The Mom Crowd

Sibling rivalry is common in many families. Even if your children are very close most of the time and get along very well it is often likely that they will argue and fight sometimes.

There is no sibling rivalry to worry about until your second child comes along. For some first born children the rivalry begins even before their baby brother or sister comes into the world. As the children grow they will find themselves in an emotional tug of war at times. This can be over everything from the attention and love of their parents to the attention from grandparents to toys. As children develop from one stage to another they are constantly changing and different needs can arise which can cause conflict in their sibling relationship. The more children you have the more of a problem sibling rivalry can become.

No parent enjoys watching the result of sibling rivalry. In some households the rivalry can be very mild and can involve only words while in other households it can escalate to become much worse. This rivalry amongst kids in a home can lead to a stressful environment for everyone who resides there. What you need to do is to find reasonable ways to keep the peace and to encourage your children to be able to live in harmony with each other (or at least to make it such that your living environment is civil!).

Why Does Sibling Rivalry Exist?

Kids of both genders as well as kids of the same gender can have disagreements and feel jealous of one another for a number of reasons.  Competition among siblings is something that can get out of control in some homes if one child feels that they are left out or are not receiving enough love or attention from one or both parents. If they experience unequal treatment then they can turn on their sibling and blame the other person for how they are feeling (which is hurt, sad and disappointed).

The temperaments of each boy or girl in a household can contribute to sibling rivalry as can the developing needs of each individual. The ways in which a child’s identity is developing and how he or she is changing can lead to bickering, competition, jealousy and anger towards a sibling. For teens a need for independence and a need to assert one’s own individuality can be a contributing factor to the rivalry between siblings.

The way parents model for their children can also make a difference to how the kids relate and interact with each other. As well if a child is sick or requires more time or attention from a parent then the other sibling in a family can end up feeling left out in the cold and in some cases downright unloved. This can cause anger to erupt towards the other sibling.

Coping with Rivalry Amongst Siblings

Nobody enjoys living in a household where fighting, arguing and bickering are daily occurrences. As a parent you may wish to intervene but it is best to not get involved unless you fear that your children may do each other physical harm. Let your children find a way to work out their own problems. You may need to step in however if they are too young to problem solve on their own and to reach an understanding that works for them both.

If your kids call each other names then you can coach your children on what is appropriate to say and not say. You can teach them to express what they are feeling to their sibling without using hurtful words.

You may find that there are times when you must step in to bring an end to the conflict. If you do then you must remain neutral. If you take sides or appear to be saving one child from another then this can lead to more sibling rivalry in the future. What you should aim to do is to resolve the issue with your children or teens but not to resolve it for them.

If you have a strong willed child then you know all about the challenges that come with it. Strong willed children are sometimes referred to as being spirited, stubborn or downright difficult. They are self-motivated and inner-directed and are not swayed easily from their own viewpoints. They stick to their guns and want to be right. When they get their hearts or minds set on something there is no changing their focus or direction.

A strong willed child is not prone to give into the pressure of their peers and often likes to pave their own paths in life. They live their lives at full throttle and they are very passionate about what they want.

Parent in a Sensitive Manner

It may be frustrating to be the parent of a child who is strong willed but if you parent your child in a sensitive manner and do not attempt to break his or her will then he or she has the potential to grow into a strong and independent teenager and then young adult with a mind of his/her own. Strong willed children often become leaders.

It is not uncommon for this type of child to end up in a power struggle with their parents. Parents though can refuse to engage in power struggles and can do everything in their power to avoid these power struggles. They can do this by setting proper limits, offering their son or daughter choices, empathizing with their kid and being respectful of where the child is coming from. If as you parent look for win/win solutions as opposed to just telling you child that your word is law then this will prevent your child from blowing up and it will avoid shouting matches from taking place. In this way you will teach your child how to compromise and how to learn the power of negotiation.

Developing Your Child’s Good Qualities

You want to raise a child who trusts you and vice versa. You want your child to develop self-discipline, a sense of responsibility and to be kind and considerate. You also want your child to be able to trust the things he says and does. This helps him to develop self-confidence in his own abilities. Strong willed kids do not want to submit to the will of their parents because they feel that this compromises their integrity. You want your child to listen to you but you must teach him that you want this not because you are bigger and older than him but because you have his best interests at heart.

Strong willed children can be delightful at the best of times but they can also be high energy, persistent, challenging and a complete handful! How then do you help your child to hold onto the qualities that can help him/he grow into amazing adults while still trying to encourage them to be a little more cooperative? You need to develop positive parenting skills to help your spirited wild child to grow and thrive!

