The Mom Crowd

If you have concerns with your mom or the mother figure in your life, then you need to read ‘The Mom Factor’ by Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend. These are also the same guys who wrote another excellent book ‘Boundaries.’ I really felt like I was sitting through a counseling session as I read through the book. The authors have years of counseling experience to draw from as they give relevant examples in each chapter. As a bonus there are nuggets of good parenting advice nestled in the chapters.

‘The Mom Factor’ presents six different types of mothers: The Phantom Mom; The China Doll; The Controlling Mom; The Trophy Mom; The Still the Boss Mom; and The American Express Mom. Each mother type and how that type has affected you as an adult is described in one chapter and the following chapter explains how readers can change the adverse affects in their lives today. There is also a section with each mother type that gives suggestions on how to deal with your mother today. The book is very well organized and easy to read.

Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend debunk the popular psychology theory of blaming your parents for your problems. They want to promote forgiveness and reconciliation in your relationship with your mother. In The Phantom Mom chapter they explain that for whatever reason the mother just wasn’t able to give their child the care and attention that they needed. We can’t blame our mother for what they didn’t have themselves to give in the first place.

I found freedom as I read through the chapters that I found relevant to my situation. I have expectations of what my mom should be like today. The book gave me permission to have those expectations met by other women in my life. Also, the suggestions on how to relate to my mother today really helped me.

I believe any son or daughter who has struggles or has questions about their relationship with their mother would benefit from reading this book. Even if they don’t read the entire book and just the chapters that relate to them they would find something useful to make their relationship better.

This summer, my daughter had the opportunity to play with lots of her friends’ toys, but one of her favorite s was the water table.  She likes dipping her hands in water and playing with sand.  On this same day, she couldn’t even be pulled away from the table to take pictures with everyone; she stuck by that table with great determination, as seen on her face.

When I asked the other moms in my playgroup if they liked this toy, they said yes, but one mentioned how she didn’t like the sand.  After these pictures were taken, they removed it from the table.  Apparently, it attracted bugs.

I recently noticed a water table offered on my local Freecycle, and I wondered if I should go through the trouble of acquiring it.  How many of you have water/sand tables?  Is it a must-have for your toddler?  What inconveniences have you noticed with keeping one?  What other toys were indispensible for you this summer?

I think I have a record player, or should I say cd player, implanted in my brain.  It causes my voice to repeat things over and over.  Does this happen to you too?

I enjoy the tracks where my mouth says things like “I love you”.  Things like “we don’t put pillows over the baby’s head”, not so much. When it comes down to it, sometimes I get so tired of repeating the same things over and over, know what I mean?

Things like:

• Stop whining!
• Get off of your brother; He is asking (okay screaming) for you to stop sitting on him.
• Please follow mommy’s directions.
• Will you please stop leaning on me and sit all the way in your chair (at dinner).
• Trowing a fit will not get you what you want.
• Pick up your toys or they will be taken away the next time I come in here and they aren’t picked up.
• We don’t hit in our house, we use our hands to show love.
• Don’t run away from me!
• If you get up from time-out before the timer goes off there will be further consequences.
• Get in your car seat!
• Why are you out of bed?
• Because I asked you to do ________.
• Go to the potty BEFORE any pee-pee gets in your underwear!

I think I might have said all of those things in one day!  The trick is to say all of these things in a voice that isn’t angry.  And boy does that get hard when I’m tired–or just sick and tired of repeating the same things over annoying behavior.  The truth is that I should not be surprised that my children misbehave and don’t do everything they are supposed to do.  Shocking, I know.  They are kids and they aren’t perfect–just like I am not.  But in all honesty, sometimes I wish that they never misbehaved. I have to remind myself that their mistakes are chances for them to grow in their character (mine too) and opportunities for me to show them that I love them despite their misbehavior or bad choices.

Sometimes when the broken record is playing I have flashbacks into my own childhood when my mom would say some of those same things to me.  So weird.My hope is that on the days where I am repeating all the “behavior correction” tracks that I can squeeze in the tracks that tell them:

• I love you.
• Let’s have some special play time.
• You are important to me.
• I’m so glad you are mine.
• I love how God made you.
• You are significant.

I once heard that for every criticism you tell a child they need to hear 5 positive things about themselves.  That is hard to do some days.  I find it too easy to get into the pattern of just correcting behavior and being nitpicky rather than enjoying the day given to me and cherishing the everyday moments with my child. I mean, if I ask one of my kids to put something away and they want to spin in circles instead of walk on the way to putting it away, does it really matter?  I’m learning how to let some of those things go so I can spend more time loving on my kids and laughing with them.

