and fierce.  She was also the “cool” aunt in the family, the one with the great hair.

Now that she’s suddenly in charge of a 15-year old, a 12-year old, and a 7-year old, Helen is forced to give up her old lifestyle (the one she always loved, sorry, couldn’t resist) and become a mom – overnight.  This involves more than just making sure the kids get to school on time.  This means Helen has to grow up herself, hence the title.

Throughout the film, we see Helen enduring lots of life changes in a short period of time: losing her job (“fashion and family don’t mix”, her boss says dismissively) and moving to Queens, becoming a receptionist at a used car dealership, and trying to prove to her surviving sister Jenny (played to annoying, uptight perfection by Joan Cusack) that she is capable of raising the kids.  Before she gains Jenny’s respect, though, she has to learn how to be a parent.  Before, she was teenager Audrey’s fun aunt – now, she’s the one calling the shots.  And Audrey tests her boundaries, dating the school bad boy and sneaking out on prom night.  When Helen tries to put a stop to it all, Audrey shouts: “Don’t you remember what it’s like to be young?”  And Helen replies, “Of course I remember.  It was last Wednesday!” 

There are numerous other things happening that Helen has to deal with, like starting a new relationship with yummy John Corbett (hey, no time like the present!), and mending the strained relationship with her sister.  Of course, it all works out in the end.  Helen makes her authority clear to the kids, and they love and respect her as their new parent figure.  Jenny gives Helen the respect she earns.  And little Abigail Breslin learns to tie her shoes all by herself.  Helen’s a success, and still with great hair!

Interesting quotes from the film:

“You’re quite the detective!” – Helen to Jenny  “No, I’m a mom.” – Jenny, trusting her instincts to find Audrey on prom night

“Not all women are meant to be mothers.” – Ibsen, as quoted by Helen’s former boss

“I’m not a mom.  I’m not brave!” – Helen, panicking

Did you see this one?  Was it strange to see Helen Mirren and Hayden Panettiere playing parts other than Queen Elizabeth and the Heroes cheerleader, respectively?  I know this is a Garry Marshall movie and all, but is this a realistic portrayal of the demands of motherhood? 

P.S.  I just finished watching No Reservations, the little-seen Catherine Zeta-Jones/Aaron Eckhart rom-com.  Its plot is pretty similar to Raising Helen, except this time, our “new mom” is an executive chef.  Interestingly enough, she did not have to quit her job to take care of her niece.  The surviving daughter in this one is also played by Abigail Breslin (that child is everywhere these days!)  I found the movie to be about as bland as its title.  It focused on the relationship of the two romantic leads and all of the scrumptious foods they prepared – not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Foodies would love this movie – I just didn’t think it had much to say about motherhood other than, whoa, finding a decent babysitter takes some effort!   Check it out and tell me what you think!

I recently discovered the brilliance that is Friday Night Lights on dvd, thanks to my local library. Maybe some of you have seen it. It’s a series based on the movie (which was based on a book, which was based on real-life events). I’m not a football fan, but I don’t have to be to enjoy this show. It’s a superior drama with compelling stories and dynamite acting. It tackles great themes (no pun intended!) and is gritty in its realistic storytelling style.

(For the uninitiated: FNL is centered on the Taylor family, recently relocated to the small – and fictional – town of Dillon, Texas, where dad Eric is given the immense challenge of coaching the elite high school football team. Eric and his wife Tami have a daughter, Julie, who is a sophomore at the high school. And Tami becomes the school’s guidance counselor. The close-knit family discovers that for the people of Dillon, life consists of little else than winning football games. Pressure ensues. Relationships are tested. The family learns to survive in the small-town public’s eye.)

Season one was great. I can’t wait to see season two when it arrives on dvd (April 22!). And I just learned that the show (whose ratings have always been fledgling and whose survival has always seemed doubtful) will be coming back this fall! In honor of its renewal, I thought I’d write about one of the highlights: Connie Britton as Tami Taylor.

Britton is a phenomenal actress. She portrays the varying emotions of devotion, exasperation, wisdom, confusion, and pride with ease, sometimes all in the same scene. As Tami juggles the pressures of the town, the fullness of her husband’s workload, and the angst of her teenage daughter, not to mention her own career (she counsels the same students her husband coaches on the field, creating interesting ethical dilemmas for Eric & Tami), her strength of character shines brightly. She looks after struggling students with maternal wisdom, encouraging them to achieve everything they can for their futures. She gives her husband insight into the emotional lives of the players and puts up with prying townspeople. She handles the pressure of being married to the head coach with grace. And she always looks fabulous. Seriously, she has the best hair and sense of style I’ve ever seen for a t.v. mom (Rachel Green doesn’t count).

The scene I recall most vividly is one wherein Tami confronts her daughter about her plans to have sex with her boyfriend. It’s pretty powerful. I’m not sure I’d say everything to my child in the exact same way or with the exact same words – thank goodness that’s a conversation many, many, MANY! years away with my own daughter – but it’s a compelling slice of t.v. motherhood nonetheless.  And Julie ultimately opts out of getting intimate with her boyfriend, as a direct result of this confrontation with her mother. Julie trusted what her mother had to say over her own raging hormones.

Season two is all about Tami having a second child – a surprise, of course – and how the family adjusts to that addition. I can’t wait to see how she handles everything!

Have you seen Friday Night Lights? What makes a realistic t.v. mom? And who are some of your favorites?