The Mom Crowd

Okay, so maybe it isn’t the ultimate top 5. It is really hard to choose 5 because there are so many things to be prepared for when it comes to labor and birth! These are good ones though–so if you are pregnant for the first time, third time or know someone who is pregnant looking for some labor advice this may help.

My philosophy is that you should educate yourself about labor and birth in the same way you would when you buy a car or choose a college. Take an independent childbirth class other than what is offered at the hospital: The Bradley Method, HypnoBirthing, BabyBodyBirth, Birthing From Within, ICEA are all good choices. Try not to wait until the last minute to take a class since some classes are as much as 12 weeks long.

Here are the tips:

1. Have a person committed to being your labor support. Most often it is the husband but some women find comfort in having their mothers, a friend, or hiring a doula to be their labor companion. Also–and this one is really important; tell your labor support to pay attention to YOU–not the electric fetal monitor. You don’t need them to tell you when you are having a contraction or how intense it was– you know because you can feel it. What you need most is for someone to help you relax through the contractions. It is really hard for some people to NOT watch the machines in the room–kind of like when a tv is on in a room–it is hard not to watch it– but when a mom is in labor she needs the attention more than the machine.

2. Don’t go to the hospital too soon. This is probably one of the biggest mistakes that parents make. When it is your first time to have a baby it is exciting and you don’t know what to expect so it is easy to head to the hospital too early. The big problem at arriving too soon is that you begin being held to the hospital’s time table and unfortunately many birth attendants will begin to offer to help “speed things along” by offering pitocin when it really isn’t needed. Meddling with a labor that is doing fine often leads to many other interventions and problems. Heading to the hospital when contractions are a minute long and 5 minutes apart for at least one hour is a good rule of thumb. If you can still walk, talk, and laugh during contractions it is too early to go to the hospital. Because labor patterns vary it is probably better to look at the physical signposts of a mom to help determine when to head out to the hospital. When mom can’t talk during a contraction and starts to need to relax and be quiet between contractions that is usually a good sign to go on to the birth place.

3. If you are shooting for an unmedicated birth practice relaxation techniques for several weeks before the birth. Relaxation techniques can even be helpful for moms who want an epidural. Most doctors allow epidurals when women get to 3 or 4 cm and having some relaxation techniques in your “tool box” of laboring knowledge can help a mom cope with the pain of the contractions. Some things I teach in my class are massage, progressive relaxation, and visual relaxation. Some moms enjoy being read poems, literature, scripture, or listening to some relaxing music while laboring to cope with contractions.

4. When working with contractions make low pitched groaning sounds (like a cow moo) rather than high pitched squeals. Some moms find a lot of relief vocalizing through contractions and the low pitched groans are relaxing. You can practice now if you want. Try making a high pitched squeal and you will find that your shoulders or other parts of your body tense up. Tensing up during a contraction actually causes more pain. The low moans help you release your muscles which makes the contraction less painful.

5. Relax your jaw. Ina May Gaskin, a well-known midwife in Tennesee says that women with a relaxed jaw and mouth have a relaxed bottom and that it helps the cervix open faster. It is easy to grit your teeth when in pain but focusing on keeping that jaw relaxed can speed labor along. Taking a bath, staying upright during labor, getting massaged from your labor supporters can all help the jaw stay relaxed.

I find myself mentioning most of these when asked for advice on labor. I hope you or a friend might find them helpful too.

Some good sources are:

Mind Over Labor by Carl Jones (This book is an amazing resource for relaxation techniques)

Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth by Ina May Gaskin

The Birth Book by Dr. Sears

This is a great resource for your labor support person. It has some great tips on how to help a laboring mom.

What did you find helpful during your labors?

Heather B. Armstrong from dooce.com was featured on Nightline on Monday night and the Today Show last week. The Dateline interviewer called her “The Queen of Mommy Bloggers.” She has inspired many moms to share their stories online. Of course I can’t make the mundane as interesting as she does, nor would I want her style of writing. (Okay maybe some of it, minus the cussing.)

The Nightline segment highlighted mom bloggers in a positive light and gave Heather time to explain herself. Unlike the Today Show segment where Kathie Lee made some quips about “mixed emotions” and then transitioned into the next segment on housewares. I was seriously disappointed in the missed opportunity to showcase the wonderful world of blogging on the Today Show. Someone should have told Kathie Lee what a blog was before the interview.

You must check out the Nightline segment here.

Here is the Today Show segment in case you missed it:

In case you aren’t already one of her one million fans and haven’t seen it yet, she wrote about her experience on the Today Show today.

While we are on the subject of Dooce. If are even remotely jealous of Heather’s success (and 40K a month revenue) check out A Mommy Story’s post titled, “How to Become a Popular Mommyblogger.” Here is my favorite part of her post. It is completely true!

