The Mom Crowd

Parent Hacks is one of my favorite websites, because it gives you practical tips to make your life as a parent a little easier. Here are few parent hacks of my own that I have used. I would love to hear some the creative ideas that you have come up with in the comment section.

1. Using return address labels on the back of wallet sized photos. I honestly do not want to write Annabelle’s name, age, and date on the back of 30 photos. So I like to print out the information I want on a clear return address label and stick it to the back of the photo. You don’t get any pen imprints or bleed through from writing on the back. It also makes the photos look more professional.

2. Parking next to a cart return when you go shopping. This was a huge help when I had to lug my baby around in a car seat. When I leave the store I like to put my baby in the car first, but I don’t want to leave her alone in the car while I return the cart. Also, you don’t have to carry a car seat or a wiggly toddler very far to get a cart when you arrive.

3. Bringing your ipod and speakers to the park. I like to take Annabelle to my neighborhood park, but it is usually empty and boring when I go by myself. So one time I brought my ipod and speakers with me. I could still keep my eyes on my daughter and I was able to listen to some good music at the same time. Annabelle would even dance to the music.

4. Giving your little one a snack at the grocery store. Ideally I would love to grocery shop without Annabelle, but that doesn’t always happen. My problem is keeping her in the shopping cart seat. She likes to stand up. My friend Sarah said that she gave her kids a Dum Dum when she went and that help to occupy them. Annabelle was driving me nuts one day, so I went over the candy aisle and opened a bag of Dum Dums and I gave her one. It occupied her for a while and I was thankful. I saw one of my friends feeding her two little ones eggrolls from the Chinese take-out stand. I have since tried bananas, dried pineapple and opening a bag of bread, but I still keep a few Dum Dums in my bag for when I am desperate.

5. Using 2×4′s to install a pressure mount baby gate onto two banisters without drilling. My husband and I did not want to drill into the banisters at the bottom of our stairs to install a gate, so we used zip ties to attach a 2×4 piece of scrap wood to each of the banisters. After installing the wood, it was really easy to put the baby gate in place.

Okay, these last two are for girls but maybe you could share them with a friend if you don’t have a girl.

6. Pairing dresses that are too short with a pair of pants. My daughter doesn’t grow out of clothes quickly, but sometimes dresses do get too short. I started pairing a dress with a pair of jeans underneath and I love it. I get more life out of her clothes and she looks cute.

7. Put a rubberband around the bottom of a hair clip to keep it in their hair. I can’t take full credit for this tip. I got it from the nice lady who runs a boutique here in my town. She told me to put a little rubberband on the bottom metal half of the bow to keep it from sliding in the hair. Every time I have done this it has worked.

Do you have any parent hacks that you like to use? Do you have a solution for my problem of keeping my 18 month old safe in a shopping cart? (ha!)

November is National Adoption Awareness Month, so I thought I’d post about adoption this month.  One of the biggest pieces to our adoption journey, thus far, has been the home study process.  Before we started our adoption journey, I had no idea what the process was like.  I vaguely knew it was going to take a long time and I definitely knew it was going to cost a lot of money.  When we committed to adopting baby Reese, the first item on our to-do list was to have a home study completed by a licensed social worker.  I immediately started researching the process and became quite overwhelmed.  The lovely folks at Reece’s Rainbow walked me through the process and it ended up being much less stressful than I thought it would be.

I thought I’d share our experience with those of you who are beginning your own adoption journeys or those of you who are just curious as to how adoptions work.  Whether you are adopting domestically or internationally, you will have to have a home study done.  There may be some minor differences between domestic and international adoptio home studies and there is most certainly variances between social workers, but I believe that all home studies have the same foundation.

 Finding your social worker

• This is the first step.  Finding a social worker who is experienced, licensed, and whose eager to help you in your adoption process can take some digging.  You can find many social workers at 1-800-homestudy or you can google or look in your phone book.  It’s important to find a social worker who is in your price range.  The fees for a home study can be anywhere between $600 and $2,500 for international adoptions.  Different countries have different requirements, so make sure your social worker has experience with home studies in YOUR child’s country.  If you don’t feel a personality connection with your social worker, find someone else.  This home study process can be anywhere from one month to several months long, so you want to be working with someone you like.  Ask what their turn around time is and what their process is like.  Every social worker runs their home studies a little differently, so shop around.  If the social worker doesn’t return calls, that may be a sign that they may not be easily reached when you need them.

Before your home visit

• After you’ve selected your social worker, he or she will start you on a paper chase.  This will include locating your marriage license, birth certificates, divorce certificates (if applicable), filling out background check forms, having a medical exam, asking friends for letters of recommendations, having your fingerprints taken locally, and submitting financial records (note: you do not need to be rich to adopt, you only need to show that you are able to provide for your family).  Your social worker will also schedule a home visit to meet your family, see your home, and conduct interviews.  This may be scheduled before or after you obtain the necessary documents.

