The Mom Crowd

We all know that children pick up everything they hear.  When we converse, my hubby and I are constantly spelling key words, finding creative synonyms, or using parental code.  It is a hoot to watch my daughter listening with all her might.  She reminds me of myself when I am listening to people speak a foreign language I’ve vaguely studied – I know every sixth word or so.   When she does follow us, she jumps in with questions and responses.  She’s quick, that girl.

Lucy often calls her brother “Buddy” now, because that is a nickname we have for our son.  This makes us smile.  And hearing our son say, “Get down! Get funky!” at the dinner table is good for a laugh.  (We taught him that.)  But I am most proud when my children use phrases we want them to say without being told.  Here are just a few biggies:

• “May I please have ______________?”  Long ago, my daughter mixed up some of these words and now every request begins with “Please may I __________?”  I think she thinks “Please may” is one word, because I’m hearing it in other questions now: “Please may can we go to the bookstore?”  Regardless of the word order, I’m just happy to hear the “please” and the tone of a question being asked.  When the kids get forgetful, they get demanding, and their mouths produce all kinds of imperatives that I find rude, like when my son drops his cup and says, “Get my cup, Mom!”
• “May I be excused?”  We’ve been working on this one for about a year.  Often when my child was finished eating, she’d just get up and leave the room.  I didn’t care for that to become a habit, so we started teaching this request.  It’s still a work-in-progress.  My son has about outgrown his booster seat, so this will begin all over again soon.
• “Thank you.”  This is a no-brainer, yet small children don’t have the natural inclination to be grateful for anything!  They know how to say thank you – they just hardly ever do.  I am always shocked and delighted to hear an unprompted thanks. 
• “I forgive you.”  Our kids get plenty of practice saying, “I’m sorry” every time they are finished with time-out.  My husband and I feel it is equally important that they hear an “I forgive you” when they apologize.  It is becoming as natural as saying “You’re welcome” to a thank you.   When we coach our children through an argument, one of them always ends up saying, “I’m sorry.”  And the other is prompted to say, “I forgive you.”  Forgiveness is powerful.  Hearing and saying the words is a necessary part of conflict resolution.  I don’t want my children to grow up being unfamiliar with this phrase.  The other day, when my son apologized to his sister for pushing her, he stood there expectantly.  She didn’t say anything.  Eli said, “Mom, Lucy needs to say, ‘I forgive you.’”  Then she did.  I feel good about that. 

What phrases do you spend energy trying to teach your children?  What is something you say that your child has repeated?

There comes a time in every family’s life that you change churches for one reason or another.  Maybe it’s because you just moved or maybe it’s because you just felt God calling your family to serve somewhere else.  Either way, visiting churches can be extra tricky when you have young children. 

Late last year, my husband and I made the decision to change churches because we had been feeling for a while that God was leading us to another church family.  We loved the people at our old church and it was a very difficult thing for us to think about doing.  In fact, we waited for about 6 months before finally deciding to take the plunge and start looking for where we were supposed to be.  Our biggest hang up… our kids!  We truly felt that for our family to join a church, the entire family needed to feel a sense of belonging and comfort, so the decision was not ours alone, but rather that of us and our two young children.

Our biggest concern was how our son, Andrew, would handle the change.  He was only 3 1/2 years old and was incredibly emotional and shy at the time.  He did not take to change well and we knew he would miss his old Sunday school teacher whom he loved so much.  Add on to that his diabetes and being concerned that he was in good hands, and we were a nervous wreck!  We knew our daughter, Catherine, only 1 year old at the time, would do pretty well where ever we put her, but we still were concerned about her happiness as well.   

Luckily for us, we truly already knew where we were supposed to be and it was our first stop, but there was a lot of work behind the scenes before we made our first visit.  Here are a few ideas on how to make the transition time smoother for you and your children. 

 - Call the church’s childcare ministry and get information on the programming  in which your children will be involved.  Find out schedules and routines and make sure to ask if they serve snack or if you should bring your own.  If your child has health issues, make sure they are equipped to handle any special needs or accommodations.

 - To get an idea if you will like the pastor, check out their website and see if they have a video archive or live webcast you can view.  In doing so,  you can get a good idea if it’s somewhere you would really like to be or not.

 - You and your spouse can take turns visiting while one stays at home with the kids.  If you aren’t quite ready to jump into taking the entire family to a church you aren’t sure you will visit again, take turns with your spouse visiting so you both can get a feel for it and then decide from there if you want to continue going and take your children the next time.

 - Always consider the emotional development of your children.  Some kids will fit in well anywhere and it won’t really be an issue for you, whereas other children may take longer to adjust and feel comfortable.  Take into consideration their feelings for the environment and listen if they say they are overly uncomfortable.