The truth is, if you’re blogging to become popular/famous, you might want to reconsider your goals. After all, being a famous mommyblogger amounts to nearly nothing outside of our little electronic boxes and internet tubes. Go ask your hairstylist who Dooce is – chances are, she doesn’t know. Ask your parents, your neighbor, the mailman. They probably don’t know, either.

Maybe, just maybe, our family and friends and neighbors will start knowing what a blog is if the media keeps covering Heather and all the other amazing mom bloggers writing about poop and boogers.

Did you watch the Today Show and Dateline segments? What did you think?

I am still annoyed that Hoda Kotb said “Mommy Bloggers” in a funny voice and used air quotes in the introduction. Really?

My daughter, Darah was tube fed for the first two years of her life. Most people had absolutely no idea what her feeding tube was and I got a lot of stares or quick “look aways” and a lot of questions about what those tubes were for. Darah was born with a very serious heart defect. This heart defect made her incredibly tired. In addition to her heart defect, she also has low muscle tone, because she had Down syndrome. The combination of low muscle tone and her exhaustion from her heart defect made her suck/swallow/breathe coordination impossible. From day one, we had to sustain her life by using a feeding tube.

The first feeding tube we used was an Oral Gastric (OG) tube and after about a month, Darah graduated to a Naso Gastric (NG) tube. The OG tube is a feeding tube that is inserted in the mouth, down the esophagus, into the stomach. The NG tube is inserted through the nostril, down the esophagus, and into the stomach. With a syringe (or pump), we were able to pour my breastmilk or formula into Darah’s stomach. Darah’s open heart surgery was not until she was three months old, so she received all of her nourishment through her feeding tube. The NG Tube made her very sensitive to anything coming near her face or mouth. This oral aversion led to a surgically placed feeding tube when she was five months old. This G-tube allowed us to give Darah her necessary calories and fluids and attempt to work on feeding. She started off with a Peg Tube, which is a feeding tube in the tummy that has a permanent extension tube attached to it. After that healed, 6 weeks later, we switched that out for a Mic-key button. The best way to describe this is it’s just like a beach ball plug. It snaps shut when you’re not using it, and when you’re ready to access it you can unplug it and attach a tube extension to it.

Fast forward to Darah at 16 months old. She had made very minimal progr ess with oral feedings and we decided to attend a six-week inpatient, intensive feeding program in Dallas, Texas. This program (Our Children’s House at Baylor) was the best thing we ever did. When we completed our 6 week stay, Darah was taking all of her caloric needs orally. She still struggled with drinking, however she was taking all of her fluids orally by her second birthday. Her feeding tube was removed a few days before her second birthday! She now loves to eat and drink! (I never thought I’d be able to say that!)

If you are dealing with a feeding tube, or severe feeding issues, I strongly encourage you to do a few things:

• Find support from other moms who have been there/done that! I found this great yahoo group that was always there for my questions and concerns.
• Don’t go it alone! Ask close friends or family to learn how to feed your child. By training a few people, you can get those much needed breaks from the whole feeding process. Most people will be happy to learn and to help.
• Ask questions! If you aren’t comfortable with your doctor’s advice, get a second opinion. G-tube surgeries are done a lot, however it is still major surgery. So, ask questions! Remember that this is YOUR baby! It’s so easy to forget that when you have a child with multiple health issues.
• Get lots of “extras!” Every time you’re in the hospital or doctor’s office, make sure you pick up a spare g-tube, extensions, and syringes!
• Find an EXCELLENT Speech Pathologist and Occupational Therapist. Don’t be afraid to “shop around.” Find a therapist who is a researcher and not afraid to think outside the box.
• Don’t be easily offended. A lot of people stared at Darah’s tube because they just didn’t know what it was. If anyone asked me about it, I happily educated them on it. People don’t mean to offend when they stare (or quickly look away), they just don’t know what it is and don’t know how to respond.

I love answering questions about feeding tubes and would love for anyone to take the opportunity to share their tube-feeding story, experience, or question!

Here’s some more resources for you:

Tummy Tunnels

New Visions-Children with Feeding Tubes

Kids with Tubes

Little Bites Support Group

In honor of Mother’s Day, The Polkadot Platypus is giving away this super cute Cappucino Dot Changing Kit by The Bumble Collection just for simply leaving a comment on their blog. The Polkadot Platypus was recently featured on The Today Show for being a company who gives back. A portion of all of their proceeds are donated to organizations that benefit Down syndrome awareness, research and education. The contest ends May 16th, 2008, so hurry over and let them know you stopped by so you can hopefully win this super great changing pad! You can view the contest and their feature from The Today Show by clicking here. You can also browse some of their other incredibly great products and know that any purchase you make is benefiting people with Down syndrome!