What phrases do you find yourself saying over and over again?  Is there anything you say now that your parents used to say to you?  And tell me your secret about how you speak kindly to your kids when they are whining about wanting to watch TV for the 150th time that day!

I have had really good experiences and one bad experience in the booster seat department, and decided to share these experiences with you!  To be fair, I have only “tested” three different seats, so there may be other great options available.  I invite you to share what you love/hate about your booster seat in the comment section!

Fisher Price Healthy Care Deluxe Booster Seat

• What do I love about this seat?  Almost everything!  The price is great – around $25.00, it’s available in stores so you don’t have to wait for it to be shipped, it is very durable, it’s somewhat easy to clean, the pieces all fit in the bottom rack of my dishwasher, it’s portable, the kids like it, and it’s very well made!
• What do I NOT love about this seat?  Food crumbs get under the seat and so I do have to VERY regularly (after every meal!) clean underneath and around the chair, and that’s about all I can say negatively about this booster!
• Bottom line? I definitely recommend this to parents looking for a booster seat for their child!  It’s affordable, does the job, and is best of all STURDY and well made!

BabySmart Cooshie Booster Seat

• What do I love about this seat? My child can climb into it by herself, it is INCREDIBLY easy to clean my chair without having to unbuckle straps, the booster itself cleans very easily, it’s a super cute color, it’s SIMPLE and does not have unnecessary gadgets, and it’s easily removed when I need the chair for a bigger person.
• What do I NOT love about this seat? The price.  After tax, I spent $40.00 on this seat and that’s just too pricey for my everyday shopping.  We used some birthday cash Darah received and I don’t know if I would have splurged otherwise. That being said, if I would have known how much I was going to love it, I may have splurged.
• Bottom line? It’s a little pricey for what it is, but if you have $40 just laying around, it is definitely worth it! If not, maybe ask Grandma for one for your child’s next birthday or Christmas!  I will say, that as much as I like the Fisher Price booster, this one is DEFINITELY much nicer!  This seat is not recommended for any child under the age of 2 1/2.

Safetly 1st Fold N Go Deluxe Care Booster

•  What do I love about this seat? Umm…it’s a booster seat, and it’s cheap (selling for $20.00).
• What do I NOT love about this seat?  Where do I start?  Like I said above, it’s CHEAP!  The back of our booster broke off within a few weeks, my daughter’s little teeny peanut size body was too big in it for her to be comfortable, the tray is ridiculously difficult to maneuver, and it lasted about a month before I said “forget it!”
• Bottom line? Don’t waste your money, time, or energy on this product!

I’d love to hear your experiences with booster seats!  Please leave a comment!

What does your hair look like?

Have you changed it much after having kids?

Do you ever feel like cutting it all off to make life a little bit easier?

You may recall the decision that Shelby made in Steel Magnolias – to cut off that beautiful mane because of her “need to make things as simple as possible.”  You may have, like me, envied young Julia Roberts’ perfect hair all throughout the film only to gasp at the mom cut she is saddled with near the end.

She goes from this:

to this:

If you recall, she’s brought to tears by the shock.  (As was I.)  You’ll notice that she hardly ever dons hair this short in any film after that.  Look how long and flowy and pretty it is in Erin Brockovich.  Notting Hill.  Mona Lisa Smile.  My Best Friend’s Wedding.  The Pelican Brief.  Runaway Bride (my favorite look). 

So, every time I’m set to have my hair cut, my hubby always says, “Don’t come home with a mom cut.”  And he’s only half-joking.  He’s picturing this.  I always laugh and say, “I won’t!”  I’ve generally had long hair my entire life.  And as a full-figured momma, this suits me best.  But it had never been as long as this before!

Yep, that’s me.  3 weeks ago.

It was kinda taking over the world.  I wash it, pull it back wet, and ignore it.  Which kinda told me that no matter how I cut my hair, it wouldn’t really matter, ’cause I’d never style it anyway!  And how impractical!  My one year old is always pulling it, just two or three strands at a time on accident, which is way more painful than pulling all of it, ya know?  Plus, the heavier it got, the less clean it looked. 

Before:

After:

I ended up taking 3 inches off, which is hardly noticeable to anyone.  It looks cleaner.  It’s less heavy.  Overall, it is a conservative, practical cut.  But I have a confession: I miss those inches.

I want my length back.

Because when I did fix it up, I felt as glamorous as Julia.  

Now it’s your turn.  Tell me your mom hair stories.  If you can’t lose the long hair either, tell me.  If you have an amazing short ’do that gives new meaning to the phrase ”mom cut”, show us!  Link us to pictures.  I love this one, but I’d never do it.  What about you?