The Mom Crowd

I sometimes feel like my huge belly is not advertising, “There is a baby inside here.” Instead my belly says “Please comment on what you think the status of my baby is and ask me lots of questions!” One of the questions I often get asked is, “Where are you delivering?” I explain that I am having my baby at a Birth Center and I like to watch their faces as they receive the news. I even avoided telling my own mother for months, because I feared her negative reaction. When I finally told her she reacted exactly as I expected. So let me explain why I chose a Birth Center instead of going to an OB/GYN and delivering at the hospital.

I had never even considered a birth center until I read Amelia’s article, “Are Birth Centers Safe?” here at The Mom Crowd.  I feel very fortunate to have had a textbook delivery with my first with no medicine in the hospital, so I felt like I could consider another option when I got pregnant with my second.

Cost

The main consideration about where I delivered mostly depended on the cost. When my husband decided to start his own business we opted to buy Health Insurance without any Maternity coverage. It is cheaper for us to have a lower monthly payment and pay for any maternity costs in cash.

We called my OB/GYN and the hospital where I delivered to get their costs. My OB/GYN would be $2300 for 14 prenatal visits, plus $218 for a sonogram and $142 for each Non-Stress Test. The total cost of going to see my OBGYN would be around $2660.  I don’t have the exact numbers for the hospital, but when we called a normal delivery with no epidural or c-section would be around $5,000 in hospital costs. Going through the same care that I had with my daughter without insurance would be around $7,660.

We then called the new Birth Center in San Antonio and found out that they offer a cash discount. $3500 would cover all my visits and my delivery. This only includes up to 6 hours of care after delivery. Any additional hours will be $20 each to cover the cost of the staff. I have to pay extra for any  tests and my sonogram. At the Birth Center they only require 1 sonogram and even that one is optional. For less than $4,000 we feel like we are getting a great deal!

There was also a question of if I had Gestational Diabetes again. My OB/GYN would make me go to a Specialist that would cost about $250 a visit and I would have to go about 10 times. The Birth Center would not make me go to a Specialist if I could control my gestational diabetes with my diet as I did last time. Thankfully I barely passed my diabetes test this pregnancy!

Freedom, Comfort, and Options

My husband and I took a tour of the center, before we signed up. Everything was clean and we got a “good vibe” from the office. It is really peaceful there, almost like a spa. We especially like how I don’t have to have an IV when I am delivering if I don’t need one. I can move about and eat and drink, as I need.  Also, I like that can choose to birth in a bed, use a birthing stool, use a birthing ball, or get in the huge Jacuzzi tub.

The main benefit for us is that my husband wants to catch our second child. He felt like he didn’t really have a part in my first delivery other than rubbing my back and holding my leg. Also, two friends want to be at my delivery and I feel like the center is perfectly okay with extra folks in the room.

Benefits I Have Found Since I Started Going

The three midwives are incredibly nice and not intimidating at all. I have never felt like any question is stupid one. I can ask about my file any time. They also give me feedback on my pee tests. With my OB I always peed in the cup, but never knew why.

I also like that they are pretty flexible with appointment times and I can change my appointment time if I need to. I feel like they know me personally and really care about my health. I never feel like they are rushing me out the room when I have an appointment. I have never had health care providers be this kind and excited for me.

The Few Negatives of my Birth Center

As I mentioned before the mother only stays at the center for about 6 hours after delivery, so there is no overnight nursery care to catch up on your sleep. Also, my Pediatrician is not familiar with the new birth center and the extensive care that newborns receive at a birth center, so she not very encouraging of my decision. I will also have to take a special trip about 48-hours after delivery to have my baby examined at my Pediatrician’s office.

Amelia mentions in her article about what happens if something goes wrong and you need to be rushed to the hospital. Like her birth center, mine is located in the heart of our medical center. They said that most of the time they move a mother is because they have been in labor for a very long time and just want the baby out. It was a very small percentage of women who actually do get rushed to a hospital.

Peace

My husband and I considered every angle that we could come up with. In the end we are excited about our decision. My husband likes to call it “the hippie center” even though they have no tie-dyed clothes or incense. In fact, the center is very nicely decorated. He wants to order a pizza while we are there, just because we can! We will see how it goes. I will be sure to write up another post and let you know how the delivery goes!

Valentine’s Day is coming up this Saturday and what better way to show your family that you love them than with a will and a life insurance policy! Okay, your family may not feel completely comforted by the reminder that you won’t be on earth forever, but it is something that you should have in order. Even if you just create a “love folder” and put all the documents in one place this weekend would a huge accomplishment. I know I feel loved by my husband’s proactive care for our family in case of an emergency. Here is a re-posting of my original post, ’7 Ways to Show Your Family That You Them’ in time for Valentine’s Day. 

We all show our family that we love them in different ways. Another way that you can show your love for them is to show them that you care about them even after you are gone. The hard reality is that we are all going to leave this earth and we don’t know when. I have a friend whose husband unexpectedly passed when they were 27 years old and she had 3 month old twins to take care of. It doesn’t matter what stage of life you are in, you need to be prepared.

