It seems sometimes that a mom’s day does not end! One day leads into the other without interruption and there is always something else to do. When it comes to keeping your home clean there may be times when your motivation to clean is there while other times it is not. When you are going in 100 different directions and you have a to-do list that is longer than your arm cleaning can seem unimportant.
To have a healthy and safe home however you want it to be clean. A clean home makes everyone who lives there feel better and that includes you- the hard working mom who never stops! To prompt yourself to want to clean you need some inspiration and motivation to do so.
Visualize the Clean
One technique that works is visualization. Look at a room before you have cleaned it and picture it in your head as clean, neat and organized. Imagine that everything is in order and the room is spotless. Once you clearly see that picture in your head then getting yourself into the spirit to clean should be much easier. You want to bring that picture in you head of a neat and clean room to life. You want your living space to be inviting and so you pick up your cleaning cloth, broom or vacuum cleaner and you get to work!
Small Cleaning Tasks
There are some tasks around the house that do not turn into big jobs that take hours to complete if you tackle the small cleaning jobs regularly and do not procrastinate about them. Wash the dishes at least once or twice a day and wipe up messes when you first discover them. Tidy up the table and countertops and put things away after you are done with them. Do no leave clean laundry in the basket but fold it and put it away in the right places immediately. Make sure that dirty clothes are placed in the hamper and do not spend days lying on the bedroom or bathroom floor. If you do the mini clean-up jobs frequently then you will not have to set aside hours at a time to do a ton of household chores.
Chart a Cleaning Course
Chart a cleaning course for yourself by making a plan that works for you and your busy schedule. You can plan you cleaning needs in much the same way that you plan dentist or doctor’s appointments and your children’s extracurricular activities. You can design whatever kind of plan is most suitable for you. It can be a weekly plan or a bi-weekly plan. It is probably best not to create a daily cleaning plan because as a busy mother it is highly unlikely that you have time to clean everyday (with the exception of those unexpected spills!). You need to be realistic about your family and work responsibilities and make your cleaning plan work for you. Strive for some balance between all of your activities.
Realize however that the cleaning plan you draw up is not written in stone. Modify it in accordance with your changing needs. For instance on a week when you have extra hours at work or a sick child to take care of you may not be able to clean on the dates and at the times when you would ordinarily.
Make a List of Cleaning Jobs
To put your cleaning plan into action you have to know what needs to get done. Make a list of the most time consuming tasks down to the least time consuming tasks. Or make a list of the biggest tasks to the smallest ones. Another option is to write up a list and order it from the tasks you least enjoy doing to the ones you don’t mind doing as much. Doing this can make cleaning less of a chore and may even give you a few much deserved extra minutes in a day to put your feet up and have a cup of tea or coffee!
You glance in your child’s room and it looks like a tornado swept through it. You call down the stairs to ask your son or daughter why they have not cleaned their room yet and their response is that they are busy right now and will do it later. But later does not come that day… or the next day or the next.
Chores Equals Boring
children and chores
Household chores are something that we all must do but they are not fun or exciting. Just as you do not particularly look forward to vacuuming, doing dishes or taking out the garbage neither does your child or your teenager. Playing on the computer, playing with the X-Box, watching television or hanging out with friends is so much more gratifying to them.
Your kids do not want to be taken away from something interesting that they are doing to do something that holds no level of stimulation for them at all. On some level they know that helping with chores is something that they must do as a member of the family but still knowing that does not always translate to action on their part.
Spurring Your Child to Action
The last thing you want is to feel that you are constantly nagging your kids to spur them to action only to be tuned out by them because they feel that they have something better to do with their time. Here are two things you can do to be more effective in getting your children to clean their rooms and to help out with chores around the house without driving yourself (or them) crazy:
1. Put an end to whatever your child is doing at the moment and have a talk with him or her. Find out where the problem lies and what is getting in the way of him doing his chores. Find out what else he would like to do with his day and then motivate him to get his work done so he can then get back to doing the things he loves the most. If you consider his self-interests and talk to him from that place then it will be more effective than if you talk about abstract concepts that mean more to adults such as a sense of duty and responsibility. If you do the latter then he may disconnect from the conversation right away and your points will be lost.
2. Keep time on your child when it comes to chores. You can tell your child that the dishes have to get done in in the next 30 minutes. If not then bedtime will be earlier than usual. In this way you are stating how things are going to be and you will not be in a state of constant nagging. Remind your child the next time this happens that he or she does not like having to go to bed earlier so repeating the same thing over again is not recommended. This should get your child up on his feet and give him the incentive to do his tasks because he knows that there is a cost involved if he doesn’t!
