The Mom Crowd

I am a horrible singer. I have the ability to sing, but not always on key. Thankfully my kids don’t care. My 2 year old daughter doesn’t sing in tune either and we sound like a mess singing together. I enjoy singing to my children and with my children, but sometimes I get embarrassed singing around other adults, including my husband.

When my first was a tiny baby I made up a song to help soothe her. I have never sang it in front of my husband. We call it “the secret song.” I now sing “the secret song” to my second baby. Maybe it is silly and I should get over it, but I kind of like the bond it creates between me and my babies. Now this song is sort of a joke between my husband and myself. He jokes that “the secret song” doesn’t even exist. Its also fun to keep the joke going.

I often make up songs to make tasks easier. While my daughter waits for her peanut butter and jelly to be made we sing the words “peanut butter and jelly” in a funny way.

We sing all the nursery standards together a million times a day, Twinkle Little Star, ABCs, Itsy Bitsy Spider, etc. Now I get the joy of hearing her sing them on her own. My husband has a knack for picking up words in a song very easily. I sometimes wonder if my daughter will have this gift. She loves singing the songs in “The Aristocats.”

I do want to sing with my kids even if I am sometimes insecure about my voice. I have friends (Sarah, Dawn, and Natalie, to name a few) with amazing voices and I love hearing them sing. I know not to compare myself or I would never sing! I am thankful my kids don’t care if I can carry a tune right now. My daughter might be later if I am embarrassing her! LOL.

Do you sing to your children? Do you ever get insecure about your voice?

At the beginning of the summer I wrote this post in response to a reader question about playground bullies and I am glad I wrote it.  After reading all the comments I became a lot more confident in confronting other people’s children and speaking to their parents. I don’t play playground police every time, but I am certainly protective of my little 2 year old daughter, Annabelle.

While my daughter stood in the top of a large play set I noticed a 5 or 6 year old boy hovering and blocking her way on purpose. Then he bent down in her face and yelled. I was horrified! I saw the boy hovering, but she was up in the play set and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think he would scream in her face. She started crying and I coaxed her to another part of the playground for toddlers. The boy followed and was standing close and following again. Every time he came near her she started crying again.  I didn’t hesitate this time and asked him to not yell at my daughter and to play on the big kids play set. Then his grandfather came over and I explained that the boy was screaming in my daughter’s face. He only got defensive and said that he couldn’t watch both his grandsons at the same time. He did seem  overwhelmed with both boys, so I didn’t press it further. If the mother or father had been there I would have pressed the matter. It was very obvious that he was bullying.

In another instance we were at an indoor playground. I was pushing my daughter back and forth in a U shaped foam mat. Three older and larger boys came up and wanted to push her too and were trying to talk to Annabelle. One of the boys was leaning on a foam column and he reached to rock her. She stood and said “No!” and pushed the column he was leaning on. The boy fell and hit his face on the foam column and started crying. I totally laughed at first. I knew the boy was fine. He went to his mom and was crying to her. I went over and explained that he only hit his face on the soft mat column. I was glad that my daughter stood up for herself. These boys may not have intended to be bullies, but I am still befuddled why they would want to play with a 2 year old girl.

Last week there was a 3 or 4 year old boy throwing mulch on the kids as they went down the slide. I went up to him and said, “Hey Little Man, Let’s not throw it on the slide. How about you throw it on the bench or over here?” I was just redirecting him to throw the mulch where no one else was. He looked at me confused and just stopped. One girl came up and thanked me for getting him to stop. I never saw who was his parent, but it made me feel good that not only did I help my child but the other kids on the playground too.

I do not correct other children all the time, but I will say something if I see that my child may get hurt. Don’t be afraid to speak up on the playground!

Original post:

Summer is here and the playgrounds are full (unless you live in Texas and the 100-degree weather makes the slides feel like 150-degrees.) While at the playground your child may encounter bullies. What do you do?

Grace recently emailed us and asked this question about bullying in the playground:

Today at a playground, my 2 (almost 3) year old son was bullied by another toddler around his age.  The boy was throwing things at my son’s head and his mom wouldn’t do anything about it.  I tried to just keep my son away from the boy, but he would just run up to him and smack him in the head and run away.  I decided to confront his mom about it and she just denied it ever happened since she didn’t see it (she was talking to another mom at the time).  I got really upset of course and my son was too afraid to play anymore so I had to hold him since he couldn’t stop crying and I eventually decided that we should leave since it seemed to be too dangerous for my son to play with the bully running around.