Each person makes their own decision how to prepare for the end from an emotional and spiritual aspect, but here are some practical steps to be prepared from a financial and administrative perspective.

1. Have a will.

Even if you don’t think you have a lot of assets, you need to have a will because you don’t want the State to dictate what happens to your property after you are gone. You have the opportunity now to take that responsibility. It will save your family a lot of time and grief knowing your wishes, because getting an estate in order after someone has passed can take a lot of time.  You may be surprised by how many possessions you own after completing a will.

It is good to discuss whom will care for your children if something should happen to both parents. It is certainly a hard decision and there are many factors to consider. I know one couple who does not tell anyone who the “godparents” are, because it isn’t a family member and they don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. This is one decision I DO NOT want left up to the State’s probate laws.

Myth: I have to go through a lawyer to get a will.
Fact: Right now you can download a state specific will from USLegalForms.com for $20. Then all you have to do is fill it out and have it notarized.

2. Have Term Life Insurance.

If someone depends on your income then it is best to take out a policy for 8 – 10 times your income. Then once the life insurance money has been issued, your family can invest the money in a good growth stock mutual fund and if it earns at least a 10% return, you can live off of the interest. Then the lost income is replaced.  Since I am a Stay at Home Mom, this gives me an enormous amount of peace knowing that I will be okay for money if something should happen to my husband.

For Stay at Home Moms a policy should be for about $250,000 to $400,000, because a mom’s work is valued at about $40,000 a year. (Although, it feels like it should be more!) The idea is that if something happens to the mother, then the father can afford a Nanny or Child Care while he continues to working.

Don’t assume you have life insurance through your work. Find out the details of any life insurance plan you or your spouse has through work.

Term Life Insurance is not that expensive. You can go to ZanderIns.com for a quote. Depending on your age and how much coverage you want it can be $30 to $55 a month.

Myth: Whole Life Insurance is a great idea, because I can invest my money at the same time.
Fact:  The truth is that the return on investments in a whole life policy are horrible and it is better to put that money in a mutual fund. Also, there is not a guarantee that your beneficiaries will receive the savings upon your death. For more information about Whole Life Insurance go here.

3. Make plans for your estate.

Making a will and planning for your estate go hand in hand.  Estate planning will allow you to decide who will get your house, cars, or anything else you want. Also, if you give your house as an inheritance to your kids, then you can avoid a high rate of gift tax. On daveramsey.com “The federal government allows someone to die and leave in their estate $2 million without any estate taxes. An individual can only give another individual $12,000 before getting gift-taxed out the ear unless they claim it as part of their estate before they die.”  You can read more about this here under the question “Is Inheritance The Way To Go?”

The estate planning process is also where you will set up any trusts that you want to leave for your kids. You can even make stipulations on whatever specific areas you want. You can specify the age that they get it and how much or that it be used to pay for college.

Myth: Estate planning is only for rich people.
Fact:  The truth is that you may be surprised by how much you have. You need to make plans for the term life insurance money or if you own a home.
4. Make a Living Will.

A living will is a legal document that a person uses to make known his or her wishes regarding life prolonging medical treatments. It can also be referred to as an advance directive, health care directive, or a physician’s directive. A living will should not be confused with a living trust, which is a mechanism for holding and distributing a person’s assets to avoid probate. It is important to have a living will as it informs your health care providers and your family about your desires for medical treatment in the event you are not able to speak for yourself. (From Alllaw.com.)

This may certainly help deter any family arguments if one family member wants to keep you on life support and another is ready to let you pass. If your wishes are known, then the family knows your wishes and they can respect them.

I would also add that it contain if you want an autopsy done or not to determine the cause of death. We had a death in the family last week and the family had to make this decision within hours of him passing. They didn’t know what to do and were not in a state to make that decision.

You can buy a Living Will at USLegalForms.com for $15 and get it notarized.

Myth: I don’t care what happens to me and the doctors will know what is best for me. 
Fact:  The truth is that you have say in the matter now and your family and even doctors may disagree on the kind of care that is best for you. You can save a lot of grief and arguments by making your wishes known.

5. Make Burial Plans.

You can make your burial plan wishes in your will. They can be as detailed or limited as you want. Making simple decisions about cremation or being buried can save your family a lot of trouble. You can let them know that a cheaper casket is okay and that they don’t have to get you the Lexus of caskets. Even if you want a full Catholic funeral with a Rosary or a simple memorial.

Myth: Pre-paid Funerals are a great idea.
Fact:  The truth is that you could spend that time investing in a mutual fund and get more for your money. You can make prearranged funeral plans so your family doesn’t have to make emotional decisions,  but you don’t have to buy your plans. If you invest your money instead, then you will have the money to pay for the burial. You can read more about it here.

6. Discuss your plans and wishes with another family member.

My husband and I often discuss our wishes to each other. It isn’t morbid, I just want to be prepared. With all the discussions and plans we have made, I know I would be okay if he passed. Of course, I would miss him and I would have to work hard at just breathing again, but I know deep down that I am going to make it. We have asked our parents what their wishes are, because we want to know. It is okay to bring the subject of burial up with your family.

