The Mom Crowd

There comes a time in every family’s life that you change churches for one reason or another.  Maybe it’s because you just moved or maybe it’s because you just felt God calling your family to serve somewhere else.  Either way, visiting churches can be extra tricky when you have young children. 

Late last year, my husband and I made the decision to change churches because we had been feeling for a while that God was leading us to another church family.  We loved the people at our old church and it was a very difficult thing for us to think about doing.  In fact, we waited for about 6 months before finally deciding to take the plunge and start looking for where we were supposed to be.  Our biggest hang up… our kids!  We truly felt that for our family to join a church, the entire family needed to feel a sense of belonging and comfort, so the decision was not ours alone, but rather that of us and our two young children.

Our biggest concern was how our son, Andrew, would handle the change.  He was only 3 1/2 years old and was incredibly emotional and shy at the time.  He did not take to change well and we knew he would miss his old Sunday school teacher whom he loved so much.  Add on to that his diabetes and being concerned that he was in good hands, and we were a nervous wreck!  We knew our daughter, Catherine, only 1 year old at the time, would do pretty well where ever we put her, but we still were concerned about her happiness as well.   

Luckily for us, we truly already knew where we were supposed to be and it was our first stop, but there was a lot of work behind the scenes before we made our first visit.  Here are a few ideas on how to make the transition time smoother for you and your children. 

 - Call the church’s childcare ministry and get information on the programming  in which your children will be involved.  Find out schedules and routines and make sure to ask if they serve snack or if you should bring your own.  If your child has health issues, make sure they are equipped to handle any special needs or accommodations.

 - To get an idea if you will like the pastor, check out their website and see if they have a video archive or live webcast you can view.  In doing so,  you can get a good idea if it’s somewhere you would really like to be or not.

 - You and your spouse can take turns visiting while one stays at home with the kids.  If you aren’t quite ready to jump into taking the entire family to a church you aren’t sure you will visit again, take turns with your spouse visiting so you both can get a feel for it and then decide from there if you want to continue going and take your children the next time.

 - Always consider the emotional development of your children.  Some kids will fit in well anywhere and it won’t really be an issue for you, whereas other children may take longer to adjust and feel comfortable.  Take into consideration their feelings for the environment and listen if they say they are overly uncomfortable.

 - Ask if you can visit your child at some point during your time at the church.  For us, it is necessary that we check in on our son between our Sunday school and Worship service for health purposes, but honestly, we’d do it anyway!

 - And as always, pray about it!  It’s a big decision on every level and the best thing you can do is pray about it before making any big steps.  You can’t go wrong if you are going where God wants you! 

Have you had to make a church change since having children?  What things did you do to prepare them for the change?  How would you do things differently?

Photo courtesy of NathanReed

I don’t know about you, but sometimes life wears me out.  Our family is pretty busy.  My husband works in a church (he’s the Youth Director), so we call church our second home.  We’re there every Sunday and Wednesday for a variety of activities.  Additionally, my kids’ pre-school is a ministry of our church.  When I add it all up, they spend over twenty hours a week on the church campus. 

When we come home from church/pre-school, everyone is pretty tired.  It takes a lot of energy to get everyone dressed, packed up, transported to & fro, and unpacked each day.  These are our regular activities, and our routine serves us well – especially when we all get a decent night’s sleep.

Most of my friends’ families are in the same boat.  Some of them have also begun enrolling their children in extra-curriculars.  A lot of my kids’ friends are joining swim team, taking a dance class, or enrolling in soccer.  I’ve gotta be honest about this and say, “NO!  Not yet!  I am not ready for this!”  The thought of researching programs that my daughter or son would enjoy, paying for it somehow, and shuttling them to even more events would fry what’s left of my brain.  I don’t know how my mom friends do it!

Sometimes I hear moms complain about their kids’ extra-curriculars.  One lady bemoaned to me:  ”I have to take my daughters to a cheering competition in [a city three hours away] for the whole weekend!”  Her girls were 6 and 9 at the time.   On and on she went, telling me about the cost of the uniforms and how they had to stay at this ritzy hotel and how the girls were getting unnecessarily catty with each other at that young age.

I wanted to ask, “Why are you doing it, then?” 

My husband and I have discussed the topic of extra-curriculars for our kids quite often, considering what is necessary, what isn’t, how much is too much, how much is not enough, etc.  We are excited to see our kids grow in different areas – will they be inclined to take up an instrument or join a sports team?  It’s exciting!  We do not want to prevent them from exploring what the world has to offer.  At the same time, we want to guard ourselves from overscheduling our already-busy family, and adding unnecessary stress to our lives.  We also have to watch our budget.  Uniforms, dues, and gas can get costly.

