Santa: The Great Debate
As we are knee-deep in the holiday season, I am realizing something kinda important: Lucy has learned who Santa Claus is. (She’ll be three in a couple of months.) When we were decorating our tree a week ago, she said, “That’s Santa!” We think she picked up on it from an episode of “Dora the Explorer”. She is no longer an oblivious baby with no need to know about Santa one way or another. We’re now faced with the question: What do we teach her about Santa? People are always asking us at Christmastime if we “do Santa” with our kids, especially friends and people we know from our church. Apparently, it’s a tradition still embraced by most of the church-going folks in my own community.
[Until now, I think my husband & I just looked at this issue with a mixture of ambivalence and laziness. The older we get, the wearier we become with the whole commercial Christmas machine. It just seems somewhat insignificant in light of our world's greater troubles: the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the starving, the oppressed - the people who live on next to nothing and struggle just to survive. I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but the more I learn, the less I care about presents or Santa. My husband and I have pretty much decided not to give each other anything this year - we don't need more stuff - and donate our Christmas gift budget to a bigger cause. We did buy small gifts for Lucy and Eli.
I grew up with the magic of Christmas - I think I learned the truth about the jolly fat fellow when I was about nine years old. I loved Christmas season for the magic it brought with it, especially the gifts. As a child, the presents are all that matter! And well into my twenties, I tried to preserve that magic with gift giving galore. After awhile, though, I realized it was quite a job to shop for people who already have everything they need (or who can go buy what they want any other day of the year).]
But back to the question at hand: what and how do we teach our kids about this time-honored tradition of Santa Claus, Rudolph, and the naughty & nice list? Ultimately, it is a matter to be decided by each parent or set of parents. My husband and I need to sit down and decide how much we want our kids to believe, and how much we want to make it about God and the world and its brokenness, about Jesus’ birth and the Giant Rescue Plan God created to bring mankind back to Him. We also need to agree on how we’ll show the spirit of Christmas to our children – if we make it all about ourselves, the cookies, the parties, the fun, or if we balance it with a concern and compassion for others in need. (We don’t have it figured out yet, believe me.)
Then we have to figure out how to raise our kids in a culture that preserves and celebrates this annual tradition. No, I don’t want to be the “mean family” who spoils it for all of the other kids – I would hope we’d show our kids how to have discernment and keep certain things to themselves. But kids will be kids – they are more honest than anyone. I really can’t help it if my child wants to share something true with another child, especially if it’s an accident or in total innocence. It’s not my goal to correct the thinking of other children or to throw another family’s Christmas tradition under the bus. I’d rather our family be known for its commitment to serving others and being a light in the darkness. And I have a feeling we’ll be learning what that looks like through a lot of trial and error in the Christmases to come.
I recently read a couple of other articles on this topic, and was somewhat stunned by the extreme points of view people have about the tradition of Santa, especially when I hold them up to my own. “To each his own” I read a few times on comment boards, and I have to agree. Read at your own risk, and then decide for yourself whether or not it’s worth your precious time and energy to jump in on an argument that will ultimately lead nowhere. I say, let’s channel that energy into helping someone in need this season.
- I Refuse To Let My Kid Believe In Santa from the Momlogic Community
- Emily’s next-day response, also at Momlogic
- Should Kids Believe In Santa Claus? from Kaboose
- What a Family Therapist Says from Kaboose
Here at The Mom Crowd, we’d love for you to weigh in on the Santa tradition – I just humbly ask that we be nice to each other as we share our ideas and strategies. So let’s hear it: To what degree is Santa important in your family’s Christmas tradition? Are you annoyed with parents who don’t teach their kids about Santa? Are you annoyed with parents who do? Like me, are you somewhere in the middle? Is it possible to teach our kids how to keep a secret in order to protect another child’s innocence? Is it possible to teach our kids to be passionate about social justice and compassion for others as much as they care about gifts under the tree?
Share the fun: Email + Del.icio.us + Digg + Technorati
I think we are going to do Santa just for the first few years. I really enjoyed it as a kid. My husband also did it and we both turned out okay. However, I do think that we can incorporate church as well or maybe do Operation Christmas Child as a family.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this, Dawn!
Connor and Darah are both fascinated by Santa Claus this year! Connor doesn’t want to get too close to live Santas, but he LOVES waving “hi” from a distance and is very interested in all the Santa decor when we’re out and about. We’ll probably always have one small present from Santa under the tree and will probably always leave cookies and milk for him even after my children question his authenticity. I think Santa is a fun tradition.
While I think Santa will have a place in our home every Christmas, he will never supersede Christ or giving. We want to be very purposeful about teaching our children to share with those who are in need.