What to expect for your home visit

• The home visit was the most intimidating part of this process.  We scheduled our home visit and it was canceled by the social worker last minute.  It was very frustrating because I had slaved over my house and it was sparkling.  It was rescheduled for the next week and again, I devoted myself to scrubbing and cleaning my house.  Our social worker arrived and was very friendly.  We gave her a tour of our home and she took a picture of each room.  She didn’t look in any closets (which I had spent hours cleaning) and didn’t even look at our master bathroom.  She looked at our backyard and didn’t look in the garage (whew!).  She said that she wasn’t there to inspect my cleaning abilities, but was there to make sure there was adequate space for our child and that our home was safe, which made me feel better, even though my house was the cleanest it’s ever been!  We then sat down to have an interview.  She asked my husband and myself individually about our motivation to adopt and about our childhoods.  Specifically, she asked about our parents’ discipline, activities we participated in, whether we had any history of abuse, etc…  She wanted to know what schools we’ve attended and what jobs we’ve had as adults as well.  She was pretty specific, but I did not feel like there was a “right” answer or a “wrong” answer.  She then asked us individually about our marriage and our parenting style.  She wanted to know if we would treat Reese like our other children and how we planned to incorporate Reese’s culture into our family.  After she conducted individual interviews, we were done.  Our kids are too young to be interviewed, however they were there the whole time, playing and fighting with each other.  We ate some pizza and salad, visited for a while and then she left.  She was at our house for about 2 1/2 hours.  I jokingly asked her if she was going to at least look at the fire escape path I made for her visit.  She laughed.  I had read that we had to have a fire escape path drawn out, so I did that and it wasn’t necessary in my case.  I know this sounds simple, but it really was this simple!

What happens next?

• We are now in this stage of our home study process.  Our social worker left the home visit with the necessary documents and we received a draft of our home study about two weeks later.  I sent her some corrections I wanted her to make (minor things like misspellings and wording errors, etc…) and she made those revisions. We found out that our Child Protective Services clearance had not arrived, so we are now waiting for that.  Once that is received, she will UPS official, notarized copies of our final home study to both us and to our local USCIS (U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services) office.  From there, we will hopefully receive an invitation from USCIS to have our federal fingerprints done and an approval from the US to adopt soon after that.

This is a very nutshelled version of our homestudy process, but it truly was this simple for us!  Something that was incredibly overwhelming to me has been smooth and simple, except for the minor delay with our CPS clearance form.

Here are a few resources for you as you begin your adoption home study process:

• The Nuts and Bolts of an Adoption Home Study 
• 1-800 Home Study (one of the best resources on finding a social worker for your home study!)
• The Adoption Home Study

For those of you who have had a homestudy, what tips do you have for prospective adoptive parents?

I can’t believe it’s Halloween.  The older I get, the quicker it comes.  I’m no longer a child in a classroom counting down the long October days to the 31st.  I no longer fret over what would be the best costume.  I don’t worry about how many pieces of candy my mom will allow me to eat each day.  Yes, the tables have turned; now it’s my turn to monitor all of this for my kids.  Since they’re still 2 and 1, though, I don’t have to go through the whole Halloween shebang just yet.  This year, our focus has been on having the most budget-friendly holiday.  If you’re like me, you don’t have much extra cash for store-bought costumes or full-sized candy bars to give away.   

Here are some ideas to keep Halloween easy on the wallet: 

• Make your own costume.  Sometimes, the store-bought ones look so cheesy anyway; using clothes from around the house really adds character and originality to a costume.  I remember once I was a princess, and I borrowed a prom dress and jewelry from one of my mom’s friends.  All I needed was the tiara!  Another time, my mom made me a cheerleading outfit and sewed the year I would graduate high school on the sleeve of my sweater.  (I remember thinking, ‘Wow, 1994 will never come!’)  The best homemade costumes, though, have wit.  One year, I made a “sandwich-board” costume out of posterboard to look like a giant Dawn dishwashing soap bottle.  And in eighth grade, my friend Jaimee and I decided to be a giant yellow happy face.  We pulled it off, too.

