The Mom Crowd

A couple of weeks ago, Amelia posted a method for how to get our preschoolers to pick up their toys.  It was a battle we ‘ve waging in our home, so the timing was right for us to try Amelia’s suggestion.  I read and re-read her post, shared it in detail with my hubby so we’d be on the same page, and even made a cheat-sheet on the how-to so I would get it just right (nerdy + forgetful = me).

The results have been middling for our family.  My preschoolers are 3 and almost 2.  I explained the new “deal” over and over again for close to a week, and our kids just didn’t get it.  Or maybe they did get it and just didn’t care a whole lot.  It was a combination of both, I think.  At the end of the first night, my hubby was the only parent home – poor guy! – so he was left alone to implement the consequence of the kids’ choice not to pick up their toys: he filled 3 kitchen-sized garbage bags with all the junk that had covered our floor.  He reported to me that their response was curious and bemused.  In fact, my son eagerly started putting the toys into the garbage bags to help him.   Why not the toybox just one foot away, son?  What’s the appeal of the new container?  Lucy, my 3 year old, kept asking questions the next day, like, “Where are the toys going, Mommy?”  “They’re going bye-bye.”  “But where?”  “Someplace else where you can’t have them.”  “Where?”  etc etc.  It didn’t seem like a sad situation for her, just a discussion about geography.

Every now and then, Lucy would help out in a great way with a chore around the house, so we allowed her to get a toy out of one of the garbage bags.  This pleased her for about 3 seconds.  Then said toy was placed on the floor and forgotten about until later that night when she chose not to put it away.

Hubby and I have not sat and confirmed this together (yet), but I think it’s kind of understood for us that this strategy is not the right one for our kids at this point in time.  I’m sure I’ll try it again in a few months.  I can say that I haven’t missed the 3-5 bags of toys that are stored in our garage at the moment – and frankly, the kids don’t seem to miss them much, either.  Maybe cutting out half of their toys was what we all needed anyway.    I’m sure we’ll just give them away.

As for the messes they continue to make every day, I’m onto the next strategy: we don’t do the next activity until a mess is taken care of.  The promise of the next trip outside, coloring session, or even an errand to the store is incentive enough for the kids to get their little butts moving, at the moment.  But this is all still very much a trial-and-error issue for our family.

Did any of you put Amelia’s advice into practice?  What has worked for you?  What other clean-up-your-toys strategies have you employed?

Photo courtesy of rogue3w

My philosophy on most developmental milestones is, “wait until they’re ready and it’ll be a whole lot easier.”  I have not always had this philosophy, but I’ve learned that racing to the next stage too early is very frustrating for me and for my child. One of my friends wisely told me that there are two things you can’t force a child to do. You can’t make them eat and you can’t make them use the potty.  Children will learn very fast that they have complete control over those two things and the power struggle is inevitable if you push too hard.

We have been doing a lot of potty exposure in my house.  My first child has special needs and went through a period where we thought she was ready to be potty trained, but she isn’t, so we are still exposing her hopeful that she’ll start being ready soon.  However, through all of this exposure, my two year old son has become very interested in the potty.  It got to the point where he would go pee whenever I put him on the potty.  I decided that it was time to say goodbye to diapers.

We woke up one morning, I showed him his brand new Thomas the Train underwear and told him that he was a big boy and he was going to keep his undies dry by using the toilet whenever he needed to go potty.  Every 30 minutes I took him to the potty and he did his thing proudly.  He was motivated to use the potty with the promise of washing his hands when he was done.

We are now about a week and a half of being accident free at home. Sometimes he does not want to go when I tell him it’s time to use the potty, but I gently explain to  him he can continue his activity once he goes potty.  He has been very compliant.  He still needs to learn how to poop in the toilet and I am hoping he will begin to tell me when he needs to go instead of needing reminders.  I am also going to get over my fear of accidents in public and start keeping him in his underwear when we leave the house.

