The Mom Crowd

When I met my husband, I was blown away. “He is perfect.” I told my mom. There are a couple of other things you need to know though. He is divorced, has 3 kids, and is 10 years older than me…I know. A lot to swallow especially coming from her 18 year old daughter. Needless to say, she was speechless and my dad was not happy at all.This guy was so perfect, I didn’t care at all. In fact, a week after meeting him I moved from Texas to Washington D.C. So I became insta-mom. FAST.

Being a stepmom is no piece of cake. It is hard work. It is probably the most challenging thing I have ever experienced.  I don’t think any woman ever dreams up a fairy tale of being a stepmom. The same goes for marriage. Nobody gets married with the intention of it ending in divorce. It has been almost 7 years since we met and here are some key points I have learned during my time so far as being a stepmom to 3 kids.

• Leave the discipline to their dad. This is tough to learn and respect. I will never be their ‘mom’ and I shouldn’t try to be. When we first met, I would try to discipline the kids and the outcome was laughable. Who are you to discipline me? We just met you! Believe me when I say this, Leave it to their dad! If something comes up where the kids need discipline, tell the dad and let him handle it. (At least in the beginning.) Once your relationship grows, the kids will learn to respect you and your rules.                          

• I CHOSE the package deal. This is what I wanted. There were times when I resented being a ‘mom’ during the Summer…We should be traveling and laying on a beach somewhere I told him. After sitting on our deck one night, thinking how did this happen…I remembered that I chose this. This is what I wanted. When I married this perfect man, I married his kids too! This makes me get out my pouty mood and gets rid of my “What about me” attitude quick! Nobody forced me into this relationship. As soon as I realized this, it was smooth sailing.

• Don’t take it personally. This is probably the most important thing I learned. There have been numerous amounts of times that I have suggested something (where to go, what to do) and the kids just flat out say “No.” No big deal…right? WRONG! This was tough because I was trying SO hard for them to like me and they just did not care. It took years before the kids ever wanted to go anywhere with just me. By learning how to not take it personally, it allowed my relationship with the kids. We go everywhere together now.

• Give yourself a break! I mean this in 2 ways. 1. You are not perfect. If you say something wrong or do something wrong, it is okay! Nobody is perfect. 2. Get out of the house by yourself every now and then. Clear your mind and refresh yourself. Go to Starbucks and sit there by yourself until the very last drop of the Venti Mocha Frappuccino No whip is gone.