• Borrow a hand-me-down costume from a friend.  This year, I was fortunate enough to borrow a lion costume for Eli and a giraffe costume for Lucy.  They will even “match” in all of their jungle-ness!  If you already purchased a costume this year, save it and be on the lookout for someone who can put it to good use next year.
• Wait until the last week of October to buy your pumpkins.  True, the selection might be picked over, but if you’re carving it up anyway, what’s the big deal?  We bought a decent-sized one for $3 this week at Wal-Mart.  Also, plan on reusing your carving kit for next year; that’s another $4 saved.
• Go trick-or-treating with friends in another neighborhood.  I’m not trying to sound cheap here, but since I made plans to take the kids someplace else during the evening hours, I don’t have to worry about buying candy to give away!  (When you’re really on a shoe-string budget, this helps.)
• Add Halloween fun to things you already eat.  Use food coloring in your muffins, buy the black spaghetti noodles for a clever dinner idea, and roast your pumpkin seeds for a healthy, tasty snack.  (There are lots of ways to do it, but this is the simple recipe I used.)  

What are some other ideas you have?  I hope everyone has a safe and fun Halloween!

The American population is revved up for the elections in a couple weeks and the economy is on everyone’s minds.  While the candidates debate on how to best heal our economy, I thought it would be a good time to discuss our responsibility to ourselves, our families, and to our society to start living within our means.  Our society has  a “have it all-have it NOW” mentality and we are seeing firsthand what happens when individuals in our society and when our own government lives outside of their means.

Other than the good ole’ makin’-a-budget-and-stickin’-to-it plan, there are some small steps you can take to help yourself start living within your means.  Not only can you use these ideas to help yourself to start living within your means, you can incorporate these philosophies into your parenting strategy.  It is important for our children that we set an example of living within our means and that we teach them that they need to live within their own means.

Here are some philosophies we try to live out within our family:

“The Latte Factor”

• My husband discovered this term from one of the financial gurus he reads (I can’t tell you which one this phrase belongs to…).  The basic idea is that it’s the “lattes” that get us in trouble financially.  For some, it is literally the “lattes” (from Starbucks) that are making big dents in their budgets, but for others, “latte” is figurative for other little purchases made throughout the week.  Most people don’t know where their money goes after they get paid and it’s usually these small purchases that is the culprit of this disappearing money.  If you spend $1.18 a day on a diet coke (guilty as charged), that is $36 every month.  I’m not saying you should stop buying your diet cokes each day, however those small dollar purchases can really impact your monthly budget.  My husband is constantly grilling me about “the latte factor” and while it can be irritating at times, I appreciate that we are aware of where our money goes each month because we are paying attention to all of the transactions we are making.
• Parenting Tip: Encourage your children to keep a record of how they spend their allowance.  If you know they are really anxious to buy the new Guitar Hero game, you can help remind them that when they buy bubblegum from the machine, they are delaying their coveted purchase that much longer.

“Do I really need it?” and “Can I afford it?”

• Do you really need 1,000 minutes and unlimited texting on your cell phone?  Do you really need 150 channels on your television?  Do you really need that gym membership that you’re not using?  The answer will be “no” in most of the circumstances you ask yourself “do I really need this?”, however the follow-up question must always be “can I afford it?”  I’m not suggesting you live a life of eating rice and beans every night and I’m not suggesting you get rid of your internet and use the library computer, however if you can’t afford something, you can’t afford it.  There are many fabulous luxuries in our society, however there’s a lot of empty money spent on channels never watched, gyms never visited, and furniture never sat in.  In order to live within your means, you have to be able to tell yourself “no” at times.
• Parenting Tip: Be honest with your children about your family budget and explain to them that if you add an expense, you will have to take away another expense.  Explain to them that in order for your family to increase their cable channels, you will have to have dial up internet.  Allow them to share their thoughts and play a role in your family’s budget.

Keeping up with the Jones’

• Right now, the Jones’ are facing foreclosure because the Jones’ were not wise with their money.  Being the Jones’ may be fun for a while, but it will inevitably catch up to you.  If you are unwise with your money because you are trying to have it all, you will eventually wind up not having anything.
• Parenting Tip: Remind your children that “stuff” is not what is important in this life.  Volunteer as a family at the food bank or homeless shelter.  Expose them to families who do not have very much.  For Christmas, have your children give presents to children who are less fortunate than they are.  Set an example to your children by not complaining about what you don’t have. Being around people who are less fortunate than you are will not only impact your children, but it will impact you and remind you of all of the things you have.

Stinky debt

• There are some debts that I feel can be classified as investments.  School loans, mortgages, etc… can be considered investments, when under control.   Buying a house that you cannot afford or pulling out as much in school loans as you can are not wise investments and can easily put you in a place where you are living outside your means.  However, the stinky debt I am referring to is stinky credit card debts.  If you are using credit cards and not paying them off each month, you are not living within your means.  There’s not much more to say about that, other than stop using your credit cards.  If you can’t get by without using your credit cards, eliminate other expenses in your life (cable, cell phone, move into a smaller apartment, etc…) so you can afford your bills and not be consumed by the credit card monster.
• Parenting Tip: The best gift you can give to your children is your example.  Explain to them how credit card debt works and how interest can consume your monthly payments.  If they ask to borrow money in between their allowances, show them how interest works and charge them interest on that loan.  The main thing is to teach them why credit card debt is so difficult and show them the freedom of a family not living in the chains of debt by not being consumed by it yourself.