I don’t think I handled the situation in the best way possible.

- What do you do when you see another child hit your child? My son
just stood there and cried and I just tried to comfort him.  I
didn’t feel that I could scold the other child because I was afraid
his mom would get upset with me for doing so.

- What do you say to the parent?  What if the parent denies anything
ever happened?  What if the parent doesn’t do anything about it even
after confronted?

I think there are a few ways that moms can deal with playground bullies. Not every way is right and not all are wrong. The way to handle a bully certainly depends on each specific situation.

1. Leave with your child and don’t say anything to anyone. While removing your child from a harmful situation may be a good thing, it doesn’t teach the child causing harm or your child anything. It may also send the wrong message to your own child, because it doesn’t teach them how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner. It may teach them that conflict should be avoided at all costs. This world is full of conflict and we need to teach our kids how to handle it well.

2. Speak to the mother or guardian present at the time. This is what Grace did in her situation. Dawn and I both agreed that we would have probably done the same thing. Hopefully, that parent will get on to their own child for misbehaving. However, in this situation the mom did not correct her son. I think if you plead your case with the parent and they do nothing, then it is okay to go and speak to their kid yourself.

3. Speak with the child who is being a bully. If that mom gets mad at you for correcting her child, then let them say their piece to you and don’t worry about it. At least, you can leave knowing that you tried your best to correct the situation. In other cases that mom may even thank you for correcting their kid. I know one time a bigger girl was kicking my not yet 2 year old daughter while she was sitting down at the top of a slide. My protective mama instincts came out and I immediately told her in a stern voice to stop kicking my child. Her mom never said anything to me about it.

Amelia thinks that in this situation talking with the kid would have been okay.

Had I been in [Grace's] shoes I would have told the boy to stop hitting my kid.  I feel that (especially with a 2 year old) it is important to be an advocate for your child and that if another child is doing something to your child then it is perfectly fine to say something to the (wrong-doing) child.  Something like, “It is not polite to hit.” Or, “Stop hitting my son.” Then if it continues, saying something to the parents is appropriate.  If someone takes an issue with you telling their child to stop hitting yours–it is their problem.  Most parents will see what is going on and discipline their own child.  Unfortunately there are parents who are losers and deny that their child could ever do anything wrong. In that case, I still think repeating whatever you said to the kid earlier is appropriate.

4. Teach your kid to hit back. (Again, not all of these ways are exactly right or wrong.) I do know one mom that has told her son that if another boy hits him first, then it is okay if he hits back. They want him to be able to defend himself and not always be a tattletale. They feel like their son is already a little whiny and sensitive, so this is their way of teaching their son to buck up.

5. Embarrass the other mother. One mom shared her story with me about how her son did hit back when he was hit by another kid. So she went to them to intervene and started to get on her son. She said loud and clear to her son “Who taught you to act like that? Some moms let their kids act like that, but I don’t!” She looked up and saw the other mother fuming. Perhaps this tactic may work, because that parent may have on gotten on her son later for embarrassing her.

What do you do if your child is being picked on at a playground? What would have done in Grace’s situation? Does the age of the children play a role in how to deal with a bully situation?

- photo courtesy of bullyinguk

Last week Southwest Airlines escorted a mother and her 2 year old son off a flight to San Jose, CA, because he was screaming “Go Plane Go!” and “I want Daddy!” according the Associated Press. The crew was concerned that the passengers could not hear the safety briefing to abide within FAA guidelines. The mother, Pamela Root, assured the attendants that her son would be quiet after take off and that she had planned to feed him while in the air. Southwest Airlines has since apologized to the mother, refunded her money, and gave her a $300 dollar voucher for a future flight.

I first heard about this story from a Facebook status of a friend that was applauding Southwest Airlines. Many of the comments of the status were in full agreement with the decision. As a mother of a toddler I was initially flabbergasted and angry.

I understand that the crew had a real concern with the safety announcements, but I really wonder how loud was the child. I read that the crew made offers of juice and colors to calm the boy down.

Some days are better than others when I go out shopping with my toddler. I know when to call it quits and try again at another time. Perhaps this was one of this instances where you just need to try again later, even if you are inconvenienced. Or do you just get through it? Thankfully the mother didn’t have to make a connecting flight or miss any major events.

