The Mom Crowd

Do you have a community where you can find friends who will listen to you vent or just watch your kids for an hour? I don’t know what I would do without my online community of friends and my friends who live near me. I need them to ask advice or have adult interaction that lets me think about something other than diapers and what is for lunch. We sometimes watch each other’s kids while we go to appointments. I got through my three months of extreme morning sickness with the help and kindness of my friends.

Creating a community for yourself whether it be online or physically in your local area takes work. You have to step out of your shell and possibly risk rejection. You have to keep up with people’s lives. You have to schedule playdates and make time for people. You have to watch their kids, if they watch yours. No matter how much work it is, the benefits of having friends and community far outweigh the disadvantages of not having a group of people that you can lean on.

Here are a few places to find community:

• Online 

There are forums, blogs (like ours!), and social networks. I love reading my friends’ blogs. Dawn is one of our writers here. I haven’t seen her in person in 10 years, but I feel like I have a good friend through her blog, Facebook, and our emails. I haven’t really gotten into forums. I tried Baby Center, but just never got into it. I like Cafe Mom and the Mom Bloggers Club. I just recently became active in my Facebook account. I have a Twitter account, but none of my friends use it so it fell by the wayside. I like that The Mom Crowd is a part of the Blogher community and I enjoy reading other moms in the Blogher Network.

• Groups Targeting Mothers

MOPS is an organization to help you find other moms in your community. Stroller Fit leads you in workouts while pushing your baby in a stroller. You could join a La Leche League Group for breastfeeding mothers or find a playgroup in your area on Meetup.com.

• Your Neighborhood

Meeting your neighbors can be tricky, because you have catch them while they are outside. I met one mom at the playground. I stopped another mom while she was out walking. I am sure some of them think I am nuts, but I know where I can go if I need just a teaspoon of vanilla to finish my batter (true story). Just knowing who our immediate neighbors are is helpful and may even help you find a babysitter if one of them has a teenager looking for some cash.

• Church

A local church can be a great place to find other mothers who live around you. I have at least 5 friends that I met at church within a five-minute drive from me that I know I can call on if I need some help. During Hurricane Ike my friend Kara came over at the last minute to help me clean my house to get ready for guests. Depending on the size of the church it can be hard to meet people on a Sunday morning and you may have to attend an activity, a class, a life group, or a small group. Going to a small group can be difficult with kids bedtimes and schedules, but making time for meeting and connecting with people is worth the effort to have community.

So where do you find community? Do you feel supported or this something that you have to work at?

The Mom Crowd is taking the rest of the week off to be with our families. In the mean time you should check out Betty Confidential, a website chocked full of interesting articles for women. They just recently published McKenna’s post about Living Within Your Means. You will also see other The Mom Crowd posts on Betty too! So go check out Betty Confidential!

Enjoy your weekend and remember to be thankful. Even when your family is driving you nuts or your favorite football is losing. (Although,  the Texas Longhorns have no reason to lose to the Aggies tomorrow night!)

I know I am thankful for my Preggy Card which entitles me to seconds thirds of everything!

When I had my daughter I knew I would be traveling to the Philippines 7 months later and breastfeeding would be the easiest way to travel with her. So in those first few months I had to become proficient at breastfeeding in public places, because I didn’t know where I would be when I had to nurse Annabelle.

I am an incredibly modest person and I didn’t necessarily want to nurse in front of other men on a mission trip, but I had to learn how to nurse modestly. After the research I had done, I was surprised to find breastfeeding really common in the Philippines and some women would nurse while sitting in the church sanctuary. I wasn’t quite that brave.

Here is what I learned about nursing in public in the 14 months I nursed my daughter.

1. Be Confident. If you aren’t ashamed, then every one else will pick up on that vibe and they won’t be weirded out either. Besides, there is nothing to be ashamed about anyway!  I never made a big deal about it and I tried to be as discreet as possible.

2. Wear the right clothes. I never wanted to show my tummy gleaming with silvery lines on my stomach, so I would strategically wear clothes that I wouldn’t have to pull up my shirt. I would often wear a nursing bra or a nursing camisole under a shirt I could button down or had a large V-neck. Or I would wear a nursing camisole under a t-shirt and I could lift up the t-shirt without exposing my belly.

3. Use a nursing cover. I don’t think I ever nursed in public without one. I always felt confident that I was covered up and if my boob was out no one could see it. I used a cover that had a wire on top that bent to create a u-shape that I could look down into and make sure that my baby was doing alright. I bought mine here, but you can also buy some beautiful ones at Tot-to-Go.

4. Find a chair in a nursing room, restroom, or a changing room while traveling around town. I would sometimes plan my outings around Babies R Us, because they have a comfortable nursing room with a rocking chair. No one ever noticed that I wouldn’t buy anything. I would also scope out and make mental notes of restrooms that had a chair or couch in the ladies room. Sometimes I would just find an out of the way bench or nursed in the car. I think the more I nursed the more bold I became about where I nursed.

5. Practice! It took me a few times to practice holding my baby, putting the nursing cover on, and getting my boob out of my clothes. I would practice at parties or at homes with men around, so I could become more comfortable with it. I remember practicing at Ikea and it was one of the first times I had used my cover and I flashed my boob to Ikea somehow in the process.  I don’t think anyone cared.

Here is a very blurry photo of me nursing on a Jeepney…

…with about 20 other people on board. I think this is the weirdest place I ever nursed.

Need more information? Check out this awesome video by Susanne Carvin. I watched it when I first started nursing and I found it really helpful!

Did you (do you) nurse in public? Are you shy about it or was it not a big deal? Where is the weirdest place you ever nursed?

