The Mom Crowd

I saw Waitress this week, which stars Keri Russell as Jenna, a talented creator of dozens of delicious-looking pies.  She is unhappily married to a loser named Earl, and in the first scene, she discovers that she is pregnant with their child.  This is not good news to Jenna.  She doesn’t want to be congratulated for getting pregnant the night Earl got her drunk:  “Thanks, but I’m not so happy about it like everybody else might be. I’m having the baby and that’s that.” Her doctor says, “Un-congratulations.”  Jenna responds, “Un-thank you.”

Throughout the movie, Jenna continues to make and serve incredible pies with names that reflect how she’s feeling, like ”Strawberry Chocolate Oasis Pie”, “Lonely Chicago Pie”, “Spanish Dancer Pie”, “I Hate My Husband Pie”, “Pregnant Miserable Self-Pitying Loser Pie”, etc.  As her belly gets bigger, she writes letters to her unborn child, expressing her feelings with gut-wrenching honesty.  Jenna is a sad and flawed mother-to-be, and she doesn’t try to hide it.

She finds comfort in her friends, her doctor, and her pies, but things look pretty bleak until the last part of the film.  I’ll refrain from spoiling anything other than to say her time in the hospital is incredibly significant, just as it is for any new mother.  I’ll also say that this movie has hope in it.  It’s got plenty of humor and sweetness mixed in.  Think Juno, but 10 years older, in the south.

Have you seen Waitress?  What was your reaction to it?  Did it make you want to try a slice of Marshmallow Mermaid pie? 

I’ve just got to start by saying how proud I am of McKenna and Amanda (and her talented hubby!) for producing the most excellent first episode of The Mom Crowd Show. In case you missed it, the grand debut was yesterday, and you can catch it by clicking here. I don’t know about the rest of y’all but I can’t wait to see more! And I am honored to be a part of this blogging crew.

Now, onto another reason I feel proud.

After two pregnancies, a stressful move from one part of the country to another, and hundreds of boxes of Cheez-Its, I was bigger than I had ever been. For many months, I was just too tired and stressed out to worry about it. Come last December, though, two things happened that inspired me to action: the annual Rocket City Marathon came running through my city – heck, my neighborhood! – and a friend of mine in Texas had just completed her first half-marathon. As I watched the runners push themselves and as I read my friend’s awesome account of her marathon experience, I found myself saying aloud, “I’d like to do something like that sometime.”

And I realized that there was no time like the present. I was new in town. I didn’t have a lot of money for entertainment. My phone wasn’t exactly ringing off the hook with social opportunities. I needed to lose some weight. And I needed a self-confidence builder. Enter my new, free hobby: running. I’d never really done it before. But I knew I had to give it a try. We have a treadmill at home, so there really was no excuse!

I started off slowly, with my friend Jan’s coaching. She made me a running calendar to follow, which I did, faithfully, for about ten weeks. I was feeling great, and the pounds were coming off. The psychological benefits were the most rewarding: I felt as though I was the most beautiful mom in the world. And frankly, it’d been a very long time since I’d come anywhere close to thinking something like that.

In mid-February, I realized that our family could not handle the sacrifice of scheduling that’s required of marathon runners. The runs were at least an hour long at that point. I knew I could keep up with it physically, but time-wise, we couldn’t fit it in, unless I got up before the kids (and yeah, that’s not gonna happen.) I knew I was going to have to suspend my marathon running goal, and I was okay with that.

I decided to focus on 5 and 10Ks (3.1 and 6.2 miles, respectively) from that point on. Right around that time, McKenna posted about running her own 5K race, and it was so fun and encouraging to read about her and other moms go for it. I kept at it, and McKenna was a great encouragement to me!

Ultimately, I chose to make my race debut a 5K, and I’m glad I did. I set a goal for myself and made it happen. It was an important accomplishment for me. (You can catch my take on the race at my personal blog.) My husband and the kids have been cheering me on from day one, and Lucy has watched me train day in and day out for the past several months. As soon as the sneakers come on, she asks, “Mommy exercising?” It makes me proud that she sees me do this on a regular basis. (The Cheez-It consumption, on the other hand, I manage to keep hidden from her! )

Why is this relevant to a mommy blog? Many of you may in the same boat that I was: lonely, bored, physically latent. I’d just like to say, if you have a desire to do something like this, go for it. As my friend Jan told me, “If I can do it, anyone can.” If it is possible, ask your husband, friend, or family member to watch the kids while you run for 30 minutes. It ultimately benefits everyone, because as we all know, if Mommy’s happy, the whole family is happy. And exercise is a great booster!

Most of all, when we get bogged down in the day-to-day mom grind, it can be easy to overlook doing things for ourselves. (I should know. I don’t even brush my hair now when I get out of the shower. Ha ha! Up, up, up it goes when it’s still wet.) Finding something that makes you happy and challenges you physically and mentally is great for your self-esteem. And the pride and confidence from your accomplishments is visible to the kids; they recognize it and appreciate it!

