The Mom Crowd

One of every mother’s worst fears is watching their child choke or stop breathing.  That is definitely on my top three list of worries.  This evening, as I was cutting up grapes for my son, I was thinking about the choking threat grapes pose and how unprepared for a choking situation I feel.  I’ve been CPR and First Aid certified a few times in my life, but the most recent class I’ve attended was four and a half years and three children ago.  I certainly could use a refresher course on what to do in a choking situation and am probably not the only mom out there who is not CPR confident.  One thing I do feel confident about is that the best way to stop a child from choking is to prevent it from ever happening.  The American Pediatrics Association has a whole list of the top food and nonfood choking hazards and ways to prevent your child from choking that I think every parent needs to read.

That being said, not all emergencies are preventable. However simple training in CPR and First Aid can be the difference between a scary event and a tragedy and the training is not difficult to obtain.  Most cities or hospitals offer free classes parents and babysitters can take. I found some online instructional videos on what to do if your infant or toddler is choking.  Hopefully, these videos will inspire you to seek out a children’s CPR and First Aid class near you so that you can be prepared in case of an emergency.

Infant Choking Part One (click on the links to parts 2 and 3 below)

• Infant Choking Part Two
• Infant Choking Part Three

Toddler Choking Part One (click on the link to part 2 below)

• Toddler Choking Part Two

Have you gone through children’s CPR/First Aid training as a mother or mother-to-be?  Do you feel confident that you could perform CPR on your child or handle a choking situation with your child if necessary?

Jennifer is wife to a sweet, Midwestern man and mom to 3 boys and one girl (ages 7, 5, 4, and 4 months).  When she’s not folding yet another load of laundry, she’s driving a minivan, fixing meals her kids won’t eat, snuggling with the baby, and wishing for a few glorious moments in her craft room.  You can read more about her life on her blog Beauty Instead of Ashes.

Webster defines simplicity as “the state of being simple, uncomplicated.”  As I read this definition I immediately think, “Can a mom of young children ever get to this state?”   With little kids running around, life often times seem the exact opposite: complicated.  Although achieving simplicity in my home often seems as unlikely as me climbing Mt. Everest, it is still something that I strive for.  I have been a mother for a little over seven years now, and in the last couple of years I have really begun to understand that “less is more.”  I have searched for ways to simplify my home, and I have come across some really great ideas that I have tweaked to fit my family’s needs.   These are very practical, low or no-cost ideas that I hope you might find useful as well:

1. Simplifying school paperwork.
This year, three of my four kids are in school.  My oldest is in first grade, and my second and third are in preschool.  At the beginning of the year I was literally drowning in school paperwork.  It would all end up in a pile on the counter, and eventually I would go through it.  It was a mess that I hated to see on my countertop and I knew I needed to find a better system.  Clipboards have saved my life from being overtaken by paper!

I saw these on another blog and immediately knew they were what I was looking for.  All I did was buy one clipboard per child (about two bucks each).  I painted them, added a couple coats of Mod Podge, attached some ribbon and hung them on my refrigerator with 3mm hooks.  Now when school papers come home, I immediately toss what I don’t need and hang up what I do on the clipboard.  I also use them to display the kids’ artwork.  I originally saw them hanging above a desk area, but the refrigerator made more sense for me.  I used paint, but you could also Mod Podge scrapbook paper.  These clipboards can be used for any household paperwork.  It is a truly simple idea that has been a tremendous help!

2. Simplifying the bedmaking routine.
Miss Manners may not approve of this one, but I am a fan of only using the fitted sheet on my kids’ beds.  This all began a few years ago when I wanted my oldest to learn how to make his bed.  He could do just about everything, but he always had a hard time smoothing out the top sheet.  A light bulb went off one day when I asked myself why we even needed the top sheet?  So, we took it off.  Making his bed became so much simpler!  I took the top sheets off of all the kids’ beds.  I will eventually put them back on when they are old enough and able to smooth and tuck in the top sheet, but for now this has definitely helped to make the morning routine simpler!