 - Ask if you can visit your child at some point during your time at the church.  For us, it is necessary that we check in on our son between our Sunday school and Worship service for health purposes, but honestly, we’d do it anyway!

 - And as always, pray about it!  It’s a big decision on every level and the best thing you can do is pray about it before making any big steps.  You can’t go wrong if you are going where God wants you! 

Have you had to make a church change since having children?  What things did you do to prepare them for the change?  How would you do things differently?

Photo courtesy of NathanReed

I don’t know about you, but sometimes life wears me out.  Our family is pretty busy.  My husband works in a church (he’s the Youth Director), so we call church our second home.  We’re there every Sunday and Wednesday for a variety of activities.  Additionally, my kids’ pre-school is a ministry of our church.  When I add it all up, they spend over twenty hours a week on the church campus. 

When we come home from church/pre-school, everyone is pretty tired.  It takes a lot of energy to get everyone dressed, packed up, transported to & fro, and unpacked each day.  These are our regular activities, and our routine serves us well – especially when we all get a decent night’s sleep.

Most of my friends’ families are in the same boat.  Some of them have also begun enrolling their children in extra-curriculars.  A lot of my kids’ friends are joining swim team, taking a dance class, or enrolling in soccer.  I’ve gotta be honest about this and say, “NO!  Not yet!  I am not ready for this!”  The thought of researching programs that my daughter or son would enjoy, paying for it somehow, and shuttling them to even more events would fry what’s left of my brain.  I don’t know how my mom friends do it!

Sometimes I hear moms complain about their kids’ extra-curriculars.  One lady bemoaned to me:  ”I have to take my daughters to a cheering competition in [a city three hours away] for the whole weekend!”  Her girls were 6 and 9 at the time.   On and on she went, telling me about the cost of the uniforms and how they had to stay at this ritzy hotel and how the girls were getting unnecessarily catty with each other at that young age.

I wanted to ask, “Why are you doing it, then?” 

My husband and I have discussed the topic of extra-curriculars for our kids quite often, considering what is necessary, what isn’t, how much is too much, how much is not enough, etc.  We are excited to see our kids grow in different areas – will they be inclined to take up an instrument or join a sports team?  It’s exciting!  We do not want to prevent them from exploring what the world has to offer.  At the same time, we want to guard ourselves from overscheduling our already-busy family, and adding unnecessary stress to our lives.  We also have to watch our budget.  Uniforms, dues, and gas can get costly.

Since school is starting/has started for most of us, here are my suggestions for making healthy choices regarding extra-curriculars for your children:

• Discuss the issue in advance.  If not communicated, this is one of those subjects that could cause arguments with your spouse.  One parent might want their child to explore as many activities as possible, and the other might want to go into extra-curriculars slowly.  It’s good to hammer it out sooner than later, so compromises can be made.
• Know your priorities.  While conversing about it, make a list of what the family’s goals are with its time.  For example, our family prioritizes church events over most others.  If an event comes our way and it conflicts with a church commitment, we are likely to say no.  We also want to make sure our family has enough down time each week, and ample together-time. 
• Have a plan and set some limits.  In your discussion, it would be good to formulate a standard to work with.  Are you willing to enroll your child in 1 or 2 classes a week?  How much money can you set aside for each activity?  Knowing your parameters will be helpful when the kids start asking to do things.  You can tell them in advance, “Hey, your dad and I discussed it, and we feel it is okay for you to join one team this year.  What sport would you like to do the most?”  Or, you can have your answer ready when they ask to do something else: “Honey, it’s great that you want to take Underwater Basket-Weaving with your friend.  However, we have already committed to your piano lessons, which you chose to do first.  Let’s wait till next year to try something new!”  This is healthy decision-making that teaches kids responsibility – even if it elicits a few tantrums grumbles.
• Be flexible.  Alright, so you’ve paid for Jimmy’s football activities and he looks adorable in his uniform.  One problem:  he hates it.  This is where changing our minds is helpful.  We want our children to be challenged, to work hard for their successes – but we don’t want to damage their ever-changing psyches.  This is where communication with your spouse, your child, their coaches & teachers will come in handy.  Nothing ever has to be set in stone.  Life does require a lot of do-overs!

I am curious what my kids will want to do with extra-curriculars in the (near!)  future.  It will add some stress, but a lot of joy, too!

What are your kids currently doing for extra-curriculars?  Do you have limits in this area?  What has worked for you, and what has been a struggle?  Do share, and have a great weekend, Mom Crowd!

first picture courtesy lambchops

second picture is me, in the 7th grade

Do you ever think your kids talk too much about fighting or violence? Do your kids wrestle every day?  Does it start out fun and then end in tears? I noticed in the past few weeks that my two older boys were wrestling a lot and that the wrestling was turning into frustration and fighting quicker than normal.  At first I thought it was an “end of summer cabin fever and we don’t have much of a schedule” thing going on.  Then I noticed that my 4 year old was making a lot of references to fighting and it was really bothering me.

