The Mom Crowd

At the beginning of the summer I wrote this post in response to a reader question about playground bullies and I am glad I wrote it.  After reading all the comments I became a lot more confident in confronting other people’s children and speaking to their parents. I don’t play playground police every time, but I am certainly protective of my little 2 year old daughter, Annabelle.

While my daughter stood in the top of a large play set I noticed a 5 or 6 year old boy hovering and blocking her way on purpose. Then he bent down in her face and yelled. I was horrified! I saw the boy hovering, but she was up in the play set and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t think he would scream in her face. She started crying and I coaxed her to another part of the playground for toddlers. The boy followed and was standing close and following again. Every time he came near her she started crying again.  I didn’t hesitate this time and asked him to not yell at my daughter and to play on the big kids play set. Then his grandfather came over and I explained that the boy was screaming in my daughter’s face. He only got defensive and said that he couldn’t watch both his grandsons at the same time. He did seem  overwhelmed with both boys, so I didn’t press it further. If the mother or father had been there I would have pressed the matter. It was very obvious that he was bullying.

In another instance we were at an indoor playground. I was pushing my daughter back and forth in a U shaped foam mat. Three older and larger boys came up and wanted to push her too and were trying to talk to Annabelle. One of the boys was leaning on a foam column and he reached to rock her. She stood and said “No!” and pushed the column he was leaning on. The boy fell and hit his face on the foam column and started crying. I totally laughed at first. I knew the boy was fine. He went to his mom and was crying to her. I went over and explained that he only hit his face on the soft mat column. I was glad that my daughter stood up for herself. These boys may not have intended to be bullies, but I am still befuddled why they would want to play with a 2 year old girl.

Last week there was a 3 or 4 year old boy throwing mulch on the kids as they went down the slide. I went up to him and said, “Hey Little Man, Let’s not throw it on the slide. How about you throw it on the bench or over here?” I was just redirecting him to throw the mulch where no one else was. He looked at me confused and just stopped. One girl came up and thanked me for getting him to stop. I never saw who was his parent, but it made me feel good that not only did I help my child but the other kids on the playground too.

I do not correct other children all the time, but I will say something if I see that my child may get hurt. Don’t be afraid to speak up on the playground!

Original post:

Summer is here and the playgrounds are full (unless you live in Texas and the 100-degree weather makes the slides feel like 150-degrees.) While at the playground your child may encounter bullies. What do you do?

Grace recently emailed us and asked this question about bullying in the playground:

Today at a playground, my 2 (almost 3) year old son was bullied by another toddler around his age.  The boy was throwing things at my son’s head and his mom wouldn’t do anything about it.  I tried to just keep my son away from the boy, but he would just run up to him and smack him in the head and run away.  I decided to confront his mom about it and she just denied it ever happened since she didn’t see it (she was talking to another mom at the time).  I got really upset of course and my son was too afraid to play anymore so I had to hold him since he couldn’t stop crying and I eventually decided that we should leave since it seemed to be too dangerous for my son to play with the bully running around.

I don’t think I handled the situation in the best way possible.

- What do you do when you see another child hit your child? My son
just stood there and cried and I just tried to comfort him.  I
didn’t feel that I could scold the other child because I was afraid
his mom would get upset with me for doing so.

- What do you say to the parent?  What if the parent denies anything
ever happened?  What if the parent doesn’t do anything about it even
after confronted?

I think there are a few ways that moms can deal with playground bullies. Not every way is right and not all are wrong. The way to handle a bully certainly depends on each specific situation.

1. Leave with your child and don’t say anything to anyone. While removing your child from a harmful situation may be a good thing, it doesn’t teach the child causing harm or your child anything. It may also send the wrong message to your own child, because it doesn’t teach them how to deal with conflict in a healthy manner. It may teach them that conflict should be avoided at all costs. This world is full of conflict and we need to teach our kids how to handle it well.

2. Speak to the mother or guardian present at the time. This is what Grace did in her situation. Dawn and I both agreed that we would have probably done the same thing. Hopefully, that parent will get on to their own child for misbehaving. However, in this situation the mom did not correct her son. I think if you plead your case with the parent and they do nothing, then it is okay to go and speak to their kid yourself.

3. Speak with the child who is being a bully. If that mom gets mad at you for correcting her child, then let them say their piece to you and don’t worry about it. At least, you can leave knowing that you tried your best to correct the situation. In other cases that mom may even thank you for correcting their kid. I know one time a bigger girl was kicking my not yet 2 year old daughter while she was sitting down at the top of a slide. My protective mama instincts came out and I immediately told her in a stern voice to stop kicking my child. Her mom never said anything to me about it.

Amelia thinks that in this situation talking with the kid would have been okay.