Potty training my son so far has been a very easy feat.  I really believe that it is because he was emotionally, physically, and behaviorally ready for this milestone and it was never something that was forced on him.  It sure feels good to only have 2 of my 3 children in diapers!  I am hoping that he will rub off on his big sister and she will start showing an interest in becoming potty trained.

Do you have a more laid back approach like I do or do you have a different approach?  How have you encouraged pooping in the potty and spontaneous potty usage instead of needing reminders?  Are you afraid of public accidents like I am?

Before my little girl, Annabelle, came along I swore to myself that I wasn’t going to dress my daughter in clothes with cartoon characters and give into sneaky marketing schemes. I have watched one too many “What Not to Wear” shows and I know Stacy always throws out those Disney shirts. Of course, I realize that Stacy is usually helping a 35 year old woman and not a toddler. Still, it solidified the idea in me that cartoon characters are not cool. I wanted my girl to be hip and look like she is always dressed from the Gap.

I also wasn’t going to give into the Disney Princess phenomenon. I am realistic and don’t want to encourage a “princess” mentality. When I was pregnant with my first child I read “What’s Wrong With Cinderella?” in the NY Times. In the article the author is concerned that her daughter’s infatuation with princesses will lead to a life preoccupied with body image. She writes,

I worry about what playing Little Mermaid is teaching her. I’ve spent much of my career writing about experiences that undermine girls’ well-being, warning parents that a preoccupation with body and beauty (encouraged by films, TV, magazines and, yes, toys) is perilous to their daughters’ mental and physical health. Am I now supposed to shrug and forget all that? If trafficking in stereotypes doesn’t matter at 3, when does it matter? At 6? Eight? Thirteen?

I sort of agreed with the author and was concerned about what ideals the Disney princesses were going to teach my future little girl.

I had my standards until I my daughter watched Sesame Street and became a fan of Elmo. Now she will sit on the couch point to the TV and say “Elmo! Elmo!” After we watched the movie ‘Enchanted’ together she came out of the playroom wrapped in a blanket to make a dress, with a purse on her arm and singing. I let her watch Dora and she became glued for the whole episode. She recognizes Dora everywhere she sees her image.

Now it makes me happy to see my daughter get excited when she recognizes a character. The moment my daughter sees her Elmo shirt she says “On! On!” I won’t go overboard and I get a lot of items from garage sales and hand me downs. In my plans to have a trendy dressed daughter I never thought how a TV character would bring my daughter so much joy.

Annabelle naturally gravitates to princess items. Some of that princess stuff is junk and I have some limits on what princess items I allow my daughter to have. I would love to take Annabelle to Disney World and let her run around the park dressed as a princess.

I have come to terms that this will be a phase in my daughter’s life. I grew out of my Strawberry Shortcake phase and I am healthy functioning adult. I am glad that I have given into some of the marketing hype, because it is neat to see my little girl get excited over her Dora pajamas and her Disney princess kitchen. And honestly, it is fun for me too.

Have you had a similar experience? What cartoon items do your kids love? Do you have limit on what  items you allow? Do you think the princess phenomenon is detrimental to our girls? And finally, who else doesn’t like the sassy Tinkerbell merchandise?

- top photo courtesy of Chekit

Well, it is for our family, anyway.  Preschool is just about over and I have the long, relatively uneventful months of June, July, and August ahead of me to spend with my children.  It’s confession time:  a few months ago, you would have heard me saying things like, “I’m dreading summer!” or “What am I going to do with my kids for TWELVE WHOLE WEEKS?!”  Alas.  God reminded me not so long ago what a great gift He’s given me:  time with my kids.  However long the days might become, this is a sweet age for my children, and I am wrong to take it for granted.  I have been brainstorming a few ideas for summer activities, and I’d like to share them with you.  I have resolved to enjoy the weeks with my children, not complain about the heat, and step up my creative game.   Moms (and dads?), I present to you my “glass-is-half-full” approach.