The hardest part about gift giving for me is there are a lot of family and friends who are big gift giversin our lives. How do you handle that? I enjoy giving gifts very much, but sometimes it just gets to be too much. Ummm…I think that’s a bunny trail! LOL!
I have a lot to say about this but I think I’ll wait until some others chime in. I have a lot of passionate thoughts but am still trying to tame them and figure out why I feel the way I do and what I want to do in response.
Joaquin first started asking about Santa last year when he was 3. And we told him the story of Santa and that some people like to imagine that Santa comes to their house. But we have never given the kids gifts “from Santa.” We don’t even play up gift-giving so much at Christmas. We try to make it more about Jesus, being thankful for our blessings, sharing, and family.
It is hard though becuase our extended family doesn’t really understand, agree, or support us in our decisions (really they’ve never really asked) and just talk Santa up all the time. Last year the kids were showered with tons of gifts some even said “from Santa” on the tag (so I can totally relate to what you say about “too much” McKenna) And this year Joaquin has recieved lots of interesting messages from his grandparents – they ask if he’s written his Christmas list to Santa, or what he wants from Santa. I was really proud of him the other day when my mom asked him what he wanted Santa to bring him he said, “It doesn’t matter. I’ll like whatever” (instead of a laundry list of things he wants). I’m also happy that he can come to us and ask questions whenever he’s confused about things.
Santa or not, though I think our hope is that our kids know, bottome-line, Chirstmas is about God’s love and grace to us – it’s about Jesus. I don’t mean that in a trite “Jesus is the reason for the season” way either. Our hope is that we can create a tradition of celebration and joy because of our Saviour. And not because of all the things we get.
And I do think it’s possible to raise our kids’ awareness about the need in the world and teach them to care for others before themselves. Every year befor birthdays and Christmas we go through toys together choosing toys that Joaquin wants to give away to kids who don’t have. And then together we take them to a donation station. Some years Joaquin has been less excited than others, but after we talk about it, he always comes to the point of joyfully giving because I think he really cares that there are kids that don’t have what he has.
Anyway, those are my thoughts…..
My husband and I never discussed this subject until we had our first child. Had I known what would happen, it would have been the first item on my date topic list. It is to this day the biggest fight we have ever had in 15 years.
I grew up not technically believing in Santa. My parents never said there was no Santa. We got presents from Santa, but apart from that, the illusion of Santa was never perpetuated. I always knew where my gifts came from. I don’t know if it was intuition or if my parents never kept the fact that they were Christmas shopping a secret. I remember being in Kindergarten and my Mother making a point of telling me not to tell the other kids at school that their parents were really Santa. I also remember how sorry I felt for those children. How could their parents lie to them that way? How were they going to feel when they found out the truth? For me Christmas was always a magical time, not because of Santa but because of the fun of decorating, seeing all of the lights, the gracious and happy attitude of people at that time of the year, and the gifts of course. To this day I love Christmas time and I couldn’t care less about gifts. Enjoying the time with my family and the excitement and fun I see in my children is the most important thing to me.
My husband had a very different experience. His parents went out of thier way to make them believe in Santa. Going as far as ringing bells outside the window. He felt our children would miss out on that magic and excitement he experienced.
We both had very different ideas about how to handle this situation.
In the end I think we both got our way. I direct all Santa questions to Dad. That way I don’t have to lie and I don’t have to be brutally honest. Dad tries to refrain from blatantly giving them more reason to believe in the fact that Santa is a literal fact and answers questions accordingly.
What is the result? Our kids believe in Santa but ask so many questions that I think their logic is telling them something different. Our oldest is 6 this year and beginning to become a little more aware and will probably put all of the pieces together by next Christmas.
What will I say when she asks me the inevitable question? I’ll ask, “What do you think?”
When asked for an explanation I will tell her that I believe in Santa because he lives in all of our hearts as the Spirit of Christmas. He just doesn’t live at the North Pole.
I believe lying is wrong and my husband just wants our children to be children. I think we’re both right.
Jackson is getting interested in Santa….when he sees him he says “Christmas!!!” On one hand I see the innocence and excitement that our little 2 1/2 year old has and on the other hand I want him to also know that “Christmas!!!” is not about Santa, but about Jesus Christ.
I loved believing in Santa as a child. Jason was devestated when he found out his parents lied to him. So, we have decided that if Jackson asks if he is real we will tell him the truth. However, I do remember asking my Mom this same question and when she told me the truth I refused to believe her…. I think sometimes children love to believe in the spirit of Christmas. It’s kind of like hearing a child’s prayer. They just believe.
