The Mom Crowd

When my husband and I were childless we didn’t not understand what life was like for our friends who had kids. We sometimes wondered why my sister-in-law would leave early from a family dinner so her kids wouldn’t miss their eight o’clock bedtime. We didn’t understand why one night would be such a big deal.

We also had grand illusions of how we would be different as parents. We dreamt of getting sitters often and going anywhere at anytime with our kids. Then reality hit us  with our first baby.

Now that we are parents we certainly have a greater understanding of what it means to parent and we have a lot more grace for other parents.

Here are ten things that we just didn’t understand before our little one came along.

1. Bedtimes and nap schedules are important to keep kids and parents happy.

2. Getting a babysitter is a big deal and expensive.

3. A night out with adult conversation is a treat.

4. How difficult it is to get a great photo of your child.

5. Not feeding kids sugar is important, because it really does make them hyper.

6. You just can’t go anywhere at anytime when you want, no matter how flexible your kids are.

7. Kids don’t always behave as you want them to in public places.

8. It really does take a long time just to get out the door.

9. Don’t assume that a child’s misbehavior is a result of lack of discipline.  Most of the time parents really are trying their best and the kid is just acting their age.

10. Mother’s Day Out and other programs like it are very awesome.

Did you have grand illusions of what parenting would be like before kids? Were there things that you didn’t understand about your friends with kids, but you get now that you are a parent?

As we are knee-deep in the holiday season, I am realizing something kinda important: Lucy has learned who Santa Claus is.  (She’ll be three in a couple of months.)  When we were decorating our tree a week ago, she said, “That’s Santa!”  We think she picked up on it from an episode of “Dora the Explorer”.  She is no longer an oblivious baby with no need to know about Santa one way or another.   We’re now faced with the question:  What do we teach her about Santa?  People are always asking us at Christmastime if we “do Santa” with our kids, especially friends and people we know from our church.  Apparently, it’s a tradition still embraced by most of the church-going folks in my own community.

[Until now, I think my husband & I just looked at this issue with a mixture of ambivalence and laziness.  The older we get, the wearier we become with the whole commercial Christmas machine.  It just seems somewhat insignificant in light of our world's greater troubles: the poor, the homeless, the sick, the dying, the starving, the oppressed - the people who live on next to nothing and struggle just to survive.  I hate to be Debbie Downer and all, but the more I learn, the less I care about presents or Santa.  My husband and I have pretty much decided not to give each other anything this year - we don't need more stuff - and donate our Christmas gift budget to a bigger cause.  We did buy small gifts for Lucy and Eli.

I grew up with the magic of Christmas - I think I learned the truth about the jolly fat fellow when I was about nine years old.  I loved Christmas season for the magic it brought with it, especially the gifts.  As a child, the presents are all that matter!  And well into my twenties, I tried to preserve that magic with gift giving galore.  After awhile, though, I realized it was quite a job to shop for people who already have everything they need (or who can go buy what they want any other day of the year).]

But back to the question at hand: what and how do we teach our kids about this time-honored tradition of Santa Claus, Rudolph, and the naughty & nice list?  Ultimately, it is a matter to be decided by each parent or set of parents.  My husband and I need to sit down and decide how much we want our kids to believe, and how much we want to make it about God and the world and its brokenness, about Jesus’ birth and the Giant Rescue Plan God created to bring mankind back to Him.  We also need to agree on how we’ll show the spirit of Christmas to our children – if we make it all about ourselves, the cookies, the parties, the fun, or if we balance it with a concern and compassion for others in need.  (We don’t have it figured out yet, believe me.)

Then we have to figure out how to raise our kids in a culture that preserves and celebrates this annual tradition.  No, I don’t want to be the “mean family” who spoils it for all of the other kids – I would hope we’d show our kids how to have discernment and keep certain things to themselves.  But kids will be kids – they are more honest than anyone.  I really can’t help it if my child wants to share something true with another child, especially if it’s an accident or in total innocence.  It’s not my goal to correct the thinking of other children or to throw another family’s Christmas tradition under the bus.  I’d rather our family be known for its commitment to serving others and being a light in the darkness.  And I have a feeling we’ll be learning what that looks like through a lot of trial and error in the Christmases to come.

