The Mom Crowd

I’ve been trying to lose the last 10 pounds from Graham’s pregnancy since Christmas.  I think I gained a few pounds over the holidays which didn’t really help matters much–BUT, I have 8 pounds to go.  Boy are they stubborn this time.  I don’t know what is making the weight stick around–it is because I am in my 30′s, have some thyroid condition, or am just too lazy but I really want to get back to my original weight. And wear all my clothes. And look good in them.  Oh, I can wear them, but I have a muffin top that I can’t stand.  I have been consistently working out 3-4 days a week, mostly on the elliptical running machine but the pounds haven’t been falling off like they used to.  I never really bothered losing weight right after Graham was born because I am one of those (unlukcy) women who don’t lose the last pregnancy weight until I am done nursing.  With child one and two I was back to my prepregnancy weight within 3-6 months after the last sip of breastmilk was drunk.  Graham quit nursing in October–4 months ago.  I thought I’d be seeing more progress than I have been seeing.

I started thinking that maybe the elliptical machine wasn’t enough.  Walking and Pilates had done the trick losing the weight with my first two kids.  I have a great video to do with an exercise ball that I enjoy but I wanted something else to throw into the mix.  I read an article in Cookie magazine about Tracy Anderson, who gained 60 lbs during her pregnancy.  She is a dancer and had battled some weight issues before.  She started doing a lot of research and trying her methodology on women of all different genetic shapes.  Her methodology worked on women with all kinds of body types.  The basic idea is that we overwork all of our large muscle groups and need to work on the smaller muscles to pull in the larger ones.  She put together a post pregnancy workout routine to help moms target the problem areas  after having a baby.

My stomach got so stretched out carrying all 12 lbs of Graham that it is in some serious need of muscle work!  I read some of the reviews on Amazon and decided to go ahead and buy it.  Of course, with most exercise–if you do it regularly you will see results.  I’m still trying to figure out how to incorporate fitting cardio in with this workout routine. And how much should I do of both?  She says to do the postpregnancy workout 4-6X a week.

On Monday I did video and I was using muscles that I didn’t even know I had.  The first half of the video is abdominal work–which makes sense.  Your abs get the most stretching and lack of use while you are pregnant.  The last half works on legs and arms.  All you need is a set of 3 lb. weights.  Every stomach muscle I have is sore!  I skipped Tuesday and did the workout again on Wednesday.  My muscles were crying as I did the video again.  They were tired from the Monday workout and were having a hard time keeping up.  One thing I like about the video is that I will be able to see improvement in my own strength as I keep it up.  I keep thinking that I’m 17 months postpartum so I can’t imagine how challenging it would be to start doing 2 months postpartum.  It is worth it though.  I don’t think it matters if you just had a baby or not–this workout is a challenge for anyone.  I got my husband to do a few of the exercises and he was shaking right along with me!

She uses classical music in the background which I find relaxing–especially if I am having to workout with all 3 kids running around me.  My only “wish” about the video is that it would be nice to see different angles of her doing the exercises more often.  Some of the arm movements aren’t explained and it would be nice to see them from a different perspective.

I am hoping to get rid of the last tummy jiggles but I am trying to tell myself that even if I never lost the last 8 lbs. I am still doing some healthy for myself and my kids.

Have you heard of Tracy Anderson’s Postpartum workout video?  Have you tried it?  What other post pregnancy workout videos or activities have you done? Does anyone know how much you should combine cardio with strength training?

“Mo-om, can I play on the computer?” How many of you hear that everyday?

How old are your kids and do you let them play on the computer?  My 4 and 5 year old enjoy games and activities on the computer.  Isaac, my 4 year old, would play everyday if I let him–which isn’t a bad thing per say.  He would also watch tv all day if I let him.  I probably would too if I weren’t responsible for taking care of the house and 3 kids–if you ever come over sometime you would probably wonder when I take care of the house (based on the tornado design of it all) but that is a whole other topic! I digress. Anyway, I don’t like to have the kids watch an hour of tv and also get sucked into playing on the computer for another hour.  I’m curious about what other parents allow their kids to play on the computer and how much time you give for computer time. When do you let your kids play on the computer?

