The Mom Crowd

Over at San Diego Momma’s blog she has a post running where the people in the comments leave a blog prompt for the Commenter before them. Got it? You can check out the original post about it here and a clarifying post about it here. San Diego Momma is one of the coolest bloggers ever. She met me on a blind blogger date when I happened to be in San Diego. She even let me interview her when I didn’t know what I was doing. You can check out the video of our interview here. So enough gushing about San Diego Momma and on to the prompt.

Jessica at BernThis.com gave me this prompt: Tell us the worst decision you think you’ve made in your life and why and if you need more to write about, tell us the best decision you made and why.

The Worst Decision

I really don’t believe in regrets, so the first question is kind of hard for me. In 29 years of living I have thankfully not have had to deal with a lot of bad decisions. The first one that comes to mind is that I feel like I wasted 2 years of my awesome time in college dating this one guy. He struggled with homosexuality and didn’t want to live that lifestyle. So I felt like I could fix him. At least if he had a girlfriend, then people wouldn’t think he was gay. Nosy college students would ask me anyway. Thankfully I didn’t go as far as Mary in the movie ‘Saved!’ In fact, we never kissed, because we were going to save our first kiss for our wedding.  We were pretty close to getting engaged, but we ultimately broke up because I feel like I woke up and saw that we weren’t a good match.  He just wasn’t paying any attention to me. I had to beg him to meet me for dinner, so I could break up with him. I feel like some of that time was wasted.

Kelly Willis sings a song called ‘Find Another Fool.’ I often think of him when I hear the song. The first 2 verses read like this:

Now we’re down to saying our goodbyes
And you still don’t see the truth
All I did was try to make life better for you
But a woman just gets tired of being used

So find another fool to love you
The world is full of girls like me
Find a fool to take care of you
That’s a girl I’d like to see
Who’ll be the one when all is said and done
I know you
You’ll find another fool

I sort of did feel like a fool when it was all said and done. Many friends and family came up to me and said that they were glad that we broke up afterwords. I then wondered – why didn’t they tell me sooner!

About a year or two later I met my husband and was glad that I met him at the end of college, because we decided to get married after we graduated. I don’t know if I could have been engaged for more than 6 months!

The Best Decision

The best decision I feel like I have ever made was moving to San Antonio in 1998 to attend the University of Texas at San Antonio. Moving away from my family and starting a new life all on my own is one of my proudest moments in life. I didn’t know a single person when I moved to a completely new city. I quickly found friends and a job. Since graduating college I have married, had a good paying job in my major, and now do what I love as a Stay At Home Mom.

I feel like since I have moved once on my own that I can do it again (now with a family), but there isn’t any rush. I seriously love my town and those that have become my family and friends here.

———

Thanks, Jessica, for the prompt. Sorry I can’t come up with anything juicier for ya in the worst decision department. I can’t wait to read your post on a smell that takes you back or reminds you of something from Melanie at A Dramatic Mommy!

 So what are the best and worst decisions of your life? 

I will hopefully have my second baby anytime in the next 4 weeks. As most of you moms know, having a baby takes time away from your normal daily activities. So I may not be able to post as much as I normally would. I am incredibly thankful for my friends McKenna, Dawn, and Amelia who will be posting as usual and stepping up their posts to cover a few extra days for me. We would also love to hear from you! Are you interested in guest posting on The Mom Crowd?

If you are a regular reader of our blog you know that our posts are helpful, encouraging, informative, and inspiring. In the very least we try to be entertaining. We don’t cuss here or bad mouth other folks. We write a lot about pregnancy, being green, labor and delivery, moms in pop culture, and anything related to current state of our children.  Almost anything parenting related is on the table to be discussed.

If you are interested in guest posting you can email me (Amanda) what topic you would like to write about or the full text of your post at Amanda [at] themomcrowd.com. To keep the integrity of our site we will have to approve your post before it can be published. We are looking to fill in a few days in March. Please let me know by Feb. 28th and we will get back with you about guest posting.

Like all guest posts we will write a little intro about you and your blog (if you have one.) You can include a head shot or logo if you would like.

I can’t wait to hear what kind of topics are on your minds and hear from your perspective. I think getting my blog in order is part of my “nesting” in getting ready for the baby. I need to go wash some onesies now. 

I have mentioned before that I am currently in the process of picking baby names for my second little one coming in 4 weeks. We didn’t find out the gender so we have to pick out a boy and a girl name. It is one of the most exciting and difficult parts of having children. That is a lot of a pressure on a parent! Luckily I have a stack of baby name books to help me in the process. I like going to my library and checking out almost every baby name book they have. Here is a review of the stack currently sitting on my desk.