I recently read a couple of other articles on this topic, and was somewhat stunned by the extreme points of view people have about the tradition of Santa, especially when I hold them up to my own.  “To each his own” I read a few times on comment boards, and I have to agree.  Read at your own risk, and then decide for yourself whether or not it’s worth your precious time and energy to jump in on an argument that will ultimately lead nowhere.  I say, let’s channel that energy into helping someone in need this season.

• I Refuse To Let My Kid Believe In Santa from the Momlogic Community
• Emily’s next-day response, also at Momlogic
• Should Kids Believe In Santa Claus? from Kaboose
• What a Family Therapist Says from Kaboose

Here at The Mom Crowd, we’d love for you to weigh in on the Santa tradition – I just humbly ask that we be nice to each other as we share our ideas and strategies.  So let’s hear it: To what degree is Santa important in your family’s Christmas tradition?  Are you annoyed with parents who don’t teach their kids about Santa?  Are you annoyed with parents who do?  Like me, are you somewhere in the middle?  Is it possible to teach our kids how to keep a secret in order to protect another child’s innocence?  Is it possible to teach our kids to be passionate about social justice and compassion for others as much as they care about gifts under the tree?  

Earlier this week, I was discussing with my hubby the definition of “preppy“.  It all started because I called our son “Mr. Preppy” – he was wearing a polo-shirt style onesie and the collar was “popped” for a second.  So cute.  In fact, it was his outfit for fall pictures at pre-school a few weeks ago.

It got me thinking about all the different fashion statements we like to make with our children.   For the first several years, they are definitely wearing what we choose for them.  In a way, we make them little reflections of ourselves.  Have you ever dressed your child in clothing that:

• represents a favorite sports team/alma mater/band or musical act?
• makes some kind of political statement?
• matches your own outfit to a tee?

Of course, there’s nothing wrong with this; it’s part of the fun of having a child, in my opinion.  We’ve all done this in some form or another, either by choice or because the clothing was a gift from family members, right?  (My children have been wearing more than their fair share of Philadelphia sports teams gear for the past 2 years, that’s for sure. ) 

I’m curious: do you think about what style you want your baby to wear?  Do you seek out certain plaid, button-down styles?  Do you gravitate toward the frilly stuff for your daughter?  Are you prone to stocking up on shirts that have the latest Disney characters screened on them? 

I work in our church nursery each Sunday, so I glimpse a little bit of everything: kids in hand-me-downs, kids in linen overalls and white-collared shirts, kids in Baby Gap from hat to socks, kids in cartoon-related clothes, kids in garage sale clothes.   

The picture above is one that I took of my daughter’s closet when she was first born: stocked with precious dresses and outfits that were ultimately only useful one or two times.  I loved dressing her in them and I miss all that frilliness.  But she’s going on 3 now.  She’s in pre-school two days a week.  It’s all practical, all the time for her.  Jeans, tees, sneakers, and a jacket.  We can’t afford much more than this.  We get everything at Target and Wal-Mart, and we’ve become huge garage sale fans, scoring scads of good clothing at a fraction of the cost.   

Other moms’ thoughts on this subject:

• Junior High, Revisited 
• How to Dress Up Your Kids In Style
• Do  You Have a Problem Dressing Your Children In Wal-Mart Clothes?
• Dress  Your Child For Success: 5 Steps to Building Confidence Through Appearance

What do you think? What habits have you formed in acquiring your kids’ wardrobes?How important is your child’s clothing to you?  Is this irrelevant in our troubling economic times?  Weigh in below.

I finally figured out how to keep all the baby socks organized.  I think I read somewhere that you can make your own non-slip socks by getting some puffy or slick fabric paint and putting some on the bottom of the socks.  I even found a site where you can make your own puffy paint but I thought it might peel off quicker than store bought paint.  The homemade puffy paint was made with glue and shaving cream–didn’t seem like it would last through several washes.

I had an “AHA!” moment when I figured out that I could use the slick paint to not only make socks non-skid, but I could also put what age range they are for. Some stores (Baby Gap, Old Navy) label their sock size by age range on the bottom with non-slip paint which comes in handy–but I have a lot of socks that aren’t labeled.

I have been somewhat organized by putting them in labeled ziplock bags so I can keep track of the sizes.  But often when I am switching over from one sock size to another the socks get mixed up into the wrong bag. If I label my socks with fabric paint, then I will be killing two birds with one stone.