Other Things You Can Do

1. Establish rules and routines in your household so you are not always having to tell your child what to do. In this way you will not be the bad guy in the home because your spirited child will already know the rules.

2. Strong willed child want to be masters of their own domain. When possible allow your child to take charge of her own activities as she can. It may be brushing her teeth or putting her lunch into her school bag. Children who are given the opportunity to feel independent will develop responsibility early in life and will not have as much to rebel against.

3. Offer your child choices as opposed to simply giving her orders. In the same way do not give your power away to your child but give him or her the opportunity to make choices when it is applicable. You are still the parent however so make sure you act in an appropriate parenting role.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of happiness, joy and good tidings. But there are plenty of mixed emotions that can be triggered when the holidays are upon us. The treasure trove of emotions can run the gamut from excitement and elation to sadness, anxiety and depression.

There are plenty of things that can contribute to holiday blues. These include unrealistic expectations, loneliness, nostalgia, anxiety and fear. No one is immune to having to cope with the holiday blues.

How then can you avoid the holiday blues or downright holiday depression?

Rethink Your Expectations

One thing that can help is to revise the expectations you have as well as your priorities. If you put too much pressure on yourself by expecting the holidays to be perfect then this is sure to make you feel down. In order to reduce your stress makes sure that your standards for the holidays are not impossible to reach.

Keep Socializing to a Minimum

Spreading yourself too thin over the holidays is sure to sink you into a black hole that is very blue. To prevent this from happening do not schedule too many activities for the holiday season and don’t overdo the socializing and entertaining. A little goes a long way and it is better to spend quality time with a few people in your life whom you are closest to as opposed to large gatherings of people that you barely know. Too much socializing with acquaintances and strangers is sure to make you feel worse during the holidays as opposed to better.

Shop Differently This Year

If you are one of those people who get stressed about finding the right gifts for the people in your life then steer clear of the malls and the crowds that are to be found there. Go to smaller shops and local businesses in your town as opposed to the large box stores where the lineups will be long. Other options to help you in this regard include shopping online, doing your shopping before the Christmas rush or making homemade gifts. Concerns over presents are sure to make a case of the holiday blues even worse.

Change Your Scenery

A change of scenery can help you to avoid the holiday blues or it can help you to get out of them if they have already descended upon you. If you can afford it then consider taking a trip over the holidays. The duration is not as important as the fact that you are taking yourself out of the seasonal equation and going somewhere to relax and unwind. If a trip is not within your budget then consider a day outing to somewhere that you have never gone before or somewhere you have not gone in a long time such as a museum or a park.

Watch What You Eat and Drink

Pay attention to your eating habits. It is easy to fall off the health wagon with what you are eating during the holiday season. While it is fine to enjoy a little seasonal cheer in the form of sweets and drinks do not consume too much and make sure that you continue to eat plenty of foods that are rich in vitamins, minerals and antioxidants. One option is to allow yourself only one treat per day during the holiday season. If you do this then you will not deprive yourself of delicious goodies but you will not overindulge either. Remember too that both sugar and caffeine are found in plenty of desserts and in alcohol. Both of these ingredients can upset the balance of your emotions and can make you more vulnerable to mood swings and feeling just plain yucky.

Help Others

One of the best ways to avoid the holiday blues is to reach out and help those who are less fortunate than you are. When you get out of your own head and are able to lend a helping hand in your community this can lift your spirits and bring joy and hope into the lives of others. Find out where volunteers are needed during the holidays and then turn your attention in that direction. This is an excellent way to take your mind off your own troubles and to help shake those seasonal blues.

Do you find yourself at a juncture in your life where you are not sure if you should choose to be a full time mommy or should choose a full time career? For some women their financial circumstances make it such that working full time is not an option but is instead a necessity. For other women however a choice can be made. You may not be able to be a full time mommy for all of the years that your son or daughter is growing up but at some point you may be able to make the decision to work from home in order to be a full time mother or to be able to leave your career behind all together (or just until your little ones are older or flying on their own).

Being a stay-at-home mother on a full time basis is hard work, just like going to a job every day is but it can be incredibly rewarding. You can be home with your children all of the time and can experience all of the ups and downs of motherhood. You are there for meals, naps and to help with schoolwork.

If you are presently contemplating making the transition from being a working mother to being a stay-at-home mother (SAHM) then there are some things for you to think about before you put your plan- and your new life choice- into action.

