The Mom Crowd

In August 2008, our three year old son, Andrew, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. For weeks he had been drinking tons of water, urinating much more than he was taking in and was eating everything in sight. We knew something was going on and when we got his diagnosis we weren’t really sure what we were up against.

The first week was awful. Andrew spent the first day after diagnosis in the ICU because his blood sugar had been so high for so long that he was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis and had to be stabilized. (Diabetic Ketoacidosis occurs when the body cannot break down glucose for energy and in turn starts to burn fat. Ketones are an acid that results from this fat breakdown and an accumulation of these acids in the body can be dangerous and at times deadly.) The following three days in the hospital were spent learning how to care for him once we got home. We learned how to check his blood sugar levels, how to draw up and inject his insulin, how to calculate how much insulin he needs and to recognize danger signs of lows and highs.

We did not get much support from those in our lives we had hoped and thought would be there for us. I realized that a lot of it was due to the fact that people just didn’t understand what we were really dealing with. So, in my attempt to educate people in order to prevent someone else feeling what we felt, I compiled this list of things I wish everyone knew about Type 1 Diabetes.

1. Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the body attacks and destroys all of the cells in the pancreas that produce insulin. No one knows for sure what exactly triggers this autoimmune response, but it is currently not anything that can be prevented and is NOT caused by poor eating, lack of exercise or bad parenting.

2. INSULIN IS NOT A CURE!!! There is currently no proven cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Unlike Type 2 Diabetes (the more commonly discussed type), eating better and exercising won’t reverse it.

3. People with Type 1Diabetes will be dependent on insulin for their entire lives and must take it to survive.

4. Monitoring blood sugar levels is a must! Some people check their children’s blood sugar levels 10 or more times a day.

5. Exercise can cause high blood sugars or low blood sugars – and lows can happen up to 12 hours after exercise.

6. Children with Type 1 Diabetes CAN have things with sugar! In fact, they, like everyone else, need sugars to produce energy. While foods with rapid acting sugars like juice, candy and frostings are to be used sparingly, they can still be had.

7. Parents of children with diabetes NEED other people in their lives to learn how to monitor and care for their children in case there is an emergency or in the rare event they actually have a date night!

Please take the last thing to heart and when you hear of a family affected by Type 1 Diabetes don’t hesitate to ask questions and if possible learn the basics to help. The parents will love you and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know!!!

Have you ever considered having your older children come to the birth of their newest baby brother/sister?  What is your first reaction when you think about having your children come to your next birth? If your first reaction was, “Never!” you aren’t alone.  Many people think children would be scared or scarred for life if they saw their moms (or anyone else for that matter) give birth.

I want to provide an alternative way of looking at bringing children to the birth of their new sibling.  Children are curious by nature and most children love babies.  Allowing a child to be part of the significant moment of introducing a new family member into the world can be a positive, unforgettable experience.

Penny Simkin, doula and childbirth educator extraordinaire co-authored a book called Birth-Through Children’s Eyes several years ago.  I found a copy of it at half-price books when I was pregnant with my third child.  I thought it would make a great resource for my birth class lending library.  As I read the book, I started talking to my husband about having our oldest child (who had just turned 4) come with us to the birth center to be there for the birth.  He was skeptical at first but as I shared from the book he became open to the idea.

In Penny’s book, she did a (small scale) study with some children and compared the experiences of children who had been at their sibling’s birth and those who hadn’t.  She had the children draw pictures as a way for them to talk about the new addition to the family.  The biggest difference between the two groups is that the children who DID go to the births felt more accepting and less jealous of the new baby than those who did NOT go to the birth.  The siblings liked having a role in the birth and being one of the first people to hold the new baby.

All of the moms I know (myself included) who are having additional children ponder  and talk about whether or not the other child(ren) will be jealous of the baby and take it out on either the baby or the mommy.  Everyone in the family must readjust to the new family layout, that is true, and there are a lot of factors that can make that transition easier.  Having family/friend/church support to bring meals, help out with laundry, and some light cleaning can be a relief to any mom.  Talking with older siblings about how a new baby is coming and reading books about it together can help too.  What if inviting older children to the birth of the new baby was an additional help?

Most people balk at the idea because we bring in our own fears, scary stories, and ideas about birth which makes it hard to see birth the way a child would see it.  I mentioned before that children are curious by nature and love learning–and babies.  Having them at birth does open up potential conversations about how human reproduction, how babies are made, and where they come from.  True, those kind of conversations can make us nervous because we don’t want to say the wrong thing–my perspective is that I want my children to learn those things from me and I am willing to answer their questions.  I don’t feel the need to explain everything to them .

I have some suggestions on how to make it work if you do decide to have older children come to the birth of their new sibling.  Most of these come from Penny’s book and some other things I have read about it.

1. Have a friend/relative designated to be the child’s helper.  Your children should have a good relationship with the helper. This person is there to help the child(ren) with activities, answer questions, and to be supportive to the child.  They can watch the child and make sure that he/she is feeling comfortable or provide things to do during the labor (which can be boring to a child).  Pushing the baby out is much more exciting!  Preparing the child ahead of time so they know that daddy will be helping mommy and won’t be available to help him/her is important.