Have a great weekend, and do something that’s good for you!

This is one of Lucy’s newest questions to ask when she does something well. Two weeks ago, we started using a sticker chart as a reward system for accomplishing small but important tasks. I decided it was worth a try, because our main problem was (and sometimes still is) getting her to keep her diaper on during naptime. For a few weeks, she would get into the crib and within minutes remove the diaper. If you’ve experienced this you know it’s enough to make you crazy!

Off the top of my head, I made up the chart pictured and listed the things that her dad and I would like to see her do without a fight, such as help clean up the toys, brush her teeth, and wash her hands. She has not taken to potty training yet, so we added several things relating to that area as well, recently adding “sitting on the potty without a diaper”. For each success, she gets a small sticker to put in the box. If she completes an entire row of stickers, she’ll get a prize. For now, it’s not hard to please her, so her prize is simply a larger sticker, which she wears on her shirt proudly. When she’s older, we’ll probably put together a little reward box and fill it with trinkets from the dollar store, and she can choose from that what she’d like to have as a reward.

We have seen this process work for us in numerous ways. A few evenings ago, I asked Lucy to brush her teeth, and she said no. I reminded her that she’d get a sticker on her chart if she did, and she promptly scooted herself into the bathroom and got to work. It was great to witness. We’ve also seen a general willingness to ask about the potty and to follow through with sitting on it – prior to the chart, it was as if the potty didn’t exist. So we’re hopeful that this trend will continue, and make the task of potty training a little easier in the future.

Here are links to more tips, charts, and ideas:

Free Printable Potty Training Charts and Certificates

Printable Certificates & Rewards

Spotlighting Good Behavior on iVillage

Changing a Toddler’s Behavior

Have you used sticker charts or reward systems with your children? What worked for you? What didn’t work?

Last weekend I saw Iron Man with a friend. (It was awesome!!) After the credits rolled, I saw a dad leave the theater with his son, who couldn’t have been older than 6. My friend and I looked at one another and agreed, “Yeah, not exactly kids’ stuff, what we just saw.” It was loud, exciting fun, that’s for sure, full of adventure and humor. But it included some (PG-13 level) scenes of torture, violence, sex, and drinking, all things I’d prefer my child to not witness at such a young age. Just because it’s a comic book movie doesn’t mean it’s appropriate for a child.

We’ve all been there before, seeing children in the audience for movies that are just too mature for them. I remember seeing Mean Girls (PG-13) a few years ago, and while I found it entertaining, I was more disturbed to see the 7 and 8-year olds next to me watching with wide-eyed wonderment. With their moms. Really? The whole movie was a primer on how to manipulate your friends. Of course, older people can pick up on the sarcasm, the satire, the dark comedy, the lessons learned. Little girls, I fear, just study the clothes, the catchphrases, and the attitudes. Not to mention every little thing Lindsay Lohan does. I tried to assure myself that those moms would talk to their girls afterwards about the good and the bad in the movie. But what’s the likelihood of that happening?

I saw the first Narnia movie (PG) with a child no older than 5 sitting behind me. Naturally, she cried throughout several portions of the film. It’s seen as a family film, but frankly, there’s just a lot of visually scary stuff for a young child to take in. I read that Prince Caspian, opening today, is a little darker than the first and heavier on battle scenes, yet it’s also rated PG, so doubtless there will be many families in the theaters this weekend eager to see what happens next in the saga. It’s an excellent franchise, for sure, but for kids how old?

I think the biggest shock I ever had was watching a mom buy a ticket for The 40-Year Old Virgin (R) for herself and her middle-school aged son. Maybe that’s some kind of progressive parenting technique I haven’t heard of yet, but you can bet your Schrute Bucks that I won’t be doing that kind of thing with my kids.

How young is too young? The first movie I remember seeing in the theater as a child was Bambi. I was probably 7ish. I also remember seeing the first part of The Neverending Story and being scared, so my mom, sister, & I left early. I was 8. These kids’ movies both contained material that was plenty mature for my young years. My folks would allow me to see something rated PG-13 only under the most limited of circumstances, and even in high school, still had a say in what movies I saw. (I remember explaining very thoroughly what In the Name of the Father [R] was about to my dad one Friday night, because I desperately wanted to see that with my friends. I was a senior. He eventually said it’d be okay. And it was a turning point for me; from then on, I was trusted to use my own judgment in choosing movies.)

My daughter is still a couple of years away from her first movie, I think. When we feel she is ready, we’ll probably see something very G, something very sweet. As my kids grow up, I know I’ll be very protective of what they take in, and I’ll make no apologies for it. There is a lot of garbage out there, stuff that is way too mature for kids, marketed directly to them. When I taught sixth graders, I couldn’t believe the movie titles I heard them discussing on a weekly basis: every disgusting horror pic ever made, basically, along with all kinds of teen flicks pandering to kids their age. I wish more parents would think carefully about what they allow their kids to see. People comment a lot about how much young kids know in this day & age, and the movies they watch play a huge part in that.