Had I been in [Grace's] shoes I would have told the boy to stop hitting my kid.  I feel that (especially with a 2 year old) it is important to be an advocate for your child and that if another child is doing something to your child then it is perfectly fine to say something to the (wrong-doing) child.  Something like, “It is not polite to hit.” Or, “Stop hitting my son.” Then if it continues, saying something to the parents is appropriate.  If someone takes an issue with you telling their child to stop hitting yours–it is their problem.  Most parents will see what is going on and discipline their own child.  Unfortunately there are parents who are losers and deny that their child could ever do anything wrong. In that case, I still think repeating whatever you said to the kid earlier is appropriate.

4. Teach your kid to hit back. (Again, not all of these ways are exactly right or wrong.) I do know one mom that has told her son that if another boy hits him first, then it is okay if he hits back. They want him to be able to defend himself and not always be a tattletale. They feel like their son is already a little whiny and sensitive, so this is their way of teaching their son to buck up.

5. Embarrass the other mother. One mom shared her story with me about how her son did hit back when he was hit by another kid. So she went to them to intervene and started to get on her son. She said loud and clear to her son “Who taught you to act like that? Some moms let their kids act like that, but I don’t!” She looked up and saw the other mother fuming. Perhaps this tactic may work, because that parent may have on gotten on her son later for embarrassing her.

What do you do if your child is being picked on at a playground? What would have done in Grace’s situation? Does the age of the children play a role in how to deal with a bully situation?

- photo courtesy of bullyinguk

On Halloween, I was so excited to dress my kids up and see how adorable they looked in their costumes.  Our oldest gladly dawned his Mr. Incredible costume and was ready to head out the door.  Our almost two year old was not quite to happy to oblidge.  All I had to do is bring the costume near her and she screamed like I was pulling out her fingernails.  Actually getting it on her brought forth a thirty minute temper tantrum complete with the gasping for breath dramatic effect.  All of that made me angry.  Unrightly so, but I was mad.  I had longed to see my cute little girl all dressed up in her sweet “girly” outfit and she wanting nothing to do with it.  I finally gave up trying to convince her and fussed at her.  A few minutes later I realized how selfish I had been.  I was trying to force something on her that obviously made her unhappy and my response to it was completely inappropriate.  I got down on the floor, put her in my lap, cried and told her I was sorry.  She gave me a kiss, wanted to put on her shoes (to match her “normal” clothes), and we went on our way.

Many people would be shocked at the fact that I apologized to my toddler.  But why not?  Is she not a person too?  Did I not behave in a way that was wrong and hurtful?  It frustrates me to hear parents say “I am the parent,  I have the right” without taking their child’s feelings into consideration.  Not to mention, children learn by example.  We often times try to force our kids to apologize when they do something wrong to us or another child… even if they don’t mean it.  By allowing ourselves to show that we are not perfect and that we mess up too, we are allowing our children to accept that they don’t always have to be perfect, but that they should be aware of how their actions affect others. 

Another thing that was recently brought to my attention about apologizing to our kids is that it shows our children that we are all sinful and are all in need of a Savior.  My friend Ashley makes a practice of asking for her children’s forgiveness and then prays for her own forgiveness with her children.  When she told me about this, I thought it was a beautiful way to share your faith with your children. 

All that being said, it’s easy to ask forgiveness when you step on a toe, accidentally throw out a toy, or forget a birthday party, but asking forgiveness when you were acting selfish or even if you were just plain cranky is a lot more difficult, but no less needed.  Your children will learn to respect you and appreciate your honesty and they will learn how to respond to their own behaviors. 

Do you apologize to your children?  What specific way do you do it?

Photo Courtesy of deeleea

Last week Southwest Airlines escorted a mother and her 2 year old son off a flight to San Jose, CA, because he was screaming “Go Plane Go!” and “I want Daddy!” according the Associated Press. The crew was concerned that the passengers could not hear the safety briefing to abide within FAA guidelines. The mother, Pamela Root, assured the attendants that her son would be quiet after take off and that she had planned to feed him while in the air. Southwest Airlines has since apologized to the mother, refunded her money, and gave her a $300 dollar voucher for a future flight.

I first heard about this story from a Facebook status of a friend that was applauding Southwest Airlines. Many of the comments of the status were in full agreement with the decision. As a mother of a toddler I was initially flabbergasted and angry.

I understand that the crew had a real concern with the safety announcements, but I really wonder how loud was the child. I read that the crew made offers of juice and colors to calm the boy down.

Some days are better than others when I go out shopping with my toddler. I know when to call it quits and try again at another time. Perhaps this was one of this instances where you just need to try again later, even if you are inconvenienced. Or do you just get through it? Thankfully the mother didn’t have to make a connecting flight or miss any major events.

I am glad that Southwest Airlines apologized, because this could have a set a bad precedent for future flights with kids. It would not be good if any flight attendant could remove families at their discretion for small matters. I wonder what would have happened if this took place in another country?  Cathay Pacific very kind and understanding when I flew with a 7 month old baby. The flight from Los Angeles to Hong Kong had several children, but everyone seemed to recognized it was just a fact of life and got through with the flight.