2. Plan activities ahead of time for the child: Bake a birthday cake or cupcakes and bring it to the birth so the child(ren) can frost and decorate while you labor.  Bring books, paper, markers, crayons, play-dough to help pass time.  Portable dvd players and movies with a sleeping bag can be a great way to settle down.  If you are birthing at home then you can wake the child up shortly before it is time to push.  If you are birthing in the hospital you can have the helper bring the child near the end of labor too–especially if it is in the middle of the night.

3. Help prepare the children coming to the birth by reading books about birth, show pictures, and watch some videos together. You tube is a great place to find some birth videos.  Explaining to the child that birth can be messy is a good thing.  It is good for them to know that they might see blood  and that the baby might look kind of slimy when it comes out.

4. Give the child space to decide when he or she wants to be in the room.  Forcing the child to be there when he doesn’t want to be will be distressing to him.  (This is why you bring in a special helper.)  Also if you, as the laboring mom, decide you don’t want the child there then you can tell your helper to take the child to another room.

We did have our oldest come to the birth and decided to have our middle child (who was almost 3)  stay home. We made arrangements with some friends to come and sleep at our house should labor happen in the middle of the night so someone would be with him.  My mom was our Ewan’s helper.  We had asked Ewan if he wanted to come to the birth a few months in advance.  He did so we started talking to him about how my mom was going to be his helper and pal at the birth center.  We told him about the different things he could do while we waited for the baby to come.

Labor started in the middle of the night and Ewan was very excited about getting to be up.  As I was pushing the baby out he saw a little blood and said, “I think I want to go watch a movie upstairs.”  So off he went and we got him after the baby was out.  We had a few complications (the baby’s shoulders got stuck and it was a little intense) so in the end we decided that it was probably a good thing that he decided to leave.  He has had a very strong bond with Graham (the baby) and still talks about being at his birth.  He remembers me making funny labor noises in the backseat of the car on the way, he remembers making cupcakes, he remembers holding Graham for the first time.  He loved being there.  Our middle child took longer to bond with the baby and warm up to him.  Some of it may have been his displacement as the baby, or age, but I do wonder if he would have warmed up quicker had he been at the birth.  If I could do it all over again I would have the same plan.  If we have another baby, I will invite both the older boys to come to the birth for sure.  I won’t know about Graham until we are closer to birth day.

So what do you think?  Did you go to any of your sibling’s births?  Were any of your children at any of your other births?

Sharon M is a full-time mom with two children, ages 4 and 18 months.  She and her family live in the Middle East, where her husband is a teacher.

Packing Boxes.  Shuffling through papers and toys, trying to decide what should stay and what should go.  Finding new friends, new work, new EVERYTHING.  Where do I shop?  Where should my kids go to school?

Most of us have experienced the stress of moving to a new place.  Now, imagine that you’re not only going away from the place you call home, but you’re also diving headfirst into an entirely new country, usually complete with a new language and new culture for you to experience.  Sound insane?  Scary?  Exciting?  Welcome to the life of an ex-pat.

We’re all living abroad for different reasons.  Some of us work for religious or non-profit organizations, a few of us have husbands who work for international companies, and many are working for the US government and are stationed overseas.  I’d like to talk a little bit about my corner of the world, the Middle East.  And what it’s like to raise what we call “third culture kids.”

These kids (TCKs for the rest of this article) have grown up a significant portion of their lives overseas outside their parents’ culture; they build relationships within all of the cultures they come in contact with, while never really having full ownership of any.  Translation: Someone asks you, “Where are you from?” and you answer, “Uhhhh… (thoughtful silence)… America?” They tend to connect best with other kids that have had a similar childhood, and they are generally more mature than American kids their age.  Mave, a mom of five (with #6 on the way), lived overseas for nine years with her family before returning to the States.  She said:

Four of my children are settling into school in the US now.  Three of the four have been naturally drawn to the “internationals” in their classes.  My eldest son enjoys his friend from India.  My second daughter enjoys a Korean- American and my youngest son plays with a boy from the Netherlands.  I don’t know if this would be the case if we had not lived overseas.

Initially, language acquisition is the biggest concern for us as parents, because there is no way that these kids will ever feel connected to the locals if there isn’t some proficiency in the local language.  One of my friends (a mom with three children ranging from 11 to 4) expressed frustration with a local private school – she had to “fight the schools to accept [her] children and school them as though they are nationals” when she first moved here.  The kids have tutors every day, but she is so proud of them because they have learned the language.  Her eldest sounds just like a local kid!  Another friend of mine has a six year-old son who is rather shy and understands Arabic, but rarely speaks; he gets embarrassed when he doesn’t know what to say, and in a culture where boys are encouraged to be bold and aggressive, it can be a struggle for him.

