The Mom Crowd

What is it like? I just experienced going to a home birth as a birth assistant a few weeks ago and it was awesome. It felt so normal and natural for the mom to labor and birth in her own home with her other children nearby. As a supporter and advocate of mother centered birth I have always been excited about home birth and the idea that women should birth their babies where they feel most comfortable. For some women, it is their home. They feel more comfortable and safe in their own familiar environments. They don’t have to worry about poking and prodding from strangers and can simply move from room to room as they feel during labor. Once the birth is over mom can shower in her own shower and then go to her own bed with her baby. So easy! After seeing it firsthand I can understand in a new way why mothers choose home birth.

Where does the mom birth her baby? Wherever she chooses. Midwives have a list of supplies for the mom to acquire before the birth and one of them is usually a clear vinyl shower curtain that can be laid on top of the bed or floor to protect the surface. If a mom thinks she will want to birth in her bed she will put on a set of sheets, the vinyl shower curtain, and then another set of clean sheets on top of the shower curtain. The shower curtain protects the mattress and once the birth is over all the midwives need to do is take off the sheets and shower curtain used to birth on and throw them in the washer and then mom has some clean sheets to lay down on. A lot of moms will birth their babies next to the bed in a squatting position or in the living room. Some midwives have birth stools for the mom to sit on while she pushes the baby out. Midwives will talk with the mom either when she arrives for the birth or ahead of time about where the mom thinks she will birth the baby. If the mom has a good idea where she will want to birth the baby then the midwives will set up their equipment nearby so it will be convenient to get to during labor and birth.

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I have a subscription to several parenting/mommy magazines. 5 to be exact. I have gotten all of them as gifts–some I really wanted and some I didn’t even know about until they showed up in my mailbox. I’m curious about what all you look for in a mommy magazine and what you like about them. I thought I’d give a summary of what the ones I subscribe to are like:

Parents: Probably the most popular mommy magazine. It has its own toy line! Parents seems like it reaches a broad range of moms and it has sections on different child stages, making yourself beautiful and my favorite parts are the “what worked for me” and the “embarassing moments” sections. I love the practical and funny. I have gotten several recipes from the magazine since they are usually quick and simple. It is also very commercial but I enjoy getting it every month and usually read it from cover to cover.

Parenting: Parenting magazine is not too different from Parents magazine. It has the same commercial and broad appeal. It basically has all the same sections that Parents has minus the embarrassing moments. There is a funny cartoon section in the back of the magazine that takes some aspect of mommyhood and caricaturizes it. I like this magazine too but wouldn’t miss out if I didn’t get it. I think choosing between Parents and Parenting is just a personal preference. Some may like the layout better in Parenting over Parents.

Mothering: I love, love, love this magazine! I fall on the more “crunchy” side of mothering and this magazine speaks to that part of who I am and things I am interested in; natural birth, cloth diapering, breastfeeding, living green, eating healthy. It only comes out 6 times a year but I wish I got one every month. I read it cover to cover as well and usually keep them around because the magazine has a lot of articles I refer to in my birth classes.

Wonder Time: This, I think, is a new magazine. It feels like the “Real Simple” style of a parenting magazine–not quite as commercial as Parents or Parenting– and it has had some interesting articles in it that are much more dad friendly than other parenting magazines. It still has a recipes section and covers some child products like other magazines do. The latest one had a funny article about why kids think talking about poop is so funny (something we are currently experiencing on a daily basis in my house–ahhh the joy of 3 and 4 year olds!), an article about what dads are thinking in the delivery room, and summer traditions to start with kids. I find the simple design and less commercial feel refreshing.

Cookie-This is also a new magazine and I would have to say the least liked. I don’t like the design and its focus must be to high income families–not families living on a graduate school budget (like our family), for sure. Last month’s issue had an article about redoing your kids playroom and all the ideas cost a fortune! It seemed a little unrealistic to me to spend thousands on an artistic play area for kids. It also has a high focus on children’s fashion. I don’t like the way the magazine is laid out because it feels like one huge advertisement. The only section I do like is toward the back where it reviews books for children. It has some great book picks and suggestions but I don’t think that makes it worth buying.

I always look forward to getting my magazines in the mail because when the children are napping or when the baby is nursing I can sit back and have some escape time. You may have figured out by now that I love reading so it feels like a little minivacation when something new comes in the mail. I always feel sad when I am done reading the magazine. Is anyone else like that?

What magazines do you like? What do you look for in a mommy magazine?

