The Mom Crowd

My 6 year recently lost his second tooth.  With the new tooth growing in I became more aware that his thumb sucking really needed to come to an end. Once he started losing teeth I started seeing $$dollar signs$$ about future dental visits and braces and it was very tempting to try and have a more tight fisted attitude about him quitting.  I casually mentioned to him that his teeth would start growing in incorrectly if he kept sucking his thumb and that it was probably a good idea to stop.  He said “okay” and we came up with a plan.  I don’t have a formal chart but we have decided to let him have a special fizzy or juice drink on the weekend if he keeps the thumb out of the mouth during the week.

He started sucking his thumb when he was a baby–around 2 or 3 months old.  As he got a little older, his pattern for sucking his thumb was to hold his blankie, rub the satin on his nose and suck his thumb at the same time.  I was worried that maybe we would have to get rid of his blankie and all things satin since for him, seeing satin was a Pavlovian response: see/touch satin=suck thumb.  He was never the type who would just walk around with his thumb in his mouth or do activities while thumbsucking.  If he got bored he would go to his bed and have some “blankie/thumbsucking time”.  Sometimes, but not always he would suck his thumb before falling asleep.

I think it worked to our favor that we read this book several times when we checked it out from the library: Laurie Keller’s Open Wide: Tooth School Inside. If you have not read this book to your kids I do recommend it.  Our kids learned all about cavities and germs and tooth care from this book.  Laurie Keller has some really GREAT books that our kids LOVE–they have made them giggle and laugh many times.  I digress.

We asked the 6 year old if he could still rub satin on his nose and hold his blankie without sucking his thumb and he said he really thought he could. (Blankie will go away another day). We gave it a try and he did it.  Easy peazy-lemon squeezy as he would say.

I know that getting children to stop sucking their thumbs is not always that easy.  I have a good friend who made a chart for her son while he was in training not to suck his thumb.  He was more inclined to suck him thumb while watching tv or when he was bored.  He didn’t have a pavlovian cue like mine did.  He gets a marshmallow at the end of the day if he succeeds.  Behavior charts seem to work well for kids who are learning how to stop sucking their thumbs.

In general when it comes to behavior change positive rewards work much better than shame and anger.  When it comes time for our 5 year old to stop sucking his thumb I think it won’t be quite as easy.  He is like his brother in that he likes to snuggle with his blankie and suck his thumb but he seems more attached to it than the 6 year old.  Perhaps waiting until he is 6 will make a big difference to him and he will find it as easy as his brother.

Tips for helping children stop sucking their thumbs:

• Behavior and reward charts
• Praise when you see them succeed (catch them doing something right!!)
• Don’t yell or nag
• Remember that peer/social pressures can work to your advantage. Once your children are school age and notice that their friends don’t suck their thumbs they want to less and less.
• If you find they suck more when bored keep a list or box of special activities to do when boredom strikes.
• Stay positive yourself and tell them you know they can do it.
• You can try the gross tasting stuff you paint on the thumb or a thumb guard to help if other methods haven’t worked.

Have any thumbsuckers at your house?  What’s worked for you?  Disasters? How old were your kids when they stopped thumbsucking?

Over the last few months, I have been participating in a study at my church of the book Shepherding a Child’s Heart.  This book has been eye opening to me and I thought I’d share my personal feelings and thoughts about it with all of you. 

The basis of the book is raising your children in a godly biblical way.  So often in our society we are caught up in the pop psychology of child raising that we stray so far away from how we are supposed to raise them.  I personally have tried many of the “tried and true” methods, including a ton of SuperNanny’s tricks and none of them have worked with our son.  Why?  Because they don’t get to the heart… they just focus on getting your child to do what you want them to do.  The main purpose of this book is to get you to focus on the heart and the attitude of the heart, to teach your child that God has placed you as the authority in their life to protect and guide them and that you serve as their authority under God. Once you teach the heart to love and to serve, the behavior changes.  It’s not only teaching your child’s heart, but it teaches your heart along the way. 

Tripp explains the two biblical methods of discipline are the rod (spanking) and communication.  He goes into great depth in explaining the appropriate way to spank and how not spanking puts your child in peril spiritually.  It was difficult for me to read this because my husband and I had decided not to spank because we had seen how upset we got with our son and felt like we didn’t want to spank in anger.  Godly discipline is NEVER done in anger, but in love.  Doing it in love prevents abuse and actually leads you to a stronger relationship with your child.  Since implementing this type of discipline, we have seen how differently we address our child’s behavior and how he is learning that we love him and that is why we aren’t letting “this one go”.  It’s a hard way to parent, but it’s the right way.