My two favorite websites for kids are PBSKids and Starfall.  PBS Kids has a TON of games (educational and plain fun) based on all the kids shows that air on PBS.  My boys love playing Martha Speaks, Word World (one of my own favorite cartoons), and Super Why.  Curious George also has some fun videos they enjoy watching.  I like how it is good, clean fun and they are learning about words, matching, science, and how to pay attention to details.

StarFall is a new discovery that I learned about from another mom friend of mine.  StarFall is a website that helps kids learn how to read, learn letters, sounds etc.  It is AMAZING!  Isaac started on the reading games and has worked his way through several of the games one by one. In just a few weeks of playing around on the website he is reading a lot more than he was before.  He has a knack for reading though–and the website has been a way to nurture his love for learning how to read.  My 5 year old enjoys the games too but he usually doesn’t ask to play the “reading website”.  He also hasn’t had as much time to poke around on it.

Another website I let them play on (one time) was Hasbro.  Hasbro has some really fun things on it–like G.I. Joe and Spiderman cartoons. They have some matching games and puzzles too but I knew that once they discovered cartoons were just a click away it would all go downhill from there.  The cartoons are so cool–but honestly, I’d rather them play educational games.  What can I say, I’m one of those “let your kids be nerdy” moms.  Hasbro also has a Connect Four game.  I didn’t show the kids that one–I bookmarked it and play on the rare occasion when I have nothing else to do. Which is never.  I can usually be found poking around on Facebook for my computer time.  And there is always something else I should be doing.  Again, a whole other topic- (Coming soon-What Do You Do To Escape From Your Kids?).

So, what do you think about kids and the computer?  How much is too much?  Should you avoid it as long as possible? What fun sites do you let your kids play on? Share with the rest of us!

There is so much to learn from ‘Parenting With Love and Logic.’  I thought I’d share some of my biggest successes as I’ve been reading the books and taking the class.

Something I have been learning about is control. Love and Logic teaches that in order to have control, you must give control.  One way of getting control is to offer as many choices as possible to the child.  Children are happy to oblige and feel like they have a say in day to day living which can help prevent battles over the bigger stuff.  I have been trying to be creative in offering choices….

For example:

• Do you want the green cup or the blue cup?

• Do you want to get your jammies on upstairs or downstairs?

• Do you want to brush your teeth first or get your jammies on first?

• Do you want to open the door or do you want me to?

• Do you want to take the dishes to the sink or sweep the floor?

• Do you want to wear your coat or carry it to the car?

• Will you be wearing your shoes to the car or will you be taking them in a bag?

You get the idea.  The key is to make sure that you offer two choices and that you are fine with either choice.  The other thing to keep in mind is to make sure the second choice is not a threat (i.e. do you want to clean up the toys or do you want a spanking?)

Have you ever noticed that when you tell your children to do something their first typical response is, “NO!”? Well, maybe your kids don’t do that….

I was getting tired of battling with the boys to get on coats and shoes and changing from jammies to daytime clothes before going out to the car. I noticed a BIG difference when I started asking the boys if they would be getting dressed upstairs or downstairs and wearing their coat or carrying it instead of demanding them to put it on lecturing them how if they didn’t get it on now they would freeze to death and complain about being cold. Please tell me you’ve done this too!  Now, when I ask how they will be bringing their coat I stopped hearing, “NO! I don’t WANT to get on my coat!” and started hearing, “I’ll wear it (while they put it on!)” We have had some life lessons that have come with this too.

I wrote last week that my 4 year old has mastered the ability to convince me that he (insert whine) just can’t put his shoes on, can’t get his shoes on, coat on, hat on… Well, I have to get my own things on and help the baby get his outside gear on too so enough was enough.  I told Isaac that I thought he was a very smart boy and that I knew he could figure out how to put on his socks, shoes, and coat.  I would not respond to whining anymore.  Now, I announce that I am going to get my coat and shoes on and that I will be leaving after I get the baby dressed. My 5 year old is on top of it now.  He zips downstairs and gets everything on and is ready to go.  If Isaac has been interrupted from playing he will sometimes go into whiny mode and complain so long about not wanting to leave that he will just sit and whine instead of put on his shoes and coat.