Myth: If I discuss my wishes with someone else, then I may die really soon.
Fact:  The fact is that you are going to pass and no one knows when they are going to die. It is better to discuss it and save your family some grief and agony in their time of mourning.

7. Make a Love Drawer.

All of these plans and discussions will amount to nothing if no one knows where your will is. Wills are not publicly filed, so you need to know where it is in the house or safety deposit box. I know I have asked my parents for copies of their wills and they said “Sure, it is right here in the blue folder in the mounds of papers in the roll top desk.” and then they went to find it and couldn’t.  It is important to know where it is being kept. Give a copy to a friend or family member.

Put everything, wills, insurance policies, deposit box keys, burial plans all in one drawer. This is really showing how much you love your family.

Watch this video from Dave Ramsey on The Early Morning Show about how you can say “I love you!” with a Love Drawer.

Have you made any of these plans? Do you have a love drawer?

Last week, I highlighted the cost of international adoptions {specific to our adoption}.  The cost of adoption is one of the biggest deterrents for folks in taking this avenue  to expanding their family.  It was certainly one of our biggest discussions before we decided to dive in to our adoption.  This week, I would love to share with you some ways to make international adoption more affordable!

Employer Reimbursement

• Check with your employer and see if they offer any reimbursements of adoption costs.  Some employers reimburse up to $6,000 or more per child adopted of international adoption expenses! If your employer doesn’t offer a reimbursement, why not ask if the company will consider adding this benefit for their employees.  Here’s a GREAT article on how you can approach your employer about reimbursing adoption expenses.

Federal Income Tax Credit

• The United States offers almost $12,000 right now of tax credit to families who adopt internationally.  This is a big deal and most people don’t even know about it!  I don’t want to go on confusing everyone, so instead of trying to talk “taxes,” I’ll direct you to the IRS’s explanation!  I need to ask my accountant friend if she can write a book explaining this stuff in layman’s terms!!  It seriously makes my head hurt…but it makes me happy that we have another avenue to help with the adoption expenses!

Grants

• Adoption grants are highly competitive and sadly, there just isn’t very much money floating around, but grants are definitely worth applying for!  We surprisingly received a $500 adoption grant from a generous family who started a small memorial fund which gives adoption grants in honor of their son they lost to cancer.  By researching and googling and asking around, you never know what you mind find!

Fundraisers

• A little effort to have some fund raising events can go a long way!  We had a very successful garage sale and our friends and family donated an amazing amount of stuff for us to sell.  If you count the piano that was later sold on Craigslist, we raised over $2,000 in one weekend by selling other people’s stuff!  It was an easy way for our loved ones to support us and we had a lot of fun!  Other fund raising ideas are: online raffles, poker night with the pot going to the adoption, home parties {like Beauty Control, Pampered Chef, etc…}, spaghetti dinners at your church, etc…

Get the word out!

• Making the decision to adopt is a big deal and not everyone understands the enormous costs of adoption.  Nobody wants to come across needy, but unless you are up front about the costs of your adoption, your friends and family may not know that you need their help!  Not everyone is drawn to adopting a child, however most people have a heart for orphans and want to help them in any way they can.  Allow your loved ones to help an orphan by sponsoring your adoption.

Overtime

• Maybe you can work overtime one-two hours each week to help with your costs?

Negotiate and Shop around!

• It never hurts to ask!  Don’t be afraid to negotiate home study costs with your social worker or lodging expenses and taxi rides when you’re traveling in country.  Just about every expense along the adoption path is variable and flexible, so try to get the best deal!  Be sure to shop around.  When we began our home study, I contacted several social workers.  The costs ranged from $800 to $2,500!  We are also planning on only sending one of us on our second trip to save $1,000 in airfare costs.

While I’ll be the first to admit that international adoption is very expensive, it is not impossible!  You may also be surprised at the unsolicited gestures of support you receive from friends and family and even strangers who hear about your adoption!  I have been amazed at how generous people are and even more amazed at the random acts of kindness that have been demonstrated toward our family from people we do not even know as we’ve begun our adoption quest!

Do you have any ideas on how to make adoption more affordable? 

Last Friday I shared my grocery shopping philosophy and I wanted to know how you shopped and budgeted for groceries. We had a great discussion in the comments.

Amelia asked if everyone includes household items like cleaning supplies and diapers in your grocery budget.  Most everyone that commented does include all household items in the grocery budget. There was also a discussion on whether or not gas should be included. I like to keep our gas separate, so I can track my spending better.

Heidi asked if anyone had any experience using a Food Saver (a vacuum sealing kit). Trina thinks that as long as you put the effort behind it and remember what you have in the freezer then they really do save you money.

How much should you spend on groceries?

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Now that I am a stay-at-home-mom and I don’t generate a paycheck anymore, I feel like the way I contribute financially to my family is by managing the budget. The biggest budget items that I have control over is our Grocery and Dining spending.

Before I go to the grocery store I create a list, because I will completely forget it all while I am constantly trying to keep my toddler entertained and seated in the cart. To make my grocery list I first check the sale ads online. Then from there I think up 4 to 5 meals based on what is on sale, what we already have on hand, and what we feel like eating. Then I make sure that any ingredients I need are on the list.

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