3. Simplifying your cleaning.
How?  With one simple product: white vinegar.  Some of you may already know the many uses of vinegar, but I just learned about this in the last year.  You can clean so many things with vinegar, and a large container costs less than $2.50!  Here are a few ways to use vinegar:

• As a fabric softener:  1/4 cup in your rinse cycle softens your clothes and gets rid of any unpleasant odors.  If your towels have started to have that yucky, mildew smell, vinegar will take care of it.  Everyone always asks, “But will my clothes smell like vinegar?”  No, vinegar is odorless when it dries. 
• As a glass and surface cleaner:  Equal parts vinegar and water in a spray bottle make a great cleaner.  Vinegar does a much better job than a store-bought glass cleaner for a fraction of the cost. 
• As a hard water remover:  If your coffee pot is running slow, it is probably hard water buildup.  Run equal parts water and vinegar through the pot, and the hard water buildup will disappear.  Spray straight vinegar onto tile or any other surface with hard water build up.  Let it sit for a few minutes, then wipe with a sponge.
• As a carpet cleaner:  I use the same spray bottle of vinegar that I use to clean glass to spot clean my carpets.  You avoid the problem of dirt sticking to the soap based carpet cleaning product which just causes another stain to appear.

These are just a few things that have helped me in my quest towards simplicity.  I am still searching for good ideas to help simplify the toys.  Do you have any to share?  I would love to hear them.  Happy simplifying!

I was sent a copy of Jean Blackmer’s book, BOY-STEROUS LIVING, to read and write a review.  I have to tell you that I really enjoyed reading this book.  I read it in one evening cover to cover.  Jean Blackmer is a mother of 3 sons, just like me.  She is a writer and publishing manager for MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) International.

 I don’t assume that everyone who reads The Mom Crowd is a Christian, but I do need to tell you that this book is written from a Christian perspective. Each chapter begins with an anecdote and usually points to a passage of the Bible for a small bit of teaching. All the chapters end with a “deeper note” which suggests some fun things you can do to connect with your boys or has some questions to get you thinking about your relationship with them. The chapters are short and easy to read. It is one of those books that you can flip through and read whatever chapter title jumps out at you. One thing I appreciated about this book was that it wasn’t all about how you need to make yourself a better Christian or mother–it wasn’t about meeting standards that are impossible to achieve. It is simply a practical, funny look about what life is like when you have a house full of boys.

I found many of the topics she writes about to be true, for example, in Chapter 2 she talks about how boys and risk taking go hand in hand. And how us mothers worry. A lot. She points out that risk taking or fearlessness isn’t bad–but foolish risk taking is. We can teach our boys the difference between being fearless and foolish. Another thing she talks about in Chapter 7 is how important it is for us mommies to spend time with other women. That is so true in my life, and I predict that it will become even more true as my boys grow up to be teenagers. So far my 4 and 5 year old like to sit around and talk about the things that interest them. If I am lucky they will still enjoy sitting around with their mom and talking about fun stuff–but from what I understand (and she mentions this in the book) boys may hit an age where they run out of words and don’t want to answer a bunch of my questions about their friends, what they learned at school, who they talked to, or didn’t talk to–you get the point. I’ll have to give them more space to be themselves and not expect them to relate to me in the same way my girlfriends do.

As I was reading the book, I was inspired to spend more time DOING things with my boys like playing legos, looking for bugs, pretending to talk with a certain action figure, riding bikes, playing soccer, hockey, and being with them while they play on the computer. My boys (husband included) love adventure and even though I’d sometimes rather hang out inside and read, I know that DOING things with them will help us to bond together and create memories. I get tired (okay, and sometimes bored) when I am pretending to be Yoda or Bumblebee (shout out to Star Wars and Transformers!) but for now it is a way to connect with them. 