• “Cool Names for Babies” by Pamela Redmond Satran & Linda Rosenkrantz

‘Cool Names’ is a book of lists broken down into four different categories: Mainstream Names, Famous Names, Old Names, and Creative Names.  There is a February 2008 edition with a turquoise cover and an August 2003 edition with a red cover. Both are great sources if you are trying to find a name that is a little off the grid. Some of the lists are titled, “Old Lady Cool,” “Neo-Yuppie Cool Names,” and “Foreign Word Names.” Some of the names are completely off the wall, but it is a fun short book to look through.

• “50,000+ Baby Names! The Baby Name Bible” by Pamela Redmond Satran & Linda Rosenkrantz

’50,000+ Baby Names!’ is a great companion book to the authors’ other book ‘Cool Names’ because you can find a name in ‘Cool Names’ and then look up the definition of the name in the this book. It is also a good baby name book just to read through. I like that it puts a gray box and star next to up-and-coming names. It also has an arrow facing up or down next to names to indicate the trend in popularity. In addition to the definition of the name it also gives an opinion about the name and how it is interpreted in our current culture.

• “A World of Baby Names” by Teresa Norman

We found our first child’s name, Annabelle, in this book. It was sitting in our doctor’s office and my husband was reading through the Spanish section during a visit and found ‘Anabel.’ We decided to go with the most traditional spelling, but I like how this book is broken down into the origin of the name and gives a whole definition of a name. ‘A World of Baby Names’ is comprehensive and has a lot of names from foreign countries.

• “Puffy, Xena, Quentin, Uma : And 10,000 Other Names for Your New Millennium Baby” by Joal Ryan

I picked this one up from the library, because it looked interesting. It is not very comprehensive at all. Each chapter titled by a letter begins with advice in a section called ‘Crib Notes’ which contains comments on famous names, ‘Pocket Ts,’ ‘Trendy Suspenders,’ and ‘Think long, think hard.’ Unfortunately this advice is out of date ten years after being published. It also doesn’t seem to give full definitions of the names. Overall this book is okay, but I wouldn’t use it as my sole source of baby name information.

• “20,001 Names for Baby” by Carol Mcd. Wallace

I found this book in my coat closet left by the previous owners of my house. They knew that we were buying a 4 bedroom to fill it up with kids. They themselves had four children and moved out because the house became too small for them. It seems that I live in a fertile house! ’20,001’ was published in 1999 and is a no-fuss, easy to read baby name book. It has all the mainstream and common names and is great for a quick resource to look up a definition rather quickly.

It seems that I am obsessed with baby name books. I also like looking through them at Barnes and Nobles. I brought them all with me to the hospital when I gave birth to my first one, so we could pick a middle name. I am determined to have a first and middle name chosen before we go into labor this time!

Do you live in San Antonio and want some fabulous photos of your kids? You should check out Boerne’s premiere children’s portrait artist, Amy at Shutter Happy Photography. She is hosting free photography sessions between now and March 31st for a National Model Search. You can check out the details here. You can also find out more information about booking for Easter photographs and bluebonnet photos at her blog!

Valentine’s Day is coming up this Saturday and what better way to show your family that you love them than with a will and a life insurance policy! Okay, your family may not feel completely comforted by the reminder that you won’t be on earth forever, but it is something that you should have in order. Even if you just create a “love folder” and put all the documents in one place this weekend would a huge accomplishment. I know I feel loved by my husband’s proactive care for our family in case of an emergency. Here is a re-posting of my original post, ’7 Ways to Show Your Family That You Them’ in time for Valentine’s Day. 

We all show our family that we love them in different ways. Another way that you can show your love for them is to show them that you care about them even after you are gone. The hard reality is that we are all going to leave this earth and we don’t know when. I have a friend whose husband unexpectedly passed when they were 27 years old and she had 3 month old twins to take care of. It doesn’t matter what stage of life you are in, you need to be prepared.

Each person makes their own decision how to prepare for the end from an emotional and spiritual aspect, but here are some practical steps to be prepared from a financial and administrative perspective.

1. Have a will.

Even if you don’t think you have a lot of assets, you need to have a will because you don’t want the State to dictate what happens to your property after you are gone. You have the opportunity now to take that responsibility. It will save your family a lot of time and grief knowing your wishes, because getting an estate in order after someone has passed can take a lot of time.  You may be surprised by how many possessions you own after completing a will.

It is good to discuss whom will care for your children if something should happen to both parents. It is certainly a hard decision and there are many factors to consider. I know one couple who does not tell anyone who the “godparents” are, because it isn’t a family member and they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is one decision I DO NOT want left up to the State’s probate laws.

Myth: I have to go through a lawyer to get a will.
Fact: Right now you can download a state specific will from USLegalForms.com for $20. Then all you have to do is fill it out and have it notarized.

2. Have Term Life Insurance.

If someone depends on your income then it is best to take out a policy for 8 – 10 times your income. Then once the life insurance money has been issued, your family can invest the money in a good growth stock mutual fund and if it earns at least a 10% return, you can live off of the interest. Then the lost income is replaced.  Since I am a Stay at Home Mom, this gives me an enormous amount of peace knowing that I will be okay for money if something should happen to my husband.

