The Mom Crowd

A friend of mine recently had her second baby.  She is beautiful, calm, and quiet.

Baby’s older brother, Joe, is struggling.  He is nearly 3, and the family adjustments are taking their toll on him.  My friend shared with me how Joe tends to throw tantrums on a near-daily basis, taking out his frustrations on his dad (since dad is spending more time with Joe than usual).

Joe’s tantrums include yelling, throwing things, excessive crying, and to their dismay, biting.  My friend is understandably concerned.  Joe is a sweet boy.  She knows that this is most likely a phase – but it’s a difficult one to endure.  She said she’s been reading everything she can about how to handle tantrums, but she still finds herself at a loss sometimes.   I have suggested that they share the issue with their pediatrician, and I’ve tried to encourage her that Joe will eventually get used to their family’s new dynamics.

Here are some other resources on the topic of tantrums:

• Home Treatment for Tantrums from WebMD
• When Children Tantrum from The Informed Parent
• Tips from Sprout for Parents about the Birth of a Second Child

Have you dealt with this in your family?   Do you have any suggestions for how to survive this kind of adjustment?

If you have been thinking about switching Pediatricians, then you should do it! Switching Pediatricians can be a hassle and cost money, but it can be worth it. Amelia wrote about switching Ob/Gyns, but what about your children’s doctor?

My family recently switched Pediatricians 6 days after my second baby was born. Our first doctor, “Dr. Passive Aggressive” is a competent physician and is a part of a large pediatric group.  I wrote about how to choose a Pediatrician and followed a lot of those guidelines. We interviewed the doctor, the office is open on Saturdays, there is a separate area for sick kids, and she seemed nice enough.

Our opinion of Dr. Passive Aggressive started to change when we told her that we were having our second at a Birth Center and asked her what her protocol would be after the birth.  She was not familiar with birth centers or home births at all. She asked what would happen in the case of an emergency and how the baby is taken care of after the birth. She was not satisfied with my answers and gave me a stern warning “that it only takes a few seconds for a baby to code.” We didn’t really finish the conversation, because she just left the room. This should have been my first clue.

My husband left the conversation with a lot of fear and doubt. I talked with Amelia about it and we chalked it up to that she wasn’t familiar with Birth Centers. I also spoke with my Midwife and she calmed our fears and explained that they do a complete checklist with newborns.

We brought my son into Dr. Passive Aggressive’s office one day after he was born, per her protocol. During that appointment she made many passive aggressive statements like, “I usually prefer to do circumcisions in the hospital.” “Did they do a hearing test? You usually are not allowed to leave the hospital without Test XYZ.” She picked apart the checklist from the birth center. She made us feel like it was really inconveniencing her to do things outside of the hospital. She was negative about the entire experience, even though my son was perfectly healthy and I was showered and dressed and sitting in her office 24 hours after I gave birth. She never even said, “Congratulations.”

My husband and I decided to switch Pediatricians. Dr. Passive Aggressive was competent, but clearly not inline with our birthing philosophy. We decided that we shouldn’t feel stupid or belittled when we left a doctor’s office.

We paid $35 dollars to get copies of our children’s records and went to a new Pediatrician across the street. The new doctor, Dr. Nice, and the new office has been great. Dr. Nice has never made us feel bad for waiting to do the circumcision and hearing test. She also doesn’t make us feel stupid when we ask questions. The new office also really appreciated the detailed newborn checklist from the birth center. The front desk is warm and friendly. My daughter has been ill and they called yesterday to check on her. I have never had a doctor do that. A nice bonus is that my daughter loves to play in their waiting room. I never knew that the grass really was greener on the other side.

There are many reasons to switch doctors:

• You move and need to find a doctor closer to you.
• You aren’t in agreement with how they are treating your child’s illness.
• You feel like you have to lie about your parenting style (like attachment parenting), because you know they don’t agree with you.
• The front office does not provide good customer service.
• It is difficult to make appointments.
• It is difficult to speak with a nurse when you have a question.
• You don’t feel comfortable asking the doctor questions.

Have you ever switched Pediatricians? If so, why did you?

My second baby is 6 weeks old and I am in Survival Mode until he can sleep longer than 4 hours at a time. It is tiring managing two kids schedules, breastfeeding, diagnosing illnesses, dispensing medications around the clock, not to mention any regular household chores, and just getting to say hello to the husband. I really never expected it to be this difficult adjusting to 2 children.

Some wonderful women have shared with me some great advice on how to survive this phase.  Here is some of what they said and what I am living by at this moment.

• Don’t look down! Don’t look at your floors or even the sticky breakfast table.
• Cartoons to entertain siblings are perfectly okay!
• Don’t be too proud to accept any and all help.
• Keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. Remember that this phase doesn’t last forever!
• Don’t beat yourself up with what you haven’t done. If your kids are good, then you have done a great job that day!
• Put off the diet, until you can get sleep and function!
• Sleep whenever you can.
• Get out of the house once in a while on a play date or by yourself after bedtimes.
• It is okay, if you never get out of your pajamas that day.
• Don’t stress so much about the quality of food the siblings are getting, just as long as they eat.
• It is okay to say no.
• Enjoy this time, because they grow so fast.
• Remember you are a GREAT mom! Don’t be so hard on yourself!