My parents were strict and had a strong religious background, and there were years we would forego Christmas altogether. I vowed to always let my son experience the magic of the entire Christmas season. We do not buy for him during the year, and he knows that on Christmas morning, he can expect a pile of toys that he’s longed for all year. In the process, we teach him delayed gratification, giving to others, and how to be generous. He appreciates every last detail of what he’s given and for that reason, I’ve seen no reason to change anything. I’ve taught him about the magic of Santa, and am ready for the year that he questions whether he’s real. I think every family has to find their own balance that works for them.
We have chosen not to do the Santa thing for several reasons.
The most important reason we do not partake in the Santa tradition is that we want our kids to trust our word. We have friends whose kids were crushed once they found out Santa was not real. The kids began to doubt whether or not Jesus was real too. As far as they were concerned, Jesus was another character that people told wonderful stories about. That’s not a risk we want to take. We rather focus on the real reason for celebrating.
When our children ask about Santa and if he is real, we tell them that the Santa they hear about now is not. Instead we tell them about St. Nicholas and his generosity and how other people took his story and turned it into the Santa myth. Even though Santa isn’t real, he can remind us how we should be generous and loving to other people.
http://www.stnicholascenter.org
For us…
Our kids need to know the story behind Christmas, why we really celebrate.
We also wanted Santa to be a part, for the touch of magic.
This is how both my husband and I were raised, and we feel it’s a great way to celebrate with our children. The truth about Santa will be talked over when the time is right. And we feel it will be easy if we present the true person, the true story that the “Santa” we know of is based on.
Is there a good book about the original St. Nick?
Such a great topic, Dawn. I grew up in a non-santa home. He wasn’t dissed, just ignored. I didn’t miss him at all but I did miss having a stocking. My sisters and I even bought ourselves one and filled them ourselves. (: Personally, I’m not comfortable with him. Isn’t a star, multitude of heavenly hosts, wisemen, birth of a Saviour magical enough, I ask myself? I am certainly not offended by those who choose to include Santa in their celebration.
We do celebrate St. Nicholas on Dec. 6 since this was a tradition in my husband’s family. Children put their shoes out and in the morning they are filled with candy and maybe a small present. At first I was opposed to it but since it is almost 3 weeks before christmas and we just include it in our Advent activities, AND peace in marriage is much more important that some candy in a shoe (: we go with it.
As a family we are also trying to get the focus off the load of presents but still enjoy the season while focusing on Christ. While it is still evolving we have found a couple of strategies that have worked for us the last couple of years.
We celebrate Advent in 2 different ways. In the mornings we do our “Jesse Tree”. We read a short passage from their Children’s bible and put a corresponding ornament on our special Jesse tree. My 4 year old loves this and reminds me when i forget. There is a lot of info. on the internet about it.
We also celebrate Advent by doing a special activity with each other every day. I made a very simple calender with little pockets and then laminated it. I wrote up a list of activities(drink hot chocolate, read winter/christmas books, go for a moon-lit walk, watch a christmas movie, make a gingerbread house/candy/cookies, call cousin on birthday etc.) Every day we pull a piece of paper and do that activity. I hope that Christmas memories will be of time spent together having fun rather than having scored with a load of gifts. We do give gifts but TRY to limit to one biggish gift and 2 or 3 smaller ones. They get plenty from cousins and and grandparents etc.
I do feel like we, as a family, are very weak at serving others at christmas. Last year we did “Christmas-in-a-shoebox” from Samaritans’ Purse but the deadline slipped past us this year. ):
Sorry for making this so long. I’ve enjoyed everyone’s contributions!
Amelia, are you ready to weigh in now?
Thank you everyone, for your thoughtful and helpful responses! I have learned a lot and have gotten some new strategies.
I enjoyed doing Christmas with a Santa Theme when my children were small (now 23, 19 & 18). My letters from Santa to them always mentioned things about how they were doing in school and thanking them for trying their best to be good that year. The most important part of “Santa’s” letter was to remind them that it was an awesome time of the year because we were celebrating Jesus’ birthday and how He and His father loved us so much.
It’s so amazing to see children’s faces when they believe in Santa. Another thing no presents were exposed until my children went to sleep on Christmas Eve.
This all went on until, one by one, they figured out who Santa was. Sinmce then we focus on the true meaning of Christmas. I dislike the materialistic view of Christmas. We try to take this time to help the less fortunate.
[...] just a normal mom.” (Does this seem like familiar territory? See The Mom Crowd’s discussion about Santa from last [...]
Great patience Jen! I know those liltte ones can be difficult to work with! And God certainly used your gifts to bring out the beauty of those precious kids!