You might even want to do the reverse and tell your child that if he completes a task within the next 15 minutes then he can stay up 15 minutes longer. It is important though that the task gets done well and that he does not rush through it to get the reward of staying up 15 minutes longer. This can backfire with some kids however. Try it in your household once or twice and see how it works.
There are plenty of things that you can do to motivate your kids to do the required chores in the home. Giving your children an allowance is a good practice but it should be tied to doing jobs at home. Think of it as preparing them for the day when they will have to work for their paychecks!
Sibling rivalry is common in many families. Even if your children are very close most of the time and get along very well it is often likely that they will argue and fight sometimes.
There is no sibling rivalry to worry about until your second child comes along. For some first born children the rivalry begins even before their baby brother or sister comes into the world. As the children grow they will find themselves in an emotional tug of war at times. This can be over everything from the attention and love of their parents to the attention from grandparents to toys. As children develop from one stage to another they are constantly changing and different needs can arise which can cause conflict in their sibling relationship. The more children you have the more of a problem sibling rivalry can become.
No parent enjoys watching the result of sibling rivalry. In some households the rivalry can be very mild and can involve only words while in other households it can escalate to become much worse. This rivalry amongst kids in a home can lead to a stressful environment for everyone who resides there. What you need to do is to find reasonable ways to keep the peace and to encourage your children to be able to live in harmony with each other (or at least to make it such that your living environment is civil!).
Why Does Sibling Rivalry Exist?
Kids of both genders as well as kids of the same gender can have disagreements and feel jealous of one another for a number of reasons. Competition among siblings is something that can get out of control in some homes if one child feels that they are left out or are not receiving enough love or attention from one or both parents. If they experience unequal treatment then they can turn on their sibling and blame the other person for how they are feeling (which is hurt, sad and disappointed).
The temperaments of each boy or girl in a household can contribute to sibling rivalry as can the developing needs of each individual. The ways in which a child’s identity is developing and how he or she is changing can lead to bickering, competition, jealousy and anger towards a sibling. For teens a need for independence and a need to assert one’s own individuality can be a contributing factor to the rivalry between siblings.
The way parents model for their children can also make a difference to how the kids relate and interact with each other. As well if a child is sick or requires more time or attention from a parent then the other sibling in a family can end up feeling left out in the cold and in some cases downright unloved. This can cause anger to erupt towards the other sibling.
Coping with Rivalry Amongst Siblings
Nobody enjoys living in a household where fighting, arguing and bickering are daily occurrences. As a parent you may wish to intervene but it is best to not get involved unless you fear that your children may do each other physical harm. Let your children find a way to work out their own problems. You may need to step in however if they are too young to problem solve on their own and to reach an understanding that works for them both.
If your kids call each other names then you can coach your children on what is appropriate to say and not say. You can teach them to express what they are feeling to their sibling without using hurtful words.
You may find that there are times when you must step in to bring an end to the conflict. If you do then you must remain neutral. If you take sides or appear to be saving one child from another then this can lead to more sibling rivalry in the future. What you should aim to do is to resolve the issue with your children or teens but not to resolve it for them.
If you have a strong willed child then you know all about the challenges that come with it. Strong willed children are sometimes referred to as being spirited, stubborn or downright difficult. They are self-motivated and inner-directed and are not swayed easily from their own viewpoints. They stick to their guns and want to be right. When they get their hearts or minds set on something there is no changing their focus or direction.
A strong willed child is not prone to give into the pressure of their peers and often likes to pave their own paths in life. They live their lives at full throttle and they are very passionate about what they want.
Parent in a Sensitive Manner
It may be frustrating to be the parent of a child who is strong willed but if you parent your child in a sensitive manner and do not attempt to break his or her will then he or she has the potential to grow into a strong and independent teenager and then young adult with a mind of his/her own. Strong willed children often become leaders.
It is not uncommon for this type of child to end up in a power struggle with their parents. Parents though can refuse to engage in power struggles and can do everything in their power to avoid these power struggles. They can do this by setting proper limits, offering their son or daughter choices, empathizing with their kid and being respectful of where the child is coming from. If as you parent look for win/win solutions as opposed to just telling you child that your word is law then this will prevent your child from blowing up and it will avoid shouting matches from taking place. In this way you will teach your child how to compromise and how to learn the power of negotiation.
