The Mom Crowd

A couple of weeks ago, Amelia posted a method for how to get our preschoolers to pick up their toys.  It was a battle we ‘ve waging in our home, so the timing was right for us to try Amelia’s suggestion.  I read and re-read her post, shared it in detail with my hubby so we’d be on the same page, and even made a cheat-sheet on the how-to so I would get it just right (nerdy + forgetful = me).

The results have been middling for our family.  My preschoolers are 3 and almost 2.  I explained the new “deal” over and over again for close to a week, and our kids just didn’t get it.  Or maybe they did get it and just didn’t care a whole lot.  It was a combination of both, I think.  At the end of the first night, my hubby was the only parent home – poor guy! – so he was left alone to implement the consequence of the kids’ choice not to pick up their toys: he filled 3 kitchen-sized garbage bags with all the junk that had covered our floor.  He reported to me that their response was curious and bemused.  In fact, my son eagerly started putting the toys into the garbage bags to help him.   Why not the toybox just one foot away, son?  What’s the appeal of the new container?  Lucy, my 3 year old, kept asking questions the next day, like, “Where are the toys going, Mommy?”  “They’re going bye-bye.”  “But where?”  “Someplace else where you can’t have them.”  “Where?”  etc etc.  It didn’t seem like a sad situation for her, just a discussion about geography.

Every now and then, Lucy would help out in a great way with a chore around the house, so we allowed her to get a toy out of one of the garbage bags.  This pleased her for about 3 seconds.  Then said toy was placed on the floor and forgotten about until later that night when she chose not to put it away.

Hubby and I have not sat and confirmed this together (yet), but I think it’s kind of understood for us that this strategy is not the right one for our kids at this point in time.  I’m sure I’ll try it again in a few months.  I can say that I haven’t missed the 3-5 bags of toys that are stored in our garage at the moment – and frankly, the kids don’t seem to miss them much, either.  Maybe cutting out half of their toys was what we all needed anyway.    I’m sure we’ll just give them away.

As for the messes they continue to make every day, I’m onto the next strategy: we don’t do the next activity until a mess is taken care of.  The promise of the next trip outside, coloring session, or even an errand to the store is incentive enough for the kids to get their little butts moving, at the moment.  But this is all still very much a trial-and-error issue for our family.

Did any of you put Amelia’s advice into practice?  What has worked for you?  What other clean-up-your-toys strategies have you employed?

Photo courtesy of rogue3w

Well, it is for our family, anyway.  Preschool is just about over and I have the long, relatively uneventful months of June, July, and August ahead of me to spend with my children.  It’s confession time:  a few months ago, you would have heard me saying things like, “I’m dreading summer!” or “What am I going to do with my kids for TWELVE WHOLE WEEKS?!”  Alas.  God reminded me not so long ago what a great gift He’s given me:  time with my kids.  However long the days might become, this is a sweet age for my children, and I am wrong to take it for granted.  I have been brainstorming a few ideas for summer activities, and I’d like to share them with you.  I have resolved to enjoy the weeks with my children, not complain about the heat, and step up my creative game.   Moms (and dads?), I present to you my “glass-is-half-full” approach.

1. I intend to plan out activities for each week.  As a former teacher, this is not that hard for me to do.  In essence, I’m going to make our home something of a preschool.  Each week will have a theme, and all of our activities will flow out of that theme.  For example, cars.  We’ll talk about cars, look at pictures of cars, go on a hunt for different kinds of cars, paint/draw/sculpt cars, play with toy cars, check out books from the library about cars, listen to songs about cars (or by The Cars – ha!), watch the movie Cars, etc.   Other themes:  music, airplanes (with a field trip to the airport), balloons (I can’t wait to see my son throw a water balloon), fish, etc.
2. I plan to seek out as many air-conditioned free activities as possible.  Barnes & Noble, the public library, and lots of other places host morning story or craft times.  Though it takes energy for me to manage both of my toddlers in those environments, it’ll give us something to do outside of our house.  I will also ask my mom friends if they have any guest rate options for museums, pools, and private parks.  I’ll look for you there!
3. I am coordinating a summer playgroup with all of my mom friends, and some new ones I’ve just made.  Meet weekly, same time, rotate the location.  Easy!
4. I would like to plan at least one lunch out a week with another mom and her kids.  Gotta love Chick-Fil-A and other restaurants with the play areas! 
5. I will wake up saying, “Today, I get to play with my children!” rather than, “Today, I will try to survive another day at home with the kids.”

In my quest to be SuperMom Of The Summer, I will utilize ideas from some of the following websites: 

• Preschool Activities at Education.com
• Summer Season Pre-K Unit Study at Suite101.com (a site I know I’ll be referring to often)
• Crafty Ideas from Kaboose

What are your resolutions and ideas for managing a summer at home with little ones?  Do you have any other links for rockin’ websites that are packed with activities to keep everyone busy?  Let’s spur one another on to love and good times with our darling little ones!