  In Chapter 15 Blackmer talks about the importance of letting Dads be Dads without interfering. If you are the primary caretaker of your children then you know the ins and outs of all the daily things in life (he likes mustard, NOT mayonaise…she takes a nap with the puppy but sleeps with the bear at bedtime…he’s been scared of Barney for weeks, why did you let him watch THAT?!…she naps at 12:30 not 1…) and when we leave our children with their daddies sometimes we have a tendency to communicate that they don’t know how to take care of their own children. It is true, sometimes they don’t but when we criticize and don’t let them doing things differently without freaking out can you blame them when they give up trying? Or get upset with us for telling them they are doing it wrong and then don’t give them a chance to figure it out themselves? This is not as hard for me as it used to be but I still struggle with it somtimes. She points out that every father and son need a chance to develop their own relationship (I know it is true for girls too but this post is about boys) and sometimes, as hard as it can be, we need to step aside and let them figure it out.

As I read the book I laughed and cried. My husband was sitting next to me on the couch and enjoyed the excerpts I read to him. Having boys is a blast and I appreciated a reminder of all the reasons why as I read this book. It could make a great gift to a mom that has boys!

 Do you have any “boy” stories? How do you manage to be surrounded by boys in your house? What about you moms that have teenage boys?  How do you relate to them?  What about you that have both boys and girls–what differences do you notice?

March is a big month for your contributors at The Mom Crowd: Amanda, our founder, is about to have her second child, and McKenna is going to Eastern Europe for the first time to meet her new daughter (for the first time!)  When Amanda asked for guest posters to step in and share their wisdom, the response was phenomenal.  Keep coming back to The Mom Crowd every day for fabulous information, tips, stories, and inspiration! 

Our first guest poster is Kristi, the mom of three wonderful children and a personal trainer to strong, beautiful women and one reluctant husband.  We are happy to have her!  Her story is bound to touch your heart.  Be sure to leave a comment to offer encouragement or advice!  

I never thought I would be caring for a parent before reaching thirty.  I figured by the time my parents experienced health problems, my kids would be grown.  My father was recently diagnosed with stage four brain cancer.  He had a tumor removed from his brain but there is a two-thirds chance of the cancer returning.  He was perfectly healthy before the diagnosis.  Unfortunately, my parents have split up, so my mom doesn’t play a big role when it comes to my dad’s health.  My children are seven, five, and two months.  Caring for them is a full time job in itself, so add the time it takes to care for my dad and it seems like I’m working overtime!

He has to go to treatment for radiation Monday through Friday.  He has several doctors appointments throughout the month.  He has numerous medications that require strict instructions and need frequent refills.  Due to the location of the brain tumor, his speech center was severely damaged.  He cannot think of the words he wants to say which means he needs a translator to assist him at all of his appointments.  His eyesight was also damaged and he currently has no peripheral vision in the right vision field.  Obviously he cannot drive in this condition and needs to be driven to all appointments and errands.  Caring for my dad often feels like a burden to our family, but it is a responsibility that I made a commitment to.

If you are currently caring for your parents or grandparents while raising young children, I have some ideas that may help get you through it:

• Delegate your responsibilities.  You can’t expect to do everything yourself.  You will burn out and be too overwhelmed to think clearly and make important decisions.  Have other family members help you by taking your parent to appointments, watching your children, or whatever you may need at the time.  My dad stays with my oldest brother and his wife.  This is a huge help to our family because we don’t have the space for one more in our home.  Also, my children are noisy (whose aren’t?) and my dad needs rest and quiet.  If you don’t have family members in town, you can enlist the help of friends and neighbors.  Another option is to attend a support group for caregivers of cancer patients or whatever type of illness your parent has.
• Prepare for the unknown.  Often a simple surgery can cause complications and unexpected outcomes.  It is a good idea to make sure your parent or grandparent has a living will and power of attorney documents available to family members.  It was awkward speaking to my dad about his will, but I came to find out he didn’t have a will or an appointed power of attorney.  These days, you can create both documents online.  When you plan ahead and have these papers in place, it reduces stress and family conflict.  If your loved one is on life support, you need to know what their wishes are.  Do they want to be sustained on life support or would they prefer not to have any interventions?  [Editor's note: Amanda has posted helpful tips on this topic; check it out!]
• Be patient with your children.  This one is so difficult for me.  I was gone one day for eight hours rushing around to consultations and errands for my dad.  I can’t expect my five year old to sit still and be good the whole time.  I tried to remember to praise her for the times she was being good.  There will be crazy days where you will be out with your kids and parent, trying to care for both.  Try bringing a special bag full of new coloring books and toys for your children.  Use this bag only when taking grandpa or grandma to the doctor.  Talk to your children about what you expect before they go into the office: “We have to be quiet when the doctor is talking.”  Cut your kids some slack.  This is difficult on them too.
• Communicate.  Taking care of your ill parent is similar for caring for your children. You are responsible for their health.  Talk to their doctor just like you would at your own children’s appointments. You wouldn’t expect your child to ask his or her doctor what their treatment plan is.  Don’t expect your parent to know what to ask either.  Jump into the conversation and encourage other family members to ask questions.  We have a nurse in the family who gave me a helpful list of questions to ask the surgeon.  Write down the answers to those questions and share them with friends and family who need to know.
• Talk to your parent about doctor visits.  Did they understand what the doctor said?  Do they have any questions for you?  My dad has a difficult time understanding and piecing together information.  I have to repeat myself several times until he is no longer confused.  Try to be positive and encourage your parent during recovery.  Let them know you are always available to talk to.

I am continuing to learn how to manage everything daily.  I know that I need to rely on God’s grace to get me through each day.  What are some of the things you have learned while caring for your parents or grandparents? Do you have any tips or advice to share?

There is so much to learn from ‘Parenting With Love and Logic.’  I thought I’d share some of my biggest successes as I’ve been reading the books and taking the class.

Something I have been learning about is control. Love and Logic teaches that in order to have control, you must give control.  One way of getting control is to offer as many choices as possible to the child.  Children are happy to oblige and feel like they have a say in day to day living which can help prevent battles over the bigger stuff.  I have been trying to be creative in offering choices….

For example:

• Do you want the green cup or the blue cup?

• Do you want to get your jammies on upstairs or downstairs?

• Do you want to brush your teeth first or get your jammies on first?

• Do you want to open the door or do you want me to?

• Do you want to take the dishes to the sink or sweep the floor?

• Do you want to wear your coat or carry it to the car?

• Will you be wearing your shoes to the car or will you be taking them in a bag?

You get the idea.  The key is to make sure that you offer two choices and that you are fine with either choice.  The other thing to keep in mind is to make sure the second choice is not a threat (i.e. do you want to clean up the toys or do you want a spanking?)

Have you ever noticed that when you tell your children to do something their first typical response is, “NO!”? Well, maybe your kids don’t do that….

I was getting tired of battling with the boys to get on coats and shoes and changing from jammies to daytime clothes before going out to the car. I noticed a BIG difference when I started asking the boys if they would be getting dressed upstairs or downstairs and wearing their coat or carrying it instead of demanding them to put it on lecturing them how if they didn’t get it on now they would freeze to death and complain about being cold. Please tell me you’ve done this too!  Now, when I ask how they will be bringing their coat I stopped hearing, “NO! I don’t WANT to get on my coat!” and started hearing, “I’ll wear it (while they put it on!)” We have had some life lessons that have come with this too.