Developing Your Child’s Good Qualities
You want to raise a child who trusts you and vice versa. You want your child to develop self-discipline, a sense of responsibility and to be kind and considerate. You also want your child to be able to trust the things he says and does. This helps him to develop self-confidence in his own abilities. Strong willed kids do not want to submit to the will of their parents because they feel that this compromises their integrity. You want your child to listen to you but you must teach him that you want this not because you are bigger and older than him but because you have his best interests at heart.
Strong willed children can be delightful at the best of times but they can also be high energy, persistent, challenging and a complete handful! How then do you help your child to hold onto the qualities that can help him/he grow into amazing adults while still trying to encourage them to be a little more cooperative? You need to develop positive parenting skills to help your spirited wild child to grow and thrive!
Other Things You Can Do
1. Establish rules and routines in your household so you are not always having to tell your child what to do. In this way you will not be the bad guy in the home because your spirited child will already know the rules.
2. Strong willed child want to be masters of their own domain. When possible allow your child to take charge of her own activities as she can. It may be brushing her teeth or putting her lunch into her school bag. Children who are given the opportunity to feel independent will develop responsibility early in life and will not have as much to rebel against.
3. Offer your child choices as opposed to simply giving her orders. In the same way do not give your power away to your child but give him or her the opportunity to make choices when it is applicable. You are still the parent however so make sure you act in an appropriate parenting role.
The holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness, joy and good tidings. But there are plenty of mixed emotions that can be triggered when the holidays are upon us. The treasure trove of emotions can run the gamut from excitement and elation to sadness, anxiety and depression.
There are plenty of things that can contribute to holiday blues. These include unrealistic expectations, loneliness, nostalgia, anxiety and fear. No one is immune to having to cope with the holiday blues.
How then can you avoid the holiday blues or downright holiday depression?
Rethink Your Expectations
One thing that can help is to revise the expectations you have as well as your priorities. If you put too much pressure on yourself by expecting the holidays to be perfect then this is sure to make you feel down. In order to reduce your stress makes sure that your standards for the holidays are not impossible to reach.
Keep Socializing to a Minimum
Spreading yourself too thin over the holidays is sure to sink you into a black hole that is very blue. To prevent this from happening do not schedule too many activities for the holiday season and don’t overdo the socializing and entertaining. A little goes a long way and it is better to spend quality time with a few people in your life whom you are closest to as opposed to large gatherings of people that you barely know. Too much socializing with acquaintances and strangers is sure to make you feel worse during the holidays as opposed to better.
Shop Differently This Year
If you are one of those people who get stressed about finding the right gifts for the people in your life then steer clear of the malls and the crowds that are to be found there. Go to smaller shops and local businesses in your town as opposed to the large box stores where the lineups will be long. Other options to help you in this regard include shopping online, doing your shopping before the Christmas rush or making homemade gifts. Concerns over presents are sure to make a case of the holiday blues even worse.
Change Your Scenery
A change of scenery can help you to avoid the holiday blues or it can help you to get out of them if they have already descended upon you. If you can afford it then consider taking a trip over the holidays. The duration is not as important as the fact that you are taking yourself out of the seasonal equation and going somewhere to relax and unwind. If a trip is not within your budget then consider a day outing to somewhere that you have never gone before or somewhere you have not gone in a long time such as a museum or a park.
Watch What You Eat and Drink
Pay attention to your eating habits. It is easy to fall off the health wagon with what you are eating during the holiday season. While it is fine to enjoy a little seasonal cheer in the form of sweets and drinks do not consume too much and make sure that you continue to eat plenty of foods that are rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. One option is to allow yourself only one treat per day during the holiday season. If you do this then you will not deprive yourself of delicious goodies but you will not overindulge either. Remember too that both sugar and caffeine are found in plenty of desserts and in alcohol. Both of these ingredients can upset the balance of your emotions and can make you more vulnerable to mood swings and feeling just plain yucky.
Help Others
One of the best ways to avoid the holiday blues is to reach out and help those who are less fortunate than you are. When you get out of your own head and are able to lend a helping hand in your community this can lift your spirits and bring joy and hope into the lives of others. Find out where volunteers are needed during the holidays and then turn your attention in that direction. This is an excellent way to take your mind off your own troubles and to help shake those seasonal blues.