We have left the house with his shoes and/or coat in a bag or waiting inside (depending on where we are going).  Lo and behold, he is quickly figuring out that when I say I am leaving he is coming with me fully dressed or not.   I don’t have to lecture him because he is smart enough to figure out that I am leaving when I say I am leaving.

I have to say it feels GREAT to have that stress taken off of me. It is his CHOICE whether or not he puts on his socks, shoes, and coat in a timely manner. If he asks for help with his zipper I will gladly oblige as long as he hasn’t been whining about leaving.  I don’t need to control that aspect of his life.

I know that some of you must be thinking some of the same things I did.  What if other people think I am a terrible mother for letting her child leave the house without a coat or shoes for that matter?  I decided that I would rather my child learn how to put on his own clothes and learn how to be age appropriately independent than care if some lady thought I was crazy.

Love and Logic teaches parents how to use “Enforceable Statements”.  Instead of telling kids what to do all the time, you tell them what YOU are going to do. I have found this technique helpful during eating times.  I was having a hard time getting the boys to sit down to eat and STAY at the table instead of getting up and grabbing toys or running off to play and then come back and eat. I started using this statement, “I’ll be serving lunch until 12:30 (or when the big hand gets to the 6).  When the big hand gets to the 6 I’ll be putting lunch away.  I hope you’ll join me.”  (You can also use a timer for younger children) If they waste their time playing instead of eating then that is their choice.   Lunch plates get taken away and the crying starts—“But I’m HUNGRY”! They get a big hug from me as I say, “Oh honey, that is sad you chose to play instead of eat. I’ll make sure we have a yummy dinner for you. Now run along and play.”  I give lots of empathy and reinforce THEIR choice.  I’ve only had to take away plates one or two times.  Do you know that it isn’t even an issue anymore?  When I tell them that lunch will be served for the next 20 minutes they come running to the table! They learned that one really fast.

I’ve been learning a lot about what I can and can’t control when it comes to my children.  For example, I can’t MAKE my kids eat but I CAN decide when I’m going to serve food.  I can’t MAKE my kids clean up their toys but I CAN let them know that I will keep the ones I clean up.  I can’t MAKE my kid stop whining but I CAN become hard of hearing when I am being whined at.  I’m still learning but sometimes I hear William Wallace yelling, “FREEDOM!” in the background.  I don’t know about you, but I get stressed out when I feel like I need to MAKE my child do something but it is a losing battle.

Love and Logic encourages empathy, listening, love, encouragement, and believing that your kids are really smart.  A lot smarter than we give them credit for.  It teaches parents how to have good relationships with their kids. It is helping me to not yell, overreact, and withdraw from my kids.  I want to enjoy my kids and enjoy being a parent.  Not that I didn’t enjoy it before—but sometimes I feel so exasperated that I don’t know WHAT to do next.  My 5 year old is starting Kindergarten next year and unless I homeschool him, he will be spending more time with peers than he will at home.  I want him to enjoy being around me and I definitely want him to be prepared to make some good responsible choices for himself.  I won’t always be around to tell him what to do or hover for him and rescue him.

So, if you read the books or take the class come back and tell us how it is going!  Or, if you have any questions about it ask me.  What do you think about my success stories? What do you think about what you’ve been reading in the books?

**Please read the book before trying this at home. I had to leave out several other key things (due to space) that make Love and Logic work.  I want it to work for you too!

According to Wikipedia, a Helicopter Parent is someone who:

 “pays extremely close attention to his or her child’s or children’s experiences and problems, particularly at educational institutions. These parents rush to prevent any harm or failure from befalling them and will not let them learn from their own mistakes, sometimes even contrary to the children’s wishes. They are so named because, like helicopters, they hover closely overhead, rarely out of reach, whether their children need them or not.”