1. I intend to plan out activities for each week.  As a former teacher, this is not that hard for me to do.  In essence, I’m going to make our home something of a preschool.  Each week will have a theme, and all of our activities will flow out of that theme.  For example, cars.  We’ll talk about cars, look at pictures of cars, go on a hunt for different kinds of cars, paint/draw/sculpt cars, play with toy cars, check out books from the library about cars, listen to songs about cars (or by The Cars – ha!), watch the movie Cars, etc.   Other themes:  music, airplanes (with a field trip to the airport), balloons (I can’t wait to see my son throw a water balloon), fish, etc.
2. I plan to seek out as many air-conditioned free activities as possible.  Barnes & Noble, the public library, and lots of other places host morning story or craft times.  Though it takes energy for me to manage both of my toddlers in those environments, it’ll give us something to do outside of our house.  I will also ask my mom friends if they have any guest rate options for museums, pools, and private parks.  I’ll look for you there!
3. I am coordinating a summer playgroup with all of my mom friends, and some new ones I’ve just made.  Meet weekly, same time, rotate the location.  Easy!
4. I would like to plan at least one lunch out a week with another mom and her kids.  Gotta love Chick-Fil-A and other restaurants with the play areas! 
5. I will wake up saying, “Today, I get to play with my children!” rather than, “Today, I will try to survive another day at home with the kids.”

In my quest to be SuperMom Of The Summer, I will utilize ideas from some of the following websites: 

• Preschool Activities at Education.com
• Summer Season Pre-K Unit Study at Suite101.com (a site I know I’ll be referring to often)
• Crafty Ideas from Kaboose

What are your resolutions and ideas for managing a summer at home with little ones?  Do you have any other links for rockin’ websites that are packed with activities to keep everyone busy?  Let’s spur one another on to love and good times with our darling little ones!

Sometimes I feel like I could yell at my toddler all day long for doing something she shouldn’t. I know I need to pick my battles. But where does this principle come from?

I wish I could take credit for this parenting lesson, but this comes from my friend Sarah. She told me that before she had her first child she read an Amish parenting book and it explained how God put the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil in the middle of the garden, so He could teach Adam and Eve character. Character can’t just be given to someone. Our children aren’t born with good character. It needs to be taught and tested.

She wanted to teach her son, Michael, character by learning to obey and to learn from the consequence of disobeying. The book also explained to associate pain with consequences. This isn’t a bad idea, but she found herself spanking her boy a lot. Any mother would feel horrible for feeling like they are beating their kid all day long.

Sarah prayed and asked God to show her how to change to the situation. God’s answer was simple – You have too many trees.

Michael had so many rules and things to get in trouble for that he couldn’t help but get into trouble. So Sarah eliminated some of the “trees” by baby proofing the cabinets and removing items of temptation. Not everything in the house was baby-proofed but many of the sources of trouble were taken away. Thankfully Sarah felt herself sane again and Michael was getting in trouble a lot less.

I think of this story often in regards to my own children. What are the few rules that we stand by and what things can I let go? There are certain plugs and wires that can’t be touched in the living room even though they are baby-proofed as much as they can be. My daughter isn’t allowed to bring drinks or food in the living room, because our carpet is dirty enough as it is (not to mention it attracts bugs.) She can see the TV perfectly fine from the tile of the kitchen.

Once I looked up and saw my 2 year-old drawing on her body with a pen at the kitchen table, I just watched her and let her do it. My husband saw it and started yelling at her and asked me why I didn’t get on her. I explained that I could yell at her all day for something. I can wash off pen ink from her hands.

We need to pick our battles with our little ones and determine what are the rules of the house that are non-negotiable. Perhaps teaching one rule at a time instead tackling many large issues at once. Teaching our kids character is important and they will learn it at their own pace. If you feel like you are constantly yelling at your kids, maybe you have too many trees.