What helped you get through your baby’s first weeks?

In August 2008, our three year old son, Andrew, was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes. For weeks he had been drinking tons of water, urinating much more than he was taking in and was eating everything in sight. We knew something was going on and when we got his diagnosis we weren’t really sure what we were up against.

The first week was awful. Andrew spent the first day after diagnosis in the ICU because his blood sugar had been so high for so long that he was in Diabetic Ketoacidosis and had to be stabilized. (Diabetic Ketoacidosis occurs when the body cannot break down glucose for energy and in turn starts to burn fat. Ketones are an acid that results from this fat breakdown and an accumulation of these acids in the body can be dangerous and at times deadly.) The following three days in the hospital were spent learning how to care for him once we got home. We learned how to check his blood sugar levels, how to draw up and inject his insulin, how to calculate how much insulin he needs and to recognize danger signs of lows and highs.

We did not get much support from those in our lives we had hoped and thought would be there for us. I realized that a lot of it was due to the fact that people just didn’t understand what we were really dealing with. So, in my attempt to educate people in order to prevent someone else feeling what we felt, I compiled this list of things I wish everyone knew about Type 1 Diabetes.

1. Type 1 Diabetes is an autoimmune disease in which the body attacks and destroys all of the cells in the pancreas that produce insulin. No one knows for sure what exactly triggers this autoimmune response, but it is currently not anything that can be prevented and is NOT caused by poor eating, lack of exercise or bad parenting.

2. INSULIN IS NOT A CURE!!! There is currently no proven cure for Type 1 Diabetes. Unlike Type 2 Diabetes (the more commonly discussed type), eating better and exercising won’t reverse it.

3. People with Type 1Diabetes will be dependent on insulin for their entire lives and must take it to survive.

4. Monitoring blood sugar levels is a must! Some people check their children’s blood sugar levels 10 or more times a day.

5. Exercise can cause high blood sugars or low blood sugars – and lows can happen up to 12 hours after exercise.

6. Children with Type 1 Diabetes CAN have things with sugar! In fact, they, like everyone else, need sugars to produce energy. While foods with rapid acting sugars like juice, candy and frostings are to be used sparingly, they can still be had.

7. Parents of children with diabetes NEED other people in their lives to learn how to monitor and care for their children in case there is an emergency or in the rare event they actually have a date night!

Please take the last thing to heart and when you hear of a family affected by Type 1 Diabetes don’t hesitate to ask questions and if possible learn the basics to help. The parents will love you and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know!!!

Vanessa is the mother of two children, a boy and a girl. I’ve known her for 8 years and I find her fascinating, talented, and devoted to everything she loves. You can catch more of her stories on motherhood at It’s Called Guilt.

“I’d do anything for my kids!” We repeat this motherhood mantra over and over. For some of us, it’ll mean giving up a much-needed vacation so Junior can go to soccer camp. For others, it’ll be piano lessons instead of a plasma TV. Whatever the sacrifice, we’re glad to do it…mostly.

My turn at sacrificing came in December when my daughter was just three months old. Our little one had had troubles from early on. She continued to plateau on her weight even after we remedied tongue-tie, colic, and an oversupply of breastmilk. One poopy diaper revealed the harsh truth: baby girl is allergic to milk (and possibly soy) protein. The pediatrician came in with the news and my alternatives — put baby on formula or start a dairy-free, soy-free diet.

My first reaction was, “Okay! Bring on the formula!” But the more I thought about it, the more the mantra replayed itself in my mind. I knew I had to give this new meal plan a try. That first day I hunted around my house, looking for something, ANYTHING I could eat. I didn’t come up with much.

But for the last three months, I’ve devoted myself to learning about “hidden dairy” ingredients, finding new recipes, and investigating every morsel of food that touches my lips. I can’t say it’s been easy. I have dreams about accidentally ingesting ‘contaminated’ bread. I go to restaurants only to learn I can order a garden salad with no croutons and oil & vinegar for dressing, or else mandarin orange slices. That’s all.

I miss cheesecake. And ice cream. And getting to eat whatever I want without thinking about it. But I’ve learned discipline through it all. I don’t think I ever could have done this just for me. But for my baby? That’s another story altogether.

By Christmas everyone said she was a different baby. Gone were the days of one hour fine, one hour in pain, one hour of sleep, and repeat. Her smile now lasts throughout the day. That’s the silver lining in all of this. That and the weight that’s just sliding off. Hey – it’s a sacrifice I’m willing to make.

How have allergies affected your family? Have there been other sacrifices you’ve had to make as a mom?