For Stay at Home Moms a policy should be for about $250,000 to $400,000, because a mom’s work is valued at about $40,000 a year. (Although, it feels like it should be more!) The idea is that if something happens to the mother, then the father can afford a Nanny or Child Care while he continues to working.

Don’t assume you have life insurance through your work. Find out the details of any life insurance plan you or your spouse has through work.

Term Life Insurance is not that expensive. You can go to ZanderIns.com for a quote. Depending on your age and how much coverage you want it can be $30 to $55 a month.

Myth: Whole Life Insurance is a great idea, because I can invest my money at the same time.
Fact:  The truth is that the return on investments in a whole life policy are horrible and it is better to put that money in a mutual fund. Also, there is not a guarantee that your beneficiaries will receive the savings upon your death. For more information about Whole Life Insurance go here.

3. Make plans for your estate.

Making a will and planning for your estate go hand in hand.  Estate planning will allow you to decide who will get your house, cars, or anything else you want. Also, if you give your house as an inheritance to your kids, then you can avoid a high rate of gift tax. On daveramsey.com “The federal government allows someone to die and leave in their estate $2 million without any estate taxes. An individual can only give another individual $12,000 before getting gift-taxed out the ear unless they claim it as part of their estate before they die.”  You can read more about this here under the question “Is Inheritance The Way To Go?”

The estate planning process is also where you will set up any trusts that you want to leave for your kids. You can even make stipulations on whatever specific areas you want. You can specify the age that they get it and how much or that it be used to pay for college.

Myth: Estate planning is only for rich people.
Fact:  The truth is that you may be surprised by how much you have. You need to make plans for the term life insurance money or if you own a home.
4. Make a Living Will.

A living will is a legal document that a person uses to make known his or her wishes regarding life prolonging medical treatments. It can also be referred to as an advance directive, health care directive, or a physician’s directive. A living will should not be confused with a living trust, which is a mechanism for holding and distributing a person’s assets to avoid probate. It is important to have a living will as it informs your health care providers and your family about your desires for medical treatment in the event you are not able to speak for yourself. (From Alllaw.com.)

This may certainly help deter any family arguments if one family member wants to keep you on life support and another is ready to let you pass. If your wishes are known, then the family knows your wishes and they can respect them.

I would also add that it contain if you want an autopsy done or not to determine the cause of death. We had a death in the family last week and the family had to make this decision within hours of him passing. They didn’t know what to do and were not in a state to make that decision.

You can buy a Living Will at USLegalForms.com for $15 and get it notarized.

Myth: I don’t care what happens to me and the doctors will know what is best for me. 
Fact:  The truth is that you have say in the matter now and your family and even doctors may disagree on the kind of care that is best for you. You can save a lot of grief and arguments by making your wishes known.

5. Make Burial Plans.

You can make your burial plan wishes in your will. They can be as detailed or limited as you want. Making simple decisions about cremation or being buried can save your family a lot of trouble. You can let them know that a cheaper casket is okay and that they don’t have to get you the Lexus of caskets. Even if you want a full Catholic funeral with a Rosary or a simple memorial.

Myth: Pre-paid Funerals are a great idea.
Fact:  The truth is that you could spend that time investing in a mutual fund and get more for your money. You can make prearranged funeral plans so your family doesn’t have to make emotional decisions,  but you don’t have to buy your plans. If you invest your money instead, then you will have the money to pay for the burial. You can read more about it here.

6. Discuss your plans and wishes with another family member.

My husband and I often discuss our wishes to each other. It isn’t morbid, I just want to be prepared. With all the discussions and plans we have made, I know I would be okay if he passed. Of course, I would miss him and I would have to work hard at just breathing again, but I know deep down that I am going to make it. We have asked our parents what their wishes are, because we want to know. It is okay to bring the subject of burial up with your family.

Myth: If I discuss my wishes with someone else, then I may die really soon.
Fact:  The fact is that you are going to pass and no one knows when they are going to die. It is better to discuss it and save your family some grief and agony in their time of mourning.

7. Make a Love Drawer.

All of these plans and discussions will amount to nothing if no one knows where your will is. Wills are not publicly filed, so you need to know where it is in the house or safety deposit box. I know I have asked my parents for copies of their wills and they said “Sure, it is right here in the blue folder in the mounds of papers in the roll top desk.” and then they went to find it and couldn’t.  It is important to know where it is being kept. Give a copy to a friend or family member.

Put everything, wills, insurance policies, deposit box keys, burial plans all in one drawer. This is really showing how much you love your family.

Watch this video from Dave Ramsey on The Early Morning Show about how you can say “I love you!” with a Love Drawer.

Have you made any of these plans? Do you have a love drawer?