The Mom Crowd

I recently discovered the brilliance that is Friday Night Lights on dvd, thanks to my local library. Maybe some of you have seen it. It’s a series based on the movie (which was based on a book, which was based on real-life events). I’m not a football fan, but I don’t have to be to enjoy this show. It’s a superior drama with compelling stories and dynamite acting. It tackles great themes (no pun intended!) and is gritty in its realistic storytelling style.

(For the uninitiated: FNL is centered on the Taylor family, recently relocated to the small – and fictional – town of Dillon, Texas, where dad Eric is given the immense challenge of coaching the elite high school football team. Eric and his wife Tami have a daughter, Julie, who is a sophomore at the high school. And Tami becomes the school’s guidance counselor. The close-knit family discovers that for the people of Dillon, life consists of little else than winning football games. Pressure ensues. Relationships are tested. The family learns to survive in the small-town public’s eye.)

Season one was great. I can’t wait to see season two when it arrives on dvd (April 22!). And I just learned that the show (whose ratings have always been fledgling and whose survival has always seemed doubtful) will be coming back this fall! In honor of its renewal, I thought I’d write about one of the highlights: Connie Britton as Tami Taylor.

Britton is a phenomenal actress. She portrays the varying emotions of devotion, exasperation, wisdom, confusion, and pride with ease, sometimes all in the same scene. As Tami juggles the pressures of the town, the fullness of her husband’s workload, and the angst of her teenage daughter, not to mention her own career (she counsels the same students her husband coaches on the field, creating interesting ethical dilemmas for Eric & Tami), her strength of character shines brightly. She looks after struggling students with maternal wisdom, encouraging them to achieve everything they can for their futures. She gives her husband insight into the emotional lives of the players and puts up with prying townspeople. She handles the pressure of being married to the head coach with grace. And she always looks fabulous. Seriously, she has the best hair and sense of style I’ve ever seen for a t.v. mom (Rachel Green doesn’t count).

The scene I recall most vividly is one wherein Tami confronts her daughter about her plans to have sex with her boyfriend. It’s pretty powerful. I’m not sure I’d say everything to my child in the exact same way or with the exact same words – thank goodness that’s a conversation many, many, MANY! years away with my own daughter – but it’s a compelling slice of t.v. motherhood nonetheless.  And Julie ultimately opts out of getting intimate with her boyfriend, as a direct result of this confrontation with her mother. Julie trusted what her mother had to say over her own raging hormones.

Season two is all about Tami having a second child – a surprise, of course – and how the family adjusts to that addition. I can’t wait to see how she handles everything!

Have you seen Friday Night Lights? What makes a realistic t.v. mom? And who are some of your favorites?

San Diego Momma

Over fish tacos and a view of the Pacific this past Monday I had the wonderful opportunity to meet, Deb, the witty and eloquent writer behind SanDiegoMomma.com. It all started when I won a Chris Trapper cd from her website. It turns out that we both have a special place in our hearts for alternative folk. This is the first person that I have met in real life from my virtual community (besides that boy I met in an AOL chat room my Senior year of high school.) I think we were both nervous that the other wouldn’t be as fabulous as our online reputations reveal us to be. Luckily we were. I appreciate Deb’s honesty and sincerity in her blog posts. If you don’t believe me check out her post titled, “BeautyPalooza.”

I also had the opportunity to interview Deb on film for our upcoming Mom Crowd Videos! Stay tuned…

Check out San Diego Momma’s post about our visit here.

BlogHer Conference 2008 in San Francisco

I am jumping out of my skin that this July I am going to be able to attend the BlogHer ’08 Conference in San Francisco. Reading all the live blog posts and videos from last year’s conference in Chicago inspired me to start The Mom Crowd. I can’t wait to be around folks who actually care about things like learning SEO and Google Analytics.

Another great reason I am attending the BlogHer conference this year is that Heather B. Armstrong (a.k.a Dooce) is going to close the general session. She will be speaking on what it is like to live life under a microscope. Like thousands of other bloggers and internet readers I have read her blog for a long time. I am still not completely over the fact that I was double booked and I couldn’t attend her meet up in Austin during SXSW Interactive. Hearing her speak will definitely make up for it.

At the conference I will get the opportunity to meet women who are coming together and changing the future of the internet. The internet is a tool to share our voice with thousands of people. BlogHer is bringing women together to talk about how far is our reach as bloggers and how we can honestly make the world a better place by sharing our voice. They ask the question “If you believed your blog could do anything, what would you reach for?” I would reach for a place where moms can connect when they are lonely at home and be inspired, informed, and encouraged. We all need support and to learn from each other’s experiences. The theme of the conference is “Reach!” I hope to gain some insight and tools to help make our goal a reality.

The early bird special just ended this past Monday, but you can still register at the regular rate. San Francisco is a nice bonus. If you have gone to a BlogHer conference in the past or are planning on going this year – let me know your thoughts about the conference in the comments section.

