The Mom Crowd

Yesterday Dawn wrote a great post about controlling our tongues. Unbeknownst to Dawn I have had in my drafts a little post about One-Upping in conversation. I think this would be a nice companion piece to continue the topic of choosing our words wisely.

Whether knowingly or not we have all probably told a one-upping story in conversation, on Facebook, on blogs, or on Twitter. One-upping is easily done when mothers are talking about their kids’ accomplishments. Let’s take Susan and Amber as an example. Susan shares with Amber that her baby started crawling when he was 8 months old. Then, Amber immediately replies that her baby started crawling at 6 months! Amber may honestly be sharing her own experience, but it comes across as One-Upping. The best response would be to be excited for Susan. If Susan wants to know when Amber’s child started crawling, then let her ask.

One-upping can be hurtful or make another mother feel like a bad mom. All too often we jump right into sharing our own stories, experience, and accomplishments after someone shares about their own experience. Let’s be excited for one another without trying to one-up each other! Each mama has a different experience with each child. Sometimes there is no point in comparing our kids. Let’s celebrate each others’ accomplishments, not compete with each other.

Here are 5 ways to stop ourselves from one-upping in conversation.

1. Make a mental note to be aware that you may be one-upping and make an effort to stop!

2. Listen to what is being said without thinking about what you are going to say next  while they are talking.

3. Be slow to speak. Choose your words wisely.

4. Make a point to express your happiness for your friends after they share an experience.

5. Don’t share an anecdote of your own child unless you are asked.

Penelope is a hilarious character on Saturday Night Live who one-ups everyone. She cracks me up.  Here is a funny Penelope skit, plus it has Amy Adams. (Hulu puts an ad in front of the video, but hey, its free!)

Have you ever found yourself one-upping in conversation? Do you know anyone that is a one-upper? Does it make you want to share with them?

My dear brothers and sisters, be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.  Your anger can never make things right in God’s sight. James 1: 19-20

Those who control their tongue will have a long life; a quick retort can ruin everything. Proverbs 13:3

One of my unpleasant habits is that I am an interrupter.  Not all of the time, but sometimes.  I might be in the middle of an exciting conversation with a good friend, and we’re both mutually interrupting.  I think that’s just fine.  However, most of my interruptions occur when I’m arguing with my husband.  When all is right with the world, it is easy for me to patiently keep my mouth closed while others are talking.  But when tensions are running high and my patience is on vacation, my mouth always gets the best of me.  In addition, I tend to rattle off all kinds of sentences in quick succession when I am feeling nervous.

As moms, moms-to-be, wives, friends, children, and siblings, we can take away valuable lessons from both verses above.  First, speaking quickly can get us into trouble.  Both verses urge us to slow down in conversations – to look the other person in the eye, hear their voice, appreciate what they are trying to say.  Maybe even wait a few seconds before responding to a question.  It can be difficult to practice this type of deliberate thoughtfulness, but it yields great results!

Think of it this way: when we hear from someone via e-mail and need to reply, we don’t often send the first draft back immediately.  We delete, correct ourselves, omit things that might be misconstrued, etc.  We might even save the response in the Drafts folder and go back to it later, giving the words time to settle.  Do you ever wish your face-to-face conversations could have that feature?  Most of the time, our tongues are on autopilot.

Another thing I notice in these verses is that the consequences of a quick tongue are pretty dire!  “Can never make things right in God’s sight”:  ouch!  “Can ruin everything”: sucky!  The damage of a hurtful mouth can be severe, causing pain to exist between ourselves and others for who knows how long.  Of course, forgiveness and grace go a long way in repairing what has been broken.  But scripture tells us we can prevent the damage to begin with: “Those who control their tongue”.  This means our tongues do not control us!  We are not victims to what our mouths say.

I encourage you to ponder the control of your tongue this week.  Catch yourself when you go on autopilot and remind yourself to listen first.   I wonder what damage we will have prevented by taking control of our mouths!

Lord, forgive us for our quick retorts.  Replace our hurtful words with godly silence, and help us love others by listening more.  Amen.

Have a great week, Mom Crowd!

Welcome to the inaugural Abiding Monday post!  As Amanda said last week, we at The Mom Crowd desire to start off our weeks with a focus on God’s Word and what he might want to tell us.  Abiding Monday posts will typically feature a scripture, some commentary, and a prayer.  Our hope is that you will be blessed by this new tradition on The Mom Crowd.

“Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.  Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done.  If you do this, you will experience God’s peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand.  His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.” ~ Philippians 4:6-7

“Do not worry about anything.”  Oh, okay!  Great advice, hard to put into practice.  How many people do you know live truly carefree lives?  When has a day gone by that we don’t worry about something?  If it’s not my expanding waistline I’m fretting over, it’s the fact that another bill from the doctor’s office came in.  Sick kids, a tight budget, lost car keys, being late to work – you name it, we worry about it.  Worry can cause us to feel paralyzed with fear.  It can be annoying in its persistence.  Just when we’ve got one concern “under control”, another one comes along to make us uneasy.

Paul tells the Philippians that there is an antidote to worry:  prayer.  This should come as no surprise.  When we are faced with tough situations, we pray – or if you’re like me, we ask other people to pray for us.  I’m not always good about praying, myself.  Conversation with God requires concentration.  Thoughtfulness.  Time.

You know what I really do when I worry about something?  It’s a highly complex solution of mentioning the problem on Twitter, complaining in my Facebook status update, and starting long, rambling conversations with my husband.  This brings temporary relief, but it doesn’t yield long-term peace.  I should conduct an experiment this week and spend all that time on my knees instead.

Paul’s formula is simple:  prayer (telling God what you need + thanking God for what he has done) = peace. Notice that time in prayer doesn’t always mean the problem goes away.  Peace is not the absence of struggle.  Peace changes one’s perspective within the struggle.  That’s God at work.  I might have more bills than I can handle and a conflict with a friend that has no apparent resolution.  But I can have a peace that surpasses my understanding about both situations.  I simply need to talk to God about them more.  And peace does something for us, too:  it protects our minds from breeding even more worry (see v. 7).

This week, when faced with a worry, don’t let it pester you.  Write it down.  If you have many worries, make a list.   Mention it to God first – before you even bring it up to your spouse or a friend.  Be persistent.  Ask God to replace your unease with his promise of peace, and see how you feel afterward.  Max Lucado says, “The moment a concern surfaces, deal with it. Don’t dwell on it. Head off worries before they get the best of you.”  Philippians 4:6-7 tells you how.

Dear Jesus, we have so many worries.  Life can be overwhelming.  We want to follow Paul’s advice and talk to you about our fears more often.  Thank you for giving us peace when we pray.  Help us put prayer into practice this week and always.  Amen.

Happy Labor Day, and go in peace, Mom Crowd!

Next week we will begin a new series on The Mom Crowd called “Abiding Monday.” Every Monday Dawn or another author will share a devotional related to the topic of motherhood and being a woman. The post will typically share a scripture from the Bible, an insightful commentary, and a prayer that we can pray. My hope is that these devotionals will help us turn our focus on God as we begin our hectic and busy weeks.

The title of the series, “Abiding Monday” is from John 15:5, “I am the vine, you are the branches; he who abides in Me and I in him, he bears much fruit, for apart from Me you can do nothing.”

In this passage Jesus is speaking and refers to himself as a vine and says that we are the branches. We can pull out 3 reasons why we should abide in Jesus from this scripture.

1. Without Him we can do nothing.

2. Abiding in Him allows us to bear good fruit.

3. We are the vehicles that God chose to help others.

I know I want to see my children learn to have good character and make wise choices. Acknowledging God’s presence in my life and trying to follow His will found in the Bible will help me be a better parent. He is so much more wise than me and without Him I can’t do anything well. Also, in this scripture it says “he bears much fruit.” “He” is the person abiding in Jesus. It doesn’t say that Jesus bears the fruit – we do! We are to help our kids, our family, our friends, and the world. Thankfully, he gives us the peace, joy, wisdom, and strength to do the job.

Throughout the next few weeks Dawn and the other authors will be praying and seeking what God has to say to mothers. I believe He is very proud of us and recognizes how hard our jobs are.

This series is very new to The Mom Crowd. The Bible and Christianity have not been mentioned here much before. Every author here is a Christian and each one writes from a heart that only desires to encourage, inform, and inspire other moms. Every mom no matter their personal views can agree that we want to be good parents and raise good kids. I hope everyone will come back next Monday for our inaugural post of “Abiding Monday”!