The Mom Crowd

Ok, so I’ll admit it… I use disposable diapers and I love the ease and convenience of them.  I always thought that I would only use the most expensive name brand diapers because “my children deserve only the best”.  My friends will all attest to the fact that I was a sold-out Pampers snob with our first child.  So often they commented on it that it’s now just kind of a running joke, especially since I only buy generic diapers for our second child.  Oh the things I have learned in my four years of motherhood!

With two kids in diapers, we quickly realized that it was not financially feasable (or smart) for us to spend $150 a month on diapers.  Before I would even consider buying generic diapers, I did my research by polling my friends and of course online searches.  But honestly, the best research I did was actual trials on my own baby.  Here is what I found:

Pampers Swaddlers/Cruisers

Pros: soft outer cover, form fitting, held overnight well, cute designs, available everywhere, coupons readily available, Pampers Gifts to Grow program, goes up to size 7

Cons: most expensive disposable per unit

Pampers Baby Dry

Pros: held overnight well, few leaks, cute designs, available everywhere, coupons readily available, Pampers Gifts to Grow program

Cons: not very form fitting, not stretchy (somewhat restrictive), almost as expensive as Pampers Swaddlers/Cruisers

Huggies

Pros: soft outer cover, stretchy tabs, held overnight well, cute designs, available everywhere, coupons readily available, Huggies Enjoy the Ride program

Cons: not very form fitting, had many poopy leaks (especially in the first few weeks of life while breastfeeding), about the same price as Pampers

Luvs

Pros: soft outer cover, moderate absorption, cute designs, available everywhere, cheaper than Pampers and Huggies

Cons: not very form fitting, somewhat restrictive, needed larger size because of lack of stretch

Parents Choice (Wal-Mart brand)

Pros: soft outer cover, held overnight well, never had a leak, less than $15 a box for 80-100 diapers (sizes vary)

Cons: only at Wal-Mart, harder to detect fullness from outside “feel”

Up and Up (Target brand)

Pros: soft outer cover (similar to Pampers), held overnight well, form fitting, cute design, about $15 a box for 80-100 diapers (sizes vary)

Cons: only at Target, seems to get full faster than other brands, harder to detect fullness from outside “feel”

Overall, we have been really happy using the Parents Choice and Up and Up diapers.  Admittedly, we kept our son in Pampers longer than we would have liked because he was difficult to potty train and Pampers went up to a size 7, but just changing one kid to store brand diapers saved us over $50 a month! 

What has your experience with store brand/generic disposable diapers been?  How many brands of diapers did you try before deciding on the right one for your child?

Photo Courtesy of: Kimblahg

This post is for moms of biological and moms of adopted children.  After birthing two children and adopting one child, I have noticed that bonding with your new child, no matter how they joined your family, does not always go smooth.  Amanda wrote a post sharing her own difficulty in bonding with her newborn. 

There are two main attitudes that women should approach motherhood with:

No expectations

• After dreaming about your child as he or she develops in your womb or after staring at a single picture of your child who is halfway around the world for 9-18 months, the expectations that you have of who this child is and how they are going to behave are really not based on anything more than fantasy. 

Understanding that bonding may not happen naturally or immediately

• Hollywood has placed an unreasonable expectation on mothers that they are supposed to immediately fall in love with their new child.  Friends, family, and loved ones also add to the theory that “good mothers fall head over heels in love instantly” with their new child.  This is not realistic and does not happen for a lot of mothers.  By going into the orphanage or the delivery room with the understanding that bonding probably won’t happen instantly, I think mothers have set the stage for true bonding to begin.  The disappointment and surprise when the bonding does not happen immediately can prolong and interfere with the progression of true bonding.

Mothers who keep the above two ideas in mind when meeting their child for the first time have a great foundation set to form a deep and intimate bond with their new child.  For moms who do not feel connected to their child, they do not need to sit and wait for that feeling of closeness and deep love for their child to arrive.  Those feelings may not come without intentionally seeking out a close bond with their new baby.  Even mothers who feel that they did instantly bond with their new child need to be proactive in deepening and strengthening the bond they have already begun to form with their new child because stress and sleep deprivation can do wonders on that bond!

There are many practical ways to foster and encourage a close bond with your child with an attitude of intentionality.  I did not do all of these with my children.  I suggest picking and choosing some of these ideas that will work for you, however do not choose your activities based on what feels natural for you because if you are not feeling attached to your child it is likely that none of these activities will feel natural for you.

