When you are a mother who works from home a balancing act between your family life and your working life must be established. It would be wonderful if it was a gentle balancing act that is very smooth but sometimes it is not so easy and instead ends up being very messy!
You may have thought being self-employed would be easier on your family, especially if you have young children to raise, but sometimes it is just as complicated because the boundary lines are blurred. You are working out of your home office and since you are home more often your children do not necessarily understand that you still have work to do.
Achieving a work life balance that is harmonious and works for both your personal life and your career is not a simple task. Just when you think you have it figured out the two worlds can collide- WHAM! – and then you have to stop and re-evaluate and reassess your priorities and make the necessary changes to make it all work well. Complete harmony? Maybe not but at least you can strive for a workable and manageable relationship between the life you live and the work you do.
It may be some consolation to know that your choice to become self-employed is a choice that more and more people are making all of the time. These same people are also looking for ways to balance out their lives in order that no one gets left out. According to the Kauffman Foundation, an entrepreneurship research organization, more individuals started their own businesses in 2009 than at any time in the preceding 14 years. This includes not only starting a new business, but buying an existing business, partnering up with someone else or investing in a franchise.
There are a few important things you can do when it comes to balancing out your life when you are a self-employed mother. Let us look at those now.
Always keep your priorities in sight
Know what is most important and what is least important and work from there. Set your goals for the month and then break them down into manageable goals by the week or even by the day. Being aware of your priorities and being as organized as possible go together and can make a tremendous difference when it comes to balancing your mommy duties with your workload. Keep your calendar or your planner with you at all times. In this way you will be aware of how you are spending your time and you will also be able to determine what you should commit more time to and what takes up too much of your time and can be allocated a shorter time period.
Learn what works and then do that
If you are more productive at your job when your kids are in school during the mornings then use that time to make business calls, type up reports, meet with clients, do research and so on. Be proactive in how you approach things. If you always pick up your kids and their friends from school and it has started to cause some problems for you when it comes to your work schedule then find out if other mothers could share this responsibility with you. Maybe you could trade off on days. Taking turns can make it easier for you to find and keep your work/life balance.
Set a work schedule for yourself
The great thing about being self-employed is that you can set your own hours and you do not necessarily have to work a 9 to 5 or an 8 to 4 work day. But having work hours that flip flop all over the place can be as confusing for you as it can be for everyone else in your personal life and your working life! You can still have flexibility when you are self-employed but working crazy hours is not advisable. Developing a routine and sticking with it can help you to set boundaries that separate your work from your family life and can make keeping everything in perspective that much simpler.
It seems sometimes that a mom’s day does not end! One day leads into the other without interruption and there is always something else to do. When it comes to keeping your home clean there may be times when your motivation to clean is there while other times it is not. When you are going in 100 different directions and you have a to-do list that is longer than your arm cleaning can seem unimportant.
To have a healthy and safe home however you want it to be clean. A clean home makes everyone who lives there feel better and that includes you- the hard working mom who never stops! To prompt yourself to want to clean you need some inspiration and motivation to do so.
Visualize the Clean
One technique that works is visualization. Look at a room before you have cleaned it and picture it in your head as clean, neat and organized. Imagine that everything is in order and the room is spotless. Once you clearly see that picture in your head then getting yourself into the spirit to clean should be much easier. You want to bring that picture in you head of a neat and clean room to life. You want your living space to be inviting and so you pick up your cleaning cloth, broom or vacuum cleaner and you get to work!
Small Cleaning Tasks
There are some tasks around the house that do not turn into big jobs that take hours to complete if you tackle the small cleaning jobs regularly and do not procrastinate about them. Wash the dishes at least once or twice a day and wipe up messes when you first discover them. Tidy up the table and countertops and put things away after you are done with them. Do no leave clean laundry in the basket but fold it and put it away in the right places immediately. Make sure that dirty clothes are placed in the hamper and do not spend days lying on the bedroom or bathroom floor. If you do the mini clean-up jobs frequently then you will not have to set aside hours at a time to do a ton of household chores.
Chart a Cleaning Course
Chart a cleaning course for yourself by making a plan that works for you and your busy schedule. You can plan you cleaning needs in much the same way that you plan dentist or doctor’s appointments and your children’s extracurricular activities. You can design whatever kind of plan is most suitable for you. It can be a weekly plan or a bi-weekly plan. It is probably best not to create a daily cleaning plan because as a busy mother it is highly unlikely that you have time to clean everyday (with the exception of those unexpected spills!). You need to be realistic about your family and work responsibilities and make your cleaning plan work for you. Strive for some balance between all of your activities.
