The Mom Crowd

Sibling rivalry is common in many families. Even if your children are very close most of the time and get along very well it is often likely that they will argue and fight sometimes.

There is no sibling rivalry to worry about until your second child comes along. For some first born children the rivalry begins even before their baby brother or sister comes into the world. As the children grow they will find themselves in an emotional tug of war at times. This can be over everything from the attention and love of their parents to the attention from grandparents to toys. As children develop from one stage to another they are constantly changing and different needs can arise which can cause conflict in their sibling relationship. The more children you have the more of a problem sibling rivalry can become.

No parent enjoys watching the result of sibling rivalry. In some households the rivalry can be very mild and can involve only words while in other households it can escalate to become much worse. This rivalry amongst kids in a home can lead to a stressful environment for everyone who resides there. What you need to do is to find reasonable ways to keep the peace and to encourage your children to be able to live in harmony with each other (or at least to make it such that your living environment is civil!).

Why Does Sibling Rivalry Exist?

Kids of both genders as well as kids of the same gender can have disagreements and feel jealous of one another for a number of reasons.  Competition among siblings is something that can get out of control in some homes if one child feels that they are left out or are not receiving enough love or attention from one or both parents. If they experience unequal treatment then they can turn on their sibling and blame the other person for how they are feeling (which is hurt, sad and disappointed).

The temperaments of each boy or girl in a household can contribute to sibling rivalry as can the developing needs of each individual. The ways in which a child’s identity is developing and how he or she is changing can lead to bickering, competition, jealousy and anger towards a sibling. For teens a need for independence and a need to assert one’s own individuality can be a contributing factor to the rivalry between siblings.

The way parents model for their children can also make a difference to how the kids relate and interact with each other. As well if a child is sick or requires more time or attention from a parent then the other sibling in a family can end up feeling left out in the cold and in some cases downright unloved. This can cause anger to erupt towards the other sibling.

Coping with Rivalry Amongst Siblings

Nobody enjoys living in a household where fighting, arguing and bickering are daily occurrences. As a parent you may wish to intervene but it is best to not get involved unless you fear that your children may do each other physical harm. Let your children find a way to work out their own problems. You may need to step in however if they are too young to problem solve on their own and to reach an understanding that works for them both.

If your kids call each other names then you can coach your children on what is appropriate to say and not say. You can teach them to express what they are feeling to their sibling without using hurtful words.

You may find that there are times when you must step in to bring an end to the conflict. If you do then you must remain neutral. If you take sides or appear to be saving one child from another then this can lead to more sibling rivalry in the future. What you should aim to do is to resolve the issue with your children or teens but not to resolve it for them.