• Kangaroo care (this helps newborns and children who are new to their forever family feel close to their moms and can also help moms to feel close to their new child).
• Breastfeed (even mothers who are adopting small children can choose this option!)
• Counseling: Sometimes feeling like you’re not able to bond with your child stems from Post-Adoption-Depression-Syndrome or Post-Partum-Depression-Syndrome.  Both are VERY COMMON and you should seek help and support from professionals who have experience and training in PADS or PPDS.
• Slow down the other areas of your life and focus on your relationship with your child. It’s more important for you to spend time with your new child than with your dishes and vacuum cleaner during these first few months with your new little one.
• Get some time away. Go to the bookstore or out to coffee with a friend.  Sometimes absence makes the heart grow fonder.
• Baby wearing.  This especially helped me in bonding with my daughter who we adopted.
• Have your child sleep in your bedroom or stay with your child until he or she is asleep. 
• Talk about your feelings of detachment from your child with your spouse or close friend who will understand and encourage you.
• Be diligent and wait for the fruit of your labor.  Love is a verb which becomes a feeling after it is practiced. 

These activities not only promote mom’s bond and attachment to their new child, but also promote a healthy bond and attachment from new baby or child to mom.  Sometimes the feeling of being bonded to your new child comes after your new child is exhibiting evidence of being very bonded to you. 

Have you had trouble bonding with your new child?  What are some things that helped you in fostering a closeness with your new child?

Should you keep your child in a rear facing car seat past the minimum requirement? The American Academy of Pediatrics currently recommends that “children should face the rear of the vehicle until they are at least 1 year of age and weigh at least 20 lb to decrease the risk of cervical spine injury in the event of a crash.”

Last month the British Medical Journal published an article stating that  “rear facing seats are safer than forward facing seats for children under 4 years old.” So parents should keep young children in rear facing seats as long as possible. The report goes on to say that “excessive stretching or even transection of the spinal cord can result if a child is involved in a head-on crash while in a forward facing car seat.”

Car-safety.org explains that “rear-facing car seats spread frontal crash forces over the whole area of a child’s back, head and neck; they also prevent the head from snapping relative to the body in a frontal crash.”

In an article for ABC News Sharon Munns, injury prevention coordinator at the Mayo Clinic Trauma Center in Rochester, Minn. explains the benefits in more detail,  “The rear harness works in a way that allows the head, neck, and spine to move all straight up and down, so the body moves with the restraint of the seat, preventing crash-related injuries,” she said. “In a front-facing seating, all of the body weight is going forward on the harness, which can cause injury to the head, neck and spine for children under 35 pounds. There are documents of spinal cord injuries because of children facing frontward at such an early age.”

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Sponsor Saturdays is a new feature on The Mom Crowd. Each Saturday we will be highlighting one of our six sponsors.

*Keep reading all the way to the end to find out how you can win a free soy candle!

Maddison Avenue Soy Candles is owned by Jeanette Combs. I first got to know Jeanette through my husband when he built her website. She is one of the nicest and most generous people I have ever met on the web, so I wanted to do a Q & A with her about who she is and her company. I have several Maddison Avenue candles in my home and I love the way they smell and look.

Amanda: Why did you choose to sell soy candles and how long have you been selling candles?
Jeanette: It started as a hobby in 2003.  My husband has bad allergies and asthma which never allowed me to burn candles.  Because paraffin candles contained toxins and carcinogens, it affected his breathing.  I had come across some research telling that soy candles were clean burning and if you previously had breathing difficulties with paraffin candles, to give soy a try.  I wanted to do just that but found they were very hard to find.  So, I bought all of the ingredients and made them myself.  After my friends and family found out the benefits of soy wax, they were hooked and started buying from me.  And the business grew from there!  Maddison Avenue soy candles can now be found in every state and abroad.

A: I know your company is based in Illinois where there is a lot of farm land. Does your company grow your own soy beans?
J: No, but our factory is surrounded by soybean fields.  We are thrilled to watch them grow each year knowing we are helping to support the American farmers.

A: What are the benefits of burning soy candles, instead of other candles you can find at the store?
J: Most of this was answered in the first question.  The benefits of soy wax is unbelievable!

• made from 100% soybean wax
• does not emit toxins while burning
• emits an incredibly small amount of soot
• biodegradable
• water-soluble
• burns cooler and slower
• renewable resource
• supports US farmers and our own economic growth

A: How do you choose the fragrances?
J: Most are from requests from customers, but some we put together by trial and error.  It’s a fun process.