Realize however that the cleaning plan you draw up is not written in stone. Modify it in accordance with your changing needs. For instance on a week when you have extra hours at work or a sick child to take care of you may not be able to clean on the dates and at the times when you would ordinarily.
Make a List of Cleaning Jobs
To put your cleaning plan into action you have to know what needs to get done. Make a list of the most time consuming tasks down to the least time consuming tasks. Or make a list of the biggest tasks to the smallest ones. Another option is to write up a list and order it from the tasks you least enjoy doing to the ones you don’t mind doing as much. Doing this can make cleaning less of a chore and may even give you a few much deserved extra minutes in a day to put your feet up and have a cup of tea or coffee!
The holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness, joy and good tidings. But there are plenty of mixed emotions that can be triggered when the holidays are upon us. The treasure trove of emotions can run the gamut from excitement and elation to sadness, anxiety and depression.
There are plenty of things that can contribute to holiday blues. These include unrealistic expectations, loneliness, nostalgia, anxiety and fear. No one is immune to having to cope with the holiday blues.
How then can you avoid the holiday blues or downright holiday depression?
Rethink Your Expectations
One thing that can help is to revise the expectations you have as well as your priorities. If you put too much pressure on yourself by expecting the holidays to be perfect then this is sure to make you feel down. In order to reduce your stress makes sure that your standards for the holidays are not impossible to reach.
Keep Socializing to a Minimum
Spreading yourself too thin over the holidays is sure to sink you into a black hole that is very blue. To prevent this from happening do not schedule too many activities for the holiday season and don’t overdo the socializing and entertaining. A little goes a long way and it is better to spend quality time with a few people in your life whom you are closest to as opposed to large gatherings of people that you barely know. Too much socializing with acquaintances and strangers is sure to make you feel worse during the holidays as opposed to better.
Shop Differently This Year
If you are one of those people who get stressed about finding the right gifts for the people in your life then steer clear of the malls and the crowds that are to be found there. Go to smaller shops and local businesses in your town as opposed to the large box stores where the lineups will be long. Other options to help you in this regard include shopping online, doing your shopping before the Christmas rush or making homemade gifts. Concerns over presents are sure to make a case of the holiday blues even worse.
Change Your Scenery
A change of scenery can help you to avoid the holiday blues or it can help you to get out of them if they have already descended upon you. If you can afford it then consider taking a trip over the holidays. The duration is not as important as the fact that you are taking yourself out of the seasonal equation and going somewhere to relax and unwind. If a trip is not within your budget then consider a day outing to somewhere that you have never gone before or somewhere you have not gone in a long time such as a museum or a park.
Watch What You Eat and Drink
Pay attention to your eating habits. It is easy to fall off the health wagon with what you are eating during the holiday season. While it is fine to enjoy a little seasonal cheer in the form of sweets and drinks do not consume too much and make sure that you continue to eat plenty of foods that are rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. One option is to allow yourself only one treat per day during the holiday season. If you do this then you will not deprive yourself of delicious goodies but you will not overindulge either. Remember too that both sugar and caffeine are found in plenty of desserts and in alcohol. Both of these ingredients can upset the balance of your emotions and can make you more vulnerable to mood swings and feeling just plain yucky.
Help Others
One of the best ways to avoid the holiday blues is to reach out and help those who are less fortunate than you are. When you get out of your own head and are able to lend a helping hand in your community this can lift your spirits and bring joy and hope into the lives of others. Find out where volunteers are needed during the holidays and then turn your attention in that direction. This is an excellent way to take your mind off your own troubles and to help shake those seasonal blues.
The holidays are a time of excitement and family. Growing up, we are shuffled to this relatives house or that one’s house to see family and eat wonderful meals prepared with love. As we mature and start our own families, it’s only natural that we would want to start our own traditions. This year, my family opted to have a small Thanksgiving at home with just us and my Mom. Now, we can’t say that this will be our annual tradition, but it’s nice to break from the mold once in a while and do something a little different.