 Some practical examples of being a helicopter parent are:

• Driving your child to school if he/she misses the bus
• Taking your child’s homework up to school if he/she forgets it at home
• Waking your child up every morning when they are old enough to use an alarm clock
• Not allowing your child to fail at a project (finishing the project so it gets a good grade)
• Giving your child more lunch money even though he spent it unwisely earlier in the week
• Making excuses for the child why her homework wasn’t complete and begging the teacher to give the child another chance or a passing grade
• Settling all normal childhood battles for the child

 Helicopter parents try to save their children from the hardships of the world and try too hard to make everything in the child’s life pain free and perfect. Helicopter parents love their children very much.  They don’t want to see their children sad or suffering and feel like helping them out is the loving thing to do. Unfortunately, the result of helicopter parenting is that children grow up without knowing how to be responsible (because mommy and daddy have been doing all the rescuing!) and believe that they are incapable of doing anything.  The children learn that they absolutely can’t make it in life without mommy and daddy. 

Drill Sergeant Parents believe that they can make their children do whatever the parent says to do. Drill Sergeant parenting incorporates threats and punishment in order to make the child do what the parent wants.  The parent wants all the control and believes that the more control he/she has, the more likely the child is to obey. Unfortunately, there are many things you cannot “make” a child do.  These parents have children who don’t really learn how to make good decisions—they only learn how to avoid getting in trouble or get a reward.  Children of drill sergeants have a difficult time thinking for themselves because their parents do all the thinking for them. 

Some practical examples of being a drill sergeant are:

• Barking orders to clean up toys, bedrooms etc.
• Yelling—especially at bedtime when the children aren’t going to bed like they are supposed to.
• Continuous power struggles (homework, chores, talking back)

Drill Sergeants love their children too.  They just believe that they can make their children do what they want by bossing them around.  Unfortunately, the downfalls of drill sergeant parenting is communicating to the child that he/she can’t think for him/herself and that he/she isn’t capable of making it in life either. 

Does any of this sound familiar to you?  It is possible to be a helicopter to one child and a drill sergeant to a different child in your family.  I have recently discovered this myself.  I have been more of a drill sergeant to my oldest son-who by the way only digs his heels into the ground more when I try to boss him around.  And I am much more of a helicopter to my second child.  He is 4 and fully capable of putting on his own shoes and coat but there I am doing it for him because he starts whining that he “just can’t do it by himself.” So basically, I am a recovering helicopter drill sergeant. 

I have been taking a class called Love And Logic that has been marvelous and revolutionary in my relationship with my children!  Love and Logic was created by Jim Fay, Foster Cline, M.D. and Charles Fay, Ph.D.  They have several books available as well as some seminars you can go to.  There are certified Love and Logic teachers available all over the country who teach the course.

The goal of Love and Logic is to teach parents how to be Consultants to their children.  Consultant parents communicate to their children,  “You’d best do your own thinking because the quality of your life has a lot to do with your decisions.” Consultant parents don’t tell their kids what to do.  (Mind blowing-I tell you!) Consultants are excited about the opportunities that come along in life where children make mistakes—because it is an opportunity for the child to learn (not be rescued!).  Consultant parents are always there to give advice (not lectures!) but let their children make their own decisions and fail or succeed. 

Love and Logic is practical for toddlers through teenagers.  The techniques work and I am going save some of my own successes for another post next week.   They have books that help with teens, toddler-kindergarten, even for a classroom setting. Their website has some video clips that will help you get a taste of their style.  It won’t give you too much information though—just enough to make you ask for more. 

So, have you ever heard of Love and Logic?  Do you know anyone that does Love and Logic with their kids?  Are you a helicopter, drill sergeant, or consultant? Sound intriguing? 

Since we’ve been having such good discussions on grocery budgets and planning I thought I’d extend our conversation a bit and talk about food for our families.  What do you put in your grocery cart?  Where do you eat when you go out?  How do you know what the best food picks are for your kids?

Did you know that our children are 4 times MORE likely to be obese than we were as kids?

Did you know that we average drinking 450 calories a day?  That is twice as much as 30 years ago and it packs on the pounds too!

Did you know that 1 in 3 kids born in the year 2000 will develop diabetes in their lifetime?

Did you know that the average American consumes 82 grams of added sugars every day which contribute to an extra 317 (empty) calories to our diets?

 I learned all this from the book Eat This, Not That For Kids! By David ZincZenko.