Okay, so maybe it isn’t the ultimate top 5. It is really hard to choose 5 because there are so many things to be prepared for when it comes to labor and birth! These are good ones though–so if you are pregnant for the first time, third time or know someone who is pregnant looking for some labor advice this may help.

My philosophy is that you should educate yourself about labor and birth in the same way you would when you buy a car or choose a college. Take an independent childbirth class other than what is offered at the hospital: The Bradley Method, HypnoBirthing, BabyBodyBirth, Birthing From Within, ICEA are all good choices. Try not to wait until the last minute to take a class since some classes are as much as 12 weeks long.

Here are the tips:

1. Have a person committed to being your labor support. Most often it is the husband but some women find comfort in having their mothers, a friend, or hiring a doula to be their labor companion. Also–and this one is really important; tell your labor support to pay attention to YOU–not the electric fetal monitor. You don’t need them to tell you when you are having a contraction or how intense it was– you know because you can feel it. What you need most is for someone to help you relax through the contractions. It is really hard for some people to NOT watch the machines in the room–kind of like when a tv is on in a room–it is hard not to watch it– but when a mom is in labor she needs the attention more than the machine.

2. Don’t go to the hospital too soon. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes that parents make. When it is your first time to have a baby it is exciting and you don’t know what to expect so it is easy to head to the hospital too early. The big problem at arriving too soon is that you begin being held to the hospital’s time table and unfortunately many birth attendants will begin to offer to help “speed things along” by offering pitocin when it really isn’t needed. Meddling with a labor that is doing fine often leads to many other interventions and problems. Heading to the hospital when contractions are a minute long and 5 minutes apart for at least one hour is a good rule of thumb. If you can still walk, talk, and laugh during contractions it is too early to go to the hospital. Because labor patterns vary it is probably better to look at the physical signposts of a mom to help determine when to head out to the hospital. When mom can’t talk during a contraction and starts to need to relax and be quiet between contractions that is usually a good sign to go on to the birth place.

3. If you are shooting for an unmedicated birth practice relaxation techniques for several weeks before the birth. Relaxation techniques can even be helpful for moms who want an epidural. Most doctors allow epidurals when women get to 3 or 4 cm and having some relaxation techniques in your “tool box” of laboring knowledge can help a mom cope with the pain of the contractions. Some things I teach in my class are massage, progressive relaxation, and visual relaxation. Some moms enjoy being read poems, literature, scripture, or listening to some relaxing music while laboring to cope with contractions.

4. When working with contractions make low pitched groaning sounds (like a cow moo) rather than high pitched squeals. Some moms find a lot of relief vocalizing through contractions and the low pitched groans are relaxing. You can practice now if you want. Try making a high pitched squeal and you will find that your shoulders or other parts of your body tense up. Tensing up during a contraction actually causes more pain. The low moans help you release your muscles which makes the contraction less painful.

5. Relax your jaw. Ina May Gaskin, a well-known midwife in Tennesee says that women with a relaxed jaw and mouth have a relaxed bottom and that it helps the cervix open faster. It is easy to grit your teeth when in pain but focusing on keeping that jaw relaxed can speed labor along. Taking a bath, staying upright during labor, getting massaged from your labor supporters can all help the jaw stay relaxed.

I find myself mentioning most of these when asked for advice on labor. I hope you or a friend might find them helpful too.

Some good sources are:

Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones (This book is an amazing resource for relaxation techniques)

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

The Birth Book by Dr. Sears

This is a great resource for your labor support person. It has some great tips on how to help a laboring mom.

What did you find helpful during your labors?

Something that has struck me over the past 5 years was how important it is for mothers to be a support to one another and learn from one another. Since having kids I have connected with women in a whole new way. There is something woven in our inner beings that make moms come together. Maybe is the desperation we all feel to be good moms and raise our kids well. Maybe it is to overcome the overwhelming responsibility day after day of caring for our kids. Maybe it is simply to learn what worked for other moms so we can try it on our own kids. Whatever the reason, we moms need each other. I have learned so much from other moms but I felt that I must honor a good friend and mentor: Janell Leland.

Janell took interest in me before I was even pregnant with my first child. I was a young married woman and she– an older married woman, who happened to have 8 children. When I first met Janell she was like a superhero to me. I mean, she had 8 children! I was drawn to her quiet spirit and her wisdom. Janell is slow to speak, a good listener, a faithful friend, an honoring wife, a good mother, a thoughtful hostess. She had qualities and characteristics that I myself wanted as a wife and mother.

It was so interesting to go into her world and watch her mother her children. I would ask her questions about birth, breastfeeding, babies, and husband “stuff”. She was always happy to answer my questions, share her own experiences, and listen to my worries.