Since school is starting/has started for most of us, here are my suggestions for making healthy choices regarding extra-curriculars for your children:

• Discuss the issue in advance.  If not communicated, this is one of those subjects that could cause arguments with your spouse.  One parent might want their child to explore as many activities as possible, and the other might want to go into extra-curriculars slowly.  It’s good to hammer it out sooner than later, so compromises can be made.
• Know your priorities.  While conversing about it, make a list of what the family’s goals are with its time.  For example, our family prioritizes church events over most others.  If an event comes our way and it conflicts with a church commitment, we are likely to say no.  We also want to make sure our family has enough down time each week, and ample together-time. 
• Have a plan and set some limits.  In your discussion, it would be good to formulate a standard to work with.  Are you willing to enroll your child in 1 or 2 classes a week?  How much money can you set aside for each activity?  Knowing your parameters will be helpful when the kids start asking to do things.  You can tell them in advance, “Hey, your dad and I discussed it, and we feel it is okay for you to join one team this year.  What sport would you like to do the most?”  Or, you can have your answer ready when they ask to do something else: “Honey, it’s great that you want to take Underwater Basket-Weaving with your friend.  However, we have already committed to your piano lessons, which you chose to do first.  Let’s wait till next year to try something new!”  This is healthy decision-making that teaches kids responsibility – even if it elicits a few tantrums grumbles.
• Be flexible.  Alright, so you’ve paid for Jimmy’s football activities and he looks adorable in his uniform.  One problem:  he hates it.  This is where changing our minds is helpful.  We want our children to be challenged, to work hard for their successes – but we don’t want to damage their ever-changing psyches.  This is where communication with your spouse, your child, their coaches & teachers will come in handy.  Nothing ever has to be set in stone.  Life does require a lot of do-overs!

I am curious what my kids will want to do with extra-curriculars in the (near!)  future.  It will add some stress, but a lot of joy, too!

What are your kids currently doing for extra-curriculars?  Do you have limits in this area?  What has worked for you, and what has been a struggle?  Do share, and have a great weekend, Mom Crowd!

first picture courtesy lambchops

second picture is me, in the 7th grade

After 2 years of blogging, today is McKenna’s last official post on The Mom Crowd. We have 5 writers for this blog and McKenna is my first co-writer. She is also a co-founder of The Mom Crowd. I remember having an “official” meeting in her kitchen back in the summer of 2007 to discuss post ideas, logo themes, and vision casting for this site.  We also created the short-lived “The Mom Crowd Show!” together.  Like official reporters we ran around the San Antonio Baby Expo together with a camera and microphone interviewing the representatives at each booth. It was so much fun!

I am certainly going to miss McKenna’s insight into the world of special needs and her positive outlook on life. I am grateful that we got to walk through her journey to adopt Baby Reese from the Ukraine together. McKenna will be spending this semester caring for her 3 little ones, taking a full schedule of college courses, and helping with ReecesRainbow.org. We will still see her around here as a faithful reader and possibly with a guest post from time to time. Best wishes to you and your family.

In honor of McKenna’s last post, I asked to pick her favorite 5 posts.

McKenna here.    I am really going to miss writing for The Mom Crowd.  I have loved posting on this blog and have enjoyed the companionship, support, insight from all the other moms who participate in the discussions at The Mom Crowd.  Reading through my old posts over the last two years brought up so many memories!  It’s been amazing to watch a blog develop from discussions with Amanda at my kitchen table and at her neighborhood park to such an active, insightful, encouraging blog for moms. 

Alrighty, my most favorite posts:

1. The Mom Crowd Shows - Shooting these episodes was so much fun!  I would do this again in a heart beat!  I loved our one-man camera crew, making my living room and later Amanda’s living room into a studio, and the funny out-takes.  Oh, and remember not having a charged battery downtown and running and trolleying all over downtown San Antonio, Amanda?  Good t imes!  Man, my hair is longer!!  Oh, on the third episode, there’s a great discussion about using a mirror to watch your child’s delivery…too many puns to count!    These shows were way too fun!
2. When You Find Out Your Baby Has Down Syndrome - One of my favorite things about writing for The Mom Crowd was documenting some of my life experiences as a mommy.  I have also been so happy that my life experience parenting children with health issues and special needs has encouraged other mommies in similar situations with their children.  I love the comments that pop up on this post years after I’ve written from people doing google searches.  And I love that I have these emotions docuemented for myself. 
3. Ready Set Sign - As a speech pathology student, I have a passion for helping children learn to communicate.  I am a strong believer that every parent should use the valuable resource of signing with their children when they are young!  Signing with my girls has been one of the most valuable resources for us as parents. 
4. Teaching Your Children and Yourselves How to Live Within Your Means - I have many posts that I’ve written for The Mom Crowd with advice and suggestions I struggle to take.  Writing posts like this one have been helpful for myself as I try to become a better mom, wife, and child of God.   
5. Censoring Disney? – Sometimes, writing for The Mom Crowd was difficult because I did not feel as though I knew the right answer to issues I struggled with as a mom.  This post was one of those posts where I learned so much from the discussion following the post. So many readers of The Mom Crowd have more good ideas than anything I could find online as I researched some of my posts.   

I’m sad to not be a regular contributing author of The Mom Crowd, but excited about all the things I have going on in my busy life!  I’ll be around…it’s not that easy to get rid of me! 