This has got to be one of the most enlightening books on eating for families and kids.  As I was reading the book I kept telling my husband all the interesting facts in it.  One of the biggest points the book makes is that one of the major (if not BIGGEST) problems is how we are duped when it comes to the marketing strategies that food companies use to get us to buy our products.  Not only that, but all the unnecessary additives like High Fructose Corn Syrup (HFCS) add empty calories and adjust our palettes to preferring sweet things.  Which then makes us consume more sugar.  We have to become sleuths and read the labels so we know what we are really getting when we buy food at the store.

The book is very encouraging about eating the rainbow when it comes to foods and explains all the good aspects of the red, yellow, orange, blue/purple, and green foods.  Even though we know that eating carrots will help our eyes, I think it is a good reminder to read about all the other benefits of the fruits and veggies out there. 

The chapter in the book called Eat Out, Eat Right will blow your socks off! Did you know that restaurants make up only  ¼ of our meals but account for more than 1/3 of our calories?

Did you know that the typical serving size for soft drinks has increased by 49 calories, French fries 68 and hamburgers by 97? 

The eating out chapter has a list of the top 20 WORST foods for kids to eat at a restaurant.  Reading the caloric intake is scary. Just for a quiz (and you can check my answer in the book) which is better to eat at Arby’s?

An Arby’s Melt with roast beef smothered in cheddar OR the Roasted Turkey and Swiss sandwich?

If you said the Turkey Sandwich you were wrong!  That sandwich has 708 calories, 30g fat and 1,677 grams of sodium.  The Arby’s Melt has 303 calories, 12 g fat and 921 g sodium. Blow me away!

 It doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?  When it comes to eating out, it is more difficult to know what is in our food.  The bread for the sandwich has a lot of added sugar in it and is smothered in mayo.  This chapter will amaze you with some of the better food choices not only for your kids, but for you as well.  It also has a section with generic menus for all the different kinds of restaurants (diner, Italian, Mexican, pizzeria etc).  Very helpful.

The chapter that covers the supermarket is very helpful as well.  It goes through how to look at the labels and provides instruction on what to avoid.  The book makes the point that the fewer ingredients in it the better.  We usually shop the perimeter of the store and don’t spend too much time in the middle isles, but I still found a lot of the information in this chapter helpful. 

For example, did you know that organic ketchup has 3X more lycopene (cancer fighting agent found in tomatoes and watermelon) in it than non-organic? I usually don’t purchase organic foods (even though I’d love to!) due to the expense but I will probably start buying organic ketchup. The way the book works is that the left side of the page has all the “Eat This” food and the right side has the “Not That” foods.  It is so cool because it compares a lot of the major brands for you with the most common kinds of foods we buy: cereal, yogurt, granola bars, breakfast condiments, bread, chips, deli meats, crackers, cookies, juice, grains, soups, canned foods, frozen foods, ice cream. 

The next chapter covers School Cafeterias and vending machines.  It bothers me that our schools are only increasing the problem of childhood obesity by having junk food available in the cafeterias and vending machines.  I don’t think it will change until we, the parents, start demanding healthier options for our children.  The statistics in the school food section was scary! However, it is good to know that there are some better choices out there.  It does inspire you to pack those lunches, which brings us to the next section.  He has some really helpful suggestions for packing lunches and dinner meals.  There are even some recipes! 

I bought this book last Sunday and have been devouring it ever since.  Then on Tuesday or Wednesday I happened to catch part of Oprah and the author of this book was on the show talking about it.   Keep your eye out for this book! (There is also an Eat This, Not That Survival for the Supermarket that is really good too!)

We eat pretty healthy at our house but there are still ways we can improve and I am definitely taking that book with us when we do go out to eat at a restaurant!  I want to teach my kids how to make healthy choices.  It does feel like an uphill battle sometimes but it is worth it.  It makes me so sad when I see how much heavier children are today than they were when I was a kid.  And to hear about all the major health problems that children are dealing with because of obesity makes my heart break.  I don’t want to cast blame because I think there are many factors that are contributing to such a huge epidemic—I’m just glad to know that we can do something about it.