Divorce Rate Among Parents of Children with Down Syndrome
Until recently, I assumed that the divorce rate among parents of children with special needs, including Down syndrome have a higher divorce rate than parents of children who do not have special needs due to the additional obstacles these parents face. I was surprised to learn that, in fact, parents of children with Down syndrome have a lower divorce rate than parents of children without special needs. In my own marriage, I can see how having Darah has strengthened my relationship with my husband. She is an absolute joy to parent and watch grow up. Neither of us could have ever dreamed that we would have this much love for someone. Our perspective on life is drastically different than what is likely would have been had we not had a child with special needs. We appreciate the small things and have overcome very big things since Darah has joined our lives, which has definitely strengthened our relationship. Truth be told, having a child with Down syndrome has most certainly added stress to my relationship with my husband, but we both hands-down agree that the most stressful season of our relationship were the colicky days of our typical developing son.
This article discusses research performed at Vanderbilt Kennedy Center. One theory in the article as to why the divorce rate may be lower among parents of children with Down syndrome may be due to the “Down syndrome advantage.” Meaning, children with Down syndrome have easier behavior than typical children and that parents of children with Down syndrome are often older, more educated, and married before having children.
I disagree with their theory. This article isn’t accurate when they say that most children with Down syndrome are born to older parents. Actually, most children with Down syndrome are born to parents UNDER the age of 35. This is a very common misconception, even misunderstood by some physicians. While it is true that women over the age of 35 have a higher chance of having a child with Down syndrome, the pregnancy rate every year after age 35 decreases exponentially compared to the pregnancy rate before age 35. So, if you consider that most children in general are born to women UNDER 35 years old, there is going to be a larger pool of children born with Down syndrome in that population, due to sheer numbers. In other words, if a 49 year old woman has a 1 in 10 chance of having a child with Down syndrome, but it’s difficult to find ten 49 year old women having babies. If a 26 year old woman has a 1 in 800 chance of having a child with Down syndrome, it is pretty easy to find 800 24 year old women having babies. {I hope that makes sense!}
I have my own theory on why the divorce rate is lower in parents of children with Down syndrome. If you consider the fact that in the U.S., more than 90% of babies who are prenatally diagnosed with Down syndrome are aborted, most babies born with Down syndrome are born into families who either refused prenatal testing because it did not make a difference to them or learned of their child’s diagnosis prenatally and chose to give that child life regardless of their number of chromosomes. I believe that their approach and attitude about raising their children is what positively influences their marriages. My theory is consistent with this research findings that parents of children with special needs other than Down syndrome actually have a higher divorce rate than parents of children without special needs. Most other serious congenital issues are not detected prenatally as often as Down syndrome. I believe that once autism and other congenital issues are able to be determined prenatally, our population is going to sadly become a lot smaller. Most people are unaware of the waiting lists in the United States of people who WANT to specifically adopt a child with Down syndrome and other special needs. Of course, that is my own personal theory. I’d love to hear yours!
Are you surprised to learn that the divorce rate is lower among parents of children with Down syndrome? Why do you think the divorce rate is lower among parents of children with Down syndrome?
Share the fun: Email + Del.icio.us + Digg + Technorati
I found this really interesting. I personally cannot attest to knowing anything about children with Downs Syndrome and their parents, but I do know that having a child with special medical needs can be stressful. It does either break you or make you in your relationship. You can either choose to work together to problem solve or you will be totally divided. From our personal history of dealing with a child with medical needs, my husband and I spend a lot of time discussing what we can do to help with this issue or that. A friend of mine has a child with the same condition as our son and she does all of his care by herself. Her husband has only been to one doctor’s appointment since their child was diagnosed almost 4 years ago, whereas my husband goes to every appointment with me.
I was surprised to read that there is a long list of people wanting to adopt Down’s children… I think that is WONDERFUL!!!! Thanks for sharing this info!!!
I agree that supportive husbands ROCK! Being a single parent or not having a supportive spouse when parenting any child must be so hard, let alone single parenting a child with special needs. Another aspect that has really helped me during the last five years of parenting has been my circle of friends. I’ve added some of the dearest friends because we both have a child with Down syndrome and I was blessed to have some really amazing friends before we had our first child!
While researching information about the divorce rate amoung special needs families in general, I ran across your article. Thank you so very much for sharing. As a single parent of two daughters with autism, I can faithfully attest to the fact that some people are prepared to be or can decide to be, a parent first, then a special needs parent. My girls’ father was not ready to be either and only made things more difficult, so we left him. After their diagnosis I decided to make things more of an “all girls together” kind of attitude. While there have been speedbumps and holes in our road, we have managed to work together to not only help ourselves, but others as well. By gaining and sharing the knowledge of what works for us and what doesn’t, I have found it very easy to talk to parents dealing with special needs of all kinds. The most important lesson the girls have taught me is that there is no cookie cutter answer or method that will work for everyone. Each person, no matter their age or special ability, is an individual. Each one will deal with that special ability in their own way and all we can do as parents is help the best way can.
[...] of children with DS are less likely to get a divorce (and one mom’s take here). They report raising their child as overwhelmingly positive and often describe it as the [...]
I agree with McKenna’s theory/reasoning, especially about the fact that most children with Down syndrome are born to parents UNDER the age of 35, and she intelligently explained it. And it is really good to know that most couples choose to be loving parents to their special needs child.