When I got pregnant for the first time she was top on my list to ask questions to. How did you get your babies to sleep? What were your labors like? How do you cope with the sleep loss? How do you take care of the younger kids who aren’t in school and homeschool your older kids? My husband is doing _fill in the blank_ does yours ever do that and how should I deal with it?

Over the years I have gotten some pretty good advice from Janell. Some of my favorites are:

1) Enjoy every baby as if it were your last. I have done this with my 3rd baby and it does make a world of difference! Even during the harder times this thought goes through my head and it helps me cherish my baby.

2) When you are about to have another baby nip any behavioral problems with the youngest child in the bud before the baby comes.

3) It isn’t the end of the world if you let your kid cry in the pack and play while you get some things done.

4) When your child does something wrong (like being unkind), learn to ask, “Was what you did right?” We more typically say, with a scold to our voice, “That was wrong!” By asking the question, we allow the child to better recognize that yes indeed, what s/he did was wrong. We must remember that God gave the child a conscience. Asking the question allows him/her to use it and become more aware of what’s right and wrong.

Those are just a few of the nuggets of wisdom that I have learned from Janell. I am sad that we don’t live in the same city anymore and that we don’t talk as often as I would like to but I am truly thankful for her investment in my own life. I hope that when I am an older mom that I will be a blessing to another young mom in the same way she was to me.

What about you….have you had a mentoring mom come your way? What was your experience? What characteristics/qualities do you look for in other moms that you want to emulate? Ever mentored a younger mom? What good advice did you get?

Happy Earth Day! In honor of Earth Day I have composed a few easy things you can do to contribute to helping the earth be a little safer for our kids.

1. Next time you go to the store try buying Tide for Cold Water. Using cold water on all laundry uses less energy–thus reducing your carbon footprint. It will also save you about $65 per year on your electric bill.

2. Reuse those baby food jars! They can be used to:

• transition toddlers and preschoolers to a big girl/boy glass at the dinner table

• serve ice cream, pudding, or mouse in them for great kiddie sized portions

• organize your “junk drawer” for things like rubber bands, thumb tacks, paper clips, small watch/toy batteries, stamps

• put paints in for your budding artist to dip their paintbrush into

• catch bugs in

3. Break out those cloth napkins that you registered for at your wedding! I don’t know about you but I registered for cloth napkins and I never used them. We just went through our LAST pack of paper napkins and we are now using cloth ones. Buying or using cloth napkins reduces the use of energy and resources to make the paper napkins. You can also reuse old dishcloths and make them into cloth napkins. If you want to get creative you can assign each person in your family a colored napkin. You could also have napkin holders with each persons name on it. When the napkins get yucky enough you can throw them in the wash. They don’t have to be washed after every use!

4. Consider purchasing a reusable water bottle for every member in the family. 38 billion water bottles are put into landfills every year! A reusable water bottle will help decrease that amount. Sigg and Kleen Kanteens are great choices that are environmentally friendly and recycleable! They also make them in great kiddie sizes.

5. Turn your heat/ac up/down 1 degree. One degree won’t be that noticable and it will also reduce your energy bills and carbon footprint!

6. Arrange a Toy Swap with your other mommy friends. Toy Swaps help rid your house of clutter toys your kids have lost interest in and provide “new” toys for the kiddos to play with. It doesn’t necessarily cut down on toy clutter but it does help reduce waste from buying new toys. With 3 kids I have toys coming out of my ears. Sometimes the plastic toys make me feel like I’m going insane. I have a pile in the basement of toys that we have grown out of or have lost interest in and I am already planning on making a stop at good will or arranging a toy swap of my own!

I recently bought a book that just came out called Healthy Child, Healthy World: Creating A Cleaner, Greener, Safer Home. It is a book with tons of information about making your home nontoxic, recipes for air freshener, bubble bath and pet flea repellents, green gardening, how to avoid those scary toy recalls and how to choose safer art supplies, smart choices for remodeling your home and even a shopper’s guide for quality green products, brands, stores and websites. I haven’t read it all the way through but I have read most of it and have been impressed with the helpful information in the book. One thing I appreciate about the book is that each chapter covers the impacts of our choices on the environment. I know that the idea of being green and changing family patterns and habits can be overwhelming but the book emphasizes that any choice to go greener is a step in the right direction. I think it would be impossible to overhaul everything in our lives all at once. I know in our family we are taking one step at a time and it still feels like we are doing so little. I am trusting that my small contribution combined with others contributions will help make a big impact on making the world a better place for my kids and grandkids.

Being green is definitely becoming more popular and easy to do. What kinds of green things do you do?