As Americans living in the Middle East, our children stick out; the light-colored eyes, fair hair and fair skin practically scream “I AM NOT FROM AROUND HERE!”  When the kids are young, it’s actually a wonderful way to meet people.  I remember meeting one of my neighbors through my son.  He saw her children playing on the patio, walked in the gate, said “Marhaba!” (hello) and joined them!  And since people in general here are very hospitable and love children dearly, it wasn’t at all odd or rude.  However, as the children get older, it is more and more obvious that they don’t look like everyone else, and it can be uncomfortable for the kids.  Every mom I spoke with said that it is so important to have a strong family life, not too burdened with extra-curricular activities, and to connect with other moms who are living like you are (I call it “the sympathy circle”).   This is important whether you live abroad or not, but as a mom who has lived in the US and overseas, I can tell you, it’s a necessity for my sanity!

We all love to see our kids eat “weird” things and like them.  And when you’re outside your home country, it’s guaranteed that your kids are going to have to try the local food at one point or another.  My fellow blogger Um Tulip said this about her son:

He likes foods that American boys wouldn’t touch.  I remember taking him to a Middle Eastern restaurant with friends when we were back in America and he gobbled up the grape leaves.  Our friends were astounded but it’s one of his favorite foods.

And remember, these TCKs are also growing up in the USA.  They tend to be the children of immigrants or diplomats; they are Hispanic, Indian, Middle Eastern, African.  While they might grow up to look and even to sound American, they have parents with a different set of cultural values, and who (often times) have built a little “home away from home” with other people from the same ethnic background.   Many of them are grateful when, say, a co-worker invites them over for dinner or a mother they meet at the park arranges a play date.   Being among strangers in a new country can be intimidating, and a simple gesture by you can make a world of difference in their lives.

For more information on this topic, I highly recommend Third Culture Kids: The Experience of Growing up Among Worlds by David Pollock.

Have you experienced the life of an ex-pat, either as a child or an adult?  Have you been able to reach out to the ex-pats in your community, make them feel more at home where they live?  If you’ve lived overseas, what sort of advice or encouragement would you give to other moms in a new cultural and linguistic environment?

One of every mother’s worst fears is watching their child choke or stop breathing.  That is definitely on my top three list of worries.  This evening, as I was cutting up grapes for my son, I was thinking about the choking threat grapes pose and how unprepared for a choking situation I feel.  I’ve been CPR and First Aid certified a few times in my life, but the most recent class I’ve attended was four and a half years and three children ago.  I certainly could use a refresher course on what to do in a choking situation and am probably not the only mom out there who is not CPR confident.  One thing I do feel confident about is that the best way to stop a child from choking is to prevent it from ever happening.  The American Pediatrics Association has a whole list of the top food and nonfood choking hazards and ways to prevent your child from choking that I think every parent needs to read.

That being said, not all emergencies are preventable. However simple training in CPR and First Aid can be the difference between a scary event and a tragedy and the training is not difficult to obtain.  Most cities or hospitals offer free classes parents and babysitters can take. I found some online instructional videos on what to do if your infant or toddler is choking.  Hopefully, these videos will inspire you to seek out a children’s CPR and First Aid class near you so that you can be prepared in case of an emergency.

Infant Choking Part One (click on the links to parts 2 and 3 below)

• Infant Choking Part Two
• Infant Choking Part Three

Toddler Choking Part One (click on the link to part 2 below)

• Toddler Choking Part Two

Have you gone through children’s CPR/First Aid training as a mother or mother-to-be?  Do you feel confident that you could perform CPR on your child or handle a choking situation with your child if necessary?

Ewan (the oldest) got his first ice cream when he was 2.  2!  Can you believe that? I thought for sure that if a morsel of sugar passed his lips any earlier he’d turn into a sugar loving crazed kid. I know now that all kids will be lovers of sugar. Doesn’t matter what age you introduce it to them. I don’t remember how old Isaac (middle child) was when he got his first cookie or ice cream but he was a lot younger. When we thought Ewan was old enough to start chewing gum then it was hard to keep it from Isaac too. I try to tell myself that their 14 month age difference has a lot to do with it but I think I like to rationalize.

Well, apparently the age for gum chewing with the third child is 18 months.  Okay, well maybe our third child found some gum in my purse, knew what it was, unpeeled it, knew to put it in his mouth and chew.  I didn’t give it to him.  But I didn’t freak out after he put it in his mouth either (which I would have after child #1 or 2).  I waited to see what would happen.  I figured he would swallow it.  Or spit it out somewhere. Speaking of which, I should probably go see if I can find that chewed treasure somewhere.  But he figured out how to chew it and swallow the juices that come from a yummy piece of gum.  He chewed it longer than Ewan or Isaac did when they were first getting the hang of gum.

In truth, since I am a slightly seasoned parent, some of my parenting views and philosophies have changed too so that makes a difference in some of my decision making. I know someday I’ll hear the words from Ewan, “But MOM, you NEVER used to let me do _______!” And I’ll respond, “Wait till you have kids…”

I couldn’t resist showing you the utter joy that Graham (the 18 month old) had with his first gum chewing escapade.
So, what have you gotten “slack” on since becoming a parent of 2 or more? What kinds of things seem less important to you than before when it comes to parenting?