This incident on Southwest Airlines ended up not being a huge deal. The mother flew out the next day which I can only assume to have been a much easier flight, since she and her child did not get kicked off again. I hope it doesn’t happen again to another family. Otherwise, those of us traveling with toddlers may be in for some trouble!

Do you have any traveling stories with toddlers? What would you have done in that situation? Did the attendants make the right decision?

More on traveling with children:

• Incredibly True Traveling Stories: a Q & with Moms

• Traveling 40 Hours with a 7 Month Old

• More Travel Tips with a Baby

Recently, I have found myself becoming a “paranoid parent” with regard to my children’s health.  All the constant flooding of the news about the Swine Flu or H1N1 Flu has really got me worried.  It is especially worrisome to me because our son, who has Type 1 Diabetes, is at a greater risk of complications should he contract one of these viruses. 

So, last night, I sat down and had a long talk with God.  There are only so many things we as parents can do to protect our children, from the flu or anything for that matter, and I really needed to get my thoughts into perspective.  After my prayer time, I felt much more at peace and decided that I would be proactive and do what I could, but also have to trust God for His protection.

Here are some things you can do to help protect your kids from the seasonal flu and H1N1:

Wash Your Hands – We all know the importance of washing our hands to prevent spreading illness.  The Centers for Disease Control emphasize washing with soap and water, especially after you cough or sneeze.  Alcohol based hand-sanitizers are also a great weapon in the flu fight!

Avoid Touching Your Eyes and Mouth – Your eyes and mouth are great germ transmitters, so avoid biting your fingernails or playing with your eyelashes!

Cough or Sneeze Into Tissue – Coughing or sneezing into a tissue and throwing it away is the best way to get rid of your germs.  Make sure to wash your hands afterward.  If a tissue is not readily available, it is suggested that you cough or sneeze into your sleeve and NOT your hand.

Avoid Sick People – This seems like an easy one, right?  But reality is that we are exposed to sick people everyday at the grocery store, post office, or even at church.  Encourage your friends NOT to bring their kids over even if they “just have a runny nose, but no fever”.  Also, if one of your children gets sick, try to keep the others from playing with them until they have been fever free for at least 24 hours.

Sanitize Your Toys – I am guilty of not doing this as often as I should, but it’s great practice to take out the toys and sanitize them often, especially after a child is ill.  This will help prevent the spreading of “old germs” and possibly new ones. 

Get Vaccinated – Everyone in your family should get their annual flu shot.  It’s the best way to prevent contracting the flu.  If you are sensitive to the vaccine or agents in it, talk to your doctor or your child’s doctor about your options.  If your pediatrician’s office isn’t offering the flu vaccine or has run out (like mine did!), CVS and Walgreens walk-in clinics provide flu shots to children 18 months and older.  Contact your local one to see if they have the vaccine in stock before heading out. 

Pray – Let’s face it, we can do all of the things listed above and someone is still bound to get sick, so the best way to keep your sanity during this crazy time is to pray and trust God for His protection and health.  If nothing else, it’s a great way to to find peace!

For more information about the seasonal flu or the H1N1 virus, check out the CDC website or the government’s special flu website. 

What have you done to safeguard your family during this flu season? 

Photo Courtesy of itsv

Since our son was about 18 months old, he has experienced night terrors.  At first we had no idea what was happening to him in the middle of the night until I had a conversation with my friend Karen about it and she told me of her son having the same thing… night terrors.  For Andrew, it usually happens less than an hour after he goes to bed and then he will generally have multiple episodes of this in the same night.  He wakes up crying and is completely inconsolable for up to about 35 minutes.  There is nothing we can do to even remotely calm him down.  He appears to be awake, but technically isn’t.  It is quite a strange event. 

Night terrors are most common in young children, usually ages 3-6, however they can occur in younger children and also in older children and adults.  There are many misconceptions about night terrors, mostly that they are just really bad nightmares, but in reality they are very different events.  Nightmares are bad dreams that you can wake up remembering.  Night terrors are commonly described as seeming to wake up screaming or crying, appearing awake, but confused, not remembering the incident, and being inconsolable for 5-30 or more minutes.  A child experiencing night terrors will suddenly fall back to sleep as quickly as they appeared to have waken.

There are apparently different things that can trigger night terrors in children.  The most common thing is letting the child get over-tired or over-stressed.  There are also many different ways people choose to deal with their child’s night terrors.  For us, sitting with Andrew, rubbing his back or legs and hugging him sometimes helps soothe him.  Other times, it’s best for us not to touch or talk to him.  If your child has a tendency to have night terrors, make sure to let any babysitters know how to best handle them. 

The important thing to remember is not to treat the child as if he/she is acting up.  This is an involuntary response that they don’t even know is happening.  Being calm, finding what helps soothe your child at that time, and trying to prevent letting your child get totally wiped out will all help the situation! 

Does your child experience night terrors?  How do you help them during an episode? 

Photo Courtesy of deltaMike