My inspiration came from my desire for Graham to have warm feet in our chilly house AND for him to gain confidence in his walking abilities.  I thought if he felt like he was slipping all the time it might discourage him from walking.  No slipping=Less falling=More walking.  Graham is 14.5 months old and still prefers to crawl although he does take several steps throughout the day.  I added a picture to show you my little sock creation.

Well, maybe not everybody, but more and more families today are learning all about Early Childhood Intervention!  I entered the world of developmental therapy as soon as my first child came home from the hospital because she had Down syndrome and was 100% tube fed.  In my circle of friends with children with Down syndrome, therapy has been part of our normal day-to-day routine since our children’s birth.  However, in my circle of friends who have healthy, typical children, developmental delays are far from uncommon and I have watched many friends of typical children enter the world of therapy I once thought was isolated to only children with “special needs.”  One of the biggest reasons for this is people are recognizing the advantages of treating developmental delays early.

While it’s not uncommon for a child in any sandbox across the United States to be receiving some form of early intervention, nobody wants their child to have a developmental delay in any area.  Watching your child achieve developmental milestones is probably one of the most rewarding things about parenting!  When your child isn’t doing something that most of his peers are doing, it can be incredibly discouraging. It’s important to remember that typically, a delay in developmental milestones DOES NOT mean your child is not going to catch up!  Most children who receive early intervention services catch up to their peers in their area of difficulty and no one knows the difference from that point on!

If your child does have a diagnosis that is going to stick with him or her long-term, you are far from the end of the world!  I have a child who will always be behind her peers in most areas of development, however we wouldn’t change anything about her.  In fact, she has brought so much joy and delight to our family, that we are adopting another child with Down syndrome .   It took some adjustments because of continuous therapy, but we very much have a life outside of developmental therapy!

So, what exactly is Early Intervention?

• Early Intervention (sometimes called Early Childhood Intervention) was created by the United States Congress is 1986 to provide services for infants and toddlers under the age of 3 who have a developmental delay of any kind or a disability.

What services does Early Intervention provide?

• Physical Therapy {PT} – for children with gross motor delays {late sitting, late crawlers, late walkers, etc…}
• Occupation Therapy {OT} – for children with sensory issues, fine motor delays, feeding difficulty, cognitive delay, or a delay in social or emotional skills. {In very young infants, there is sometimes an overlap between OT and PT, so an Occupational Therapist may also treat some gross motor delays.}
• Speech Therapy {ST} – for children who are late to speak or have feeding difficulties
• Other services early intervention provides: Family education and counseling, Assistive technology devices and services, Audiology testing and services, Nursing services, Nutrition services, Psychological services, Service coordination, Social worker services, Vision evaluation and services, and some provide respite care for families!

What if my child is over 3 years old?

• If your child is 3 years old or older, they do not qualify for your state’s early intervention program.  However, they do qualify for services through your public school system!  Contact your school district if you suspect a delay in any area of your child’s development after they turn three years old.

Getting started

• If you think your child is taking a little too long in an area of their development, you can make either contact your child’s physician or you can contact your local early intervention provider.  You do not need your physician to refer your child for services.  You can find your local provider by going to your state’s website.  Here is Texas’ listing of early childhood intervention providers.  If you have trouble finding your early intervention provider, let me know and I will be happy to help!
• After you or your physician calls to make a referral, your early intervention provider will schedule a visit to your home to evaluate your child and determine if they are eligible for services.  If your child is determined to have a delay, he or she will start receiving services shortly after the  evaluation.  That simple!
• Remember that every child develops at a different rate and do not accomplish milestones at exactly the same rate.  If you have questions on whether your child is developing at an appropriate pace, contact your child’s pediatrician or your early intervention provider.

Here’s some more links for you!

• Developmental Milestones – Is This Typical?
• Bright Tots Early Childhood Intervention Information 
• Wrightslaw: Early Intervention and IDEA (Wrightslaw is the go-to source for what the law says about what services children with delays are entitled to receive.)

Do you know anyone whose child is receiving services from Early Intervention?  Has your child received services from Early Intervention?  Do you have any other experience with Early Intervention? 

• PS: In the spirit of National Adoption Month, I want to sneak this article in here (even though it has nothing to do with the topic at hand!) This article talks about the tax credit the IRS provides adopting families to help make adoption more affordable.  Most people don’t know that they can receive up to an $11,000 dollar for dollar reimbursement for their adoption expenses!!