The Mom Crowd

Trying to get pregnant is so much fun, then you see the two blue lines and something changes. The months of fun are over and the vomiting begins. For some getting pregnant takes the pressure off and they are able to have more fun in the sack afterwards. For others that drive is simply gone and the preggy lady wants nothing to do with it. Feeling nauseated all day and a heightened sense of smell doesn’t help matters. You know, their breath smells bad, when it is probably fine every other time. It is certainly a disappointment for the guy if the latter extreme happens and their months of fun are over for a while.

The first trimester passes and you are feeling better, but now you are fat. At least you feel fat, but your preggy belly only turns him on more. Then you are told not to lay flat on your back, because you may caught off necessary oxygen to the baby. So you get creative, but that means you have to do some of the work and you are tired. And you still aren’t into it. For some reason your brain has turned off that desire and your main focus is getting through the pregnancy. You desire to please your husband and keep him happy, because a physically happy husband makes a very happy husband in every other area of life. (You may not agree with this statement, but I wholeheartedly believe it.)

So what do you do when you don’t want it or you can’t do it because of a high risk pregnancy? There are other ways to show physical affection with hugs and kisses. Spending relaxing alone time together. Communicate to him that you want to want it and that your desire will return. I clearly remember when my desire came back about three months after Annabelle was born. I was ecstatic. I had no idea when my desire for it would return. I was worried that it may not for a long time.

So maybe I wrote this post to only vent my current feelings. After morning sickness this is the worse by product of being pregnant. The first time when my husband and I went through this, he began to resent serving me and was in a rare foul mood. Then one day he figured it out. He wasn’t feeling any love, because I would push him away when he came near me, because I was sick. After he communicated how he felt to me, I made a point to try and pay him more physical attention. Things got a lot better. This second time around we were prepared. My husband knew what to expect and I try to focus on him a little more. It is really easy to get wrapped up in yourself when you are pregnant.

So am I the only one who has felt this way? Did you go to one extreme after you found out that you were pregnant?

Oxytocin is one of three major hormones (endorphins and adrenaline are the other two) that your body produces when you are in labor.  Oxytocin is responsible for producing contractions in the uterus which in turn dilates and thins the cervix so the baby can pass through.  Your body also releases oxytocin when your baby is nursing and when you have an orgasm.  Our bodies also releases it when we fall in love or when we develop close relationships with friends.  That is why it is knows as the “love hormone”. When a mother labors and her body produces oxytocin, it prepares her to bond with her child since the hormone is related to our emotions.When you receive artificial oxytocin, known as pitocin,  during labor it causes stronger contractions that are closer together. It also bypasses the blood-brain barrier and does not contribute to the release of natural oxytocin the body produces.  It takes away from the benefits of natural oxytocin and hinders the emotional benefits.  So you get much more pain without any love.Because of the intensity of the contractions the use of artificial oxytocin in labor for induction or augmentation usually leads to an epidural.  Some hospitals and healthcare practitioners will use the epidural as an opprtunity to increase the levels of pitocin being released so the labor will be faster.  Unfortunately, the use of pitocin for labor induction is overused and some laboring mothers are not aware of the risks of the drug.  Risks include: high use of pitocin can stress the baby which in turn leads to a cesarean birth, can tire out the uterus and lead to a hemmorhage, a much more painful labor, longer labors, restricted movement due to more monitors/machines being hooked up to the body (including internal fetal monitor which increases the risk of infection) and the list goes on. There are a few medical conditions where the benefits outweigh the risks of induction; severe high blood pressure (known as pre-eclampsia), kidney disease, proven post dates with danger to the baby, and severe blood incompatibility between the mother and the baby.If you are pregnant or planning on having another baby, I thought that this information might be helpful to you.  Induction for inductions sake (no medical reason) allows for a missed opportunity for you to experience all the wonder-love feelings that natural oxytocin produces.  And who would turn down a little extra love?So, tell me what youthink! I want to hear your responses!

No one likes switching doctors. It is a pain to do–especially when you are pregnant but sometimes it is worth it. There is no rule that says that you can’t switch providers during your pregnancy. Some women put up with poor service from their doctors or their staff because they feel the hassle of changing providers is too complicated. And we feel guilty and don’t want to make anyone feel bad. Some women stay with their doctors for future pregnancies even if their doctor left a bad taste in their mouth from their first pregnancy. Well ladies, I am here to encourage you to break free and find a provider that you feel comfortable with, that doesn’t make medical decisions based on their fear of being sued, and who will support the choices you want to make during your pregnancy or well-woman health care.

Even if you aren’t interested in an unmedicated, natural birth, there are some things to look out for that tell you a doctor has a bad habit of meddling in labor when it isn’t necessary. It is important for us to voice our concerns to the people we trust for our healthcare. I cannot even begin to stress how important it is for us to also take charge and responsibility for our own health. Educate yourself, ask questions, read books and be your own advocate!

I have compiled a list of “red flags” for you to consider as you think about your experience with your own Ob/Gyn:

Your doctor starts pressuring you to have a c-section as early as 28 weeks for fear of a large baby.

Your doctor’s c-section rate is at or above the national rate (33%).

Your doctor patronizes you or mocks you for wanting a birth plan or a natural birth.

Your doctor has an episiotomy rate over 30%.

Your doctor doesn’t fully inform you of the risks on induction, c-section, epidural etc.

Your doctor will only allow you to push your baby out with your legs/feet in the stirrups and/or on your back. (Feels uncomfortable with hands and knees or squatting or whatever position you want to birth in)

Your doctor’s routine procedure for induction is to break the bag of waters early on in labor.

Your doctor uses cytotec for labor induction. (Run the other direction!)