Delayed Gratification

• If you want to purchase something that is not a necessity, sleep on it.  A lot of times you will not feel as urgent about purchasing that item the next day.  Another great idea is to have those splurges be a reward for yourself.  Set goals (financial, weight-loss, etc…) for yourself and promise yourself that you can buy that item once your goal is met.  This practice of “delayed gratification” will not only help your wallets, it will also help you to be a more disciplined person in general.  However, if you cannot afford to purchase a non-necessity, then you have to tell yourself to wait until you can afford it.
• Parenting Tip: If there are things your children really want, tell them to add it to their Christmas list or birthday list.  This will not only make these celebrations more exciting, it will also help steer your children away from a “have it all, have it NOW” mentality.  You can also use these items they want as rewards for them.  Buying them whatever they want, whenever they want will not only be bad for your checkbook, your children will never learn how to live within their means or discipline.

These are just a few tips I have for you. What areas do you struggle with living outside of your means?  What steps have you taken to help yourself live within your means?  How are you teaching your children to live within their means?

No one likes switching doctors. It is a pain to do–especially when you are pregnant but sometimes it is worth it. There is no rule that says that you can’t switch providers during your pregnancy. Some women put up with poor service from their doctors or their staff because they feel the hassle of changing providers is too complicated. And we feel guilty and don’t want to make anyone feel bad. Some women stay with their doctors for future pregnancies even if their doctor left a bad taste in their mouth from their first pregnancy. Well ladies, I am here to encourage you to break free and find a provider that you feel comfortable with, that doesn’t make medical decisions based on their fear of being sued, and who will support the choices you want to make during your pregnancy or well-woman health care.

Even if you aren’t interested in an unmedicated, natural birth, there are some things to look out for that tell you a doctor has a bad habit of meddling in labor when it isn’t necessary. It is important for us to voice our concerns to the people we trust for our healthcare. I cannot even begin to stress how important it is for us to also take charge and responsibility for our own health. Educate yourself, ask questions, read books and be your own advocate!

I have compiled a list of “red flags” for you to consider as you think about your experience with your own Ob/Gyn:

Your doctor starts pressuring you to have a c-section as early as 28 weeks for fear of a large baby.

Your doctor’s c-section rate is at or above the national rate (33%).

Your doctor patronizes you or mocks you for wanting a birth plan or a natural birth.

Your doctor has an episiotomy rate over 30%.

Your doctor doesn’t fully inform you of the risks on induction, c-section, epidural etc.

Your doctor will only allow you to push your baby out with your legs/feet in the stirrups and/or on your back. (Feels uncomfortable with hands and knees or squatting or whatever position you want to birth in)

Your doctor’s routine procedure for induction is to break the bag of waters early on in labor.

Your doctor uses cytotec for labor induction. (Run the other direction!)

Your doctor makes you feel stupid when you ask questions or share how you feel about pregnancy, procedures, birth, or your general health.

Your doctor makes you feel bad about your weight gain but doesn’t offer you any guidance on nutrition or diet.

If you want a natural birth with minimal interventions:

Your doctor says things that aren’t supportive of your desire to have an unmedicated birth. For example, “you don’t need to suffer needlessly…the drugs are safe for the baby…good luck with that…”

Your doctor requires continuous electric fetal monitoring.

This is by no means an exhaustive list but it is a start. If your doctor or practice makes you feel uncomfortable at all or if you have a gut feeling that leaves you uneasy as you interact with them then consider switching practices. Emotional relaxation during labor is very important and if you feel uneasy around your birth team then it can have a negative impact on labor.

You will remember your birth for the rest of your life so it is important to go to someone who treats you with dignity, respect, and care. Doctors don’t have emotional attachments with all their patients and will not be offended if you switch your care to someone else. Many doctors are overbooked (How many times have you had to wait and wait to see your doc only to feel rushed during appointments?) and will not be personally offended if you switch providers. You don’t have to tell them why at all–unless you want to.

If you are looking for a more personal care style for your womanly health care then I would encourage you to see midwives for your pregnancy and well-woman visits. Many certified nurse midwives also do yearly exams. There are many women who enjoy the holisitic care that midwives offer but still prefer epidurals or need c-sections for their births.

Finding a doctor or midwife that you feel comfortable with may be a challenge but it is worth the extra time and effort!

Have you ever switched doctors? What’s your story?