As I was passing time at the airport bookstore an article on the cover of USA Today caught my eye. The headline reads, “Day care’s new frontier: Your baby at your desk.” The article by Stephanie Armour explains how some companies are allowing parents to bring their infant up to 6 or 9 months in age to work with them. Most of the referenced companies are desk jobs. A company in Austin called T3 even gives parents their own private office when they start bringing in their baby with them. The companies and their employees have concerns about productivity, liability issues, health concerns, and what is best for the baby.

If my old job as a Human Resources Specialist allowed me to bring my baby with me to my desk, I may have been tempted to stay, but I wouldn’t have done it. I don’t know if I could have handled the demands of a boss, emails, managers on the phone, co-workers, my growing inbox, and on top of all that my baby too! Some moms are able to handle all that, but not me. Also, I know some moms have to work and it would be a huge blessing to have their little one beside them all day. Although there are some moms who definitely enjoy the break they get from their baby when they are at work.

I would have had some health concerns about bringing my child in the office. I think our building was cleaned maybe twice a year. Our building was old and had bad circulation and many employees got sick often. I don’t know if I would have brought Ace into that environment with co-workers that came into the office clearly too sick to work. The USA Today articles cites one company where bringing in babies would not work in their office because of the open floor plan. My old job where each person gets their own corner of a large square cubicle would not have suited a pack-n-play and swing. We had so many folders and drawers I would have been afraid of a stack of files falling on my baby!

Productivity specialists are raising eyebrows at the practice, saying it could amount to favoritism for parents and rankle co-workers who don’t want to put up with a baby gurgling — or worse — in the next cubicle.

As a Human Resources major I can see both the benefit of retaining great employees and the downsides of jealous co-workers and annoyances. I think for babies in the office to work the culture of the company has to be the right setting. Some clients may be put off by the mom in the meeting wearing a Baby Bjorn and standing while everyone else is seated at the conference table. I think if I were that mom all I would be thinking is “Don’t cry! Don’t cry!” and have a hard time paying attention to the meeting. I also believe that the baby would be a total distraction to everyone else. A baby is a lot more interesting than any power point slide show.

Co-workers may be jealous because of favoritism, but the opposite may be true. Parents with little ones at work may be discriminated against or looked over for promotions, because “they can’t handle it.” The article also shares how fathers have taken the opportunity to bring their little one to work with them. I wonder if the mothers would haven even more discrimination than the fathers with babies. The parents may feel pressure to produce more to keep up with other employees. I think I would have an issue with a parent that isn’t keeping up their end of a project. Of course, I would have grace for them, but deep down it would totally annoy me. The article mentions that parents are paid for their time when they are tending to their little one, but where do you draw the line? Would they have a clock in and clock out system on their computer? Will a parent have to work 10 or 11-hour days to ensure that they got their 8 hours of work done? It seems logistically difficult, but could work for company cultures that are open to flexible schedules and have understanding employees.

Many companies balk at the concept of babies at work full time. At Ernst & Young accounting firm, parents can get subsidized, backup child care in their homes.

Some companies offer alternatives to bringing your baby to work such as subsidizing the cost of childcare in the home. I had a co-worker that had a nanny come everyday to her house. I know she felt better about herself for working knowing her children were home. Another alternative is on-site child care. You can get your work done while someone watches your child. You are within a few minutes walk if you have some time to spend with them. GDC Marketing and Communication in San Antonio, TX is a great example of how a small company with on site child care, and a welcoming corporate culture can all work together to maintain a work-family life balance.

If my baby were at work with me I would get nothing done. Even now I wait to get my blogging done at night when Ace doesn’t need me because she fell over and banged her head again.

What are your thoughts about the article? If you could bring your baby to work with you would you? If you don’t work outside the house anymore what would it look like if you brought your baby with you to work?

For more thoughts about the USA Today’s article check out Laura Vanderkam post in the Huffington Post.

I am writing this with humility, because I am guilty of this topic. I think most moms have been caught up in a competitive parenting mindset at one point or another, though. These competitive parenting conversations range from everything from basic child-rearing practices, who delivered the biggest baby, who’s child accomplished major milestones the earliest (walking, potty-training, getting their first tooth, etc.) to who breastfed their child the longest. The funniest thing about our competitiveness as moms is that it isn’t limited to having the most advanced child. Sometimes, the competition is about who’s child gets up at night the most, who’s child had colic the longest, who’s child was the latest walker, who’s child is the pickiest eater, who’s child wasn’t potty trained until they were five, who’s husband helps the least, etc. I am embarrassed to admit that I have actually tried to one-up other moms about Connor’s horrific colic which forced me to hold him all night, every night, on the couch and to wear him all day in the Baby Bjorn. Why???

