The Mom Crowd

Do you remember that scene in the beginning of the movie Parenthood (it came out in 1989 and if you haven’t seen it since you became a parent you totally should because it is really funny) where the Buckmans are driving home from a baseball game and their oldest son is singing, “when you’re sliding into first and you’re feeling something burst, diarrhea, diarrhea…“? It is a very catchy tune and funny, of course. It is one that all kids are sure to love.

But is it funny when your kids come home from school or a friends house and sing it to you? Are you like me–do you secretly hope that your kids will never learn cuss words or say things like, “I’m going to kill you!” or “Mom, can I have a toy gun because so-and-so has this really cool one at their house and I want one too.” (Things my kids have learned from other kids.) What about when your kid learns to hit others because that is what he/she sees other children doing? What do you do when your kids are influenced (by what you see as negative behavior) by other kids? What is the best way to respond?

This is something that I have been thinking about as a parent lately. We had a similar experience to the aforementioned scene in Parenthood a while back. We had some other kids in our car and one started singing this very intriguing song about underwear. My 3 year old, who loves music and is talented at rhyming words, quickly picked up the song that goes….

I don’t know, but I don’t care

I can see your underwear!

He had a look of sheer ecstasy on his face at hearing such words. He loves to sing it at the most appropriate times, over and over again–like standing in line at the grocery store, in a restaurant, or whenever it suits his fancy. While this other child was teaching this song to our kids, Jon and I sat in the front of the car looking at each other wondering how to respond to this silly song singing. The song is not as bad as some of the other things that will come our way, I know. It is a fairly innocent song. But, if we allow this one now are we just opening the door to worse ones later? If we make a big deal of it then the tabooness of the song becomes more appealing and if we ignore it and hope it goes away then are we going to be hearing that song all the time? It has been a few months now and we are hearing the song less and less. The trick has been not to laugh or react to it when he does sing it and to let him know that there are appropriate times to sing his silly song.

I recently read an article from a mom who allows her son to make poop jokes and potty humor–but only in the bathroom. I thought that was clever since potty humor is pretty irresistible and unavoidable on some level. I am thinking of instituting that rule in our house as well since jokes like, “it’s a picklepoopoosaurus” are becoming more and more popular. Don’t get me wrong I am a sucker for poop jokes myself–but I want my kids to know when it is appropriate to make them–like not a dinner time.

We are teaching the boys that some things are okay to play or talk about when it is just our family but not in front of other friends or guests. We want to teach them to be respectful of other people’s family values. For example, I have some friends who don’t allow their kids to play with toy guns. I originally started out not wanting my kids to play with guns either but after playing at a friends house who had toy guns my kids were exposed and wanted to play with them every time we went to their house. So, I gave in. It wasn’t a battle that I wanted to fight about. We just had a rule that you can’t shoot people and say things like, “I’m going to kill you!” We prefer, “I’m going to capture you, or get you.” I read an interesting article about how playing with (toy) guns is part of a child’s development and learning about death. It helped me to feel better about letting the boys play with swords and guns but I am sensitive to my friends parenting choices when it comes to such a sensitive topic. When we play with our friends who don’t allow gun playing then I will put away our kids assortment of toy weapons so it is not a temptation their children since they feel strongly that playing with guns/swords leads to violence.

One of my biggest fears is that now my kids will pass on their inappropriate jokes or habits they learned from other kids to other innocents.

I am still working out how I will handle these situations as they come so there isn’t any real advice I am handing out. Thankfully I have only had to deal with a few incidents but I know that more will come up as my children get older. There are so many scenarios that fit under this topic (playing with guns, bad language, potty humor, yelling, hitting, speaking rudely to parents, being mean to friends, not sharing toys, being selfish) so it is impossible to cover all of them. When our children are young it is easier to influence who they hang out with but as they get older and we aren’t around them all the time it becomes more and more difficult to control the things they learn from other kids.

We can teach our children how to choose their friends wisely, how to be respectful of others, and how to think about how their decisions affect others. And maybe as parents that is all we can shoot for.