I wrote last week that my 4 year old has mastered the ability to convince me that he (insert whine) just can’t put his shoes on, can’t get his shoes on, coat on, hat on… Well, I have to get my own things on and help the baby get his outside gear on too so enough was enough.  I told Isaac that I thought he was a very smart boy and that I knew he could figure out how to put on his socks, shoes, and coat.  I would not respond to whining anymore.  Now, I announce that I am going to get my coat and shoes on and that I will be leaving after I get the baby dressed. My 5 year old is on top of it now.  He zips downstairs and gets everything on and is ready to go.  If Isaac has been interrupted from playing he will sometimes go into whiny mode and complain so long about not wanting to leave that he will just sit and whine instead of put on his shoes and coat.

We have left the house with his shoes and/or coat in a bag or waiting inside (depending on where we are going).  Lo and behold, he is quickly figuring out that when I say I am leaving he is coming with me fully dressed or not.   I don’t have to lecture him because he is smart enough to figure out that I am leaving when I say I am leaving.

I have to say it feels GREAT to have that stress taken off of me. It is his CHOICE whether or not he puts on his socks, shoes, and coat in a timely manner. If he asks for help with his zipper I will gladly oblige as long as he hasn’t been whining about leaving.  I don’t need to control that aspect of his life.

I know that some of you must be thinking some of the same things I did.  What if other people think I am a terrible mother for letting her child leave the house without a coat or shoes for that matter?  I decided that I would rather my child learn how to put on his own clothes and learn how to be age appropriately independent than care if some lady thought I was crazy.

Love and Logic teaches parents how to use “Enforceable Statements”.  Instead of telling kids what to do all the time, you tell them what YOU are going to do. I have found this technique helpful during eating times.  I was having a hard time getting the boys to sit down to eat and STAY at the table instead of getting up and grabbing toys or running off to play and then come back and eat. I started using this statement, “I’ll be serving lunch until 12:30 (or when the big hand gets to the 6).  When the big hand gets to the 6 I’ll be putting lunch away.  I hope you’ll join me.”  (You can also use a timer for younger children) If they waste their time playing instead of eating then that is their choice.   Lunch plates get taken away and the crying starts—“But I’m HUNGRY”! They get a big hug from me as I say, “Oh honey, that is sad you chose to play instead of eat. I’ll make sure we have a yummy dinner for you. Now run along and play.”  I give lots of empathy and reinforce THEIR choice.  I’ve only had to take away plates one or two times.  Do you know that it isn’t even an issue anymore?  When I tell them that lunch will be served for the next 20 minutes they come running to the table! They learned that one really fast.

I’ve been learning a lot about what I can and can’t control when it comes to my children.  For example, I can’t MAKE my kids eat but I CAN decide when I’m going to serve food.  I can’t MAKE my kids clean up their toys but I CAN let them know that I will keep the ones I clean up.  I can’t MAKE my kid stop whining but I CAN become hard of hearing when I am being whined at.  I’m still learning but sometimes I hear William Wallace yelling, “FREEDOM!” in the background.  I don’t know about you, but I get stressed out when I feel like I need to MAKE my child do something but it is a losing battle.

Love and Logic encourages empathy, listening, love, encouragement, and believing that your kids are really smart.  A lot smarter than we give them credit for.  It teaches parents how to have good relationships with their kids. It is helping me to not yell, overreact, and withdraw from my kids.  I want to enjoy my kids and enjoy being a parent.  Not that I didn’t enjoy it before—but sometimes I feel so exasperated that I don’t know WHAT to do next.  My 5 year old is starting Kindergarten next year and unless I homeschool him, he will be spending more time with peers than he will at home.  I want him to enjoy being around me and I definitely want him to be prepared to make some good responsible choices for himself.  I won’t always be around to tell him what to do or hover for him and rescue him.

So, if you read the books or take the class come back and tell us how it is going!  Or, if you have any questions about it ask me.  What do you think about my success stories? What do you think about what you’ve been reading in the books?

**Please read the book before trying this at home. I had to leave out several other key things (due to space) that make Love and Logic work.  I want it to work for you too!