Tripp also goes into great detail about why the typical methods of discipline don’t really work and why as our children get older, they will rebel.  It’s really eye-opening!  It’s no wonder children are so rebellious these days and why so many are doing things that we never would have thought of at such a young age.  Parents are taking the easy way out. 

The only negative I have to say about this book is that there isn’t a lot of practical application examples.  However, through the Shepherding the Heart Ministries, a variety of tools with examples that are very helpful are offered.  Ginger Plowmann offers a  great supplemental resource in her Wise Words for Wise Moms chart that gives scripture references in dealing with specific issues.  The book does have review and thought provoking questions at the end of each chapter which are helpful in getting you to really understand the concepts.

All in all, this is a fantastic book written by a father, teacher, counselor and pastor.  With years and years of personal experience, his insight is clear and heartfelt.  He lets you know the struggles his family has had with certain things and he gives examples of how raising your child biblically makes all the difference in the end.  I highly recommend this book to anyone. 

Ephesians 6:4  “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”

Have you read this book?  Would you recommend it to other parents?

This is a guest post by Clair. Originally from England Clair blogs daily over at www.mummydeals.org where she scouts out bargains and shows you how to cut your grocery bill all while doing it through the eyes of a Brit in America. Her family of 3 lives on a $50/week grocery budget which includes diapers and if you head on over to www.mummydeals.org she’ll show you the ropes!

I’m preparing to go to a conference where I’ll more than certainly need my laptop plus I’ve got articles that need to be written and emails that need to be checked when all of a sudden my computer won’t start. Several more attempts and I want to throw it out of the window. As much as technology has blessed us with the ability to connect with friends and family all over the world, research new exciting recipes and see your house from space, there are still moments when although it acts like one you realize your computer is not a human and therefore can never be your friend.

It was at this moment that I realized it was time for a new laptop. Here’s the problem. We don’t have a spare $700 sitting around devoted to computers and I was in a bind. What is a frugal girl to do?

I talked to my secret weapon in the form of a 5”8 ruggedly handsome man and called my friend Lynda. Her husband is a computer whiz, mine not so much. But mine can swing a hammer with the best of them and lays floors for a living. Lynda had mentioned that they wanted to put some new hardwood floor in their living room. Now Computer Whiz is a whiz at computers but not so much with the hammer.

Enter the perfect solution: A trade off that involves Lynda and I eating ice cream while the guys trade services. Computer Whiz spends time re-programming one of his computers for us that he has just “lying around” and gives us this one as a loaner while he fixes ours. Oh no wait, it’s lying around so he informs us we can actually keep it and I do the Giddy Dance in delight! Accompany that with some spare batteries and an external hard drive he also just has “lying around” and we’re set for a while.

In the meantime my handsome Secret Weapon will lay their floor for them free of charge in exchange.

Lynda and I sit and giggle with glee at our smarts and chow down on ice cream while our Hubbys save us a fortune in repairs.

Matthew 11:28-29 Then Jesus said “Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take My yoke upon you.  Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest.” (NLT) 

I often get sick of hearing myself say “I’m so tired” and actually feeling that way.  It’s common as mom’s (or dad’s for that matter) to feel tired, because let’s face it, we don’t get the sleep we physically need.  Add to that the constant emotional stress of being “needed” 24 hours a day and it is enough to drive a person insane.  So how can we find true rest when we barely get enough sleep to function?  The answer is simple… rely on Jesus. 

For me personally, this could not have been a more poignant thing over the last 5 months.  My husband was laid off in June and is still unemployed.  I have dealt with constant pain that has led to two surgeries and an uncertainty of our family’s future.  But God is so faithful.  I have found rest and peace in Him during this time.  Jesus says in Matthew to take His yoke upon us because His burden is light and that it will give us rest.  What an awesome thing our Savior has promised us!  All we have to do is believe in Him and trust Him with our burdens and He will give us rest!  He doesn’t give us more trouble or worries.  Just simple, perfect rest. 