I am glad that Southwest Airlines apologized, because this could have a set a bad precedent for future flights with kids. It would not be good if any flight attendant could remove families at their discretion for small matters. I wonder what would have happened if this took place in another country?  Cathay Pacific very kind and understanding when I flew with a 7 month old baby. The flight from Los Angeles to Hong Kong had several children, but everyone seemed to recognized it was just a fact of life and got through with the flight.

This incident on Southwest Airlines ended up not being a huge deal. The mother flew out the next day which I can only assume to have been a much easier flight, since she and her child did not get kicked off again. I hope it doesn’t happen again to another family. Otherwise, those of us traveling with toddlers may be in for some trouble!

Do you have any traveling stories with toddlers? What would you have done in that situation? Did the attendants make the right decision?

More on traveling with children:

• Incredibly True Traveling Stories: a Q & with Moms

• Traveling 40 Hours with a 7 Month Old

• More Travel Tips with a Baby

This is a guest post from my friend, Dawn Craig.  I saw on Facebook that she did not recommend the movie ‘Astroboy’ so I asked her to explain. Here is Dawn’s review of the movie.

What ever happened to movies that are capable of portraying a valuable life lesson in a manner that is suitable for children? My husband and I recently took our two daughters (6 and 7) to watch Astroboy for what we thought would be a nice, entertaining evening – instead I spent almost the whole movie comforting my youngest and worrying about the nightmares they would have that night. I should have known things weren’t going to go well when within the first five minutes the little boy Toby (later referred to as Astroboy) is killed by a huge robot named the “Peacekeeper” (created by a government official to help him win his next term in office.)

Toby’s dad has a meltdown, (which any parent would do under the circumstances), and creates a robot identical to his lost son, including all of Toby’s childhood memories. Shortly after his creation, Toby’s dad rejects the boy and orders him to be destroyed. Another scientist saves the young boy and instead tells him to go find his purpose in life and sends this robot child out into the world alone. At this point my kids are already asking why his daddy wouldn’t want him and where was he going to go. I thought at this point it couldn’t get any worse and that surely the producers wouldn’t maintain this negative storyline throughout the whole movie – I was wrong.

The movie continues on with scenes of orphans being manipulated by the only father-figure in their life, numerous attempts to kill Astroboy, the “Peacekeeper” destroying the city, the second death of Astroboy, and so much more. In the end obviously the good guy wins, but unfortunately the much too negative path to get there disallows any positive message to be seen.

I can understand and appreciate a writer’s need to create storylines that not only entertain the children but can hold the adults attention as well. Unfortunately it seems they keep continuing to push the line and have lost sight of the impression they can have on a young mind. Needless to say I wouldn’t recommend this movie to anyone with small children.

Have you seen the movie? What did you think? Also, have you seen Where the Wild Things Are? Would you recommend it?

Proverbs 3: 21-24 

My son (daughter), let them not vanish from your sight;
         Keep sound wisdom and discretion, 
    So they will be life to your soul
         And adornment to your neck. 
    Then you will walk in your way securely
         And your foot will not stumble. 
    When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
         When you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Oh sweet sleep, don’t we mothers wish for sweet sleep? The kind of sleep that is uninterrupted and makes you wake up in a good mood and feeling refreshed.  Proverbs 3:21 says that if we keep sound wisdom and discretion, then we can sleep well.  Merriam-Webster defines wisdom as “the ability to discern inner qualities and relationships, insight, & good sense.”  Discretion is defined as the “ability to make responsible decisions.”  I don’t know about you, but I sometimes have a hard time using good sense when things get a little crazy and I can’t think straight. It makes sense though, if we strive to make good decisions for our family and feel like we are doing the best we can, then we can sleep well.  We will have peace in our hearts knowing that we are doing the best we can to teach our children to learn good sense and make good choices for themselves.

All of us are doing the best we can to raise our children.  Don’t beat yourself up if you don’t feel like you are doing a good job, because you are!  Sleep in peace and don’t be afraid.  Let’s be adorned with wisdom and discretion so we can have life in our soul and sleep peacefully when we lie down!

Lord, please help me to be adorned with wisdom and discretion.  Help me make wise decisions with my family.  Please give me sound judgment when I need it.  Help me to be a good example of wisdom for my children to follow.  I pray that when I sleep that it will be sweet sleep.  I pray that my children & family have sweet sleep and rest.  Thank you for your gift of wisdom.  Amen.