We all show our family that we love them in different ways. Another way that you can show your love for them is to show them that you care about them even after you are gone. The hard reality is that we are all going to leave this earth and we don’t know when. I have a friend whose husband unexpectedly passed when they were 27 years old and she had 3 month old twins to take care of. It doesn’t matter what stage of life you are in, you need to be prepared.

Each person makes their own decision how to prepare for the end from an emotional and spiritual aspect, but here are some practical steps to be prepared from a financial and administrative perspective.

1. Have a will.

Even if you don’t think you have a lot of assets, you need to have a will because you don’t want the State to dictate what happens to your property after you are gone. You have the opportunity now to take that responsibility. It will save your family a lot of time and grief knowing your wishes, because getting an estate in order after someone has passed can take a lot of time.  You may be surprised by how many possessions you own after completing a will.

It is good to discuss whom will care for your children if something should happen to both parents. It is certainly a hard decision and there are many factors to consider. I know one couple who does not tell anyone who the “godparents” are, because it isn’t a family member and they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is one decision I DO NOT want left up to the State’s probate laws.

Myth: I have to go through a lawyer to get a will.
Fact: Right now you can download a state specific will from USLegalForms.com for $20. Then all you have to do is fill it out and have it notarized.

2. Have Term Life Insurance.

If someone depends on your income then it is best to take out a policy for 8 – 10 times your income. Then once the life insurance money has been issued, your family can invest the money in a good growth stock mutual fund and if it earns at least a 10% return, you can live off of the interest. Then the lost income is replaced.  Since I am a Stay at Home Mom, this gives me an enormous amount of peace knowing that I will be okay for money if something should happen to my husband.

For Stay at Home Moms a policy should be for about $250,000 to $400,000, because a mom’s work is valued at about $40,000 a year. (Although, it feels like it should be more!) The idea is that if something happens to the mother, then the father can afford a Nanny or Child Care while he continues to working.

Don’t assume you have life insurance through your work. Find out the details of any life insurance plan you or your spouse has through work.

Term Life Insurance is not that expensive. You can go to ZanderIns.com for a quote. Depending on your age and how much coverage you want it can be $30 to $55 a month.

Myth: Whole Life Insurance is a great idea, because I can invest my money at the same time.
Fact:  The truth is that the return on investments in a whole life policy are horrible and it is better to put that money in a mutual fund. Also, there is not a guarantee that your beneficiaries will receive the savings upon your death. For more information about Whole Life Insurance go here.

3. Make plans for your estate.

Making a will and planning for your estate go hand in hand.  Estate planning will allow you to decide who will get your house, cars, or anything else you want. Also, if you give your house as an inheritance to your kids, then you can avoid a high rate of gift tax. On daveramsey.com “The federal government allows someone to die and leave in their estate $2 million without any estate taxes. An individual can only give another individual $12,000 before getting gift-taxed out the ear unless they claim it as part of their estate before they die.”  You can read more about this here under the question “Is Inheritance The Way To Go?”

The estate planning process is also where you will set up any trusts that you want to leave for your kids. You can even make stipulations on whatever specific areas you want. You can specify the age that they get it and how much or that it be used to pay for college.

Myth: Estate planning is only for rich people.
Fact:  The truth is that you may be surprised by how much you have. You need to make plans for the term life insurance money or if you own a home.

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If you have Mylicon Drops in your cabinet you need to check if they are ones being recalled. Apparently, some bits of metal have gotten into some bottles while manufacturing them.

This is from the Mylicon website:

JOHNSON & JOHNSON • MERCK CONSUMER PHARMACEUTICALS COMPANY ANNOUNCES URGENT VOLUNTARY NATIONWIDE RECALL OF INFANTS’ MYLICON® GAS RELIEF DYE FREE DROPS (SIMETHICONE-ANTIGAS) NON-STAINING DUE TO POSSIBLE METAL FRAGMENTS

Fort Washington, PA (November 10, 2008) – Johnson & Johnson • Merck Consumer Pharmaceuticals Company (JJMCP) is voluntarily recalling approximately 12,000 units of Infants’ MYLICON® GAS RELIEF DYE FREE drops (simethicone-antigas) non-staining sold in 1 oz. plastic bottles that were distributed after October 5, 2008 nationwide. The company is taking this action in consultation with the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA). Although the potential for serious medical events is low, the company is implementing this recall to the consumer level as a precaution after determining that some bottles could include metal fragments that were generated during the manufacturing process. If any medical events were to occur, most are expected to be temporary and resolve without medical treatment. Parents who have given the product to their infant and are concerned should contact their health care provider immediately.

The two lots of Infants’ MYLICON® GAS RELIEF DYE FREE drops non-staining 1 oz. bottles included in the recall are:

Consumers can find the lot numbers on the bottom of the box containing the product and also on the lower left side of the sticker on the product bottle.

Consumers who purchased Infants’ MYLICON® GAS RELIEF DYE FREE drops non-staining included in this recall should immediately stop using the product and contact the company at 1-800-222-9435 (Monday – Friday, 8:00 a.m. – 8:00 p.m. EST) or via the internet at www.mylicon.com for instructions regarding how to dispose of the product and request a replacement or refund.

Infants’ MYLICON® drops are sold over-the counter, in retail stores and pharmacies, as an anti-gas medicine to relieve the discomfort of infant gas frequently caused by air swallowing or by certain formulas or foods.

The recall does not affect any Original Infants’ MYLICON® GAS RELIEF products (1/2 oz. or 1 oz. size) or Infants’ MYLICON® GAS RELIEF DYE FREE drops non-staining (1/2 oz. size).

The manufacturer has instructed retailers and wholesalers to return their inventories.