Your doctor makes you feel stupid when you ask questions or share how you feel about pregnancy, procedures, birth, or your general health.

Your doctor makes you feel bad about your weight gain but doesn’t offer you any guidance on nutrition or diet.

If you want a natural birth with minimal interventions:

Your doctor says things that aren’t supportive of your desire to have an unmedicated birth. For example, “you don’t need to suffer needlessly…the drugs are safe for the baby…good luck with that…”

Your doctor requires continuous electric fetal monitoring.

This is by no means an exhaustive list but it is a start. If your doctor or practice makes you feel uncomfortable at all or if you have a gut feeling that leaves you uneasy as you interact with them then consider switching practices. Emotional relaxation during labor is very important and if you feel uneasy around your birth team then it can have a negative impact on labor.

You will remember your birth for the rest of your life so it is important to go to someone who treats you with dignity, respect, and care. Doctors don’t have emotional attachments with all their patients and will not be offended if you switch your care to someone else. Many doctors are overbooked (How many times have you had to wait and wait to see your doc only to feel rushed during appointments?) and will not be personally offended if you switch providers. You don’t have to tell them why at all–unless you want to.

If you are looking for a more personal care style for your womanly health care then I would encourage you to see midwives for your pregnancy and well-woman visits. Many certified nurse midwives also do yearly exams. There are many women who enjoy the holisitic care that midwives offer but still prefer epidurals or need c-sections for their births.

Finding a doctor or midwife that you feel comfortable with may be a challenge but it is worth the extra time and effort!

Have you ever switched doctors? What’s your story?

My husband and I are discussing where we want to go on our second Babymoon. A babymoon is simply a little vacation that you take with your spouse to enjoy your time together before the baby arrives. I remember hearing about the idea of a vacation to enjoy your time together before your world is turned upside down and I thought it was a fabulous idea. We love to travel, so this seemed like the perfect excuse to take a vacation.

Our plans for our first babymoon started grand with a week in Paris. Then the trip got downgraded to a weekend in New York City, then we decided to drive to Austin for a weekend, then we came to our final decision to just drive north into the Texas hill country and see where we landed. The weekend turned out wonderfully spontaneous in our Mustang convertible. Little did I know that that would be one of the last times we could go for a ride with the top down. Driving with my windows down on the Camry just isn’t quite the same.

We found a hotel and mentioned that we were on a babymoon. Then the front desk clerk gave us a deal on the room. The next day we found a hole in the wall BBQ place playing John Wayne movies. As we walked around Inks Lake I saw an old couple in blue jeans canoeing. I thought that if they could do it, then I could canoe eight months pregnant. Rowing around the lake was the highlight of my entire weekend.

We took our trip about two months before I was due. I actually felt infinitely better towards the end of my pregnancy, than in the beginning. My friend took her babymoon towards the beginning of her pregnancy before she got uncomfortably huge. I don’t think it matters when you take your babymoon, just as long you do one.

Taking the time to be together and not worry about commitments or the future was invigorating. We appreciated the peace of the trip before we got back to painting the nursery, birth planning, and sleepless nights. Of course I miss the spontaneity of being a DINK, but I really feel like we celebrated the end of our childless phase with our babymoon. I am glad we took the opportunity to take a small trip with just the two of us. Now we will be taking our second babymoon, before we become a family with two children under the age of two (at least for two months)! I want to appreciate the quiet of only one child, before my life becomes even more full of the joys of parenting.

How about you did you do anything special before the baby came?

I know, I know I am writing another post on morning sickness. It is seriously consuming my life right now and that is what I am thinking about almost 90% of the day. Here are a few things I have learned since I have been sick.

Only time really helps morning sickness pass. It wasn’t until I was 20 weeks pregnant with my first that I continually felt good and I was not going to throw up or be sick to my stomach. So now I a counting down the days until I feel better. It will be the last week in October when I am 20 weeks with my second. I can’t wait.

Playdates and friends help pass the time. I usually feel okay in the afternoon. I have been scheduling my afternoons with friends so they can help me watch Ace. I think she enjoys leaving the house and I enjoy the company. Although, I am not much company to my friends as I lay like a lump on their couch.

I have learned to appreciate the work I did around the house. Since I have been out of commission Daniel has had to take up almost every chore around the house. I really did not realize that I did so much. I can be hard on myself and I never thought I did enough. Just making sure Ace had clothes to wear and taking care of her meals.  Also, taking care of the laundry and going grocery shopping. I picked up the house when I could. Some of the house hasn’t been cleaned in a while, but it is okay.

Putting first things first. It is one of the old Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, but it is true. Since I have limited energy and time and I have had to let some things go. That isn’t easy for me to do. I am usually a suck-it-up-and-do-it-anyway kind of person, but not now. Blogs have gone unread, toys aren’t picked up, and phones aren’t answered. Really all I can do is make sure I am feeling alright and help take care of Ace.

Chloraseptic Sore Throat Spray is awesome after throwing up. I hate it when you get done throwing up and it still feels like you got a chunk in your throat, but really it is your uvula feeling beat up. I have drank something cold to calm my throat, but then I just throw that up too. Then in my one moment of genius I remembered my Chloraseptic Sore Throat Spray. I used it and it numbed my throat for a few minutes and it helped to take some of the throw up taste out of my mouth. I keep it handy now.

So that is what I have learned so far. I also really appreciate my husband a lot. I hate that I can’t help him more. I know he is tired, but this is just the way it has to be for now. Okay, I am going to go back to my couch now and get some rest while Ace is napping. I hope all you have a good week! Today is the first day of school in our school district. Hopefully some of you will be getting reprieves as some of your kids go back to school soon!