There are certain things to think about before trecking out on your own with holiday traditions:
How will everyone else take it? It’s always important to consider how other family feels about you ducking out of the normal traditions and starting your own, especially if that means not participating in the usual festivities.
What kinds of things do you want to do? When merging two families (yours and your husbands) there will obviously be two or more ideas of how to do things. Sit down and discuss how you both would like your family to celebrate the holidays, what traditions are especially important to both of you and what things you don’t want to do.
How can you get things started? When starting new traditions, it’s not important that you do everything the first holiday. Don’t feel obliged to get it perfect from the get-go. Remember that your family has most likely been doing the same thing for years and that they started out slowly too.
I think it’s a great idea to start your own traditions and have fun doing it. Let your kids help out with decorations and cooking/baking. Let them be a part of incorporating the new ideas and activities so that they feel they connected to the holidays and are not just spectators.
Have you ventured out on your own and started your own holiday traditions? What was the most difficult part for you? How did you get started?
Photo Courtesy of Evan S. Photography
Have you ever dealt with a child who wets the bed? We are dealing with the issue of bedwetting right now, and I gotta tell you it is stressful. Our oldest child has trouble staying dry all night. We had him in pull ups at night until this summer when we decided to give it a go and take off the pull ups. We would take him pee at night right before we went to bed and he would stay dry the rest of the night. He was waking up very early because he had to wake up and pee and then couldn’t go back to sleep–but we thought it was great that he was waking up to go.
Then we moved to England. Once we arrived in Enlgand everything started off fine. Until school started. Our oldest is in public school and the adjustment of going to school for 6 hours a day and being very tired by the end of the day made bedwetting a bigger issue. He was wetting the bed two times a night most nights. We armed oursevled with washable puddle pads that we put over his flat sheet so that if he did have an accident we could take that off and replace it with a fresh one. That way we weren’t having to change sheets in the middle of the night.
Here is his nightly routine:
- Books before bed.
- Last pee of the night
- Lights out and songs.
- Sleep.
- We take him pee before we go to bed sometime between 10 and 12. We usually try to aim for 10:30 because the chances of him having an accident after 10:30 increase by the minute.
- If we are too late then we change jammies, change the puddle pad and have him empty his bladder. Occasionally, depending on how he is sleeping the accident may get on his comforter, sheets, or blankie. Throw those into the kitchen where the washer is so they can be washed the next morning.
- Sometime between 2am and 4:30, whichever parent wakes up first, will take him pee again. Occasionally we are too late and we have to repeat the above step.
- Rejoice in the morning if he stayed dry all night (and I have no more laundry to do).
Now, this may not be the BEST way to handle bedwetting at night but it works for us for now. I don’t enjoy having interrupted sleep in the middle of the night and dealing with taking him to the toilet but I dislike even more dealing with wet jammies and extra loads of laundry.
A few weeks ago I was getting concerned that maybe there was something else going on with him–a medical problem. I started doing some research (talking to other parents and reading on the web) about bedwetting in school age children.
Here is what I learned:
- It is common for boys especially to struggle with bedwetting.
- Some children don’t produce the hormone that supresses the body from making urine at night until they are older. In some cases, not until puberty.
- It isn’t their fault. They aren’t doing it on purpose. They can’t help it. They aren’t lazy.
- Using things like sticker charts won’t really be helpful because bedwetting is not something that children can control. It isn’t the same thing as using a sticker chart for thumb sucking or doing chores.
- Use empathy and love when your children have an accident. Use all your might to not show any anger toward your child if they have an accident.
- Stress makes bedwetting worse. (In our case starting school was making it worse for our child. Showing anger and frustration about bedwetting can also make it worse.)
- If you suspect a medical problem, take the child in for a check up and talk to the pediatrician.
- Some websites said that taking them to the toilet at night doesn’t really teach the child anything–it more trains the parent than anything else.
- If your child is old enough for sleepovers you can ask your doctor about a prescription the child can take to not wet the bed. Or teach your child how to discreetly use pull ups to avoid being embarrassed about needing them at night.
- Encourage your child when he has an accident and tell him he will grow out of it. (It doesn’t bother our child that he has accidents at night. He isn’t embarrassed about it for the time being but I suspect that he will get there if this issue doesn’t resolve itself in the next year.)
- Take heart, you aren’t the only parent out there dealing with extra laundry due to bedwetting!
How have you dealt with bedwetting? What has worked for you?