Your Money Situation

Take a cold hard look at your financial picture before you give notice at your job. Talk it over with your spouse and write everything out on paper so it is easy to see in black and white. Determine how much money you are spending when you go to work, i.e. on childcare expenses, transportation, clothing for your job and meals when you are at work.

By evaluating your finances and how much you spend when you go to work you will be able to figure out if quitting your job to stay home is worth it from a financial perspective. You might be pleased to discover that you would definitively be saving money if you gave up your full time career to be a full time at-home mommy.

Your Personal Feelings

How do you really feel about making the transition from working mom to stay-at-home mom? While there may be pros and cons on each side of the coin which side do you lean more heavily towards in terms of the pros? Ask yourself how you really feel about being a full time mom. Don’t be swayed, pressured or downright bullied by what other so-called well-meaning people in your life have to say. Their opinions are not yours. You need to do what is best for your family unit and you do not want to feel guilty about the decision you ultimately make.

You want to derive joy and personal satisfaction from knowing that you listened to your heart and did what was best for everyone involved. Being a stay-at-home mom suits many women but not all. The same can be said for being a full time working mom.

The Feelings of Your Spouse

How does your spouse feel about you staying home with the kids? Life will be different once you make the leap into full time domesticity and the two of you must be prepared for that. Your money picture will be altered and chores and errands will have to be viewed in a different light. Your spouse must realize that you work hard at home all day with the kids and he is not off the hook for chores when he comes home at night. You need to come to an understanding about chores such as cooking, cleaning and taking out the garbage that works for the both of you.

Remember too that you are taking on a new job- that of a full time stay-at-home mother while your husband will be the sole breadwinner in the family. Your roles will change and that is why it is essential that you make a plan beforehand. It can be wonderful though and a very happy time for you, your spouse and your children. There will be some stress as you adjust to the transition in your lifestyle but the kinks will be ironed out before too long.

Your son or daughter really wants to get a pet. He keeps begging for a puppy or a kitten but you are not sure whether the time is right or not. What should you do?

Pets make absolutely wonderful pets for children and can help to teach them about love and what it means to care for others. They can enrich the lives of those who open up their homes to them. They can also provide many joyous childhood memories for your little ones.

When is the Time Right?

It is not always easy to know when your child is ready for his first pet. The “right time” can be subjective and may not be the exact same for everyone. If you already had a pet when your child was born then having an animal around the house is something that your little one would consider a natural and normal part of family life from the beginning. However if you have a petless household then change will be in the wind when you decide to open your home to an adorable creature.

There are no diehard rules regarding when a child is ready to get his first pet but it is important for the parents to first ascertain how mature their child is before the discussion about having a pet comes up. Experts generally say that children should be at least six to seven years old before parents get them a pet of their own. For some children however this is far too young and is a subject that should be discussed at a future date when the child is old enough to handle having a pet. A family pet that everyone takes care of and is well incorporated into the thread of family life is all together different.

Be Cautious and Careful

Parents must be careful and very cautious when it comes to introducing pets to their children. It is important to protect pets from younger children who have not yet learned how to treat animals. Parents need to teach their little tikes the proper way to behave around pets that are brought into the home. Children do not automatically know this as it is learned behavior.

Children who are two years of age or younger really do not need a pet because they will not comprehend how to act appropriately around an animal. They are too young to understand. When it comes to pets that are already in the home it is important to bring the pet and your infant or toddler together slowly and gradually. You want to set the groundwork for a healthy relationship between the two of them.

Children tend to get excited and exuberant around pets and therefore it is important that your pet be able to handle the ways in which your youngster will react to it. For instance children love to grab at a dog’s fur or his ears or tail and you must feel confident that the dog will not bite or scratch the child as a result of this. This is why it is important for you to exercise the utmost caution.

Best Pet Choices for Children

According to experts at the ASPCA (American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals) gerbils, goldfish and guinea pigs are some of the best choices for pets for young kids. These pets are easy to take care of and can make it possible to teach children how to behave responsibly with animals.

Guinea pigs are friendly pets that squeal when they are happy, are easy to love and rarely bite. They can cope well with the rambunctious ways of most children. Very much the same can be said for gerbils. Goldfish require a minimal amount of daily care and can provide hours of entertainment and fun for your kids.

Once children get into middle school and have developed a higher degree of responsibility then you may wish to think about bringing a larger pet into the home, such as a cat, dog or rabbit. According to the website PetMD.com the most kid friendly dog breeds include golden retriever, labrador retriever, poodle, Irish setter, and vizsla.