My 2 year old daughter, Annabelle, is a grazer. She doesn’t eat a meal in one sitting. Instead, she takes a few bites, leaves it, plays, and comes back for a few a bites more. It can take her 3 hours to eat 5 chicken nuggets. If we are at a park she will carry her sandwich around with her. Of course, I know this is a problem that I partly helped to create.

I want my daughter to eat and if that means that it took her a few hours to eat, so be it. Right when she wakes up from her nap I would serve her dinner, so she could get a head start. It never seemed like she ate enough, so I let the problem begin by letting her eat whenever she wanted.

We also had a problem with her easily getting in and out of her seat. For a while booster seats and high chairs became like hot molten lava and she wouldn’t touch them. So we let her sit on her knees in a regular chair. When we went to restaurants she didn’t want to stay seated at all. I was so worried one night that she was going to touch her tomato sauce covered hands on our neighbor’s white shirt. We got a booth whenever possible to corral her.

Last week my husband and I were ready to tackle this issue. We have 2 goals to teach our 2 year old.

1. To learn to eat with the family.
2. To stay seated while she ate.
We were ready to stick out whatever tantrums and protests she threw. She needs to learn how to eat with the family.

• We bought a new booster seat

The first thing I did was buy a new booster seat. I decided on a backless seat that does not have a tray. I don’t need the back to support her and she uses the table like the grown-ups to eat. The seat I bought is a Safety First brand for $10.50 at Wal-Mart.

That evening I attached the booster seat to a chair. I had her help me attach the seat. Next, I got some Disney Princess stickers and let her put a few on her seat wherever she chose. The whole time I kept saying in a very enthusiastic tone, “This is Annabelle’s Princess Chair!”

• Everyone eats together

That same day I waited to feed her dinner until my husband and I could sit down with her. She was so hungry she was already sitting in her chair, before I even served dinner. She stayed seated the whole time! She even ate almost everything I gave her and stayed in her seat until after we left the table. The booster seat was a big hit! Apparently, a part of her problem was that she wasn’t comfortable sitting at the table in a regular chair. Now she calls her seat “Annabelle’s Chair.”

• Use the “All Done” rule

In addition to the chair, I have reinstated the “All Done” rule. When she was a baby I taught her the sign for “all done.” Now we ask her if she is all done. If she says yes, we immediately take her out of her seat, wash her hands, and put her plate away. I will let her have liquids after dinner, but after that there is no more until the next meal. She remembers this rule from before, so it hasn’t really been an issue.

We were ready for tantrums and protests, but didn’t get any. What a thrill it is to have a tackled a behavioral problem successfully. I know that all them won’t be this easy, but I am counting my blessings for this one!

Have you had a problem with getting your toddler to stay seated? Do they eat really slowly? What problem are you currently tackling?

It’s midnight and your baby/toddler is wide awake… for the third time.  He had his nap today, but was waken up 40 minutes after falling asleep by the UPS man ringing the doorbell.  He should be exhausted and sleeping soundly, right? 

Many of us, I’m sure, have experienced similar situations with our kids.  It seems contrary to rational thought and reasoning that a child who is sleep deprived won’t sleep.  However, Kim West, author of Good Night, Sleep Tight, suggests that there is actually a physiological reason for this phenomena.  She says that your child’s “adrenal glands send out a rush of cortisol, a stress related hormone that will overstimulate your baby…” making them agitated and more difficult to soothe.  At bedtime, they will most likely be harder to get to sleep and “the cortisol and overtiredness team up to make it harder for him to stay asleep.  He is more likely to wake up at night, and to wake up too early in the morning before he is truly rested.”  In other words, good sleep begats good sleep, and well, bad sleep begats no sleep!  The better your little one sleeps during the day, the better they will sleep at night.

So the most obvious question is how to avoid this torturous cycle.  Here are a few suggestions I have tried and usually find helpful:

- Stick to your routine as much as possible. There will obviously be some days that you just can’t be home at your child’s exact nap time, but try to at least be somewhere your child can have a quiet resting time and put them down for a nap as soon as you get home.

- If your child wakes from nap too early, DO EVERYTHING YOU CAN TO GET THEM BACK TO SLEEP!  If it means rocking them, back patting, or an extra cup of milk, it’s worth it in the longrun for everyone that they get that needed sleep!

- Watch for your child’s sleep cues and act quickly!  Sometimes the problem comes from delaying nap and giving the child an opportunity to get their “second wind”.  If their normal nap time is after lunch, but it’s an hour before lunch and you notice yawning and eye rubbing, consider an early lunch or delaying lunch until after nap.  Missing that nap window can be disastrous!

The most important things to remember are that this is bound to happen at some point, but you should do your best not to make it a habit and that you CAN get your sweet sleeper back into their normal sleep routine.  It may take a day or so, but you can get your sleep (and sanity) back.  Sweet dreams!

What tricks do you have to avoid this vicious sleep cycle?  How do you handle it once you are in the cycle?

Photo is of my little boy, Andrew, after a disaster nap when he was 7 months old.