I used wonder why first birthday parties were such a big deal. The party is really for the parents, right? Now I understand that the first birthday party is a celebration of life bringing friends and family together. The party marks a milestone of surviving the difficult first year for both the little one and the parents.

Our celebration turned out wonderful. I love party planning and helping everyone have a great time. Here’s a few keys that I’ve found that will help make your first (or any) birthday party a success:

• 1. Consider your child’s nap times when scheduling the time of the party. Plan the party around your child’s nap times so they will be happy when it is time to start. We started our party at 4:00 p.m. This allowed Ace to get two naps in during the day and all the kids that attended could eat dinner at the party and be home by bedtime.

• 2. Every first birthday party must have cake! The theme of our party was flowers, so my husband made two cakes in the shape of a flower. We bought a cake flower pan at Hobby Lobby and used boxed cake mix. We didn’t have time to make a special small cake for Ace so I just cut off one of the petals for her to dig into. No one cared that she didn’t have a special cake to herself.

• 3. Play fun party music! The key is not to play what you like, but what will get the party going. Just because I like alternative-folk music doesn’t mean that everyone else likes it. Nor does it make for a fun party atmosphere. We hooked up my husband’s laptop to a receiver which connected to a pair of large speakers and played music from Internet radio through iTunes. We placed the speakers outside an open window in the backyard so it could be heard both inside and out.

• 4. Have activities for all ages. We set out toys inside the house for the little ones. In the backyard we had horseshoes and a game called Washers for older kids and adults. All these games were borrowed so we didn’t have to spend a dime!

• 5. If you are serving food have it ready near the beginning of the party. This is one of my personal pet peeves. If I know that a party is serving food I usually arrive hungry and ready to eat. I don’t want to wait an hour while you fire up the grill. Serving food at the beginning of the party usually makes everyone happy.

• 6. Have someone else take pictures for you. I am so thankful for my friend Kara who got some amazing shots. I was free to mingle and take care of Ace while she digitally recorded the special day for us.

• 7. Have plenty of seating. I didn’t want my guests trying to cut their brisket served on a paper plate in their laps. I borrowed a couple of extra tables and chairs for the back yard. I covered them with plastic table clothes bought at the dollar store for 99 cents each.

• 8. Clean your entire house the week prior. I know this may seem like a daunting task, but it is worth it. I am much more calm and clear-minded when my house is clean. I never stressed if a guest wandered into a room with a closed door. A few guests used the guest bedroom to change and I was thankful that I had picked up that room.

• 9. Cut the cake at least halfway or two-thirds into the party so people can feel free to leave. Everyone wants to see the little one take their first bite of pure sugar cake, so don’t make them wait too long!

• 10. Open presents at the end of the party. Opening presents can take a long time, so it is best to do it after the cake. The people who wanted to see the gifts stayed and had a great time.

• 11. Make a slideshow of photos to play on the T.V. I put a bunch of photos on my ipod and hooked my ipod to the T.V. You can also make a video of photos and burn it to a DVD. Or you could connect your computer to the television and play a slide show. Many people wandered into the living room and watched the entire show. The party guests enjoyed seeing themselves in the slideshow. It is a great way to celebrate your little one’s first year of life.

• 12. Enlist help to set up before the party. You cannot set up all by yourself. Have a friend or relative come early and help. I am seriously thankful for the folks that helped me.

• 13. Carefully plan the food set up and flow of traffic before the party. Spending a few minutes to think about where the plates, food, and drinks go will help keep people moving through the kitchen and clear any traffic jams.

• 14. Place cheerios and goldfish out for the little ones. They will appreciate the snack just for them. The cheerios were a big hit at our party.

• 15. Have the washtub and a back up outfit ready. Ace got a quick bath to rinse off the icing and she got to wear two super cute dresses to her party. It was handy knowing I had a back up in case the first got covered in cake.

• 16. Don’t make people feel obligated to stay more than two hours. I really like to respect people’s time and they appreciate it too. If people want to stay they will stay, but I think a party is much more fun if it doesn’t drag out the whole day.

• 17. If you have a party at lunchtime or dinner then you should serve food. If you are just going to serve cake and snacks have it mid-morning or mid-afternoon. I think guests will be hungry if you have the party around a usual meal time.

• 18. Save money and time by serving lemonade and tea made from instant powder. I spent about fifteen bucks for the drinks and cups for fifty people. It was a lot cheaper than serving sodas! Honestly, the instant tea wasn’t that bad.

• 19. Don’t stress if everything isn’t perfect or you forgot something. The party will go on and everything works out. The focus is on your family and the new little one, not that you ran out of cups.

• 20. Be in the moment. Once the party is going – enjoy it! Don’t forget to eat, mingle, and be proud of your accomplishment – your family has survived the first year!

Did you have a large first birthday celebration? How did it go? Do you have party pet peeves or any rules that you usually follow when you host? Do you have any money saving tips for parties?