After talking to my husband and evaluating our environment we decided to try an experiment.

A little back story first: we are living at my mom’s house while we transition to our move overseas.  My mom has expanded cable which means that the boys have been introduced to Cartoon Network.  They love Pokemon and enjoy watching Secret Saturdays.  We have only been allowing them to watch 2 shows (or one hour total) in the morning for their tv time for the day.  They consistently were picking Pokemon, Secret Saturdays, or Transformers.  All of these shows are good guy/bad guy shows and there is of course some fighting.

My husband and I decided to limit the “fighting” shows to only one in the morning.  Then can choose a show on PBS in addition to one of the Cartoon Network shows.  Or they can watch 2 shows on PBS.  They love all the shows on PBS but there is a draw to the more unknown shows on CN so they still pick one from that channel.

Our experiment worked!  We started it this week and have noticed a significant decrease in their fighting.  Our 4 year old is not referring to violence as much either.

I think boys and wrestling go together and I don’t have a problem with them burning off energy in that way.  I don’t like it when they are being disrespecful, fighting, and using their imagination for fighting games ONLY.

I thought I’d share our little experiment with you in case you are dealing with some thing similar.  What do you think?  Do you notice the same thing in your kids?  How do you handle it?

photo courtesy of Aislinn Ritchie

After 2 years of blogging, today is McKenna’s last official post on The Mom Crowd. We have 5 writers for this blog and McKenna is my first co-writer. She is also a co-founder of The Mom Crowd. I remember having an “official” meeting in her kitchen back in the summer of 2007 to discuss post ideas, logo themes, and vision casting for this site.  We also created the short-lived “The Mom Crowd Show!” together.  Like official reporters we ran around the San Antonio Baby Expo together with a camera and microphone interviewing the representatives at each booth. It was so much fun!

I am certainly going to miss McKenna’s insight into the world of special needs and her positive outlook on life. I am grateful that we got to walk through her journey to adopt Baby Reese from the Ukraine together. McKenna will be spending this semester caring for her 3 little ones, taking a full schedule of college courses, and helping with ReecesRainbow.org. We will still see her around here as a faithful reader and possibly with a guest post from time to time. Best wishes to you and your family.

In honor of McKenna’s last post, I asked to pick her favorite 5 posts.

McKenna here.    I am really going to miss writing for The Mom Crowd.  I have loved posting on this blog and have enjoyed the companionship, support, insight from all the other moms who participate in the discussions at The Mom Crowd.  Reading through my old posts over the last two years brought up so many memories!  It’s been amazing to watch a blog develop from discussions with Amanda at my kitchen table and at her neighborhood park to such an active, insightful, encouraging blog for moms. 

Alrighty, my most favorite posts:

1. The Mom Crowd Shows - Shooting these episodes was so much fun!  I would do this again in a heart beat!  I loved our one-man camera crew, making my living room and later Amanda’s living room into a studio, and the funny out-takes.  Oh, and remember not having a charged battery downtown and running and trolleying all over downtown San Antonio, Amanda?  Good t imes!  Man, my hair is longer!!  Oh, on the third episode, there’s a great discussion about using a mirror to watch your child’s delivery…too many puns to count!    These shows were way too fun!
2. When You Find Out Your Baby Has Down Syndrome - One of my favorite things about writing for The Mom Crowd was documenting some of my life experiences as a mommy.  I have also been so happy that my life experience parenting children with health issues and special needs has encouraged other mommies in similar situations with their children.  I love the comments that pop up on this post years after I’ve written from people doing google searches.  And I love that I have these emotions docuemented for myself. 
3. Ready Set Sign - As a speech pathology student, I have a passion for helping children learn to communicate.  I am a strong believer that every parent should use the valuable resource of signing with their children when they are young!  Signing with my girls has been one of the most valuable resources for us as parents. 
4. Teaching Your Children and Yourselves How to Live Within Your Means - I have many posts that I’ve written for The Mom Crowd with advice and suggestions I struggle to take.  Writing posts like this one have been helpful for myself as I try to become a better mom, wife, and child of God.   
5. Censoring Disney? – Sometimes, writing for The Mom Crowd was difficult because I did not feel as though I knew the right answer to issues I struggled with as a mom.  This post was one of those posts where I learned so much from the discussion following the post. So many readers of The Mom Crowd have more good ideas than anything I could find online as I researched some of my posts.   

I’m sad to not be a regular contributing author of The Mom Crowd, but excited about all the things I have going on in my busy life!  I’ll be around…it’s not that easy to get rid of me!