Sometimes I feel like I could yell at my toddler all day long for doing something she shouldn’t. I know I need to pick my battles. But where does this principle come from?

I wish I could take credit for this parenting lesson, but this comes from my friend Sarah. She told me that before she had her first child she read an Amish parenting book and it explained how God put the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the middle of the garden, so He could teach Adam and Eve character. Character can’t just be given to someone. Our children aren’t born with good character. It needs to be taught and tested.

She wanted to teach her son, Michael, character by learning to obey and to learn from the consequence of disobeying. The book also explained to associate pain with consequences. This isn’t a bad idea, but she found herself spanking her boy a lot. Any mother would feel horrible for feeling like they are beating their kid all day long.

Sarah prayed and asked God to show her how to change to the situation. God’s answer was simple – You have too many trees.

Michael had so many rules and things to get in trouble for that he couldn’t help but get into trouble. So Sarah eliminated some of the “trees” by baby proofing the cabinets and removing items of temptation. Not everything in the house was baby-proofed but many of the sources of trouble were taken away. Thankfully Sarah felt herself sane again and Michael was getting in trouble a lot less.

I think of this story often in regards to my own children. What are the few rules that we stand by and what things can I let go? There are certain plugs and wires that can’t be touched in the living room even though they are baby-proofed as much as they can be. My daughter isn’t allowed to bring drinks or food in the living room, because our carpet is dirty enough as it is (not to mention it attracts bugs.) She can see the TV perfectly fine from the tile of the kitchen.

Once I looked up and saw my 2 year-old drawing on her body with a pen at the kitchen table, I just watched her and let her do it. My husband saw it and started yelling at her and asked me why I didn’t get on her. I explained that I could yell at her all day for something. I can wash off pen ink from her hands.

We need to pick our battles with our little ones and determine what are the rules of the house that are non-negotiable. Perhaps teaching one rule at a time instead tackling many large issues at once. Teaching our kids character is important and they will learn it at their own pace. If you feel like you are constantly yelling at your kids, maybe you have too many trees.

Many times, I experience a phenomonon endearingly termed “mommy brain.”  I am forgetful, sometimes absentminded, and simple things are at times more complex than necessary. It’s no wonder moms sometimes experience forgetfulness or absentmindedness.  The responsibilities of a mother are never-ending and every mother must perform a daily juggling act.  Sometimes, some of those balls are dropped, consciously and subconsciously.

This morning, on a local morning talkshow, the hosts were discussing cognitive decline that often occurs among senior citizens. They discussed ways the elderly can stave off mental decline and improve their cognitive function. Now, I’m no senior citizen {yet}, but I do know that the tips they suggested would likely help me with my “mommy brain” as well! 

This article suggests that exercising your brain during midlife cuts memory loss in the 70′s and 80′s by 1/3.  The brain is like a muscle and the more it is used, the stronger it is.  Mentally challenging activities actually have the ability to rewire your brain and improve and increase its function due to our brain’s plasticity.  The nerd in me finds brain plasticity very interesting!  An important part to improving your cognitive function is to mix it up.  Rigid, overly routine, unspontaneous lifestyles are not conducive to brain plasticity.  Even repeating the same mental exercises everyday lose some of their benefit if you are not mixing those brain exercises up as well.   Here’s another site with some information on improving your brain’s function. 

After realizing some similiarities in senior citizen mental decline and my own “mommy brain,” I decided to compile some ways to help improve my less than optimal cognitive functioning.  Here are some ways to improve your own brain power:

• Memorize your shopping list instead of writing it down (and other recall practice activities) 
• Sudoku and crossword puzzles (and similar mental exercises)
• Visit this site for some brain teasers and exercises
• Read! Read! Read! (Read to your kids, read to yourself…just do it!)
• Play games
• Computer activities
• Limit television
• Knit or quilt
• Try to reduce stress and anxiety
• Live a little spontaneously
• Be physically active
• Eat your salmon! (Get lots of Omega-3 fatty acids in your diet)
• Rest and stay hydrated

Do you feel like you ever have “mommy brain?”  Do you sometimes feel like your forgetfulness or absentmindedness is due to the many directions you’re being pulled in as a mom?

I thought I’d share with you something I’ve been trying at my house.  I don’t know about your kids, but MY kids do not enjoy “clean up time”.  I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve bugged them to tears and tantrums about cleaning up.  I don’t like cleaning up my stuff all the time (ask my husband) but leaving toys strewn all through the house is not really an option for me.  I hate stepping on toys and kicking them around while I am holding the toddler and can’t see where my feet are stepping.  And most of all I abhor cleaning up THEIR mess at the end of the day.  I am not their maid, I’m their mom. Part of my job as their mother is to teach them how to be responsible for their own things–not clean up after them day in and day out.  Let’s face it, with 3 kids home for most or all of the day, I have enough on my plate already with keeping food in the house, making sure laundry is clean and put away, paying bills, and actually making meals.  Not to mention all the other “household engineering duties” that fall on our plates as moms.   The last thing I want to all day long is pick up their toys.