What is your criteria for taking your kids to movies? Do you read about movie content before taking them? If so, what sites do you use to get the information? Do you base your decisions on the ratings? Is it okay for parents to take their children to PG-13 (or even R) movies as long as they are there with them? Tell me I’m not the only one concerned about this issue. (And for goodness’ sakes, we haven’t even touched the inappropriateness of t.v. yet. I thought I’d limit the soapbox for film first.)

p.s. I’m well aware that lots of kids buy tickets for one thing and see something entirely different – so I know there’s only so much a parent can do, too. This concern is mainly addressed at the folks who take their kids to see mature material with them.

As I indicated a few weeks ago, I’m a big picture-taker, and I have been my entire life. Strangely enough, I never took any formal photography classes in high school or college (and now I’m kicking myself for it.) I’ve taken a couple of community courses in the past few years and have been employing some of the things I learned ever since. That said, let me be clear: I take pictures for fun. I edit and print my photos based on what appeals to me, not necessarily what is “good photography”. I really have no mind for the science of photography and rely mostly on the auto features on my cameras. And I am totally aware that there is a myriad of amazing mom (and mom-to-be!) photographers out there. Those of you who took the plunge and tried Best Shot Monday know what I’m talkin’ ’bout! So don’t misunderstand and think that I think I’m some kind of photography genius. Oh, no.

Here’s what I’ve learned (all from books, other blogs, and the aforementioned classes). If you’re feeling like you just can’t get a good shot of your adorable child, try some of these basics:

• Get close up! There’s nothing more boring, in my opinion, than a picture of someone who is too far away. You shouldn’t have to squint to see what facial expression the subject has. This applies to larger group shots too. How many of those do you have where it’s a sea of “heads” and you can’t really make anyone out?

• Get down to the kid’s level. A picture taken from the parents’ point of view makes the child look really small. It’s a lot more exciting to see the child right up front rather than from above. I find it’s especially effective when you’re looking “up” to the child.

• Don’t make your child pose for every picture. Some of the most interesting pictures I’ve ever seen and taken are candid. Get into the habit of shooting every expression your child ever makes and every action he/she ever does, with or without them looking at the camera.

• Avoid the “say cheese!” routine. Those tend to yield the most unintentionally-lame smiles the kids muster. I’ve found that cracking a joke or doing something funny gets those natural smiles out quickly. This is easier to do with digital cameras, too, because they’re not directly up to your face, blocking your expressions from the kids. But you gotta be fast! Lately I’ve found myself singing “Head, shoulders, knees & toes” to Lucy to get a real smile out of her when I take pictures.

• Crop out whatever is distracting, unnecessary, or uninteresting. This vastly improves a picture. The idea is to fill the frame with the subject. If that’s impossible to do straight out of the camera (SOOC for you photo-philes), utilize a cropping tool in your photo software. I remember learning somewhere that it’s better to avoid using your zoom feature, and instead crop the far-away subject on your computer (the picture comes out clearer.) Here is a basic example:

Before:

After:

• It’s okay to cut off part of the subject’s head. I realized recently that I do this a lot! There are some old-school types who just can’t handle this, and that’s okay too. Whatever pleases you aesthetically should be your goal. My thought is that a good picture doesn’t have to be perfectly centered or framed. Here’s another post from Shutter Sisters on the same topic.

(I told you I do this a lot!)

•  Blurry photos aren’t necessarily bad photos.

•  Experiment with creative subjects and shoot from different angles. It’s fun to look at the “everyday” with a different perspective!

•  When shooting outdoors, have your subject wear something red. I’m not sure why, but red really pops in natural light. Here are some examples:

•  Cloudy or overcast days are best for outdoor pictures. I remember hearing somewhere that wedding photographers prefer overcast weather for outdoor shoots. Sunshine is indeed pretty; squinty faces in direct streaming sunlight are not. If it’s a blazingly sunny day, head for some shade for the people-pictures, if possible!

•  Take your camera everywhere; have it on hand at all times! I can’t stress this enough. The beauty of a digital camera is that you can take as many pictures as you want and just delete the bad ones, so take out your camera and play! You just might capture the perfect moment when you least expect to.

(As you can see, I’m a big fan of black & white and sepia tones for the classic moments!)

Some books that get these points across with lots of great examples are How To Photograph Your Baby, How to Photograph Your Family, and How To Photograph Your Life by Nick Kelsh. I like his books because they’re very easy to understand.

Other places online to find great tutorials and photographic inspiration (these people seriously put me to shame):

Shutter Sisters

Mother May I

The Land of K.A.

Momology

The Hip Momma’s Journal

Are a photography junkie like I am? Do you take scads of pictures of your children on a weekly (or daily!) basis? We’d love to see your photos. Link us to some of them in the comments section!