This isn’t limited to the “typical developing” world! Trumping and one-upping is very prevalent in the world of raising children with delays. When I’m around other parents of children with Down syndrome, I feel like I can let my competitive nature go wild because there is a “fair playing field” (not true) when comparing Darah to children who also have Down syndrome. Just like moms of typical developing children, these competitive conversations are sometimes about who’s child is the most advanced and sometimes about who’s child is struggling the most or has the most health issues.This competitive attitude comes out with our closest friends and with complete strangers. I believe that most parents are competitive because we all want validation in our parenting and sometimes we want the other mom to know we’re doing an ok job in parenting. When we has it harder than the other mom, we feel better that we’ve gained sympathy from the other mom or feel validated for being grumpy with our husband!

The Today Show has this article which gives five tips for dealing with other moms who are competing unsolicited. They suggest trying to understand where your friend is coming from and if she is feeling insecure about something, not allowing your friend to determine what your goals or success is, respond in noncompetitive ways and being reaffirming to your friend, refusing the urge to one-up your friend and just letting the conversation be about her, or letting your friend know how you feel.

If your struggling with competing with other moms, I suggest that you slow down and keep a proper perspective. Kids who are not living an overly structured life and have time to explore and have free play are “more creative, more self-sufficient, and less stressed than other children.” If your child potty trains at 13 months old or at 3 years and 11 months old, I am going to guess that there will be absolutely zero long-term effects. Earlier walkers do not climb the corporate ladder faster than late walkers. I have joked that my epidurals during my deliveries does not mean my Mother’s Day card is smaller!

It’s wonderful to be proud of your child and perfectly natural to engage in some minor bragging, but it’s important to try not to cross the “I can trump that” line.

How has competitive parenting affected you?

I am currently in Oceanside, CA traveling again with my baby. I have written before about traveling to the Philippines with my baby when she was seven months old. Now she is ten months old and mobile. Here are some tips that I have learned and done this trip that has helped our family. Hopefully this information will help you the next time you travel with your little one.

Bringing the Big Stuff

We did not buy an airline seat for the baby this trip, because the flights were short enough that we could hold her the entire time. We checked in her car seat and base. I was worried about losing them, but my friend said that they did not have any problems when they checked in their car seat. Continental Airlines made us put the car seat and base in a large plastic bag.

We used the stroller around the airport to hold our stuff and occasionally our baby. We checked in the stroller at the gate and it was ready for us right when we got off the plane.

Borrow or use the hotel’s pack-n-play if you can. We are in a nice Motel 6, so they don’t have offer a crib. We are able to borrow one from our friend to use while we are here. My friend also borrowed her neighbor’s pack-n-play to keep at her house to use for naps.

Buy Food and Diapers When You Get There

I packed enough jars of food, snacks, and diapers to last us two days to save space. Then we got here and I made a run to the local grocery store to buy all the food and diapers we needed. I like to buy Beechnut when I buy jars of food and they have them here too. Bananas and unsweetened apple sauce cups travel well. We also keep a package of diapers here with us in the hotel and take as many we need for the day.

Snacks, Snacks, and more Snacks!

Yes, every mother carries snacks for their little one. This is an age-old trick, but it is completely true! I am not sure how I feel about Gerber’s wagon wheel snacks, because they seem so unnatural and chemically created, but they don’t make a mess. During the trip I am being a little more lenient about her snack consumption. I give snacks to Ace when she gets fussy towards the end of the flight and while we are trying to eat at a restaurant. Mostly in public places!

Transferring From One House to Another in the Middle of the Night

Ace’s normal bedtime is at 6:30 p.m. We certainly did not want to be back in the hotel for the night at 6:30 p.m.! We opted to put Ace down at her normal time in a pack-n-play at our friend’s house and then transfer her when we were ready to go back to the hotel. Transferring did not go well the first time we moved her. The second night we got a routine that worked. We bring the car seat to the pack-n-play and move her as quickly and smoothly has possible. Then we get her to the car as fast possible. When we get the hotel room one spouse holds the baby while the other gets ready for bed. She doesn’t sleep if we lay her down with all the commotion going on. Then I nurse her and it is lights out and quiet time. We lay her down and everyone goes to bed. This process works well for us. It is nice to be able to go out with a baby and not feel tied down to the hotel room.

Traveling to a Different Time Zone

California is two hours behind our Central time zone. There are two schools of thought on moving time zones. One method is to pretend that you never left your time zone and stay on the same schedule that you always use. I think this would work well for babies who are very scheduled oriented. The other method is to try and adjust your baby to the new schedule by keeping them up later or putting them to bed earlier. Ace is a flexible baby so we chose to keep her up and get her on Pacific Time. It only took her about two nights to get adjusted. It will be a challenge to get her back on Central Time, but we are prepared and know that it is coming.

Staying calm and keeping an easy-going attitude has kept this trip a success. It also helps not to be in a hurry everywhere. We know everything is not going to go smoothly, but everything can be dealt with. Knowing that there is a grocery store around the corner has also been a big relief. Sometimes it is nice staying the States!

How about you? Do you have any travel plans coming up? How do you handle moving between time zones with your little one?