I guess then the question comes, how do you fully give Him your burdens?  Develop and nurture your relationship with Him and it will be easy to cast your cares on Him in faith.  Dawn mentioned being in a funk last week and how reviving her quiet times helped to bring her out of it.  When you are holding on to Jesus and loving on Him daily, you learn to trust Him more and feel Him loving on you.  You learn that He is faithful to fulfill His promises to you.  The Lord promised in Exodus 33:14 that His “Presence will go with you and give you rest” (NIV).  Let it go and let God grant you His promise of rest!  You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel!

Jesus promises that those who know Him find this beautiful rest.  Do you know Him?  Do you really know Him?  Just believe He is the Son of God, that He died for your sins and then rose to Heaven to intercede for you with the Father and you can find this perfect rest!  If you have more questions, please contact us at The Mom Crowd.  We’d love to pray with you and help you.

Dear Lord, thank you for being so faithful to fulfill Your promises.  Please help me to trust in You that when I lay down my burdens at Your feet, You take them and give me rest.  Help me to know that You bring the only rest that is worthy of seeking and that it will be more satisfying than any worldy rest I can find.  In Your Name, Amen.

Have you ever dealt with a child who wets the bed?  We are dealing with the issue of bedwetting right now, and I gotta tell you it is stressful.  Our oldest child has trouble staying dry all night.  We had him in pull ups at night until this summer when we decided to give it a go and take off the pull ups.  We would take him pee at night right before we went to bed and he would stay dry the rest of the night.  He was waking up very early because he had to wake up and pee and then couldn’t go back to sleep–but we thought it was great that he was waking up to go.

Then we moved to England.  Once we arrived in Enlgand everything started off fine.  Until school started.  Our oldest is in public school and the adjustment of going to school for 6 hours a day and being very tired by the end of the day made bedwetting a bigger issue.  He was wetting the bed two times a night most nights.  We armed oursevled with washable  puddle pads that we put over his flat sheet so that if he did have an accident we could take that off and replace it with a fresh one.  That way we weren’t having to change sheets in the middle of the night.

Here is his nightly routine:

• Books before bed.
• Last pee of the night
• Lights out and songs.
• Sleep.
• We take him pee before we go to bed sometime between 10 and 12.  We usually try to aim for 10:30 because the chances of him having an accident after 10:30 increase by the minute.
• If we are too late then we change jammies, change the puddle pad and have him empty his bladder.  Occasionally, depending on how he is sleeping the accident may get on his comforter, sheets, or blankie.  Throw those into the kitchen where the washer is so they can be washed the next morning.
• Sometime between 2am and 4:30, whichever parent wakes up first, will take him pee again.  Occasionally we are too late and we have to repeat the above step.
• Rejoice in the morning if he stayed dry all night (and I have no more laundry to do).

Now, this may not be the BEST way to handle bedwetting at night but it works for us for now.  I don’t enjoy having interrupted sleep in the middle of the night and dealing with taking him to the toilet but I dislike even more dealing with wet jammies and extra loads of laundry.

A few weeks ago I was getting concerned that maybe there was something else going on with him–a medical problem.  I started doing some research (talking to other parents and reading on the web) about bedwetting in school age children.

Here is what I learned:

• It is common for boys especially to struggle with bedwetting.
• Some children don’t produce the hormone that supresses the body from making urine at night until they are older.  In some cases, not until puberty.
• It isn’t their fault.  They aren’t doing it on purpose.  They can’t help it.  They aren’t lazy.
• Using things like sticker charts won’t really be helpful because bedwetting is not something that children can control.  It isn’t the same thing as using a sticker chart for thumb sucking or doing chores.
• Use empathy and love when your children have an accident.  Use all your might to not show any anger toward your child if they have an accident.
• Stress makes bedwetting worse.  (In our case starting school was making it worse for our child.  Showing anger and frustration about bedwetting can also make it worse.)
• If you suspect a medical problem, take the child in for a check up and talk to the pediatrician.
• Some websites said that taking them to the toilet at night doesn’t really teach the child anything–it more trains the parent than anything else.
• If your child is old enough for sleepovers you can ask your doctor about a prescription the child can take to not wet the bed.  Or teach your child how to discreetly use pull ups to avoid being embarrassed about needing them at night.
• Encourage your child when he has an accident and tell him he will grow out of it.  (It doesn’t bother our child that he has accidents at night.  He isn’t embarrassed about it for the time being but I suspect that he will get there if this issue doesn’t resolve itself in the next year.)
• Take heart, you aren’t the only parent out there dealing with extra laundry due to bedwetting!

How have you dealt with bedwetting?  What has worked for you?