A: What is your favorite scent?
J: It changes with the season.  Right now I love summer scents (beach house, pomegranate passion, and meadow), in the fall it changes (spiced cranberry, pumpkin crunch, and orange clove).  I always burn one of these in my bathroom (que, tuxedo, or lavender fields).

A: Have you ever sold a scent that you thought would be popular, but it didn’t do well? Is there a scent that you thought would make a good candle, but it ended up smelling horribly?
J: I was certain that Chocolate Kisses would rock, but in fact it barely sells.   As for a horrible fragrance – that is the funny thing with our noses.  What smells wonderful to one is aweful to another.  For example, I took Gardenia Blossoms off the site because I thought it was horrible and didn’t like being in the factory on the days they poured that aroma.  Then I was contacted by a client wanting to know why she couldn’t buy it any more as all of hers had been bought by Richard Gere’s publicist.  She said it was his favorite candle and he used it while meditating.  Obviously, we brought it back and it has remained a great seller!!  Just a note… I still don’t like it, yuck

A: If your business didn’t sell soy candles, what else would you like to do for a living?
J: I used to want to write.  I wrote and published our church newsletter for years.  Writing is a lot of work though.  I would like to learn how to use Adobe Illistrator like a pro and then do some designing for cards, and such.  I love creative people and love learning to be more creative myself.

A: I know you are a mom and a grandma. What advice would you give a new mom?
J: Easy.  Relax and keep it simple.  Enjoy the small things.  I was always told that my kids would grow up fast, and that was such an understatement!  I am much more relaxed with my grand daughters, and I have finally learned how to enjoy even the small things, like being there to kiss a skinned knee. I wish I had worried less and enjoyed more with my own kids.

A: What is your favorite quote?
J: Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.

***WIN A FREE CANDLE!***

Jeanette has generously offered to giveaway a soy candle to 2 winners! All you have to do to enter is go to Maddison Avenue’s website, pick your favorite fragrance, and come back here and write in the comments of this post which is your favorite fragrance! Winners will be chosen at random and announced next Saturday morning on the 25th. Good luck!

UPDATE

This giveaway is now closed and we have 2 winners, Erika and Denise!  The winners were chosen by random.org. Thank you so much to everyone who entered.

“Mommy, can you try to be more patient?”

My 3-year-old daughter said this last night.  Several things ran through my mind at that moment:

1. Wow, she knows what patience is and how to use that word in context!  She’s a genius!
2. I guess I’m really failing at my parenting role at the moment.
3. Wait a minute, haven’t I been pretty darn patient this week??

My husband has been out of town since Sunday morning, and he comes home tomorrow night.  Seven straight days of solo 24/7 care of my kids.  (He was gone for a week in June, too, so I’m feeling pretty worn down.)   I know for many of you moms out there, this is how your life looks, too.  Our spouses have to leave for periods of time for a variety of reasons.  I’m sure we all have ways of coping with our tremendous parenting responsibilities on our own.

Here’s how I’ve survived this week (having been… “mostly” patient):

• I made lots of plans with friends.  Lunches out, dinners in, swimming dates, what have you.  I’ve been loading and unloading my kids from the car several times a day.
• I registered my older child for Vacation Bible School for the week.  Not only did this give her something special to do each day, it lightened my morning load so I only had to care for one child.
• I updated my facebook status about fifty times a day to vent or brag, whichever need was stronger.
• I watched a stack of chick flicks.
• I managed to get in my running routine, getting creative with scheduling & childcare.
• I said no when I needed to say no.  I was going to go to a potluck dinner on Monday night until my kids started their evening meltdown.  I opted to stay in and put them to bed early.  Good call.
• I hardly did any chores around the house.  The sheets will get changed, the clothes will get washed, and the floors will get swept next week. 
• I ate ice cream right out of the carton.

Meanwhile, my kids decided to test my disputed patience level with endless fighting, tantrums (thanks, new 2-year-old!), screaming that made my ears bleed, repeated and annoying questions, and refusals to eat more than half of each meal.

When Lucy asked me to be more patient, I had just finished yelling about how they weren’t cleaning up their toys.  (Yep, that old chestnut.)  By the end of Day Five, that kind of seemed allowable.  I mean seriously.  I can’t be supermom all the time!  I did calmly try to explain to her that I have been patient most of the time, and that should count for something!  Of course, all she heard was “Blah blah blah, blah BLAH, blah BLAH,” to which she responded, “NOW will you read the book to me?”

Alas.  We’re alive, we’re well, and we’re happy, for the most part.  Have a great weekend, Mom Crowd!

photo courtesy dieselbug2007