I wrote a while ago about Love and Logic and how I have enjoyed trying out those parenting techniques with my kids.  I decided that some Love and Logic was needed so I could teach the kids responsibility for their things AND to keep my own sanity.  I knew that the more I nagged my kids about cleaning up, the MORE they got angry at me and me with them.  The cycle wasn’t working and it was time for change.

So using some of the strategies from Love and Logic I told them the following: “Okay boys, we need something different around here for cleaning up toys.  It isn’t Mommy’s job to clean up your toys all the time and I really don’t like arguing with you about it.  Do you like it when Mommy bugs you to clean up your messes?”  ”NO!”, they say. “Okay great!  I’m glad we agree about that.  Here is the new deal–you can get out whatever you want during the day.  How does that sound?”  ”Great!”, they respond.  ”Awesome!  This is important–so make sure you listen to this–you have until dinner is ready to clean up your toys.  Whatever is left on the floor when dinner is ready goes in trash bags.  So, if you want to clean up during the day as you go you can choose to do that OR if you want to wait until Mommy starts cooking dinner you can do that too.  You can choose not to clean up your toys at all if you want–but you won’t get them back very easily. I’m fine with whatever you want to do. How does that sound?”  Their response, “Okay.”  

I think they were so relieved to hear that I wouldn’t harass them about cleaning up and that there wouldn’t be any arguing about it that getting toys taken away didn’t really sink in.  Until the next day.  Over the next week I think I stockpiled about 3-4 trash bags plus another pile of toys that they never got around to cleaning up.  Were they happy about it?  No way!  Did they throw a fit about their toys getting taken?  You bet!  Did I give up?  No way!  The key was to keep my calm and to really be fine with when they wanted to pick up their toys.  I put the ball in their court and let the consequences do the talking.  I chose not to lecture them and remind them to clean up or what would happen if they didn’t.  I do tell them that I am about to start working on dinner–but I never give a reminder “so you might want to start cleaning up”.  When they did leave toys out and I had to get out the trash bags, I would tell them what a bummer it was to have to put their toys away.  At first they tried to get mad at ME and blame it on me.  ”Nice try”, I say.  ”You chose how to spend your time and this is the consequence for your choice.”   

At first, I thought that they wouldn’t have any toys left by the time we were ready to pack up and go to England but in the last 5 days I haven’t had to pick up any toys left out.  They do it on their own.  Sure, they usually wait until I start cooking dinner to clean up but I don’t care!  They get the job done.  Sometimes we are going to be gone from the house for the afternoon and if I made dinner in the crockpot they don’t have time to pick up.  Now that we have this system going and they know I mean business, we just suggest that they might want to clean up real quick before coming to dinner.  And would you believe it, there isn’t much of a hassle about it!  Or if someone is coming over and we need to tidy up before they get there, they are generally cheerful about picking up.

My boys are 4.5 and 5.5.  I wish I would have started this on them when they were 3!  Or maybe even 2.  Although, with a 2 year old it would need to be modified since a 2 year old doesn’t have any concept of time.  And they usually need more help.  But preschoolers can learn and learn quickly.  Have you ever seen kids at preschool clean up toys so fast during clean up time and then wonder why your kids don’t do that at home?  I’m already strategizing about how to work with the 19 month old and cleaning up his toys.

You might be wondering how they get their toys back.  Well, some have gone away forever.  Others are earned back by doing special jobs around the house.  I don’t tell them ahead of time that they can get a toy back if they do a job.  Usually I’ll just ask them if they can help out and if I get a yes I’ll tell them they can go pick out one toy from the trash bags.  In fact, just this afternoon, my 5 year old helped by taking clothes out of the dryer and he went and got his newest transformer out of time out.  He was thrilled.  

What strategies do I use?  

• I don’t demand they pick up their toys NOW!  I let them choose the time.  They have control over when they pick up.
• I speak calmly.
• I show empathy when they make bad choices and lose their toys that were left on the floor.  
• I don’t lecture them about it.  
• I let the consequences do the talking.  

I’m still learning about teaching my kids about responsibility through their choices and doing it in a loving way.  I figure that I’m not the only mom who feels like she might pull out her hair if she has to pick up toys day in and day out.  I hope that this helps someone out there!

What do you do to get your kids to clean up?  What works for you?  Would you try this at your house?  Why or why not?

*photo courtesy of Swedishcarina*